So let me set the stage.I've been seeing my ATF for over a year now.Everything's been good.I've spent well over $10000.00 on her.We spend lots of time together,although not nearly as much lately.Her choosing.So we're supposed to get together today.She emails me to tell me she can't due to a situation with one of her girlfriends.This isn't the problem.I know all about this situation with this friend of hers and having to cancel our appt.isn't the problem.The problem is that she said a week ago that she had to do this very thing with her friend tomorrow,so we would have to get together today.However when I approached the possibility of hooking up tomorrow,since she's doing it today,she said she couldn't and that she was busy.I know this thing with her friend does not take two days.I also know that if she was all booked up for tomorrow,she'd tell me as she's done in the past.In short,I know she's lying to me here and we've had a very open relationship as far as knowing each other's personal lives and such.I've said in the past that if she wanted me out of her life to just tell me and I'd walk away.So why lie to me.I'm not upset at the cancellation but I'm pissed as hell for her for lying to me.You'd think that for as much time and money as I've spent on her over the past year,that I'd at least have earned enough respect from her to not feel the need to lie to me.I'm seriously considering just walking away from her for good.I don't need the bullshit.I've never lied to her.If I saw another girl,I'd tell her about it and it was fine with her.I THOUGHT she never lied to me but now I'm not so sure if she hasn't nor how long it's been if she has.One thing I thought we had between us was trust.I know some will say that I'm making too much out of this.But I just flat-out HATE lies and BS artists.I also know that some will say it's none of my business either.Okay,so why bother opening up your entire private life and world to me to begin with? Just keep things on a business level,which I was fine with when we first saw each other.I guess I'm asking all of you out there what you would do? Remember,I'm her most loyal,steady client,not to mention,one of her first.I've also seen her more than any other client of hers and have put more money into her pockets.You'd think I'd be looked at as a VIP as far as clients go in her eyes,but now,who knows?And as I proceed to think more about it,I may wind up ultimately deciding "who cares?" and just walk away for good.I'd appreciate all opinions,especially from ones who have a similar situation as far as being more than just another client to their ATFs.Thanks!

probably best to walk away,since you are reacting like you were in a regular relationship, remember, in essence, you were "paying" to screw her, not to get emotionally attached.

Dude, the hobby is based on a business relationship first and foremost and emotions can foul things up royally.  You got too close and she sensed it.  Don't blame her if she opened a door to personal things; you walked through it on your own.  Read everything you wrote from an objective viewpoint (and without benefit of knowing you are talking about a provider) and it is the textbook "my wife/gf" doesn't appreciate me rant.  Now take a big deep breath and move on.

That sounded a little psycho. Is this a 'commited relationship'?

That is the saddest post I have ever read.  I feel gay all over!

You've got a point lnl.I had pretty much decided to move on and forget about her before writing this post anyway,but you've convinced me at this point that I'm just wasting my time,energy and money on her and that it's time to move on to newer and better things.Shame on me for being played for a sucker.Oh well,it's her loss. I'm moving on.Thanks for the input!

maybe she just needs a break and everything else is ok.  People need room to breath, even a GF or wife needs a break every now and then.  Even so, I don't think I'd ever consider these women as intimate friends.  It's the nature of their biz to be friendly for money.  They have to be friendly to lots of guys.  If you gave her 10K you might be keeping her in business.
(If you don't have a SO) maybe get a conservative women for a GF and use different escorts for fun.  I don't think I'd consider an escort-girl friend when life got tough, too easy for them just to walk off with one of their other clients.

-- Modified on 5/28/2006 8:27:31 PM

One mistake I made new in the hobby is to devote to one ATF.  I saw one ATF for a dozen time and she one day retired and dissappeared without a trace or a word to me. I got pissed off for a while but now I am glad to see a variety and realize how much I have missed during the time I was devoted to her.  By seeing a herem, you can avoid emotional attachement.  This is all biz and no GF relationship, man!

Take a step back buddy,this is a business and you are way too involved personally. The reason we see providers is for no strings attached sex with beautiful women. Get a grip and move on.

Bite the bullet PL, and move on. It may be that she's found a client who is going to spend 2 or 3 times as much money on her. Hook up with someone else, you've grieved enough!!

Comming from a provider,if you feel its time for you to move then do so but, I feel you should communicate with the next if you find yourself in the same situation..commincation is the key..we all know this!

