yes, i'm a real newbie here.   been trying to contact some girls but references are always requested.  how does one get started?

In addition to the ideas in Sinful's link, you can ask the lady out for a Meet & Greet. You will have to pay something for her time, but it helps to break the ice. You meet the lady for lunch/dinner/coffee and she gets to know you. The theory is the LE would not go to that effort (or try to justify using taxpayer money to pay for a legal date).

There is one lady I saw where a M&G was mandatory, but she also did it for free.

FYI: Don't talk about sex at the M&G.

The most important thing to understand as you get started is that a provider is a 1000 times more nervous and apprehensive about meeting a perspective new client than the hobbyist is about meeting a provider. The lady is about to invite a complete stranger into her home/hotel room for conversation (we'll assume you are visiting her) knowing NOTHING about him. A provider is only concerned about her safety and that the hobbyist will be professional throughout the entire process. We don’t need to spell out some of the potential problems that could bestow her.

To that end, screening new clients becomes the most important element in the ladies overall safety and security. Having a reference from another provider will at least give the provider some peace of mind that you are a sane normal guy, who shows up on time, who knows how to act and will not cause the lady any harm/problems before, during or after the session. A provider is NOT trying to be difficult by requiring references. She is just trying to be safe.

Now, everyone is a newbie once. Okay, you do not have any references. First, you could provide a lady with your work number. She will discreetly call your office and talk to you directly. This will insure the lady that you are employed (have money to provide the gift) and not employed by law enforcement. Second, you could see an agency girl as the agency tends to be more lax in their screening requirements. The agency may just ask your age, and what you do for a living (the ladies employed here, rightly or wrongly, presume that the agency has screened the clients beforehand.) Third, although not recommended, you could venture away from TER to Craig's List/City Vibe. Here you are more apt to find high volume providers who are more concerned with the cash than they are about screening new clients. Be careful with these ladies as there is more of a chance for an LE sting or a rip off (i.e. she takes your money without really giving you what you want). Besides, seeing one of these high volume ladies will not necessarily provide you with the future reference (they may have no idea who you are) you desire.

If you find a lady you want to see and she requires a reference, talk to her and tell her you are a brand new hobbyist and do not have a provider reference. If she will not accept work verification (by the way, I have never had a provider who did not) and refuses to meet you in public for an introduction (to see that you are sane), then you have to move on. Each provider requires different methods of verification (they each do what they feel is necessary to be safe). Eventually, I am confident you will find a lady that you are able to see for the first time. Good luck.  

Thank you Hardy for saying it so well. Couldn't have put it better myself.

I would suggest getting vip so you get a real idea of what goes on so you can balance out the nerves you will have. After the first it will be more comfortable so I would pick 10 and from those at least 2 will be easier to deal with.

I'm another newbie on here. And this is something that I'm trying to figure out as well.

I understand both her and I are being cautious, but don't really see how providing a "work number" and other personal info is going to make her safe. If LE is setting up a sting, wouldn't they have a phone number setup with someone at the other end to say all the right things?

I guess the gainfully employed aspect is something I had not thought about before, so I now understand the feel good part of "what's your work number", but again I can see LE working around that easily.

A reference from another provider makes the most sense to me, but if you're starting at ground zero that is of course a problem.  

I think the sane part can be taken care of by meeting in public. I'm surprised more providers don't offer that or even offer it for free.

thx for the feedback

thx for the thread

thx for the info.  everyone here is being very helpful.  fyi, i have found someone although she is not in this group.  would i be able to use references from her to meet others?  thanks

First ask her, she may not give out references. Then when you are looking for a new treat, ask the new girl if she accepts references from girls not on TER.

b-

Hardy nailed it figuratively speaking.

Approach the initial contact from the ladies eyes and not your own.

You will need to set a level of trust by giving the lady work info etc, they do know how to be discrete and check you out at the same time.

If you cant trust her why should she trust you?

Sorry but I have to disagree with your last point.  While sometimes this does happen, I don't think it's "sane" for people who are attempting to be discreet to meet in public.  If I wasn't traveling when hobbying and instead was hobbying in my home town I'd avoid being seen in public entirely with a provider or potential provider because I don't want there to be any questions.   Also, if providers offered to meet in public for free just for pre-screening, that's all they would ever do is be meeting for coffee to determine if they are going to be meeting for real.   Not practical, nor a true indication of whether the potential client is safe.  Who's to say LE can't show up for coffee?

-- Modified on 12/7/2007 11:02:25 AM