My wife manages the accounts in our household. In fact, she manages them for my business too. I'm finding it hard to take out any money without throwing up a red flag. (There is plenty of money, so that's not the issue)

Each of you have your own personal account and credit card that the other has no access. Aggree on an amount to be deposited on a set schedule. The funds in these accounts can be used for buying each gifts birthday christmas ect. Also for uses you don't need to explain or the other person doesn't approve or agree on. Example Your wife love to buy prada shoes every week as long as she pays from her account you can't say a thing. You take up online gambling/sports betting or something else she will disagree with (wink wink) if you need extra cover.

Tell her you want to start giving, say, $400 per month back to the community. But you want to spread it around and donate anonymously, so you will be withdrawing said amount monthly. She will probably want you to get receipts for tax write off, so you will have to tell her some things are just more important in life than write offs.

No way Jose! Ur asking for trouble telling her that BS! That in itself will throw up red flags. She'll be all over that. Plus, what kind of person has separate accounts when ur married! I've seen that happen many times. Woman DO NOT like it! Separate bank accounts just causes resentments and suspicion. If she does agree to something like that, it will hurt her. IMHO, don't do it.  
I just stash 20's away here and there. Sometimes I can do more than others. Takes a while but it works

because she had benifits for her children.  My account is nominally a joint account but in reality she doesn't use it.  
You each do need "spending money"...  though a separate account wil be a hard sell.  

No solution is going to be perfect, but somehow you have to find legit reasons to withdraw cash (Like for lunches, some hobby you have (not THIS hobby!), and the like, and start to withdraw money for these purposes, but then cut back on lunch, etc., and siphon that money off for the hobby.  This was my MO during my divorce.

Giving out bad advice is expected here, but to encourage some newbie to turn a misdemeanor into a felony is just plain stupid advice.

Why would YOU encourage a newbie to not only commit tax fraud, but to also encourage him to engage in frauds extending to his customers?

And apparently not an accountant, either. LOL

It had to do with an agency out of Texas that took credit cards, the agency was subsequently busted and when the books were audited the paper trail led back to guys charging hookers to their expense accounts and other guys doing exactly what she suggested, claiming hookers as legitimate and deductible business expenses landing a couple of guys in prison for tax fraud.

Then you are simply speculating because you don't really know.  That's really dangerous on this board for obvious reasons.

Fire her.

Suggesting that someone commit felony tax fraud, not so much.

no questions, for lunches and other misc expenses. I can eat on $25 a week, so it builds up pretty fast. I make sure I buy her, wife not hooker, surprise gifts etc to keep in balance. She does some of the same..

Just giving him options, that's all

because both of us travel on business. Not a big deal.

I hope the responders have more info than I can give you.

that makes your schedule variable...  has variable costs...  allows some flex as far as cash.  It could be anythihng but it must be real & approprite to YOU.  It could be a boat, a kayak, golf, hiking, bicycling, gym membership (would not do for me! LOL!), wood working, model buildng...  you'll need to go in search of speciality tools & equipment.  Try to pick at least some where she'll lose interest...  though you can not exclude her if she decodes to tag along.  Maybe more than 1 activity...    
Besides the cash, you need the flexible schedule.  
And you do need to increase your pocket cash some...  I know folks who rely on ATMs & in an emergency, you can't count on finding one or it working...  like the time I slid my bosses pickup onto the tapered end of a guardrail...  without damage...  in a rain storm and I needed cash to get the wheels back on the ground.

But I have to say, it's when I listen to conversations like this one that I'm so thankful I never tied the noose, I mean knot.

Lots of good stuff here...I think I'm going to end up with a combination of cash hobby (other than this hobby) expenses and stashing 20s when I can.

Good idea! And....... If my SO ever raises questions or we ever need money or cash for any reason, I don't ever hesitate to say "I've got us a little cash tucked away in case we ever need it honey"  And one thing I don't do is tuck a large sum away and go spend it right away.  

Before I was ever involved in the hobby, I had a $200/week cash stipend for cigarettes & lunch. I'd accumulate a grand or so before I thought it was possible by eating lunches I'd made for myself, and apparently not smoking as much as she thought. I'd occasionally spring a really expensive date on her (helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon, that sort of thing), and occasionally indulge myself in some material thing. One day, our best friend announced that she was pregnant & I gathered together the cash I had accumulated & put it in a white envelope when I went to the garage for a smoke. When I got back upstairs, my (now-ex) wife asked me if there was anything we could do for her. I produced the envelope and said, "you need this for more important things than I would have used it for". My wife was astonished (to be fair, so was i, as she was thinking exactly what I was thinking AGAIN), and plenty of grunty gratitude ensued after our guest left.

You'll have to be deciplined...  because of your situation.  Know going in that you can't shortcut this.  It might take you 2 or 3 weeks or what ever to accumulate the cash.  So be it.  You want to be in it for the long haul...   You can not afford to throw up a red flag just to score some pussy.

This advice is solid.  I am in the same boat as OP, though probably not the same extreme.  All I can do is save up here and there until I have enough for the provider and services I want.  The key is to not get desperate, because that's when you do irrational things.  My two best bets for getting out cash under the radar are (1) do the grocery shopping and then take out an extra $20 or $30 per week, then "lose" the receipt before I get home (not that I am being watched that closely), and (2) telling my SO in advance that some of us at the office are taking so-and-so out to lunch for a birthday gift, or chipping in to buy so-and-so a gift, and then taking out the money to pocket.  Works every time.