The passage that you wrote lacks paragraphs and spaces between the punctuation and sentences as if it was written by a manic.

Are you or were you having a manic episode?

time to throw in the towel.  Sounds like she worked you for all she could, now move on to someone else for the same game.  Too bad loyalty doesn't mean anything to her.  She isn't worth the ag now that you've seen her true colors.  Sorry to be blunt, but you were nothing more than a mark for her, much like a stripper working the audience in a club.

Thanks for the support Nick.As you can see,not much support from almost anyone else.It seems that anytime you express any type of feelings or emotions in these situations,you're branded a psycho,stalker,head case etc. But then,I asked for opinions,so to expect the typical comments from several neanderthals that responded is to be expected,so I don't even waste my time responding to them.As I said in my second post,I have decided to forget about her and move on,she's not worth the time,money or effort anymore.If I learned anything at all from her though,it's to never allow it to become more than a business again.My bad.Thanks again for seeing where I'm coming from.

I get hung up - and fall for providers who in my opinion are special and I would like a civie relationship with....  Don't know why, just do.... and everynow and then, something like this happens... (not necessarily with anyone that I "fall for" just someone I enjoy seeing and it sucks me back to reality...  Keeps me thinking with the "Big Head" and that is much needed.

If I were you, if I enjoyed her company, I would continue with her - as if nothing EVER happened.... but there would be a part of my heart that would know and forever be changed...  this is like an immunization - it hurts a little, but nothing like the full blown case of the flu.

I do think that you are making too much of this... me - I discuss my most intimate details with everyone... including the security guy in the bldg that I work in... but that is just me!  so she may be of a similar type- discusses everything with everyone... it is no biggie to her...  

In any case, if you enjoy being with her, then do so, but know that you will not change her, or the past.

-- Modified on 5/30/2006 8:01:07 AM

to make you wrong or to make the ATF wrong here. Boundries, power, feelings, etc...

But I get it. I get your feelings and I understand how it is that you feel somewhat upset. I don't have much advice, more of a question... What is it that you would like to see happen? Get real clear about that and then you can be honest and powerful in a not aggressive way.

Remember there are probably a thousand reasons why she cancelled, only one is true and only she knows it at this point, so why suffer until she tells you why or just create one that lifts your spirit and forget all the bad reasons. If it is over there is really very little you can do, but move on and find happiness elsewhere.

Nah Bizzdude,me thinks I'm better off just walking away.Like I'd said,it's not about jealousy nor the cancellation either.We were supposed to be good friends,but I never had any illusions about the situation.I'm P.O'ed because she felt like she needed to lie about it,which she didn't.I'm reacting the same as if my best friend were to lie to me too,which he also doesn't need to do.There seemed to be a lot of trust between us,which is rare in these situations.Now I'm not so sure.And usually once the lies start,their frequency tends to increase.And that's something I neither want nor need.Besides,I've passed on a lot of sweet ladies because of her and I think it's time that I do some window shopping for myself.Thanks!

I would just like to know why she felt the need to lie about something so normal and common as a cancellation.This situation has happened quite a few times before and I haven't batted an eye.Now that I know that she was bulls****ing me,my trust in her as a friend has taken a hit.I can always replace the sex with someone else.That's no problem.But replacing her as a {supposedly} true friend.....that's the tough part.And that's the one that really bothers me.The next move {if any}is her's.

Step off!!!! and regroup.......this chick is not your wife  your GF or your SO.....

I've been seeing my ATF once or twice a week for 8 months now. I've done things for her that none of her clients have done -- such as cooking a meal for her every visit, session or non-session, and helping with her computer problems and her web site. Yet I still feel that there is no string attached. It is fee for service; no matter how much I've spent on her it is an even exchange. As for doing special things for her, it is out of my own free will (actually she wanted to pay for some of my service).

I don't like to lie and I don't like to be lied to either, but I also understand that in this business discretion is important so I don't plan on pursuing any apparent lies. (I don't think she has lied to me).

At the end, no one owes anyone anything lest one becomes bitter and even loses a friend.

Two things should always be flashing in your mind in this hobby.
1.  Trust no one.  
2.  It's a business. Period.  Did you ever hear of anyone getting a rebate or a refund????  I got a reduction in rate one time from a girl who told me she wasn't feeling herself, so she cut me a big break.  Nice girl, a traveller from LV.  But don't count on it.

