Hi everyone, I have been a lurker on this site for probably a year now but finally decided to take the plunge and really commit to this hobby. I don't want to put too much a long backstory but basically I am a 25 year old virgin who has never really had any sexual experiences and I really need to do something proactive about it before it ruins even more of my life. My insecurities have taken too much of my life already. I was raised in a strict (AKA fanatical) Evangelic household in the heart of the Bible Belt where I basically reinforced that any intimate contact with others or even yourself is mortal sin unless it is confined to marriage. It was so repressive that at 15 my parents and pastor tried to exorcise me when my father found porn on my computer. It was at that point I basically swore off sex to save myself future embarrassment and intervention. Yet in the last 2 years I moved to the East Coast, dropped the religion and am now completely, 100% estranged from my family. I have a relatively normal existence now except for the fact that at this age with the sexual experience of a 12 year old and bad anxiety I literally cannot make romantic connections with women. I have read similar topics here about this and while a lot of advice says to not get into the hobby in your 20's because of how addicting it can become is probably very smart, I just don't see myself making any progress the traditional way. In fact I have only gotten more anxious and less successful with the passing time. Money is probably the only thing that is a non-issue for myself (you would be surprised how much a single web developer can save who never dates, travels , and that was taught materialism is a sin...)

Long story short I recently reached out a older (35+), experienced, traveling provider about setting up an appointment in about a month. She responded back friendly and told me her donation rates but because of how new I am to this and the discretion surrounding the hobby I don't know how to explain the details of my situation to her... She said I could either respond to the e-mail or text her (she left me the #). I have spent time reading FAQs on this site and topics with similar questions and there seems to be a lot of conflicting information. I realize this may be because all providers are different and have different requirements. But I don't know what to do. How do I explain in an e-mail or text about what I want or sexual discussion in general if you are not suppose to outright talk about sex? I don't really know how I can use all the acronyms and such to explain this. I was upfront and honest in the email about my age and that I had never done any of this before but I don't think I can convey to her just how literal I am being with that statement. I just want to be 100% honest about everything so she can back out if she is not comfortable with anything.

I know their safety is first priority and LE is a problem and I am only paying for companionship and whatever happens between two consenting adults is their own business but the necessary discretion is providing me with a lot of uncertainty. I don't know what to do. Should just travel to Amsterdam or something? and just do it legally in a regulated place where I don't have to worry about LE or dancing around the issues with jargon and I don't really understand at all. I know these questions may sound naive but I l legitimately have no clue what I am doing. Any help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

First of all, no offense intended but no one, not us and not the ladies you are going to see care about anything you wrote in the first half of your post.   You are hiring a woman to have sex with you.  Telling her it's your first time may be a good idea but that's about it.  

As far as telling her what you want, well, the reality is you don't get to do that until after you pay her and she is sure that you are not LE.  The best option you have is to read the reviews here on TER and try to find ladies who appear to do the things that you want to do.  

If you are really nervous about LE and bent on doing some sort of menu advanced screening your best bet may be to make your first time a visit to one of the legal brothels in Nevada.  

Keep reading here and ask questions but please, spare us the novels.  It's not necessary to us helping you and, honestly, most folks won't read it all.

What did you exactly say to her?

Providers never want to get into explicit things over email/text, as it leaves a trail of info that could be used against her and is just kinda plain stupid.  Over time this might get relaxed if she gets to know you, but at this point she knows nothing about you, other than info you have supplied and that she can verify and Google.  Same thing with you and her, which you have experienced.

You can just say..."Hi, I am in a unique situation because I am not only new to this, but I am very inexperienced.  In fact, I am a virgin.  I wanted to disclose this because I know this is probably a unique situation, and I wanted to make sure that you were comfortable with this."

That's all you need to say.  You don't need to go into explicit details or anything else other than what I just said.

Thanks for the help. I apologize for the novel but oddly enough on another site I posted a barebones "I'm a virgin and want to have with a escort" thread and was basically given the exact opposite advice. That at my age there are no shortage of "civi girls" and that I would be doing myself a disservice as whatever confidence and experience I gain from this would not translate into the dating world. I assumed if I gave more information here it would have been beneficial to actually getting assistance instead of "hit the gym, fake it til you make it, approach and get rejected by 10 girls today, etc..." I assumed wrong, again I apologize for anyone that wasted their time reading the novel.

