For all you know, she had a bad day.... this may help the rest of us out if we see her next. This may be the kicker she needs to think a little before she sees the next one of us and cleans herself up and has a better attitude.-write it!!
I just read a post in the newbie discussion forum from a person in a very similar situation: he had a bad experience.
I, too, have only had 3 experiences... but fortunately for me, my first two were fantastic. The third experience was another matter and here's the rub: she was well reviewed! Yet, my experience with her was a bit further off than a YMMV matter. It was horrendous. It was my first incall experience, mind you, but I figured at 400/hr, the atmosphere would be somewhat classy. Not at all. It was essentially a seedy motel. I should have turned around then, but I didn't want a NCNS on my permanent record. When we finally got around to the nitty-gritty, I discovered that she had not "prepared" herself, and probably not for some time. The smell was horrendous.
Maybe it's because of my newbie status, but I find myself hesitant to write a review. I don't know how much of that is appropriate material for a review (I know one of the rules is the information must be "verifiable", whatever that means), while on the other hand, my review will probably be quite a few points lower than her average review. Should I write a review with the TOFTT mentality and hope she corrects this issue in the future, or do I simply let it ride and chalk it up to a learning experience?
What to do, what to do...
I feel you would help everyone, including the provider in question, by posting an honest review.
Write it up as honestly and objectively as you can. Be aware, however, of the possible downside. You will probably take a load of shit from her white knights (BFD). You may even have to put up with her indignation.
You have 90 days to write the review, use it. Give it enough time that she can forget the encounter. Hope you didn't give her your TER handle as part of your screening. If you did, and she can associate it with your personal info you might rethink your position. Some (note, some) ladies will do almost anything to protect their reputation, including blackmailing you into having the review taken down (this is firsthand experience here).
Step back. Look objectively at the possible risks, and do what is right for you. Don't let me or anyone else put you at risk with the "inform your fellow hobbyists" bullshit.
My thoughts pretty much followed this logic. I (thankfully) did not give her my TER handle (not that I feel her screening was very thorough anyways), and my review will exclude any discerning details (location city, meeting place, unique circumstances, etc.) I don't care about the so-called white knights... I will be as fair and honest as I can.
I stopped writing reviews a long time ago. The last one I wrote, the girl turned out to be a nightmare. (VERY well reviewed on TER). I did not give her a 9 9 or a 10 10. I wrote a very nice review, nothing negative, (I think I gave her an 8 9 or a 9 8 can't remember).
Well she made my life a nightmare. Called my home, left a cryptic message with my wife, my office, left voice mails, e mails and threatened more if I did not get it changed to a higher number. For obvious reasons, (being married the main one) I DID change the numbers to a 10 10. just so that she would stop harassing me.
Remember many of these ladies are prima donnas, and will NOT accept anything lower than a 9. Huge egos abound. I now take all reviews with a grain of salt. They are highly over rated, mainly because of fear of retaliation (like me), and it just aint worth the agrevation. Guys are handing out these high numbers left and right, and your expectations are high.
Your experience is an aberration and not the norm or your choice in ladies is questionable. Not saying these things don't happen but I suspect there is more to the story.
Men, you do NOT have to take this SHIT! Forward those PM's, nasty emails to Admin.
I am proud of my reviews, and I am very happy when a gentleman enjoys his time enough to write one for me from his perspective. I find the kind of behaviour described here as DEPLORABLE!
I once had a gentleman give me a 6 in performance, (in my first year). I wrote him an email asking if I could correct the problem, and even refunded his donation. A year later, he came to see me again, and wrote a new glowing review that replaced his old one! This (to me at least) is the proper way to handle a poor review...
Anyone who uses intimidation, blackmail, or possibly outing you to get higher scores needs to be OUTED on your local board, and then DELISTED from TER permanently. If you don't appreciate and honor the process, then you don't need to be here or get to benefit from the review process!
Just my .02
P.S.
I do not usually ask for a gentleman's TER handle prior to seeing him. Sometimes they choose to share it, and in those cases I still usually don't go snooping and reading their reviews ahead of time. I want to give a genuine and authentic experience, without thinking about that. If I later get to read a fantasy story, then that is just icing on the cake!
provider is subsequently banned, what does she then have to lose by carrying through on the threat to expose you to your family or job?
