Hey guys. I am 30/m/LA, and never been with an escort. I have read the NewBie instruction manual. From my research I have gathered that escorts have alot of control over who they choose. And then there is the issue of YMMV.

The problem is that I am fat, unattractive, and have a small penis. Do I have a chance of making the screening process? Or having a good time? I mean I am paying for it. And when I contact a provider, should I be upfront and honest and tell her "Oh, by the way, I am overweight, not attractive, and have a small penis"?

The thing is that if I were good looking, I wouldn't need to pay for an escort, I would find a girl myself. Since I can't, I assumed that the escort industry was for people like me--I pay and get what I wouldn't otherwise get. Now I am confused and discouraged. Thanks to all the experienced folks for input.

and you are clean and you comport yourself properly, you will be beautiful to the gals.

Seriously!

The gals are not hung up on your looks, only that you behave as a gentlemen would and can afford their services.

For heaven's sake, don't be concerned about your penis size.  What do you think they are doing, filming porno?

Also, you should not automatically assume that civie dating is cheaper than this hobby; but that is another discussion all together.

So, give it a shot.

Boy, that was a humbling experience.  We shot some a couple years back, and my one biz partner looked at me after an evening of shooting and said "I'm feeling suddenly inferior".  We both had a good laugh, but I knew exactly what he meant.

Thanks, dude, that gives us Losers much hope. I think we the Losers of this society have rights. We have the American Disability Act to accomodate people with disability, why shouldn't we have an ALA (American Losers Act) to accomodate people like me. Anyone who is a virgin at the age of 30... forget it, anyone who hasn't been with a woman for 10 years...should have legal access to an escort service under Federal Law.

(Moderators... you know I am being playfully humorous, right?)

First, let me trot out the standard line that is the expected response of every escort: "I don't care what you look like as long as you are respectful, have good hygiene, and your money is green".

There, now we have that out of the way. Now for the real response. Everything I just said is true, but there is more to it than that.

Speaking strictly as a provider, I can honestly tell you that it really DOESN'T matter to me that you are not attractive (a point I would probably debate with you if I knew what you looked like), and it doesn't matter to me what size pants you wear, or what size Mr. Happy is either. What does matter to me is the connection we make, the chemistry. It matters to me that you are groomed and pleasant smelling. It matters to me that you take my safety and discretion seriously. It matters to me that you don't treat me like a walking, talking sex doll.

And to be absolutely honest, my experience has shown that the really 'good looking' ones tend to be the worst clients. Too often they expect that I'll be so thrilled to have a good looking guy show up at my door, that I'll forget all about that silly donation and throw myself at him instead. If that sounds a bit cynical, I am sorry, but its been true too many times.

Now, speaking as a woman, what YOU need sweetheart, is a shot of self confidence. I can't speak for every woman of course, and there are absolutely women who place a high priority on physical attraction when it comes to looking for a boyfriend. However, the fairer sex also tends to be the more forgiving sex when it comes to less than physical perfection. When I was a younger lass, I was engaged to a man who was a little over six feet tall, and weighed about 300 pounds. I didn't care. He made me laugh. He was bright and witty and funny. It never ocurred to me that people might look at us and wonder "what is she doing with him?", and if it had ocurred to me, I wouldn't have cared. Let them wonder, and let them think what a lucky SOB he was.

So.....to answer your original question, NO your weight and your physical appearance won't keep you from seeing the women you choose, and no, there is no need for you to 'warn' her so to speak before you see her. Just be yourself, smile and make jokes with her, let her know she is safe with you, and I am sure you will have a wonderful time. In the meantime, work on that self confidence so that one day you will have the courage to dive head first into the dating world. It isn't as hostile as you might think.

...at least for me, is that there is nothing like being in the company of a beautiful woman who's full attention is on you. And the really good providers will make you feel like a king. "Forgetting its a service" may be just a rating for some but damm great when it happens.

This is why women are my best friends

Thanks for the anonymous pep talk, but I tend to identify with Jay Gatsby here, and it ain't that great.

As far as the "do I need to warn providers that I am fat and unattractive" issue, please see the very recent thread linked below.  It can be an issue with providers, and another gent was advised to tell ladies that he is large.

As for a fat guy whom life experiences have told  that he is unattractive, that would seem to be the primary reason that a single guy would hobby.  I love that you have shared this advice but, honestly, it sounds like the kind of thing he has probably heard from female friends and friends' girlfriends and wives.  Maybe it is true, but his life experiences probably contradict the advice.

