Screening is different with nearly every provider. Some do little or no screening, but you will be generally (and wisely) advised to avoid those situations. Most providers seem to screen one of two ways.
1) Service-Based Screening. You can pay a service like P411, DateCheck, or RoomService2000 to "verify" you, at which point your profile on the service (which does not contain personally identifiable information) will be tagged as "verified." This involves, essentially, giving the service itself a bunch of information they can use to verify your real identity. May include your drivers license, utility bills, pay stubs, etc. Expect to give the service lots of information.
The good news here, though, is that the services say they destroy it all after verifying you, and after that, some women will accept your verified, but now anonymous, identity on the site as sufficient to see you. At least in the case of P411, I believe based on personal experience that is true. This is awesome for the extremely cautious hobbyist, as it allows him to see providers on what amounts to an anonymous basis. You may not require this much discretion since your wife is part of your plans, but even so, don't discount the benefit of not giving providers your, and your wife's real information.
2) Direct Screening. If you do not have a verification service ID to give to a reputable provider, then she will verify you directly. She'll often require a work phone number where she can call a receptionist (posing as confirming a dentist appointment or something if asked) to make sure you have a job not in a police department. Many will also require references from a couple of other providers. This, of course, creates a chicken and egg problem for new hobbyists, but most reputable providers won't see someone without either a verification service or a couple of references behind them.
Personally, I'd go with p411 and after getting verified, look for " newbie friendly" providers on that site who have good reviews here. After you've seen a couple and asked for and received "okays" from them (they'll also serve as references for the very few providers who won't accept p411 alone) you will be all set.
-- Modified on 6/8/2013 5:18:27 AM