I swear I'm not being a crybaby, but today sucks. Tell me a joke and/or a humorous anecdote so that I can attempt to salvage the rest of my Sunday. I'm particularly amused by embarrassing moment stories.

Sorry your day sucked and Ally's out of town.

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah that chick rules.

That's the kind of joke my uncle would tell after a few beers at Thanksgiving dinner.

Even funnier at the time!  Just a little funny now.

Had my first "pornstar" date today (review should post today or tomorrow, gentlemen), everything was going great. It was in your neck of the woods so I had a bit of a drive. Whole drive down was feeling a bit gassy but didn't want to let loose. Don't know why other than I didn't want to waste time showering when I arrived. As I get close to the hotel I'm "Sweet, problem solved." just went away. Fast forward a few to me standing on the edge of the bed with her on all fours blowing me. As I'm getting close to finishing I can tell this may be a problem. Hard to explain but right as I'm cumming in her mouth I let loose a GIANT fart!! Its like I lost all muscle control at once. Was really loud (though not too deadly thank god), no way to play it off. Like the pro she is she finished me up the looked up at me (bright red, not knowing what to say) and just bust out laughing. I can laugh about it now cuz she was cool as shit with it but I was so embarrassed that half of me just wanted to run out the door. Wish it wasn't true but sadly it is. Hope my pain helps brighten your day.  PS, don't remember this story the next time I try and see you. PLEASE!!

Take it easy, bro.

Oh. My. GOD. That's brilliant.

In high school I was making out with my girlfriend, in her parents basement when they were both sleeping. I had her bra off and was pretty turned on. We heard her mom call out her name and start down the stairs. We got seperated and were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, her mom said hi to me and asked for a hug. I was wearing shorts and had a huge tent when I gave her a hug, she noticed and blushed but didnt say anything. I think I turned as red as I've ever been and left as fast as I could. We dated for 5 months after that but I used every excuse in the book to avoid her mom.

There was a story on the general board a few months back about a guy who sharted on a lady's sheets!

perfect play on words here too (intended or not)