I think it's great when two people really connect and I do think it is possible for a provider/client relationship to develop... but the path is fraught with land mines.
I have heard of many instances where a provider "falls" for her client and vice versa.
You have to ask yourself some serious questions in the process.
1. Can you come to terms with her profession (i.e. accept her as is with no plans hopes for her to give it up)?
2. What other than great sex do you have in do you like about her? Are you fairly close in age?
3. Can you accept the real person for who she is - not her stage persona?
If you can answer with a resounding "YES" to all of the above, don't pursue it any more than friends.
But WTF do I know - I would ask some of the fellows on this board who are married to providers. Their advice would be a helluva lot better than mine in this instance.
Have recently met a sweet young provider and have really fallen for her. She has said that dating me outside the bus maybe possible. Just not sure if part of service of making me feel good or actually sincere.
I suggest you march on over to the Erotic Highway Board, and do a search on this topic. The LG can cure you before you even get started down this road.
hiddenhills has given good advice. It's a very tough road and usually leads nowhere.
First, you need to understand that she is a PROVIDER... presumeably this is her livelihood. If you become serious... could you live with her providing? Or could you support her lifestyle? I'm not saying that it can not work. It has & it does, but it is rare. You need to go in with your eyes open. There are many providers who "retire" when they are in a relationship. Would you be OK with her past & never throw it at her in anger? There are few senior citizen providers, so there are a lot of former providers out there... quietly living their lives. A lot of girls work their way through college... graduate with no student loans & move on. The wise ones, realize that their stay in the biz may be short lived & have a savings & retirement... and education... for life after.
The real test comes when you ask her out... "off the clock". You may find that her real life personna is not the same as her provider personna.
Falling for a provider makes you vulnerable... it's easy to fall for a woman you have great sex with... the hormones take over... You have to be very careful. You are playing with fire.
Best Wishes...
PS, Yes, LG hasn't had her "I've fallen for a provider" this week... (lest this seem too harsh, many of us have had our judgement clouded but their Fav lady.)
You will be dating the real person, not the provider. Nobody gets to date the provider without paying. The provider you experience during a session is not a real person. She is a fantasy character created by a real person for the express purpose of attracting you. Who wouldn't fall in love with a provider? After all, she never criticizes you. She acts like you are wonderful no matter what you say or do. Of course we would all love to have a provider as a girlfriend. The provider must eventually revert to her true self. It is at this point that many guys get very confused, and the real trouble begins. It can be a huge blow to the ego. I am fortunate to have experienced long-term friendships with several wonderful ladies who happen to be providers. They are fascinating women with unique perspectives. They can also be really miserable to be around when they are PMSing. After all, they can't snap at their clients.
Instead base it on the person.
If you feel you have enough in common and both your situations make it make sense to date, then by all means date.
If the love is true, then her profession is superfluous to the question.
There are things her job that are hard to deal with. There is jealousy knowing she is fucking someone else and they are always getting her "A" game and he at isn't always going to get it. His heart can betray him. And He can never use her job against her, this can be hard when your hurting. I know.
Then there is the lies that come with the job: the SO got to live a double life as well. Then unless she is doing it legally there is the whole LE issue to contend with; husbands of providers have been busted for pandering just for sharing the income.
These are real issues he needs to address going in. He needs to decide if it is worth it to him. Yes with work it can and does work, I am an example of this but her profession must be put in the question. Not everyone is able/willing to make the relationship work with the issues her job brings up. There is a reason many providers choose not to date. I have cried myself to sleep over my wife's job and it took time for me to come to terms with it.
I am not saying he should not go for it. I am saying he needs to add the fact she is a provider to the equation. Only he can answer the question if he can love her and be OK with her having sex for money with others or not. Her profession is NOT superfluous to the question. Sometimes love just ain't enough.
If you feel you have enough in common and both your situations make it make sense to date, then by all means date.
If the love is true, then her profession is superfluous to the question.
How about the guy who is married to a cop, or she is a high powered secretary who has to travel with her CEO boss around the world?
I guess I'm assuming he's ready to come to terms with that question.
So all I am saying is that when push comes to shove, good relationships are made by people who are ready for them (That is to say, they have experience with relationships, a level of maturity, so to speak.) and their life circumstances allow will allow it to flourish (For example, they aren't already married, etc.)
If that is settled, then any other problems can be overcome.
If both parties are willing, walk into it with there eyes wide open, and are willing to sacrifice, you are right and it can work. My marriage is proof. And you are right that this is not the only profession you needs such sacrifices. But it still need to be in the question. This is a new relationship he needs to decide before he gets too far into it if he wants to make the concessions needed to make it work.
A close friend of the family who is also a provider just went through a tough breakup over her job. Her boyfriend could not get over her job and it killed the relationship. Both people are great people but her job proved to be too much for the relationship to survive. They were not willing to do what is needed to make it a happy pairing with the issues her job put into play. Heck, my wife choice to return to providing nearly killed my marriage and I love my wife more then I love myself.
Some jobs are just tough on relationships, not just providing. (Heck, I think active duty military would be worse.) He needs to walk in with eyes wide open and be accepting if it is to have a chance to work. It can work with sacrifice, but he must be ready to make it. They both better come into this ready to sacrifice and there eyes wide open.
I think it's great when two people really connect and I do think it is possible for a provider/client relationship to develop... but the path is fraught with land mines.
I have heard of many instances where a provider "falls" for her client and vice versa.
You have to ask yourself some serious questions in the process.
1. Can you come to terms with her profession (i.e. accept her as is with no plans hopes for her to give it up)?
2. What other than great sex do you have in do you like about her? Are you fairly close in age?
3. Can you accept the real person for who she is - not her stage persona?
If you can answer with a resounding "YES" to all of the above, don't pursue it any more than friends.
But WTF do I know - I would ask some of the fellows on this board who are married to providers. Their advice would be a helluva lot better than mine in this instance.
Listen to shhdonttell1967. His questions he put out are ones you need to answer before stepping into dating a provider.
Can you deal with her job? There are lots of issues it brings up. I have talked about some of them in my reply to mrfisher. You must look at this issue honestly or you will hurt her and yourself.
Do you really know her and can accept that person or just the fantasy she pretends to be? What they show there clients is the perfect her, not the lady with issues that all women have. Do you really know her?
What do you have in common? Is there enough to make it work? Are you close in age? If not is that an issue? What do you love about her besides she is great in bed?
If you can't answer all these questions and answer them with a positive answer, STAY AWAY! If you can answer all the above positively go for it! It can work. I know I am making it work. Think with you big head long and hard before taking this jump.
"Do you really know her and can accept that person or just the fantasy she pretends to be? What they show there clients is the perfect her, not the lady with issues that all women have. Do you really know her?"
but only a few weeks/months to date them.