1. Prescreening.  While it is possible to get an appointment without prior history, the likelihood is limited.  Consider joining a "referral and prescreening service" such as Datcheck, Preferred 911, RS2K (Illinois and midwest).  Or, find out through your local board which agencies in your area will give references (not all of them do) and book your first appointment through a reputable agency.

2.  Sending photos or graphic language.  While a thoughtful photo of yourself is appreciated (although certainly not necessary), photos of your "manhood" are generally frowned upon.  As I indicated in a previous post (search "sending photos of your Johnson"), we have seen them before.  Unless you are able to tie yours into a "poodle" like a clown ties balloons or are able to jump rope with it, do not send pics.  E-mails with pics of this nature are deleted as are e-mails that are graphic in nature.

3.  Sending your life story.  Often newbies are "guilty" of sending long winded e-mails about their life, their career, their hobbies, their early childhood memories.  Sharing information about yourself is great.. writing a novel... not so good.  I've received e-mails that, if printed, would fill two or three pages of text, single spaced.  Most providers do not have the time to read long e-mails and may worry that you are looking for a "civvy relationship" and not an erotic experience.

4.  Not reviewing the provider's website.  Newbies often ask questions that are answered on the site such as "what is your donation?"  I'd like to book an appointment at midnight (when their site clearly states they take their last appointment at 9:00 p.m.). This information is on their site for a reason, so that it does not have to be discussed via e-mail.

5.  Asking for unblurred photos or more photos.  If the provider has blurred her face on her photos, she has done this for her own sense of security.  Also the photos she has on her site represent all the photos she cares to share.  Often gents who ask for photos are simply "timewasters" who collect photos and have no intention of booking an appointment.

6.  Dickering about the donation.  If a provider has a minimum appointment length, newbies will sometimes ask for half that that time and a special donation.  Frankly, I will tell them "Well if you can only stay for a half hour, thats fine.  I'd hate to have you leave early and miss out on the fun.  But my donation, as stated, is my minimum.  And unlike Cingular, I do not have rollover minutes."

7.  Asking to meet in advance, for a drink, to determine if they want to proceed.  Sorry gents, this is not a civvy job interview.  In this business, time = money.  So, that drink is "on the clock."  I often have clients who want to have a drink and then go to their room, this is acceptable, as these are gents who have made the commitment to book the appointment.  If you are looking for a "drink with a sexy lady," try adultfriendfinder.

8.  Excessive e-mailing.  Sure you are excited.  We hope you are!!  We want you to enjoy the anticipation and "buildup" of your first experience.  We also want to make your "first time" a memorable one.  But, providers are busy people.  We have our civvy lives (and families), we grocery shop and clean house, we run errands.  We also hold appointments and answer phone calls and e-mails.  An e-mail a day, until the appointment, is excessive.  Especially when your appointment is 3 weeks out.  Just be considerate.  Use common sense.

9.  Using that provider as your "only reference."  I am happy to give references for my clients, but after I have given out 7 or 8, I wonder why I am the only reference they continue to give.  Use some of the other ladies you have seen, with my reference, to vouch for you.  I am sure they will be happy to do so.

10.  Not letting go.  Thank you notes are always appreciated and bring a smile to our faces.  I, also,  love to hear from my past clients, who send me jokes and updates about their lives.  But, some new clients will write daily after they have met with you and then get upset if you do not respond back immediately.  Keep in mind, we have other clients, many of whom we have seen on numerous occasions.  We've seen you once.  If we spend all of our time replying to past clients, we would not have time to answer e-mails that result in appointments.. and again, time = money.  This is our livelihood afterall.

These are just a few hints about what "not to do" when contacting a provider.  Other tips on behavior can be found in the TER Instruction Manual on the top of this page!

SINfully sinthia



 

(first off: thanks for all of the newbie tips you've written; I've been doing my homework as best as possible)

Regarding "graphic language"; what's the best practice for discussing expectations with a provider?  I.e.: if a provider offers DFK, but I only want LFK, is "LFK" considered graphic?

For some reason, I get a lot of newbies, don't get me wrong, it is MY PLEASURE to break them in [devilish giggles]. But it's good to know that these type of things don't happen to just me.

Bravo Sinful! Thanks for summing it up for me. LOL!

Smooches babe,
Cami~

It's as if this was a checklist and I used it to make every possible Newbie mistake. I'm still a newbie after only 6 months.

Thank you, Sinful, for correcting me and getting me through my early mistakes. (Numbers 1 through 5, 8 and 10). If you'd given up on me, I never would have had one of the most wonderful afternoons of my life ... with you.