Don't take the other guys' advice about continuing to see her.  You won't enjoy it.  Remember, it all starts in the brain first.  Geez, you're calling these guys Neandrethals?  How shocking!!!  We haven't even heard from the female side yet.  Should be interesting.  Later.  Nick

. . . time, energy and money on her? Didn't you do it willingly in exchange for her service? Didn't you enjoy your times together?

Now, first, lets ease up on the neandrethal stuff.
Next, lets call things what they are:
You broke what is acknowleged as the cardinal rule of this: dont get attached. And REALLY think for just a moment what your getting attached to: these are women who, for the most part have lives that are an endless string of astoundingly poor decisions, confoundingly awful relationship choices, and crushingly embittering circumstances. They have experiences that often breed a "shit runs downhill" outlook, ie. if you arent in a superior power position, your a mark, a chump, an inferior to be treated the way theyve often been treated.
And Lying???? realize that the whole thing is predicated upon a lie- the aspiration to have a "girlfriend" experience with a complete stranger, to exchange intimacies and then walk away. (which as an aside is the reason for my perennial caveat to wear a condom, for EVERYTHING, no matter what she tells you) The opening of a private life is either the natural unburdening we all do, or an embellishment made to set the stage for your obvious need to be a white knight, an admirable but missplaced notion that also makes you ripe to exploit.
If you want a girlfriend, try a dateing site, if you want immediate gratification stay here, but dont think that any money, or any good deed or ANY expressed kindness will EVER let you blur the two together. And frankly, from my civilian relationships in the past with women who happened to be in the sex trade, you wouldnt want to.
As Jack Nicholson said "sell crazy somewhere else, we're all full up here."

Now I don't know, nor do you know that she was lying... Really...

You have tons of evidence and tons of reasons, but you don't know for sure. Did she say she was lying?

Forget that. I guess if it were me, I would question, what kind of friend am I being that she felt the need to lie to me? Or what kind of friend believes another friend lies?

If you are truly her friend, find a way to forget what you think you know and figure out what she needs. What she needs will give you access to a place for you to be in her life.

You say the next move is hers? Well... I know this will sound judgemental, but being right is a lonely place. Usually being right means someone has to be wrong and in this case.... well I hope that being right keeps you fulfilled because it sounds like the only thing you will get is dead air or worse a relationship based on someone having to beg for forgiveness.

Like I said, I don't know her or the situation, I know only facts as you stated them. Maybe she is a cruel, heartless bitch. If so, then question who you are being that you feel the need to have a cruel, heartless bitch as a friend? I would guess she didn't just become one? Hey there is nothing wrong with having cruel, heartless friends if it works. It is only an issue when it doesnt.

For me if I have a complaint about life, the solution starts and ends with me. Responsibility, without judgement. I am the creator of the meaning of what happends. You can be that to if you so choose.

No,unfortunately bear,I know for a fact that she lied to me.In fact,I'd bet my paycheck against her week's take on that one.Believe me,if I only suspected it,I wouldn't have even brought it up.Believe me,I don't want to be right on this one.I'd love nothing more than to have egg on my face.And there's nothing fulfilling in losing trust in a friend.And as angry as I am right now,I wouldn't and I haven't ever called her or thought of her as a cruel heartless bitch.She's been very good to me,and more than just sexually too.Likewise,I've been very good to her too.She's far from being a bitch in fact.Besides,I'd never want to get close to someone like that anyway.

I can't argue with a thing you've said goya.Well put!

know what, in general, although everynow and then something goes wrong... it goes wrong with much MUCH LESS frequency in the world of providers and hobbiests, than it EVER went wrong in the civie world... maybe I am too old and cynical - or maybe I am too much a romantic - or whatever.... or maybe I view these ladies as hot race cars... and yet most of us feel compelled to drive a Hundai!... I don't know.  what would I do with the race car?  don't know, but I'd love to try....

You have characterized some... but not all.  My question to the Lovegoddess still stands:

-- Modified on 5/31/2006 3:53:16 PM

Thanks again Nick.Although,I would flip #1 and #2 on your list.Too bad I had to find that one out the hard way.

Gee,I didn't realize that Simon & Schuster was deciding to publish my post.I'm sorry.I promise to do much gooder the next time I write my next novel.I'll send over the first draft of it as soon as it's finished.

The only "issue" I have is being angry about being lied to by a supposed friend! But I guess that wouldn't bother you huh Pinocchio?

