Last night I had an experience and without going into too much detail, I had finally met up with this woman who was at the top of my list and we had the most amazing experience which I rated a 10/10.  Since I am new to the hobby I need some opinions from some seasoned veterans.  
Without going into too much detail you need to take my word for it that we hit it off even before we met with flirty email exchanges in anticipation of actually meeting. We hit it off right from the get go and I was pleasing her perhaps more than she was pleasing me. She adamantly admitted it to me several times. Even though you might be thinking that she was faking which of course is possible let's assume it was real which I wholeheartedly believe it was. So here is my question.  She then says "I want you to be my NJ Boyfriend" I wasn't sure what she meant by that and never got a real definition but later she said that she wanted to go out to dinner and dancing with me to have a good time and I said "You mean you want me to pay for like 3 hours and take you out?" she said "NO, I mean I just want to go out with you because I like you and want to have fun". In other words she was implying that she wanted to take it to a different level where we are friends and hanging out. Then she started opening up to me about her personal life.  
As a rookie I am completely confused because I thought the whole point of this is to keep it discreet and impersonal but this is just the opposite. Is she trying to scam me somehow? If she is playing with me and if so what is her game? Has anybody ever had a similar experience like this?  
Thanks for your input guys.

So she doesn't want your money anymore? Now she just wants your time? Good for you. Travelling girlfriends are the best if nothing is too serious.

or are otherwise strongly attracted to them...  sometimes it works the other way as well.   If you are single & available, there's no harm in seeing where this goes.
That said...  being in a relationship with a working provider is an emotional mine field.  Then again, a provider might just (as many do) retire.  There are lots of hot soccer moms...  who were providers at one time.  
If you take her out...  you will have normal dating expenses...   Just remember...  never expect to get repaid anything you "loan" to any provider.  You may choose to gift her & if you can afford it, fine.    
Now she said her "NJ BF"...  which may mean someone to stay with or look after her when she's in town.  She might have a BF in every port for all you know.  Go slow, have fun...  but watch your wallet & your heart.  

-- Modified on 2/8/2014 8:48:12 PM

Maybe she actually likes you?

The discreet and impersonal part is a personal choice and not a mandated rule.

It's possible that in mundane terms she is just marketing herself to build up repeat business but without proper context that's not easy to determine.

So the big question is up to you.  You admit you like her.  Would taking her out to dinner and dancing somehow affect your normal life?  Your situation as far as marital status, relationship status, friends and family is unknown to us and of course what you must keep in mind.

There's also the fact that we have no information on the provider (AND WANT NONE! respect her privacy as well)  She may just be an open and sharing person and her sharing her personal details,  although probably not wise in this context, is something she is comfortable with.

If you are getting into this to explore new realms and see different people then much like real life do not make any commitments towards her you are not willing to keep.

If you find that seeing her again in a social context is acceptable and want to pursue it then proceed with caution (like any relationship), and see what happens.

Best of luck to you

'if it seems too good to be true, it probably is'.  I'd go slowly with this one.  It may be a sincere thing on her part, but providers are getting paid to make us think we are the best thing that's happened to them since 'sliced bread'.  That's how they keep us coming back.

Ask her out for a basically civvie date and see how it goes.  Who knows?  You might have gotten extremely lucky, and if so, more power to ya.  If not, it could be a painful and expensive lesson.