Newbies, if you ever feel you could use a coach in this hobby, there is only one person to see. And I figured out why.

She cares! In addition to her other, obvious charms, Sinful really cares that this segment of the hobby (high class independents, ethical agencies and their gentlemen) be conducted according to high standards. She is gracious and generous with her advice because she sincerely likes to help people.

Old timers know this, but you newbies, pay attention to everything she posts.

both on the board, and by getting up-close-and-personal, every word the perfessor has written about the Professor is absolutely correct!

-- Modified on 1/16/2008 2:21:05 PM

how many reference requests is too much? I try to only ask for a reference from the last person I've seen, which limits it to only 1 per visit. But I once found a agency who would not accept reference from a previous agency (apparently there is some bad blood between them), and sometimes an indy will not accept agencies either, so I have to go back to a previous person more than once.

Is that generally acceptable, and what would be a reason number of times to ask someone for a reference?

but if you have seen 8 independents since you have seen a lady, you should use them also.  Its not fair to rely on one person for all your reference requests!

and a great client!  And I do enjoy my e-mails from you!!!!

you are a great moderator, a true gentleman.. and fun to get to know, more intimately.  *wink*

I'm probably a little guilty of #'s 8 & 9.  Points taken.

To anyone just getting started, this is great stuff.  To those of us that are just hard-headed, it's an opportunity to improve our game.

The references thing is a little confusing... I'ma actually not a newbie, but have been in and out of this between relationships.  What if your a regular of a girl?  What's the cutoff for the number of times you ask?  What's the cutoff after you've only seen the girl once?  Also, sometimes when you're a regular of a girl, they don't like it when you use them as a reference because they don't like you seeing other girls and thus losing you as a client...so you have to come of look for a secondary reference instead.

If the lady is a professional she won't care if you see someone else. There's no shortage of men that is for sure. I'm always happy to provide a ref in the right circumstances and in some cases will even give reccomendations to some ladies I think he will like.

Thank you to Sinful1 for taking the time to give her pointers.

Here are some thoughts from a senior who has been a member here for four years.  (My paragraph numbers coincide with hers.)

1.  SCREENING:  I have never been asked to use a screening service; I normally contact a lady via PM here or email.  However, I always have a lady’s comfort level in mind and often will show a job ID if I sense she is not entirely comfortable or she is a newbie.

6.  NEGOTIATING PRICE:  If a guy wants to negotiate a lady’s donation, visit Tijuana or another border town, where price negotiation is part of the culture.  Don’t ask a lady to price the most intimate service for less than what she asks.  If she is not getting enough clients at her posted rate, she will advertise “specials”.

7.  PRE-DATE TIME:  This response is for providers.  A provider in Southern California has a full-time job so she is not depending on this work for support.  She does not have the stress of relying solely on income from providing, so she can keep her prices lower than average.

She has advertised three hour and longer dates at 100 per hour, with the first two hours or more as a meal date.  What is the advantage to her?  It gives her the time for her “female antennae” to feel out a new client to make sure it is not a set up.  Guys with a wife or live-in GF may not want to spend a minimum of three hours, but her method obviously reduces stress and risk for her.

10.  NOT LETTING GO: In “normal” life, it is women who make an emotional commitment much quicker than men.  The irony of the sex trade is that men may find they have an emotional connection with the women.  Why?  It seems Mother Nature’s design is to have hormones released by the male during sex that make him feel a commitment to the female and presumably to any child that results from the union.  Probably because none of the “civilian courting” is required and the sex is immediate, many men end up having unexpected emotional feelings.  If providers understand this it will likely help their future business.

-- Modified on 1/16/2008 7:49:08 PM

WL's response to Sinful's point 10 is dead on. But the secret of a good relationship, or so I have found (with coaching including an admonition or two, and with observation of another friend's situation of being stalked) is to make an emotional committment but at the same time, keep everything in proper perspective. Be moderate.

Don't overdo the emails or calls. Save the calls for making an appointment, if that is how the lady wishes.

Include the lady in an email group or send individual emails if the content of those emails will be interesting to the lady. If you don't know if it will be or not, you probably don't know the lady well enough to email her.

When you visit, don't just get your rocks off and leave. I never book less than 2 hours. It takes time to get to know and like and learn about someone. The investment in the extra hour will pay dividends in a more rewarding relationship later on. Use the time to ask questions and let her do most of the talking.