Congrats there sweetness!!! Muah!!!

what makes you think a provider is your friend?
Someone you pay to spend time with is a friend?
That's sad.

Gee,I don't know.Considering the fact that sometimes we'd get together off the clock and hang out watching movies or go to the bar to get something to eat.Plus,I only paid her for one hr.,{at half her asking price mind you}yet spent usually 6-8 hours with her,and usually with 2 hrs.of sex.Hardly what I'd call a sad situation.But,to each his own.

Look, I dont think ANYONE here is unsympathetic, though perhaps there are many ways to express it. But, since at the moment you're a little too close to the tree to see the forrest, let me tell you the most salient point: you cant lose what you never had. Thats a tough thing to grasp, and the scope of the illusion and your role in it may make it even harder to reconcile- and based on the number of 'but we...' and 'she really..' vascilations youve written, youre knee deep in that stage now. Take heart in knowing that when you intellectually and emotionally assimilate the very finite future this series of transactions held, you'll be better off, cynical perhaps, but happy.
In essence, you were expecting a degree of depth, maturity, and reciprocity that is simply impossible for the woman in question. My motorcycle is nice, but its a crappy shopping cart, and vice versa.
Im sure Ill be admonished by some ladies and more of their sychophantic defenders that my descriptions are an unfair slur to 'so and so' who is more centered than the Dali Lhama, more selfless than Mother Theresa, smarter than Steven Hawking but happens to be an escort. To you I say, your illusion has the same logical end as Pussyliker's, learn from his experience.
Be well, move on, and talk to some real women, theyre everywhere!

Actually,the money wasted on her was in the gifts I gave her:jewelry,perfume,meals,flowers etc.The energy wasted was basically doing some shilling for her,taking her photos for her website,which she still uses now.Having her follow me to one of the airport hotels,that she couldn't find,so that she could meet her next client{late at night,in the rain no less} etc.The time wasted was in  trying to get her some health insurance for herself,helping her find good hotels to stay in when she toured,trying to get her car insurance lowered,helping her do her laundry,calling her,when she toured,to make sure that she got safely to her hotel,and basically caring about and giving a damn about someone who couldn't care less about me.That's why she's a waste of time,energy and money.The actual sex for money exchange was fine with me.No complaints there.

Pussyliker, you made a good decision to move on. Nothing wrong with what you've done, only she knows the real reason she's treated you this way. I've been in a similar situation as you, however I kept telling myself it's only about the money. Ladies in this business appreciate respecful men, when they feel comfy with you they probably will treat you a little different. Even ladies I've only seen once tell me most guys they see are jerks. She sensed you were safe and enjoyed your company, maybe she felt the relationship was heading where she didn't intend. Some people have a problem with expressing there true feelings, maybe that's what happened. I love my ATF lady but I know it's all about the money, she does alot for me on her own and it's appreciated but I want nor expect anything else from her. It's hard  for some to keep there heads on straight we men are a little weak when it comes to women anyway. Good luck and find yourself a nice lady, play the field for a while, your a little hurt but you'll get over it soon. Life is too short, play hard but safe !!

Thanks for the support Wilt.I think that you possibly may understand where I'm coming from better than anyone else so far.You seem to have {or had as it were} as close a relationship with your ATF as I did.However,I failed to tell myself it's only about the money and that was my dumb mistake.One which I will not make again.But even though it was only about the money,I still don't understand why she just couldn't be straight with me.And I probably never will understand either.She always was a difficult one to figure out.Whatever the real reason was,had she told me the truth,I would've understood and things still would be the same between us.But she blew it and ruined a good thing between us.I hope she's happy now with the choice she made.

yep, you wasted a lot, and you probably spent more money on her then you would have normally.  You should ask the girl out on a date if you're interested in her.  Most guys would prefer not to know they will be rejected so it continues on longer than it should, but at some point you gotta know whether she is a girlfriend or just a service, enormous difference there (especially if she begins asking favors of you, IMHO).  As you know patience is a virtue, but you don't want to be a sucker either or waste a lot of time on her. But even in the civie world, sometimes you ask someone out a few times and it doesn't work out, she becomes not available, etc.  But don't expect her to live by your rules of not telling white lies.  As far as I can see, she can tell white lies and still feel the same way about you.

