I know many of you hobbyist are in for the variety, and I know that we all have ATF. Is it unhealthy/bad/not the norm to just see one provider. I found someone I'm comfortable with, I respect the boundries, and even though you do fantasize about more, I'm not delusional so providers and vet reponses are appreciated. I can take it
when she is unavailable when you want to play? When she retires, you will not have a reference to find someone new. Besides, variety is the spice of life. For me, I generally see a new lady every 3 or 4 dates; otherwise it is a repeat visit with a lady I have seen before who knows how to show me a good time at a reasonable rate.
Good point. I was more thinking there was some unspoken rule or newbie advice that advised against it.
I would like to her from a provider though.
What happened to me is that I got kind of tired of seeing only the ATF, so after 6 or so sessions, I branched out. I found one of my favorite parts of the hobby is the anticipation that builds in the week or so leading up to seeing a provider for the first time.
Something to be said about clicking even if we all come to the table knowing it's P4P. Just came back from a 3 days in NYC where ATF and I had dinner and saw a couple of shows and while the sex was great, the non-bedroom activity was amazing too.
I haven't fallen for any of the girls, but I do thoroughly enjoy their company and look forward to hanging with them whenever we get together. If one provider floats your boat, then, WTF, put all the eggs in that basket for now. The worst that happens is that she dumps your ass like 'Skinnieminnie' on the GD board and you have to buy another basket and some eggs.
Live the fantasy, and when it ends, build another.
All of the ladies have the looks and atheletic bodies that I love. But I still take a run when a new hot provider that rings my bell shows up.
Just be aware of the up sides and down sides of either stategy.
I follow a middle course of seeing several favorites as well as seeing the occassional new gal.
There is one that I would drag my balls through broken glass and then dunk them in alcohol for.
I limit my time with her so I don't have to make a "Help, I've Fallen" post.
About every third time is my limit. Any more often and I would be toast.
Help, I've fallen for a Provider and I can't get up!
Why not mix your ATF in to some grazing? I always encourage my newbies to sample around town. If they come back time and time again then I know I was the best. If you have the appropriate funds you can see your ATF 1-4 times per month and also see various ladies 1-3 times per month.
There are typically 2 types of hobbyists....ones who stick with a ATF for 3months or more or the ones that are always jumping around. Do what feels right to you!
that you get taken for granted, service slips... I ended up taking a long break during which I met providers whom I thought had the potential for repeat visits. Eventually I circled back but now have a rotation of just a few Favorite ladies. I will occasionally meet a new girl IF I feel she has the potential to become a "Favorite". It is very hard (near impossible) to go exclusive with a lady & not get ung up emotionally... eventually.
I have no interest in notching my six-guns (or headboard) as many times as possible.
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And how many ladies have you seen? Because this is more dangerous if you are newer to this, IMO.
For me, part of the process was to get my big head, little head and heart around the concept of P4P. The big head got it almost immediately, and it sounds like that is the case for you when you say "I'm not delusional." The little head said, "Hell, yeah!" and wanted to go get as many lovely ladies as it could. But the heart - well, every time we saw someone and the play was great, the conversation good, and she looked lovely, it kept saying, "She's the one, let's spend all our time with her!!"
It took a couple of those ladies breaking that heart just a little by making it clear exactly what I meant to them for it to begin to get the idea. And the thing in your post that makes me think you are not there is when you say this... "even though you do fantasize about more." Yeah I sure did, and, no, actually, I no longer do. That is not to say that I do not have some lovely friends and the friendships are not slowly evolving, becoming deeper and richer, because they are. But when I am there, I am enjoying the moment, and when I leave, I am on to other things.
Another way to say it is this - when I started and I asked a provider if she wanted to meet for a drink and she said no, I was really disappointed, upset. Now I might ask a lady if she is hungry after we finish, or she might suggest we go for a drink, and I am happy if we do, but I am just fine if we do not. We owe each other nothing (that is part of the charm of this after all) and are free to choose.
I have considered doing more with one or two ladies, say taking them away for a weekend or such, but I decided I do not know either of them well enough to know whether or not that would be fun. So we will go gradually and see what develops. Not a fantasy, but a growing friendship, a mutual exploration and some fun along the way.
On the other hand, maybe I have just not met the right lady to get my heart thumping again and continue my hobbying education and heartbreak. But, in answer to your question, no, I would not just see her. She definitely is not just seeing you and it is best if you keep things in balance a little between the two of you. Plus, as others have said, what will you do when she cannot see you? Both of my heartbreaks turned out to be because the ladies got new BFs and either changed how they worked a whole bunch, or just quit for a while. Screwed up my hobbying and put me in a very bad/sad mood. All for the best in the long run, but the heart was so sad.
Of course, in the end you are gonna do what you are gonna do, no matter what we say. That is how this works.
enjoy,
zig
To answer the question about a year and six or so providers. I have to admit that I thought I had an ATF before I even new was out there, so a lot of what you write makes a lot of sense and hits the mark on some things. I got into the hobby for the stereotypical post divorce "what to do now" deal. I thought this would be and has been exciting. I'm still very aware of fantasy and reality, I really hope I never get to a point where my heart gets involved, does anyone truely have control of that completely? Some people will say yes, but words and feelings are very different deal. Variety may be the answer or quitting if it gets to that point. Thanks Zig...
Both lasted around a year where the provider was the only provider that I called. The important aspect of the relationships is they had lives and so did I. They visited when I wanted an appointment and never bothered me at any other time, and neither I, they. The providers moved on from the hobby. I generally like variety.