Barry White, Raymond Burr, Drew Carey, Danny Devito, William Shattner (these days anyways), Orson Welles...

You get the idea.

Nothing ever is except thinking makes it so.

Come on, Raymond Burr was sexy--he was like the fat George Clooney in "Syriana" (actually Clooney compared himfself to Burr on Jay Leno when talking about the movie).

Was William Shatner a virgin for 30 years? Now, when I said "Loser," I wasn't using my own self-image (well, maybe to some level)--that's how the society, media, TV shows, call people like us.

Having said that, I am quite proud of being a "loser" We the Losers are the driving force behind the progress in history. The American Revolution was initiated by the lowest strata of social rejects (according to Nathaniel Hawthorne and the movie "Patriot")--and look, it lead to the greatest country on earth.

Thanks for your advise again, man.

Mmm, nothing feels better than an escort calling you "sweetheart" I called a few providers for their rates (not chosen one yet), and I love when they say "yes, sweetheart, ok sweetheart" to a total stranger.

I am sorry for making you feel sad, anonymous, I was actually being playful and humorous (albeit totally honest). I will take your advise of not "warning" a provider into consideration.

About Self-confidence--don't think it's in a great part has external factors? As I told MrFisher, when the society, the media, television portray you or folks like you as "unattractive loser"--well, monkey see, monkey do, and we humans aren't far behind.

Thanks for the link, man. I don't think my name is Jay, though. Did you talk to a girl that knows me? lol.

So, if I direct the new greatest movie ever I can bag the Rita Hayworth of the 21st century?  

Where did I put that video camera?

Just to bolster up and add to what the others have been saying GrtGatsby;if I can have a provider give me full service you can as well.As long as you are clean,sober and polite you will be alright.

You are right that life experiences may tell a different story, but then you have to take the old self-fulfilling prophesy into account. You know the old adage - if you think you will fail, you will.

Women respond to confidence. I am reminded of a gentleman I saw when I first began escorting. He was a black man, and honestly, he was absolutely beautiful - and this is coming from someone who has never found black men all that attractive. The long and short of my story was that at the ripe age of 34, he was a virgin. I was absolutely stunned to be honest. Apparently, this positively gorgeous man was so painfully shy that he had never dated. Now, contrast that to the fellow who was once my fiance, who was overweight and no GQ material by any means. He was witty, and funny, and charming. Set these two men side by side at a bar, and I promise you my fiance is going home with a lovely lady that night. Why? Because he had confidence.

As I said, I can't speak for all women because I know that some women wouldn't give a man like my ex a second thought no matter how nice he was. But I know my gender well enough to say that I am absolutely not the exception.

My wish for you, and for the original poster is that for just 5 minutes, you could see yourself through the eyes of someone that cares about you. You would not recognize the person you see, but others certainly would.

(((((HUG))))

I don't know about that DieterMonkey.  I am fat and unnatractive, and even outside the hobby, I have been with some exceptionally gorgeous women.  How, you may be asking yourself, does this fat, hairy man achieve such a thing?  The answer, as the nice alias lady put it, is confidence.

Even good looking guys have problems in the dating world and probably spend a lot more on near hits than we do on sure things. In the dating world, it seems one has to be a bit of an ass to get some. Whereas in the hobby field, most of us are pretty decent fellas. I like to think we've gone into the hobby to escape until the dating world changes back to a new norm.

If your wallet is fat, you're slim in the eyes of the provider.

Many attractive-looking people have great self-confidence not because they look great but because people have been telling them that all their lives.  The same goes for the reverse.  

Just saying that someone "needs" self-confidence trivializes their life experience.  Yes, self-confidence is important for success but for many of us it is emotionally draining; especially when you know your odds of success are still pretty low based on how other people perceive you, regardless of how you carry yourself.

I appreciate the story about your fiance, but imagine if it was between him and Brad Pitt who is also charming and witty AND a total stud to boot.  That's our problem.  A lot of guys out there are a total package.  Those who are not, become Plan B or even H.  I'm not fat but I AM short.  I wish I was fat and taller because I can do something about the weight.  I handle myself with confidence, I'm intelligent and I think I'm charming.  But why would a woman go out with me when she can go out with an intelligent, charming, confident taller guy?  I've had girlfriends but I was lucky to have met a few, rare women who don't care for mainstream beauty standards.  I'm not too lucky nowadays.