The funny thing is that,up until now,I never felt imposed upon nor did I ever feel like I was wasting all of those things on her.And I was fine with the way that things were between us too.I never had any illusions about an LTR.But trust was a big thing between us.For example,she had allowed me several times to take nude photos of her for my own personal collection.I gave her my word that I would not show them to anyone,that they were for my eyes only.How would she feel if I had started emailing those photos out to all of her prospective clients that I helped shill for her? Answer:her trust in me would be shredded and she'd be very hurt by it.And I would expect her to react the same as I have.Angry and hurt.I gave her my word and despite what has transpired between us,I will continue to keep my word to her.I don't wish her any harm nor do I want to seek out any type of revenge either.I still care for her but I just don't want anything to do with her anymore unless she apologizes and tells me the truth,and stops the needless lying.It's up to her.

"Committed" is spelled with two t's you moron,but thanks for your two cents.Are you sure you could spare it?

Does she look good?She hung out with you few hours after your one hour appointment? My god! Did she has anything better to do? maybe, she should try to make more appointments after your one hour. But if she is not look good, then it would me different. pussyliker, Are you married? Did this escort comfortable to have a CLOSE RELATIONSHIP with you, if you Married already? I think a escort have all the rights to make or cancel appointments. Why did she cancel? It's her business. If she didn't want to see you? That's it! And if you are married? She may not feel comfortable to have a CLOSE RELATIONSHIP with you at all. I don't know your situation. But I think maybe she didn't in a comfortable situation.

it sounds like you are looking for trouble to me

Well hello there sweetness!!! Just so everybody knows,gogo_goes is my former ATF posting under an alias.Nice try hun,but the broken english along with the familiarity of the situation gave you away.You must think I'm so stupid! You just don't get it do you? Look,you can cancel anytime you want.That's not the problem.The problem is that you lied to me,probably not about Sunday but definitely about Monday.If you're going to make an excuse,make sure that it's not the same one that you told me 5 days earlier!If you read the original post {and I know you did}all I said was that you didn't need to lie to me about the situation.All I wanted was the truth from you and I would've understood.Cancel all you want,but tell me the truth.And don't treat me like a goddamn fool!I thought we at least had trust between us if nothing else? How would you have liked it if I'd betrayed your trust in me by emailing Arthur in Boston the nude photos of you that he wanted after telling you I wouldn't show them to anyone? I gave you my word and I never lied to you.I expect the same courtesy from you.Besides,can you honestly tell me that we didn't have a close relationship and/or friendship? How many other clients of yours treated you as well or did as much for you as I did or put as much money into your pockets as I did? NONE,ZERO!!! I treated you like a queen and you played me for a sucker! Look,what's past is past.I don't hold any grudges towards you,I wish you nothing but the best,but you KNOW that you did wrong by me by lying to me.And if you're waiting for me to come crawling back to you,you'll be waiting for a long time! However,If you want to call me to talk,that's fine but unless you call with an apology {for lying to me} and to tell me the truth,then I've got nothing further to say to you! I am willing to forgive you,but you've got to make the effort if you wish to continue to see the best client you've EVER had! The choice is your's sweetness!

What the hell do you mean by "I'm looking for trouble"? I posted to ask opinions of my situation.Some supported me,some didn't.And I'm walking away from the situation I was in with her.I'm not threatening her nor am I trying to get revenge on her.So how do you figure that I'm looking for trouble Einstein? Do yourself a favor,go rent yourself a clue before posting will ya?

I received a call from my former ATF this morning,not to apologize,{heaven forbid!}but to let me in on the fact that several of her clients read my last post,especially about the nude photos,put two and two together and figured out who my ATF was and called her to ask when they could take some nude photos and videos of her themselves.She asked if I could set the record straight about the photos and as a last favor to her{you're welcome} I will since I don't wish to cause her any aggravation or problems.

The "nude" photos were taken in conjunction with the photos that we took for her website last August through November.In the process of taking these photos we managed to take several that were,shall we say,a little more revealing than the ones that were posted.They were NOT topless and/or bottomless.They were just a little too revealing for her liking.{example:a little too much cleavage etc.}She was planning to delete them when I asked if I could have them for my own personal collection.She stated that as long as I kept them for myself that it was fine.We referred to those photos thereafter as her "nude" photos.So in the process of making my previous statement to her,I'd referred to those photos as her nude photos,although I should've used the quotation marks when mentioning them.Once again,they're not topless and bottomless photos,merely photos taken while shooting her website photos that were not used and given to me due to a little too much showing in them.I hope this clears up the confusion with her other clients and puts her fears to rest.