Sinful's Point #3 is good advice, too. A provider has dozens of guys trying to impress her with how wonderful he is. She'll be far more impressed if you work on finding out how wonderful she is. And the respect you'll get for her mental charms and talents will enhance the physical.

Unless you're into seeing high numbers of providers (quantity over quality), always select a companion you think you'll want to see more than twice. If you enjoy the first time, don't overdo point # 10. Some of the most enjoyable communications can be done through posts on TER. You shouldn't innundate the lady with emails.

That, for what it's worth, is my approach. So far, it has brought me a great deal of satisfaction from this hobby. And although I may be a perfesser, I yield to the superior knowledge of my favorite teacher, our Dean of Students.

This is a very thoughtful discussion group, perfesser.  One thing I've learned in the hobby that I hope everyone respects is that the experience can be highly idiosyncratic for providers and hobbyists alike.  I tend to cringe a bit sometimes when people on this board make sweeping statements about what we all have to do, like "When you visit, don't just get your rocks off and leave."  Why not?  Of course, there are universals (one must have impeccable hygiene, one must exercise discretion, etc.) but otherwise each of us has to find a comfort zone and respect the comfort zones of others. Personally, I prefer not to get to know providers that well.  If I did, I would risk violating some of the proscriptions mentioned above because I would become attached.  

I understand and respect that some hobbyists are looking to make friends with providers, and it's not that I exactly wish to avoid being friendly.  It is just that part of what drives me to the hobby is that I spend lot of time, at work and elsewhere, talking to attractive women I will never shag, so I do not need to pay a provider for the privilege of a conversation with her or to become her penpal.  

A Playboy article last year that discussed the hobby and made frequent mention of TER called providing a form of method acting.  When you book an hour session, in my limited experience, the lady plays the role of a girlfriend who has an hour to spend with her boyfriend.  His time is valuable, as hers is as well, and she does not want to waste a second of it with small talk.  The ladies have made it clear that they want to fuck me as much as I want to fuck them once the donation is on the dresser.  We have saved chit-chat for time between pops or while getting cleaned up and dressed, which is really fun, punctuated by giggles, due to the inverse nature of things.  

What makes the hobby great is the opportunities it provides to explore aspects of sexuality our real lives do not allow us to experience.  That may mean having a beautiful woman give us her undivided attention for an hour before doing anything particularly naughty.  That may mean having a woman we just met demand to fellate us.  Hell, I'm just coming to understand that guys in the TS hobby are not confused; in fact, just like me, they know exactly what they want and can only find it in the hobby.

Very good points, Earnest. As they say, "Different strokes ..."

I was merely trying to point out to newbies that the relationships developed in the hobby can be deeper and, I believe, more rewarding if time is taken to get to know the provider as a person.

This is taken not from my oown experiences alone, but from correspondence observed on this and various other Boards, and on conversations with a number of providers. It is an approach that works for me, and is offered as such.

Perhaps as a "perfesser" I tend to come across as pontificating, but I much prefer to stimulate discussion, as we are doing here.

As meowbaby said, you shouldn't have to worry about offending the gal if you are a regular, she knows that you do not have an exclusive relationship.

I think the point that Sinful1 was making, and what to be avoided, is constantly using the same lady for a reference, particularly if it has been a awhile since you last saw her.  You can imagine that it would be annoying for her to have met with a guy once say six months ago, yet every couple of weeks she receives 2 or 3 requests for your reference.

Actually some of the best experiences I've had were with a provider. You can connect with a provider for that brief period of time, but still respect her boundaries... I mean in real life, you would still respect a gril's boundaries, so it would be similar in this situation except the boundaries are just a little bit more complex because of the business aspects.  I do have to disagree with you on the 2 hour bookings Perfessor....I know what you mean....but some girl's donations are like $1,500 or more and if I want to see them often, booking 2 hour sessions eveery time might be a deterrent.  I've had very good relationships with the ones that I've seen in mostly one hour sessions.  On special occassions, I might just go for the all-nighter...but 2 hour sessions every time is a bit much.  Of course, I'm respectful, show up with good hygiene, bring a gfit and a nice tip... The best experience I've had ever is with a girl that I've seen ten times within the span of 2 months....we're on such a first name basis that she picks up the phone launching into conversation like she already knows its me....I don't think I would keep going back that many times if was only just physical...I really do enjoy talking to her and kind of look forward to it.

Well stated Sin.  Maybe TER could post this somewhere up with the Newbie Guide.

Well written. I'm glad to say I've never broken any of these, even in the early hobbying days. You'd think common sense is common, but it's not,