I know never to talk money and that's a first-day type rule.  But I talked to a provider on the phone and she referenced her ad and asked if I had seen it and if I preferred hh or hr.  Is just talking about time somehow dangerous? Or is it only talking about money and services?

when you want to have your date. You're correct that you don't discuss money when setting up the appointment or at the appointment. Arrive with proper donation (from her website) in an envelope, and place it on a table, dresser etc. upon entering.

Establishing the time is not out of line in a discussion. I always mirror what was said in an email. including date, time and length of the session.  Leave nothing unturned so there isn't any problem
when you drop the envelope.  Misunderstandings could cause the session to turn sour....