Here's another question that stems from a fear of LE.  I recently requested a meeting with my first lady, and as I'm a student with no work/provider references, she asked for a picture of me holding my school ID to prove my identity and email match up.  She also plans to check the ID when we meet.

I understand her need for security, but is this an acceptable form of screening?  I don't want to send my picture out there to someone who has ill intent for it.

Thanks for any help.

to be screened (I'm assuming you have no references yet.), then I can see her point in asking.  actually, it's a pretty innovative way of screening.

Your assurance that this gal is not LE and not intending you any harm is whether she is well reviewed or not.

Is she?

Yeah, she's actually extremely well-reviewed, with 12 pages of people dating back more than a year.

I guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and send her the photo; I don't want to be difficult and of course understand her personal need for safety.  When it's your first time though, paranoia sets in that anything can go wrong.

Thanks for your help.

I never send electronic images of myself to strangers.

Some gals don't want fat guys, or certain ethnic types. Some don't want certain ages (too young, or fossils) etc.



-- Modified on 8/28/2008 7:55:20 AM

This is an unusual request but many ladies do not see people young enough to be students.  You are asking her to make an exception for you, and she is agreeing under this condition.  I'm not sure she'd be able to actually read the ID even in a head & shoulders shot.  

I'm assuming that you've checked her out alrerady, or we would not be having tis conversation.  

I would do it.  

Although it's not a requirement, I often e-chat before a date & often include a photo of me doing a hobby.  
skb

doing a hobby? Which hobby???

that they ask for a photo, but I don't think it had anything to do with screening. I just don't think these particular ladies wanted to be seen with a troll. I never contacted any of them.

the guy was as yourself a student and with no references.

I suggested he join date-check and he did not want to give out his credit card information.  I clearly stated to him that company is very safe and it is a great idea for him. However, I was willing to help him come up with other ideas. I suggested he copy and email me a copy of his student id from his email address from the school. Funny though I never heard from him so I doubt he was serious.

In reference to your pic, I do generally ask for a pic so that I know who I am visiting.  Think about this you saw our photos why not show yours.  It is NOT asked for to weed you out or characterize in anyway.  It is another form of us being able to say in our heads "oh yes he is the one we have chatted with".

I would though make sure you have researched the provider of your choosing very carefully.  Make sure she is well known on Ter with really good reviews.  Then you can feel totally confident that she is on the up and up..

Good luck

"many ladies do not see people young enough to be students.  You are asking her to make an exception for you..."

how do you know this lady is one of the "many" who do not see young clients, or that he asked to be an exception to her rule?

"Think about this you saw our photos why not show yours. "

By that token, we give you our real name, so why not give us yours?

What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander.

Obviously, the pic we see from you serves the purpose of letting us know if we will be attracted to you. As you say, that is not the reason you want a pic. Furthermore, most pics I've seen are body shots and/or blur the face. Sending you a similar pic would not achieve any purpose in terms of screening.

I'm new to this board, and basically new to this hobby.  Still waiting for responses on my other posts, but this one I think is pretty good too.  Would taking a look over web cam help or count at all?  If it's just to make sure you are not LE, I can understand, but how about us the buyers here?  What recourse do we have if say our CC information got accessed illegally?  We going to call LE and say hey you know this "service provider" of mine used my card to buy a new fur coat?  I don't think you get to use the 5th on that lol.  

I'm almost in your same boat, cept, not in school.  I just don't have a job at the moment.  Don't confuse that with not having money.  I have MONEY, but I was working in the solar industry, and my company went kaput.  I have enough money to wait for the right oppportunity, so here I sit, reading these hot reviews and thinking, I'd love to try so and so, but I have no references either.  I do have CAM if it's about verifying who is who by look.  Would that fly you think?

Not this hobby...
skb

I can't even believe you are asking that question and think that way, however, it is your choice.  A providers civilian life is private FOR VERY GOOD REASON!!!! We are subjected many times over to stalkers and all around creeps all the time.  Trust me I hear the stories all the time.  