Swim

I have seen a total of 5 providers. of the 5, two have become very close tothe extent that we are friends and talk all the time.. texts.. meeting.. just to see each other.. I too was and am sort of confused..one of them refers to herself as my mistress.. It is flattering. and I suspect part of it is that I am respectful and considerate.. but I did walk away from 3 others after seeing them.. I make no secret to either about the other and have actually suggested that the 3 of us get together sometime.. except the two are located far apart.. I am thinking about seeing new providers on purpose.. I will say that the sex with each of them is getting very good and better each time.. there is more going on than just P4P.. and do I still pay? yes.. at my insistence.. that keeps the lines somewhat intact.. one is now talking about BBFS.. and that makes me nervous too. I'm not shooting blanks and I don't need that sort of drama.. so be careful.. but me telling you not to do it is pretty hypocritical

Thanks so much for you replies. Again, the confusing part for me is that I get that it's her job to make me feel like I'm "the greatest" which in my mind would lead to more business for her. Then why would she go and spoil that by suggesting what she did?  
As for me, I'm a recently divorced faithful ex husband of 28 years who finally get let out of the cage and I'm loving every moment of this opportunity and yes I admit that I am somewhat smitten and would love to take her out for dinner and dancing and would be happy to pay for that and of course I'll be careful.  
I just wanted to hear from you guys who have been around the block as to her possible strategy if she was trying to scam me somehow because being new to this I didn't know and couldn't figure out what's going on. The natural assumption is to assume that she's trying something and somehow being deceptive and has a bigger plan in mind but the real hard part here is that and this is going to sound real naive, but I got the 100% feeling that she really, genuinely sincerely liked me.  
I have fallen for pathological liars in the past so I know that some people are really good actors but my sense tells me that she was sincere and it would be a shock to me if she was acting. Live and learn.  
The only thing to do here is to see how it goes and I will keep you posted. Thanks again.

If you are unattached it could be a good thing leading to a lot of fun. If you have a SO or a lot to lose by being outed, the more she learns about you personally the worse it could end for you. Only you can decide if it's worth the risk to persue it or not.

As a fellow ex-husband, I would like to remind you that ALL women are capable of deception and could be trying to scam you, not just a provider.

If my ATF or any of my hobby "girlfriends" wanted to see me off the clock, I would go for it and have a good time.

agree.. I have a wife of 41 years.. and the pathological part of it is a concern.. both of the ones I mentioned are very needy..and that makes me nervous.. I look at it like.. I owuld be seeing one for $300 an hour and th eother for $350 an hour.. so,I keep track of $$$.. one is hinting around for gifts like an I phone.. the other has "emergencies". all the time.. like no heat and no money for oil.. etc.. drama. and frankly it'sbeen a very tough winter..soI can't let someone freeze to death.  

I explained to the no oil one.. that we would do an over night. when Ican (that will be in 4 weeks or so..) and the other.. will do a day with me this next week.. off the clock..sort of.. no fool like an old fool.. but I try tokeepmy involvementin check.. good that you are divorced.. after 28 years , I'm sure that was a bit costly.. in my case.. after 41  .. it is out of the question money wise.. it makes the cost of my new friends immaterial.

I'd be very skeptical. TGTBT keeps ringing in my mind too. It seems like she is saying what many want to hear.  
No harm in seeing where it goes and have some fun, but I would hold back on getting too attached until you know her better. They can change in an instant.

Hard to argue with, or add to, what's already been said. Except to agree.
Seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and if you see the red flags, then
you're ahead of the game. The most important point seems to be "what do you have to lose" and if it isn't much, or anything, go for it. With the understanding it could all be a mirage. And in the case of a , presumably, young ,hot girl in this business, it could very well be a mirage. But you might have a blast finding out!

To the dude who said "the costs of my new friends are immaterial"...relative to the cost of a divorce. Wow. Never thought of it like that. Solid gold reasoning. Sometimes it's right in front of you and you don't see it

Twister,
I'm the dude and when I realized that.. it all became clear.. everyone I know who has gotten a divorce is broke.. or close to it.. My only solution to my situation is to get a divorce or screw around a lot.. way way too cumbersome to date and see a civvie.. a provider knows where she is in line. f  my wife discovers what I do, I get a divorce probably anyway.. sowhat's the difference.. I would much rather try not to have that happen..  