What can I do?  I live with it, pursue the things that make me happy and immerse myself in the things I care about and hope that one day I can be appreciated for these qualities by the right woman.  But it does piss me off when people suggest that it's mainly in our heads.

-- Modified on 9/28/2007 10:50:44 PM

-- Modified on 9/28/2007 10:51:35 PM

Providers look for a guy with these four qualities: 1] he must be able to pay, 2] he must be courteous, 3] he must be clean, and 4] he must be prompt.  Of these four, the first is a MUST.  Without that, you don't even get near the door.  Scheduling issues aside, if you can do all of the above, you're practically guaranteed time.  Civvie life isn't as simple, but there you have these messy emotions complicating things, y'know?

However, you cannot expect providers to give you validation about your looks.  No one will call you unattractive as a matter of business.  Some may genuinely find you attractive but unfortunately it's hard to know who is being sincere when money is involved.

When you face increased possibilities for rejection, self-confidence it not simply a matter of recognizing one's positive attributes.  It must also involve the ability to overcome social defamation by constantly focusing on those attributes - something that takes a lot of emotional energy.  Something that self-confident good looking guys never have to expend any effort on.

It might seem like a banal truism, but we have to remember that providers are like any other woman and have their preferences too.  As professionals, they are not supposed to let it show or affect their work.

In the hobby I wouldn't worry about your weight, just the four things I mentioned.  Just don't look for more than a good time.  If you want more emotionally, you have to risk more, but that's not what the hobby's about.

Thanks for informative responses. From what I understood from earlier responses, self confidence is attractive to women.

Now, anonymous lady (or anyone else)--do you have any suggestions on how does one get a shot of self-confidence? It's a tough issue, so I will understand if there is no response.

I do agree that confidence is one of the main things women look for in guys. I'm one of those single guys in the hobby, and sometimes I take offense to the comments made here  that the single guys in the hobby are the "losers" who can't get a  real date.  I know that my problem is shyness, and it's held me back several times in my life from pursuing women I liked. Shyness and fear of rejection, I suppose.  Then again, maybe I am a loser. Who knows?
I"m average looking, but I think I  am pleasant and fun to be with , have a good sense of humor, etc, but the confidence thing is something I need help on, too.  
Just contact some providers(it sounds like you already have), and have some fun. I  just started hobbying earlier this year, and I really enjoy it.

Runningman

-- Modified on 9/29/2007 4:39:13 AM

How ironic, that I, the master of irony, could not spot it.

Boggles the mind, in a way.  8o)

I am new to this fella as well.  I am bald so that's the baggage I bring in to the encounter.  I just posted a question for discussion that I hope they post soon but it is related to you discussion.  I read reviews of excorts and then go to see them and low and behold I don't get 60% of the things they seem to have given other hobbists without prompting.  I'm talking about bbbjcim, multiple pops, all the positions.  I see to get bbbj till hard rubber comes out a couple quick CG and then swap to missionary.  Last night I had one that said she was too ticklish when I tried to do anything but I had just read at least a dozen reviews that said she goes wile in DATY and 69 and drops to her knees at the bedside and loves DFK.  Not for me.  So I know how this screws with your head.  I have no answers.  I think they look at me as a 45 year old guy bald 180lbs (in pretty good shape 2 marathons with respectable times under my belt) and they say I'll get him off and get him on his way.  Any ideas from others?  How can two gentlemen get the ladies to at least give what other hobbists seem to enjoy without having to get into the downwhirl swirl it's because I am overweight with a small penis and I am bald....

I'm not exactly sure what this gal's reticense about DATY was; it could have been that the reviewers were not truthful, or she made have had some issues that day, but believe me, the vast majority of providers enjoy it (or feign that they do, which is really the same thing for all practical purposes), so move to the next gal and see how that goes.

