So, I am thinking about taking the plunge and hiring a provider (that's the right lingo right?) in Paris, France.  

I have been married ten years and just have this itch to go out and fuck someone else.  I still love my wife incredibly but just want to try something (read someone) different for a change - hopefully someone who will let me do all the things I have wanted to do with my wife but she wouldn't let me

I tried signing up for these dating sites and all sorts of adult friend finder style places but they all just end in the same routine - nothing, nada, zilch.  Plus, they seem to be a little to high-visibility for me.

Anyone else taken the decision mid-life to essentially pay to cheat on your spouse?  How do you live with the decision?  Does it haunt you, worry you or is it something that you find easy enough to reconcile?

My only worries are guilt.  The rest of it seems like a blast.  

Any advice for a first-timer would be much appreciated.



-- Modified on 11/9/2011 7:42:39 AM

in the bedroom Books, toys  better higene, dates, presents, being a better lover, going out of your way to make her feel special.  Try everything while trying to work her into more openness about what you want and how you feel.  I would even suggest counciling. If after 6 months or a year if you have not made any headway.  Make the decision that you will be 1 of the following.
1).  frustrated.
2).  divorced as you are not sexually compatable.
3). a cheating piece of shit that did not have the balls to divorce her or live by her rules who pays for sex with prostitutes.
those are your choices as I see them.
Just so you know My choice was #3 and I do regret it.  2 would have been the right answer for me.
I just hated the idea of 1.

No guilt here.

Do your research on how to hide everything and your worry (fear of being caught) will be minimal

Like you, i started to wonder about other women 4 years ago.  I married my high school sweetheart, have 2 kids, and have a great relationship (married over 15 years)- but needed something more.  In fact, I posted the following thread when the "Love Goddess" was active and her response helped (see link below on love goddess).

It was not a question of not having a satisfactory sex life (in fact it is great), but more the curiosity of feeling another woman's touch, the sense of feeling sexy or sexual towards a different woman, and the feeling of being desired.  The intimate moments I share with my wife is very different with the ones I experience with Providers because I am truly in love with her.

I have been with 11 providers in the last 4 years.   After the visits, I do go through a sense of guilt- but I don't regret the experiences I have shared with the lovely ladies.   I can leave my wife and live the care fee life,  but I am truly in love with her and cannot imagine my world without her. My time with providers fills my physiological need to feel desire and passion from other women.  Strictly selfish, stupid and illogical- and it might even seem shallow, but my hobbying has helped me feel like a whole person - not just a husband and provider to the family.

I wish you luck....If you do cross the line, prepare- hobby phone is a must and a VIP membership to TER.

I don't get married because I get bored with a woman after having her more than five times and I am successful in my line of work and am too busy for a wife and children, or even a girlfriend.

In my view, Marty gave you some sound advice. Share the homework with you wife so that she is not worn out at the end of the day. Send the children off to granny at special times. Make sure that your oral and body hygiene is perfect, even shower with your wife to get hers in the same spot if there is a concern. When sex starts, go slow, kiss around her body and work slowly to the spots that you would love to engage her on, but are getting rebuffed. Take it slow and see whether she work into the mood to allow you to try new sex moves.

It is entirely possible that your wife has either lost interest in sex or lost interest in sex with you. Your efforts above will highlight where she is at. If she has lost interest, look for and book a top rated provider and start hobbying. You would have given your wife ample chance to be the only woman that you have sex with. If you do end up with a provider and have tried made a full, honest effort to get your wife to give you the sex that you need, don't feel guilty.

Does anyone know of or have wives that know they have seen escorts?

Personally because I work as a escort I do see things completely different from before my days as an escort. I may not want my husband (i'm not married) telling me he sees escorts but I would prefer him to see escorts and pay for it and have those physical desires or the need to sleep with someone else done with escorts but its crossing over to emotionally being involved with another woman is worse to me than having sex with someone else. I feel if a husband partner is paying to see an escort is different from him having an affair.

Some people say what you don't know can't hurt its true

I've not visited a provider in the US, yet, but when I spent a few months in Australia (where the oldest profession is legal... well, *more* legal), I visited a few brothels. At that time I had been with my girlfriend (now wife) for a few years.

I've never considered it cheating. And if I ever summon up the courage to visit with a provider in the US, it won't be any different.

The reason is, I don't consider masturbation cheating and this, in my eyes, is no different. You're not pursuing any sort of relationship with the provider. She is providing a service, nothing more. Do you feel guilty about what you do with your right hand? Or that Fleshlight?

Treat the ladies with respect and courtesy. Be considerate and kind. Don't take advantage or be an asshole. Appreciate what they are doing for you, but remember, they're doing it because you've compensated them.

If you don't think you can honestly maintain that internal categorization, that emotional separation, then perhaps hobbying isn't for you. But just like you should be honest with your wife about your needs and wants in the bedroom, you need to be honest with yourself about your ability to keep something like this professional. Do you fall in love with the dancers at a strip club? Probably not a good idea to pursue this hobby.

Got married at 24 and had only been with my wife. I used to look at provider ads but resisted them as I too was worried about the guilt and getting caught. Then I found out that my wife had beaten me to the punch - she cheated on me. After that I saw a few escorts but found that I didn't "click" with them and the sex was not satisfying  - it felt empty (I must admit none of them were full GFE).

I later discovered the term FBSM (Full Body Sensual Massage), gave it a try and loved it. I get to lie down for an hour or more while a beautiful girl massages me and in the end she gives me a good hand job while I rub and play with her enticing assets. The only problem for me is that most of the FBSM girls will not do FS - ever.

As for my marriage, we still have sex once or twice a week although sometimes its hard when I have had a massage during the afternoon and the SO is gagging for it in the evening. I have some days when I have been unable to rise to the occasion. I however have no guilt whatsoever though - and if my wife ever does find it then so be it.