Next, I didn't actually tell her anything yet. Just that "I had never done this before". I never said I was a virgin and didn't plan on giving her my above life story. I posted it here because I was expecting if I didn't I'd get the same advice from people who were able to get women in their 20's... I will send her an email with the basically what you wrote above but the isn't the fact that she is talking about her donation rates and the fact I am mentioning I'm a virgin pretty much obvious sexual discussion that could be used as a "trail"? If I wait til I meet her and after I pay to reveal my inexperience then she may not be comfortable. It says she is beginner friendly on her site but I have a feeling that beginner means new to the hobby, not new to sex in general...

it will give you some general guidelines to follow.  

As far as your personal situation, you can open up to your companion upon meeting.  That is the whole purpose of meeting and spending time together.

Just be honest and you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck and enjoy yourself.

Regards,

Ashley Ann

But I will warn you.  If you lose your virginity to her, it's like having your first sushi experience be like going to Masa in the Time Warner Center.  Or your first driving experience being behind a Formula One racecar.

 There are a lot of people out there like you, children of superstitious, fanatical parents.  You've shown considerable courage by breaking free & starting a new life.  

You're worrying too much about sex.  It's the most natural thing in the world.  And men have been paying for sex for thousands of years.  The only thing stopping you from enjoying sex is the guilt you seem to be carrying around on your shoulders.  Drop that weight and you'll feel better.  Here are the things I'd recommend:

1.  Join a screening service like P411 or Datecheck.  Just see providers that are listed by your screening service & check their reviews on TER & ECCIE.

2.  See a therapist.  You need to talk about these issues with a professional you can trust.  Don't  dump these issues on your provider.  

3.  Get on an exercise regimen.  If you're already doing this, keep doing it.   You'll be healthier, feel better about yourself & have more confidence when you're with a beautiful provider.  

4.  I'm sure your parents instilled a Protestant work ethic in you.  Keep that, it will serve you well.   Always remember that work comes before play.

5. You might try to reestablish a relationship with your parents at some point.  As they get older, they may change.  I'm sure they love you & miss you.  

Good luck, --z  

Crazy,

Along with what you stated, if and only IF the provider asks for more details, then you can say something along the lines of "I would like to have an one hour full service incall session". That's all. Well reviewed providers already know what "full service" means... nothing more needs to be said.

Now, if he would to pick a Backpage lady, then he will get all kinds of meanings of what "full service" entails. That's where I'd tell this newbie... stick with ladies of TER.

Enough said...

sunrosc

Zangari,

Very well said! Especially numbers 4 & 5. I've been there and done that!

sunrosc

First - I can tell you are articulate and intelligent from your post . This tells me you should not have a problem being a gentleman with whoever you see . VERY important to just be kind , respectful and a true gentleman !

Second - I am 45, have never had a girlfriend and had fucked up parents I cut off at age 16 - I can totally relate to your life and WHY you are doing this .
That being said .........This is JUST sex - nothing more . If simply getting a few great blowjobs or having a lady scream " Your a god !  Fuck me harder baby ! " increases your confidence and helps you on your journey then fine , go for it !  
For me it does not - it is pay for play straight up sex , does not in any way correlate to conventional " dating ". I think it will take you about 5 times to see if this is a route you want to go and see if it helps your confidence - it may , it may not . Nothing ventured , nothing gained and it is FUN

Third - Yeah , you cannot tell her your life story until you meet . Sorry, rules of the game . Give her all your screening info , mention you are a newbie and your age .Thats it until you two meet . Newbie is important for obvious reasons , age is important as you can imagine a MILF feels kinda wierd screwing a guy who is her sons age , thats understandable .
Myself ( in your shoes ) .............The " virgin " thing is tricky. Its important to you - I can tell, and I understand . To tell her ahead of time or not ?  I have heard a few ladies discuss this and they feel your first time is special and they really would rather not take that from you . If you tell her during the warm up conversation she might decide to end the date - put yourself in her shoes for a second - I could understand that . If you don't tell her .................I don't see where there would be a problem . She knows your a newbie so if you can't find her pussy she knows why