-- Modified on 9/29/2007 9:22:51 AM

Grt...I have to admit, when I was married, (10 years ago) I was at one time 260 lbs, had short, butchie hair, wore no make up, and was so unbarebly shy, I would stay home all the time. Miserable...I was. Embaressed about my appearance, yes, Willing to do something to change? Not at that time.
When I left my husband, I made a decision to be more outgoing and more personable. People started overlooking my appearance and started likeing me for my attitude. A few lears later, i felt it was time to start dating again. I grew my hair, started wearing make up, and started losing weight. People would compliment me. I was looking GOOD for a change, they could see the weight starting to fall right off me.
BUT...I couldn't see it. ALL I saw was that ugly duckling in the mirror with the crooked smile, the off-center boobs, and the battle scars from childbirth 6 years earlier.
I still don't think I look HALF as good as some of these ladies here, but I'm more confident in how I present myself now. I like to make people laugh so my sense of humor is a good ice breaker. It isn't the outside of a person that makes them attractive, it's whats INside. One of these days when you are with someone who can see inside of you the person you really are, you will begin to see it on the outside. She will trace her fingers along your forehead down your cheek, and along your lips as her eyes delve deeply into the very heart of you.
xoxo
~~DI~~

I've said it before, I'll say it again.
EVERYBODY needs a little luvin sometimes!
Bald? so am I...down there!
Overweight? wanna share battlescars?
small penis? my finger is small too!
So what else you wanna give an excuse for?
Sometimes you might have to look in the less likeliest place to find everything you been searching for.
xoxo
~~DI~~

Hi Gatsby,

you've received a lot of encouragement and suggestions, and BTW if you haven't noticed, we have a great group of guys and gals willing to help.

I used to hobby a 400 lbs plus (today I'm 270) and have rarely had any problems a provider rejecting me because of size.  The times it happened, the provider was either a hype, or very immature.

Something to keep in mind, when your a big guy, you can't expect that each and every position will work,  and the positions you can successfully enjoy will vary with each woman.  Be flexible with your expectations.

Now if you are really shy, and unsure how to proceed, ask the provider to tell you how to please her.   Trust me, she will be more than happy to tell you.

BTW, spending an hour in the arms of a lovely woman is a great boost to the ego.  The first time is intimidating, but it gets easier and helps to build confidence.

jazz32

-- Modified on 9/30/2007 5:47:53 AM

I'm short.  So are Prince and Angus Young [AC/DC guitarist].  They get more sex in a week than I will ever get in my life - even paying for it.  What's the difference?  They're ROCK STARS!!!  They're popularity has done nothing to affect popular discrimination towards short guys.

You can't always refer to celebrity looks as an indicator of popular thinking.  Some things get diffused to the general population but many don't.

Besides, bald [or close cropped] has been in style for a few years now so I doubt it's that.

"The reviewers were not truthful"?    Come on.  Really.  One maybe, two is stretching it but beyond that, you have an documented pattern.  Maybe all the weapons inspectors are also lying and there ARE WMDs in Iraq!

The girls love small penises.  Less wear and tear (unlike myself).  As long as your wallet is fat, you'll have no problem.

I think you might be prematurely concluding that your sessions were sub-optimal due to baldness.  For me, it just doesn't compute that your bald head cost you a CIM.  Two things you need to further evaluate about your encounters:

1) YOU - dragonfly2006 posted on 9/28/2007 10:46:49 PM the following:

"Providers look for a guy with these four qualities:
a) he must be able to pay,
b) he must be courteous,
c) he must be clean (MY ADDED COMMENT - which includes oral hygiene, a clean mouth, teeth brushed, scope rinsed, no garlic or onions pre-session, no smoking and have a pack of gum), and
d) he must be prompt.  

Of these four, the first is a MUST.  Without that, you don't even get near the door.  Scheduling issues aside, if you can do all of the above, you're practically guaranteed time.  Civvie life isn't as simple, but there you have these messy emotions complicating things, y'know?"

If you complied with all of the above, then you are not the cause of the problem because again, a bald head should have no bearing on performance levels in my view.

2) PROVIDER - As we all know, after reaching orgasm, women's vaginas are very ticklish.  Perhaps the provider in question had a number of hobbyists before you where she reached climax and she couldn’t continue.  Again, that’s not your bald head it's the physical limits of sex.  Maybe try an earlier session if you have other reasons to go back.  

Regarding cum in mouth, you might want to re-read the reviews from the start as this my be a return customer only feature so the reviews you're reading may not indicate a first timers experience.

Another CIM solution might be is to drink some pineapple juice and bring it into the session...mention you drink it all the time.  If she believes the impact pineapple juice has on the taste of cum.....then you just might get that CIM you deserve.