Friday night I took one with me to a concert.. I ran into a friend there.. I introduced her as my neice.. she didn't blink and didn't mind at all.. If I had done that with a civvie she would have been all pissed about her role in my life.. Luckily my wife does not interact with anyone in my life outside of the house.. (tough to do when you never go out of the house).. so that's not a worry.. I just keep buying my wife cigarettes.. and candy  (she's a type 2 diabetic)..and she's happy..

I have had a gal I was fond of...  if I were single, I might have day dreamed about something more with her...  I was never asked for or was offered OTC sex...  that is a dividing line.  But I have been the recipient of OTC social time accompanying a session...  equal to the session time.    
Most of these gals are needy...  I have given only small monetary gifts but in my view, a paid session is also a money transfer.  There are no strings & no IOUs.  
The traditional wisdom is that advancing money to a provider is at your own risk.  A deposit for a session (there are a few exceptions) is at risk...  plans fall through & she suddenly becomes hard to reach.  Pay as you go, is the client/provider guide for very good reason.    

Harbor.. I agree 100% .. I send money out before a session andI consider it possibly gone.. except that I know the providser and I make my judgements.. but yes.. very needy.. I have gone into a strip club an dropped a lot in one night.. I would rather chance it with an advance to a provider

This is what life is all about.

No right and no wrong.

The following has been my motto and it has served me fairly well:

It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done.

Either way, best wishes and let us know how it goes.

... no regrets either time. Never quite sure what their motivation was. I assumed they enjoyed my company and having someone to talk to. It can be a pretty isolated lifestyle for the ladies. I don't think they were interested in anything serious or permanent any more than I was.

You seem to be well aware of the potential pitfalls. I can't see any danger in giving it a try. If she has a hidden agenda, it will become apparent soon enough and you simply move on to the next. If you fall in love easy ... maybe not such a good idea.

I think you have really hit the nail on the head here. When you think about it travelling from city to city for a few weeks at a time is very isolating and if I was a provider and I met a guy that I liked I might befriend him in a non serious way as long as we both realized the boundaries.  
That being said, I still wonder why I can't stop thinking about it and feel like I'm back in junior high school with a crush on the prettiest girl in school, but only this time she actually knows who I am and actually likes me. A whole new concept for me. I definitely feel like I'm making up for lost time of having no sexual experiences until late in college and even those were average at best.  
Thank god for this great hobby.

we don't get to decide ... the when ... just whether we're willing to risk a leap ... or not.  

Mr. Harbor View and Mr. Fisher both have comments (as quoted below) that I find to be helpful and appropriate when contemplating this and/or similar situations.  
_____________________________________________________________________________
"That said...  being in a relationship with a working provider is an emotional mine field.  Then again, a provider might just (as many do) retire.  There are lots of hot soccer moms...  who were providers at one time."  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
"This is what life is all about.
No right and no wrong.
It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done."
____________________________________________________________________________

Totally disagree with this...

"we don't get to decide ... the when ... just whether we're willing to risk a leap ... or not."

That only applies to those who can't manage their emotions and live by them vs. by decisions. Not all of us are that weak. Sorry. I DECIDED that for the six years I was providing that I would not date PERIOD, much less fall for some married man. Guys can make the very same decision.  

To the Original Poster... you're reading way too much into this. Have you any idea how many times I went to dinner or had drinks off the clock with clients over the years? Too many to even list. It was because I had the time, enjoyed their company, did not want to pay for my own meal and eat alone, or all of the above. Not one of those guys did I ever consider dating... not ONE. Her saying she want's you for her NJ boyfriend, just means she is lonely and wants to fk a cute guy in each city she tours. She's alone and desperate more than likely. I would not go picking out China patterns just yet, especially if you're married.  

