Do any of you have advice for preventing the wife or girlfriend from finding out about your hobbying?  Besides asking the provider not to wear perfume or leave scratches/hickeys, what should one do?

Sounds like you're mostly referring to after the session?  

DO:  take your own personal care products - women are very good with scents - use your own brand of toothpaste, shower gel/soap, deodorant.  I found sample sized versions of the ones I use at home and carry them with me.

DON'T: Use any of the hotels products as they will not smell like you do.

DO:  Ask the lady not to wear perfume, or if she does, ask that it be light.

DON'T hug or kiss after you've showered and are heading out - you don't want any hair, scents, lip stick, left behind.

DO:  Hang your clothes, preferable away from the ladies.  This will avoid getting hair etc that may be on the bed, floor, furniture onto your clothes.

DON'T take anything in your pockets from the hotel - mints, ATM receipts, match books, etc.

There are a ton of other do's and don'ts - so maybe expand a bit on your question.

The ones with tape on the surface. On-the-ball providers have them handy, along with lipstick remover.  

There's been multiple threads on this topic in this discussion, with lots of other ideas including getting a phone just for hobbying, a secure email account (like hushmail etc.), never use a computer for hobbying that your SO has access to, etc.

I meant during and after.

Thanks for these tips.

and include using a cheap hobby phone, not your personal cell phone.  Find a good place to keep it secure from prying eyes, and if possible, have it password protected.

Swim

The hotel mailed a receipt to my home that the wife then opened.  Give your business, not home address out if you are getting a hotel room.

My wife saw my car parked out in front of a hotel in town.  Don't park on the street and don't hobby in your home town if you can avoid it.

It means taking up solo hobbies or interests that take you out of the home.  They must be authentic.  They might be playing golf, building models, gym, jogging, anything...  but they must make sense to you.  Gym or jobbing would not for me.  But spending a few hours shopping for a special wood chisel would.  You can shop one day, hide the purchase & reveal it when you need to justify an absence.  
Don't specifically "explain"...  just as a unspoken cover for the time.  

Some guys only hobby on vacations or buusiness trips...  nothing wrong with that...    

Shut up.  Never share this secret world with anyone...  if you must talk, post it here!    

Never have another lie for you.  It gives another power over you & the wrong word from them...    even inocently or after drinking...  blows your cover.   Come up with your own cover.      

Use a free hobby email...  not linked to your civie email.  
Hide the hobby phone really well...  shut it off...  The biggest problem is figuring out how to charge it while hidden!      
Never use the home computer when someone else is home.  Set to erase brousing history when closing.  (Know that anything on the computer can be recovered with special programs unless overwritten by a cleaning program like CC Cleaner.  
I don't share devises with family.

Don't use company connections or equipment for adult purposes (unless you own the company & are bullet proof).  Guys have been fired from 6 figure jobs for this.

preferably one that she cannot check out and verify.  For instance, meeting with someone she knows nothing about or just doing something on your own, like golfing, going to the gym, or perhaps doing some early Christmas shopping by yourself.

Hopefully the wife (SO) allows you some alone time and is not too demanding or judgmental.   My wife once told me about an affair a fellow co-worker was having with a colleague of his (remember Mr. Fisher's advice, and hobby far away from your hometown if you can).   Although she didn't approve of him straying like that, she did understand why something like that could happen.  

After showering at the end of a passionate session with my ATF, I noticed a rather noticeable bruise on my lower lip; and she was really concerned about what I was going to tell my wife.  But luckily I never saw her during daylight hours for several days, and by then it was pretty much gone.

Its all about controlling as much of the situation as you can.  

Communication - been covered many times:

      Burner phone with thought-through hiding places
      Anonymous email that never crosses paths with your personal email
      Clean browsers.  One good trick is to install a completely different browser (Firefox, Chrome, etc) and hide its file somewhere random that only youll look.  Separate cookies, cache, etc.  Obviously a tech-savvy SO could figure that out, but most wont.

Logistics -  

      Avoid areas with a high probability of seeing someone you know.
      Know exactly where you're going and research everything.  Know where you'll park, how you'll be going in and out, etc.      
      Providers can sometimes help with this if you know enough to trust them.
      Have your excuses thought out in case you are spotted.  Think beyond the obvious - red light cameras, tollbooths, etc can send unwelcome reminders of your actions long after the fact - know why 'you were in the city that day' or whatever applies.

Financial -

      Know your situation.  If a sudden big withdrawal will be noticed, you need another source or way of spreading out the withdrawals.  Cash advances, cash back from purchases, etc.
      Immediately destroy any receipts, etc related to your travels.

Hygiene -

      Good advice already posted.  A 'kit' of familiar smelling travel size stuff is a great idea.  Hotels are notorious for offering bizzare fruit - scented soaps and lotions with a smell that stays with you.  
      The goodbye hug, while sweet, just sometimes needs to be avoided, especially if your companion smokes or is very perfumed.
      Do your visits on a day you can work out at the end of the day.  Then you have a great excuse to hop in the shower when you get home.

Finally,  if you make some connections and get friendly, avoid letting your guard down and sharing social network info, etc.  It can be flattering to get a sincere offer to be a closer personal friend, but this obviously opens a trail that leads right back to your real identity.  If things change or there are legal troubles, that can get scary really fast.

Be smart and good luck!

-- Modified on 10/28/2014 5:24:58 PM

I will be the skunk at the garden party. Question I continue to ask myself is it worth the risk? I continue to say yes but it's a tougher sell than it used to be.

There are a lot of moving parts in the hobby, a good number you have no control over. For example your car , if you drive to see someone. It could be stolen, sideswiped or ticketed. If you are in an urban area you may misunderstand the parking rules and find it towed. Are any of these likely, no but are all things that could cause you problems.