In reference to our pics, some ladies don't need to be discreet and can willingly show their faces. Others have to be discreet as we have children, ex's, parents, etc. that could cause us a living hell if they found out what we did.  Now me, I do blur my face however, I also offer face pics that are password protected.  Once someone passes my screening and I am comfortable I will and do give out the password so they can see my face.  In reference to screening, oh yes it does help to a degree.  Now not getting a pic does not weigh either way if I will or will not see that person.  However, I do feel more comfortable seeing the face ahead of time and when I go to visit it gives more comfort and ease knowing that is who I have been chatting with.  And a web cam pic works very well for me as well.  

Hope this helps with my opinions and gives more clarification.

It constantly amazes me how providers cannot understand how a hobbyist's private life is just as important to him as a provider's privacy is to her. It reminds me of Rodney King's line "can't we all get along?"

The reverse is also true, hobbyists need to understand a provider's need for safety, but for either a hobbyist or a provider to think their needs supersedes the other's is rather shortsided to say the least.

I agree totally.  I would never ask about a hobbyist's personal life or interfere in that in anyway.

I am called for a reason and once it is decided that all is well to visit then a visit is done.  Once that gentleman leaves it is up to them to contact me again.

I can guarantee that LE just as easily can webcam, so that is pretty darned useless for screening.

As to your cc number getting into the wrong hands, if it is stolen from DateCheck (there is no way the provider can get it unless she's an expert hacker and gets into their system!) you simply tell the truth when you report the unauthorized charge -
You did not authorize the charge for a fur coat, your account is being used fraudulently.  You have the exact same protection that you would have if your cc were stolen by the cashier at the restaurant you ate at last night.
.02

I was not suggesting hobbyists should ever ask for real name of provider. I was using that as an example to explain why your analogy didn't work.
As I stated right after the example, "what is good for the good is not always good for the gander". In other words, just because one side requests something does not mean the reverse has to hold (as my example shows).

Nor was I suggesting providers should always reveal their face. Again, that example was to show how your analogy failed. The pics you would want for screening would have to be our face. But that is not always the kinds of pic we get to see. So again, its not a case of "you get a pic, so the provider should also".

I thank you very much!!

Concerning pictures...I haven't and never will ask a gentleman to provide me with a picture. If he provides it freely, without me asking, so be it. I'm not paying for his companionship, he is paying for mine! Therefore, it doesn't make any difference what he looks like or his age. However, I do believe that since you have no references and you're a college student that was a pretty creative request. Although, like mentioned above...I can't see how she'd be able to read your ID. I have had the same situation arise a couple of times and after a couple of phone conversations, I agreed to meet in a public place for a cocktail and then take it from there...if both parties felt comfortable. Checking ID upon arrival is customary.

Now concerning CC. I never, never, never use my personal CC for any transaction pertaining to this business! Go to Wal-Mart and purchase a pre-paid Visa debit card. Once you've purchased it, call the number on the card to activate it and give a bogus name...nobody will ever know the difference and your personal info will never be jeopardized!

My retired ATF asked me for a picture before our first meeting.  I told her truthfully that I didn't know how to post one, and even if I did, I wouldn't.  She then asked me to describe my appearance.  I gave her a rundown of my physical appearance.  Since I am average in height, weight and pretty much any other form of measure, I thought I could sense her frustration mounting.  So I finally asked her, "What do you want to know?"  Her response was hilarious.  She said, "I'm picky and I want to know what 'my gentlemen' look like.  Are you fat?"  "NO!" was my answer.  And then I reminded her that I was 6ft tall, 200lbs, in decent shape with short brown hair and green eyes.  I told her that when I showed up if she didn't like the way I looked to NOT OPEN THE DOOR and I would leave.  And that likewise, if she opened the door and I didn't like the way she looked then I WOULD LEAVE!  That sealed things for her, and we had a great relationship for many years.  In fact, one of the sexiest things ANYONE has ever said to me was when she told me, "The reason I love you is because you're so much fun to be with.  I've never found the 'Johnny Depp' type to be sexy; I've always preferred the 'real man' type.  When you first described yourself to me on the phone before we met, you sounded perfect. Then I got to see you and know you, and I've just adored you from the start!"  That she told me this YEARS after we first met and remembered our back-n-forth on the screening really impressed me.  I asked her if she got many pictures in her screening process and she said "No. But I find out what they look like from the other providers or I don't see them."  

So, take it for what it's worth. Providers can ask what they want, and you can answer or not the way you want!