Now we gotta find you the right chick !  MOST all of us here have climbed the ladder and learned a lot . I have done it and then I stepped up to a " top 10 " lady HOLY FUCK Batman !!!  They came in the door, set down their things and simply fucked my brains out . Straight up, treated my body like a amusement park ride . Screamed " fuck me harder " every minute having my dick in her mouth or pussy . My god they can fuck !
They are in the top 10 for a reason !!!!  I suggest starting here first so you can experience what its all about then experiment with others who intrest you .

Last suggestion ..............Go to tonightsgirlfriend.com . Watch the beginning and the end as she closes the door . This will give you an idea as to what to expect and if this is going to help you open up sexually .

Good luck, and hope I helped .

But are you sure this is what you want? Do you want your first to be a provider? Or would you rather it be with someone you have an actual, real, emotional connection with? Do you want to go in and learn? Or do you want to be gently lead through? Or, do you want to cram it all in and do everything so that you have a porn-style story for losing your virginity?

Not to sound like a mush, or to imply that you are one, but think more about the type of session that you want for your first time and find a provider that can help you achieve that. From experience, I know that a guy can leave a situation like this and be so, so happy that he made this decision, or he can leave and feel awful that he had to pay someone in order to experience that kind of intimacy for the first time. Given what you've said here (and yes, I did read and I did care), I would say it's important to find someone that can make you feel comfortable, and is dedicated to turning this date into a memory, rather than a back alley show.

Zangari, awesome post!  Seriously, I'm getting real tired of people who stigmatize someone who loses their virginity to a provider.  As another poster who is smarter than me and whose name I forget once said, "people wrongly act as if losing their virginity should be celebrated as a scene in a John Hughes movie."  Well, I say to hell with that!  Has it ever occurred to some people that maybe, just maybe, losing one's virginity is not the big deal that conventional society makes it out to be?  

Besides, in this day and age, it's become harder and harder to start and maintain a long-term intimate relationship, and this is for many reasons.  I think if someone is desperate to lose their virginity (I'm not saying everyone has to lose their virginity. If they have no interest in sex, that's their right.), I think it can be arguably said that the smart and economic thing to do would be to hire a provider.

Telling her it was terrible advice is a bit much, when it's no better or worse than the bs that's always given. I won't see a virgin for money, so there ya go. I also won't fk a father and a son while we are on the subject. For most men, sex is just that and it is more like a rite of passage vs. a woman who generally wants an emotional connection on the first time...that I get, but saying her advice is bad just because YOU could give a fk where you put your d*ck the first time is ludicrous.

She has valid points. Not only could his first time go bad with a provider, but then he is out of money as well. With a civie, at least the experience just sucked and he saved 2-500 bucks! If anything, I applaud her for not being a greedy hooker trying to get him to pay for the crap knowing it might not be all it's cracked up to be. I would not take his money either knowing he was a virgin. I simply don't need more on my plate to think about, and being paid for a guy's first time does not make me feel so honorable or proud of myself.

There is no "stigma" but don't sit here and tell someone else they have to feel the way you or anyone else does. If he wants his first time to be with a hooker so be it. Plenty around who don't much care about it being his first time...I am not one of them.





-- Modified on 7/21/2012 4:21:34 PM

It's just that I and plenty of others see it differently.  Rest assured that I totally support your right to NOT see virgins for money.  Gotta love the free market and capitalism.

Actually, Im a provider with legitimate experience with clients like this, just trying to encourage him to do his research and set it up so he'll have a good experience. Heaven forbid.

There is much more to sex than just a quick suck and fuck, whether you admit it to yourself or not. We all bring our background into it, and given his, I do think it is more important to find a good provider, as opposed to the ones you guys so regularly denegrate on here.

Where on this thread did ANYONE advocate a 'quick suck & fuck'?  Where on this thread did ANYONE denigrate providers?   You're introducing a laundry list of complaints & resentments that have NOTHING to do with this thread.    --z