In my case I only see girls I can walk to, live in the Viagra triangle of Chicago, or take public transport.

In other words you could do everything correctly but someone else screws it up for you.

IMHO it's worth the time to think about what would happen if you got caught. After that good luck with what ever you decide to do. These guys are giving you good advice and ideas.

Here's a couple of things mentioned in women's magazines as tells that your guy is cheating on you. A sudden interest in physical fitness and losing a lot of weight. Without a good explanation why. Buying new and more stylish clothing. In particular your undies. Pastries for thoughts.

 -- Modified on 10/28/2014 3:15:23 PM

..to turn off Location Services on your real phone.  When it is on, a pretty detailed history of your exact location is saved.  I have Android, and if I open Google Maps on my home computer, it will rat me out  I don't want to go too far in hiding all of my activity, but If I am heading to a session, I turn the location services off, and then back on when I return.  

-- Modified on 10/28/2014 4:15:46 PM

If you're the type that wears your heart on your sleeve, keep it under control.

If you're SO is the type who will get suspicious if you come home every third Thursday with a big, goofy grin on your face, work on your poker face.

Half funny flip side to it - had what is very likely a farewell session with a recent favorite a few Fridays ago.  Wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend moping like a lovesick teenager, but the weather was beautiful, all my teams won, and there was no rational reason for me to be in a funk.  Had to shake it off before anyone asked questions.  And more seriously - if the hobby affects your moods at home too much, its a good sign its time for a break.

since I am without an SO, many of these things I would not have thought of.  Kudos to all of you guys that chimed in to help out married/involved guys in surviving in the hobby.

Swim

and my regular flip phone is without GPS.  May not be possible on the next cycle.  I have a portable GPS in my car...  because I drive outside my area to play, I do use GPS to navigate.  Number one, don't carry passengers in my car.  Still I always select "Home" so in a worst case scenerio, a super rare passenger were to turn on the GPS...  it would only show HOME.  
I tend to use landmarks like coffee shops near a destination.  Never know when I'll need a coffee or pastry!   In despiration...  a portatable GPS could be stolen or distroyed with little loss.

I bought a car without on board navigation.  I'd be concerned with such an intigrated devise.

I've heard of a case...  the guy was already found out...  EZ Pass tolls were used to confirm his whereabouts where he should not have been.  

I buy my gas & supplies locally before a "trip".  Do not use your credit card  anywhere you are not supposed to be.  It creates a paper trail.    

Unless you have a good cover story, don't rent the hotel room.  Hotels require a Credit Card even if you pay cash on check out...  in case of damages...   Guys have gotten reciepts & bonuses mailed to the hme address.  
If you do rent a room, do not leave the provider in possession of your room.  If she causes charges, they'll be billed to your CC.  If she uses it as an INCALL & gets busted...  it links to you!  
If you are the only client she sees, she might require you to pay for the room...  have her get the room & reimburse her with cash.  

I have had the wife who never kisses me show up at the door expecting a kiss.  Even though I'd washed carefully leaving the INCALL, I quickly headed for the bathroom.  GOTTA GO!!   Hey, when business was accomplished, I grabbed a shower before emerging with clean clothes.  She was at the sink when I came out...  I tried to kiss her...  she pushed me away.  Everything back to normal!

END OF MESSAGE

One thing nobody has mentioned is private browsing.  Very easy to do.  Right click on the browser Icon and choose private browsing, or incognito for chrome.  Chrome also has a funny incognito page intro.  Just sayin.  Basically it doesnt save anything you do save for downloaded files or things you manually save, like bookmarks.  What this does is allow you to have normal browsing history and avoid the "why is all of the history erased" question.  I used to have an SO who was a hound-dog and found out everything.  Private browsing saved me alot of heartache.  All of the other advice has been covered and I wont offer any redundant information.  GL to you.

But you have to admit not having a wife or gf removes a lot stress about hobbying. Besides, think of all that money she spends on home furnishings you could be using.  

Oh my. That's a little cynical.

I recommend having a second phone, that you can keep at the office or in your truck.
you can also set up an email that is only used for playtime and download the app to your secondary phone

my computer is MINE, she has her own for her own activities (I paid for her laptop for her birthday or something).  Even though I use In Private, I still have my setting to delect brousing history on shut down.  NEVER turn over a running computer even if you have to accidentally shut it down.  

Some guys have a different brouser on a thumb drive...  even after all of the above...  the brouser is removed when he's not using it for adult purposes.  

Separate hobby email & hobby phone are basic.

An affair IS emotional & there are strings attached...  and there are demands on your time, messages & phone call between meetings.  Very hard to keep an affair secret for long.  
VS the hobby.  When the door closes between you both...  there are & should not be demands on your time unless you want it.  So a bit of time off the grid is not connected to daily life (except perhaps in your dreams.  A few guys have gotten in the dog-house over things they say in their dreams.  Deny everything.  I have no memory of what I dream nor do I admit anything I do happen to recall.)

END OF MESSAGE

You can purchase a hobby phone at Wal Mart for $12 a flip phone like back in the day they are small and thin. I would recommend you  buy a reputable service like AT&T or Verizon flip phone, and you buy minutes on a card with no contract, no ID. All for under $50. I bought one for my friends kid & the cashier set it up for me due to me forgetting how the old phones worked before these smart phones came out

a fake address, name, etc.  Pick an address for an AC you want; doesn't have to be the city you live in.  Virgin Mobile lets you pay $20 per 3 months to "top up" which keeps your phone active.  I never use all the minutes in a 90 day period.

PASSWORD PROTECT THAT THING. Don't ever leave it lying around where someone may find it.