Anyone who gives their TER handle along with their screening information needs to be cognizant of this risk.
For the guys, Don't give the TER handle and wait for a month before you review if you are not willing to take the risk.
I also imagine there might be DNS lists mostly accessible only to provs. So even if she can't ruin your life she could possibly at least end your hobbying.
Again, this is a typical he said/she said situation. So ask yourself: Who would more people believe? Because it's your word against hers.
read my post, I gave her a nice review, high numbers, (not the 10 10 she wanted) but the review was actually very respectful and flattering.
And for your FYI, I am N.OT the only person this has happened to. Also an FYI, my choice in ladies is NOT questionable. As I said, she is/was highly rated, but had pulled "this numbers game" many times with other gentlemen. Only thing is I didnt know until AFTER she played this little trick. Hence all the pages of 9's and 10's. Nope, she wasnt having a bad day either, the visit was enjoyable, but just NOT a 10 10 .
My marriage was in jeopardy, so no more reviews for me
You hadn't mentioned earlier that she had done this with other gentleman. That does make a difference. I agree with other posters you should (if you still have them) forward her e-mails to Admin. Easy for me to sit back and arm chair quarterback as being single those issues don't bother me.
That is why it's so important to have a hobby phone and keep it someone away from the SO. That way they cannot call your home if they decide to go into psycho-mode from a bad review. All that most providers require is full name, phone number, and 2-3 provider references.
Sorry to hear that this happened to you. That is absolutely awful!
I floated this tip on the GD board a few weeks ago and was honestly surprised at the lackluster brush off many gave, but here goes.....
DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR TER IDENTITY WHEN BEING SCREENED!!!! PERIOD. Treat your TER handle the same way we ladies treat our personal information.
Do not use the same e-mail for contacting a lady that you use for TER.
Do not use a TER handle that bears any resemblance to your e-mail address.
That way, when you do have a mediocre or flat out rotten experience, you can write an honest and objective review without fear of retaliation. You have a 90 day window following your experience to write the review. That gives ample time to put time and distance between encounter and review.
It almost feels like a betrayal of the 'sisterhood' to put it so bluntly, but the simple truth is, I don't actually NEED your TER information to know whether I should see you or not. Your TER handle is useless information when it comes to screening. It tells me nothing about the character or safety of a man, so why do I care if you review or not? References, and verifiable information are more important, and when combined with your TER ID (or any other reviewer identity on other sites), the two become a loaded gun.
And Zorba, now that the situation is long past, why NOT forward those e-mails to Admin? Just a thought. Whoever the lady is, she is a disgrace and she should be banned.
write the review. As has already been said, take some time to think about what you want to say and say it objectively; YMMV yada yada yada. Maybe see another lady or two to gain some more experience.
If all of us only gave out 10-10's, what information would we learn? True, you need to read reviews, but if the verbiage is all sugar coated, then we my as well be back to the pre-internet days. I don't want to watch black and white TV.
For all you know, she had a bad day.... this may help the rest of us out if we see her next. This may be the kicker she needs to think a little before she sees the next one of us and cleans herself up and has a better attitude.-write it!!
Please write an honest objective review of your experience. Isn't that, in part, the purpose and benefit of this website? If the provider is no more concerned about her profesional reputation than your note suggests, its her problem.
but I think there is pressure to conform to earlier reviews. I have written a couple of low ones... I don't believe any of us are immune to the pressure.
The number scores are not as important as the text, IMHO. I usually write a dratd of a review & save it in my PM drafts here or 'drafts' in my secure private e-mail. I wait at least a week, sometimes several, before posting which gives me time to edit.
I would not jump to conclusions about how long she has not taken care of herself. You don't know this. You do know if she was not fresh for your meeting.
Verifiable... only in the case of a dispute whether the meeting took place... I believe that admin gets details of the meeting place & location & compares. I was surprised that a low review I had to give, was not disputed.
I would urge you to protect yourself but try your best to write a fair review if you can.
skb
(10 TER reviews)
You have the right to be honest, if you share your bad experience maybe she will "wake up" and realize this is her business and she will learn from it.
xoxo