Well, that's a handful. My advice is to search this forum and the TER General forum for the topics you're interested in, and then post follow up questions for further details or explanations. Best of luck and enjoy your time here!

1. I highly suggest you get VIP status, if you haven't already.
2. Read your local boards and your regional ad boards
3. Get a throw away hobby phone
4. Sign up for a verification site like www.preferred411.com or www.date-check.com
5. Look for a well reviewed lady in your area that accepts newbies and read up on how to contact her.
6. Make contact with her.  Be discrete and polite
7. Have fun

right of the page. Then read several pages of this board where you will find most newbie questions asked every 5-6 days.

Good luck.