You search the vast pool meeting great women, and then you find an AFT that you click with on several levels.  You create this wonderful fantasy, an escape from your real civy life, SO, kids, job yada..yada. What could be better?

But with every visit the fantasy becomes more and more real. The emotions more genuine, how do you guys walk the line?  (Women too for that matter?)

I have to admit playing with fire is a blast, however I am a big believer in Newton’s Law, “For every positive action there is an opposite and equal negative reaction.”  

Desperately trying not to get burned.

Anybody been there?

If you REALLY want to see how "genuine" her emotions are merely ask to see her sans donation.
This will immediately inform you of the depth of your relationship and the amount of stock you should have in it.

I changed the metaphor.  When skating on thin ice, you can hear loud cracks around you.  You know if you skate further, you will fall into the freezing waters.  Your own post lists the cracks you are hearing -- you created a wonderful fantasy that you are enjoying.  Keep it as a fantasy.  Checking human emotion, especially when sexual satisfaction is involved, is incredibly hard to do.  Acknowledging this, asking for advice, believing in Newton's Law -- these are all things that show you know you need to keep fighting these emotions generated by being able to live out a fantasy.  Good luck.

-- Modified on 1/24/2007 7:40:49 AM

If you are really serious about the provider, and feel its worth taking your relationship to a completely new level, ask her out on date. However, based on your posting, it sounds like you have a wife (or significant other) and kids at home. Ask yourself, is taking the provider out on a date worth loosing EVERYTHING (and you will) you have at home? Remember, you may start seeing the provider socially and it may not work out all. Cbances are you are better off seeing the provider on a professional level and maintaining your fantasy.

Don't ever think that seeing a provider socially or as an SO is going to save you money.

If anything, it is just the opposite.

It needs to be pounded into my head in as many metaphors as possible. And I shall commit to reading this string once a day.  In the meantime, anyone have a set of emotional insulated mitts I you can lend me?

I guess I am asking too much for someone else to tell me exactly when to jump off the fantasy train..  Typical guy, just wants to get more than his fair share. 40 plus and still trying to prove that you can have it all… I hate that 80 / 20 rule!  As I set here a 90… Good job, SO is my best friend, best mother a kid could ask for and perfect match for me in every area but one… Passion.  Not her thing.

I wish I were into the hoobie for the just the physical… But I have come to realize I am actually drawn to providers that can connect on the emotional level.  I can’t have a good time unless I connect.   “Be careful what you look for you just might find it.”  

So here I am setting on the emotional/passion mother load. Trying to keep my wits about me while under the influence of high quality pussy; nerve done any heavy drugs but can’t image it being much different.

Counseling maybe a possibility for me and the SO, however I really think it is just how we are wired.  

Great advice so far…

“You can find a woman who will cook for you.

You can find a woman to clean your home for you.

You can find a woman to do your laundry.

You can find a woman to be your friend and confidant.

You can find a woman to please you sexually.

If you want a woman to do all of the above you're asking for trouble”



 For the last 25 years I have seen the above advice prove itself over and over.  

sadly, I got nada after 20 years.

I am not joking here!  Almost a year ago I was in the same exact situation as you are, other than the fact that I am not married or have any kids.  Many on this board advised that I end the relationship also and I wish I had taken their advice! Unfortunately I did take it to the next level and yes we did date outside the hobby. In the end the relationship became too intense for her and the break-up was not pretty.  Please, please heed the advice of myself and the wise posters on this board!

-- Modified on 1/26/2007 4:35:57 PM

Reon't walk away.... run away as fast as you possibly can!

GREAT ADVICE FROM EDGE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was involved with a provider outside...I will say this and take it to HEART PLEASE..YOU are asking for big trouble..DO NOT look for honey where you spend your money!!!!!!!!! Been there done that what a flipin disaster..What a sweet thing it would still be if I had not made the step you are thinking about...For the last time PLEASE DON"T do this....never NEVER never NEVER!!!  If you ever think of this again please feel free to read my post again...Best wishes..

You guys nailed it, gone to far.. Would like to put the Jeanie in the bottle, and still see her but not sure that is possible. She is a great person and I will miss her. I am thankful for no collateral damage.

-- Modified on 1/29/2007 3:21:57 PM

"string"? Hmmm.... I sense a programmer: don't get too emotional about human contact.

Kidding aside, having an SO as a best friend is more than most men have. Be happy with the things you have; don't focus on everything that you don't (resist Madison Ave's training).