-- Modified on 2/10/2014 10:07:24 AM

if that provider really is a 10 in looks and the ten performance. She most certainly doesn't need to kiss up to clients to make sure business stays good. all those women in the National top hundred I am sure whether they were polite and talked after the hour for 10 minutes or not they are still always going to be in demand. let's face it the guys are not coming to see you to have you let them stay an extra 10 minutes to talk after they want to come in and have an experience and then leave.
I find it to be a good thing to do if you are using a stationary incall because it really doesn't look good to have people in and out in just an hour or under an hour.
or if you're in the same hotel room for a couple of days it does look a lot better for you if you're letting people stay to talk for a little bit longer it doesn't really look like you're being an escort when the people are staying for 2 hours
I also think it doesn't really look like you're being an escort if you go out with the person after the appointment and hang out with them anyone was watching would think it was a friend
or if you have them show up with a bag of groceries or you have them leave with something it really doesn't make it look like its clients it makes it look like it's just people you're hanging out with.
for me I think in couraging the person to take a long shower after stay and have a cup of coffee I think it only makes me look better because having someone in and out in just an hour it looks really obvious that you're doing what you're doing.
if I have someone over there here for 2 hours on the other hand or 3 hours I doubt anyone's going to suspect that it was actually a call.
that's just one of the bonuses too maybe having them stay and talk a little while longer
the traffic in the quick in and out activity is kind of something that either neighbors or people in a hotel will be taking note of.
I think it sounds like she really likes the guy. I think they should enjoy each others company and let her call him his boyfriend and they can have fun with it and enjoy a night out on the town.
I think you should keep the ball in her court and allow her to be the one to contact him if and when she has the energy she's clearly working towards a goal and touring
maybe she's paying for kids college maybe she's saving to pay for college don't know what her situation
I would say they should both enjoy the day met someone that they click with and have a great time
and if she wants to call him her boyfriend and he doesn't mind they can play around and joke around like that
she may decide the next day that she doesn't want to hang out with him and just wants to focus on work all day so I would say to him let her be the one to call him and keep in mind that she has to be on point to keep up with paying her hotels and food while she's on a tour.
so just keep the ball in her court and let her be the one to contact him when she has the time.
I think there could be a possibility she does really like him but I know chances are she probably doesn't want to be serious she probably has a lot of boyfriends and has a lot of friends in her free time in our spare life

Just waiting for your proposal and ab2 carat diamond.  

Keep holding your breadth until it happens

Good luck

In the words of Charlie Sheen:  "I don't pay them for sex, I pay them to leave!!"

Yours is the only one IMO that gives some practical instructions for proceeding as well as expresses the proper degree of caution.

These are newbies. They're like kids in the candy store. Yet, people are saying "have fun", "only you can know the right risk for you", and "depends on your marital status." HTG gives us the other side yet many of you send these babes, including Magic jeff, off to be slaughtered.  

Here's an operational definition:
1. Look in the mirror- if you don't look like (and have the resources of) Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Channing Tatum, or the dude on the Tudors and Dracula, then you should assume a combination of fiscal need, boredom, and hunger are leading the girl to have  OTC dinner with You. No, you're not that charming or worldly. See Swim's advice.
2. Look at your bank account. If it cannot buy out the girl's exclusive time, see #1.
3. If you met her while cheating on your SO and you paid her, there's a priori a 0.001% chance (to choose an arbitrarily low #) you will convert eventually to an SO. Multiply this by 1000 if you are the guys in #1 and/or #2 (here, more like SB than SO). Divide by 1000 if you look like Ron Jeremy or if you can't pick up a girl randomly from a bar.  
4. Every step in progress is ultimately her first move. Don't initiate texts/calls (unless she tells you to) and don't ask for a relationship (she has to). Even if she tells you she "loves" you. Even if you know details of her personal life. This is the trap especially for newbies.

My mailbox is littered literally with guys who wrote me about failed attempts because they've seen my previous posts. Some of them get pretty far but they forget the operating rules.

Am I being harsh? Yes, but I'm pragmatic. Good luck MJ.
Again you're not that charming, cool, or worldly. She doesn't need rescuing by you. Lol.

-- Modified on 2/10/2014 6:59:02 PM