This is a heavy one, but I know the wisdom of the hobbyists who frequent this board will steer me right!

I just saw a gentleman who had some choice words for what he called "foreigners"- basically, any American citizen of non-white or immigrant extraction. Of course he didn't know that although I qualify as caucasian, and pass for white (whatever that means), both my parents are immigrants from Spanish-speaking countries. His  words cut deep and I was mortified. My impulse was to hand him back his money and ask him to leave (even though services had already been rendered), but instead I pushed it out of my mind and changed the subject.

So my question to hobbyists (and providers, of course) is: am I being too thin-skinned, sensitive, Pollyanna-ish? Would it be foolish to refuse him service in the future, considering this was his only infraction? I certainly don't think a client's politics should have any bearing on our having a great time together, so should I just learn to tolerate speech that would otherwise upset me? I also wouldn't want to gain a reputation for being difficult.

I strive to be accepting of all perspectives, and usually it's not a struggle, but this has been preying on me. Your insight is welcome and appreciated!

Xoxo,
Inari

Q/A1. I think you probably know of far worse behaviors and comments outside the room.  Does that bother you, too?  The same way?  As much? Less much?   In a public place, do you argue, confront or at least discuss a difference of opinion on topics like this?  I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think it has to do with context (the room) where you aren't able to react the way you might want to react for fear of ruining pissing off the guy or ruining the session. Q/A2. It is certainly your prerogative to refuse to see him for any reason you have.  Bad breath, bad taste in clothes, ... political opinions. Q/A3. If he was talking politics about corn subsidies or aid to Lithuania, would it upset you to the point that it would RUIN THE SESSION?  I'm thinking no.  If the immigration topic makes you feel miserable and upset, especially to the point that it affects the session, then you should not see him.
    Q/A4. No Q there, but your own Answer: "It has been preying on" you.  The easiest way to avoid that (in close quarters) is to decline to see him.  Listening to discomforting speech in other places (public places, work, TV news) may bother you but there is no "service" involved.  

If this guy and that kind of talk affects you to the point that it affects your service then THAT will affect your reputation ... and the guys might not even know the reason unless you tell them.

I hope my answers don't upset you.  Let me know and I'll talk about corn subsidies instead.


-- Modified on 8/14/2015 1:27:49 AM

Someone saying things like that should be offensive to anyone, and he should know those opinions are not acceptable to most people. I think refusing him future service would be the right thing to do, and it sounds like it would make you feel best about yourself too.

With the hobby, we all take a chance on what the first session is going to be like. Hobbyists have the slight advantage on meeting number one because we can use the reviews others have provided to at least know what to expect during the session.  We have the lady's website to at least see a majority of the woman's physical characteristics, even if they don't show their face, assuming the photos are true and recent.

The ladies however, are only going on Okays, White Listings, and maybe a few referrals if they bother with those.  So, they're at the distinct disadvantage of who's going to be on the other side of the door, how will they act, etc.  So, session one is a bit of a gamble if you're going to like him and enjoy his company.

If for some reason, you don't click, physically, personally, politically, the lady always has the right to pass on future appointments.  You should also be comfortable and now that you know what you're dealing with, don't see him again. It's the same with the hobbyist at the end of meeting #1.  We have a better perspective of the lady, her true looks, personality, how the experience went - we make a decision based on our own perspective to make another appointment or not

Props to you my dear.

I just wish this didn't weigh on your conscious so much.

Please accept this long distance cyber hug and start feeling better.

((((((INARI))))))

It's just like some guys wanting to put verbally down providers during a session. Some providers can handle it, some can't. I personally find it offensive. I do like dirty talk, but denigration is one aspect that does not turn me on.

I feel EVERYONE deserves respect and respectful talk

I don't think that a hobby visit is am appropriate time or place to inflict one's opinion on another.  IMO, agreeing with above posters, you should just refuse to see him again.  You are not obligated to tell him why.  The easiest way is to just ignore any calls, texts, emails, or PM's you get from him.

LLAP,
Swim

I work with some people that are negative nannies, never happy always complaining. Or the the ones that just want to gossip. I say hi to them but don't engage in their nonsense. Simple hello, have a good day and gotta go. I wouldn't put up with what you went through if you feel that strong about it.  

He missed the "erotic conquistadora" reference on your website. But seriously, if nothing else, this hobby is all about personal preference. If this is weighing on you, then you should be unavailable the next time he comes a calling.

Life is too short to hang with folks that make you uncomfortable.

BTW - you are one beautiful Latina

END OF MESSAGE

If I were visiting an escort and she started throwing racial epithets or even political positions I didn't like, I'd probably tell her I thought she was full of shit and leave.  That would pretty much be it.  Why would it be different on the other end?

This business is transactional, not the customer is always right sort of shit.  

Good luck.

If he would be that rude, not knowing your heritage on the first date, you can expect more of the same on a 2nd one.

The fastest way to get jaded in this biz is to spend time with someone who made you uncomfortable in any way on your first date with him, IMO.

Just my 2 cents...

Steph

Personally I would not see him again.  If someone went off into hate speech with me I probably would have done the same thing you did, changed the subject.  But if he tried to book again I would simply tell him the truth, that his comments on immigrants were offensive to you.  Maybe he won't like that, and maybe he'll tell people, but so what?  It's the truth.  

I mean, I don't think acceptance has to involve having sex with someone who insults you and your parents, you know?  It's perfectly fair to decline to see him.  Who knows, maybe it will get him to reconsider his views.

For me personally, as a hobbyist, I know that chemistry is a critical element for a fulfilling sexual encounter. The big head and the little head work in conjunction with each other. When I feel a genuine connection, I perform much better and enjoy it more.

In every industry, a service provider's rating should based on " did he/she get the job done satisfactorily? Has the faucet stopped leaking? Is my computer now virus free?  In the hobby world, i measure success on the basis of did I enjoy the encounter and am I leaving the date with a smile, feeling good about myself. My answer would be a resounding no if I didn't like something about my partner's personality .... and I would not repeat.
I am also a service provider - in a very different industry. I don't have to like my clients although its nice when I do and easier for me to serve them wholeheartedly when I enjoy working with them. However, I think that if I were a service provider in the hobby world, I would also include liking my client and his personality as one of the criteria of whether I chose to see him at all ( based on emails, phone calls, M&G  etc) or whether I would want to see him again.  
How important is liking your partner as a measure of your satisfaction in the service that you are providing? If it plays any significant role at all, you should not see this guy again. Of you simply see yourself as a physical vessel with the right anatomy to satisfy guy's desires, then there's no reason why you shouldn't.  
Bottom line - it really depends on how you view yourself and the "service" that you are "providing".  
Good luc

I take it the words were, vulgar, pejorative, racist, offensive and insulting.

IMO there is no place for people like that, not only in the hobby but in society.

You are not thin-skinned for being subjected to that sort of unprovoked and unwarranted verbal assault.
It is unfortunate but there are dipwads like him.

You have I'm sure figured out by now my advice/suggestion is to not see the DIPWAD again.

 
Thank You
2015 = 28

Your website describes you as an Exotic Conquistadora.  He was probably baiting you, and he could be dangerous Fuck him, don't waste any more time with his racist ass.

In light of all the reasonable advise you all have given, it seems silly now that I should ever have doubted my instincts to avoid seeing him in the future. Again, thank you all!!!

He just sounds like one of those Archie Bunker types whose narrow mind will never widen.  

I agree with the consensus that if it bothers her enough to post about it here, she should most definitely kick him to the curb.

There are a lot of racists, bigots out there. This is unlikely to be a one time occurrence, but that doesn't mean that you have to simply "put up with it"