They can't really "verify" you through TER - they can see how long you've been a member, check your reviews, check your discussion board posting history... how do they know it's really you? Well, you'd have to send them a PM, or post something agreed upon on a discussion board, I suppose.

...it does however have a thing called white list that a provider can give you after she has seen you. It is a way of her letting other ladies know you were ok, no problem etc. Some providers use it as a part, emphasis on Part,  of their screening. Some don't pay any attention to it at all and aren't interested in how many "white listings" you have.

If you give someone your handle about the only way to be sure it's really you is to PM her here on TER and mention something that you and she discussed. She will see that the PM comes from the handle you gave her. Even then it's not fool proof.  You could have let someone else use your info.

Providers have their methods of verifying you. They want to be sure you aren't LE, that you won't cause a problem by crossing their boundaries, and won't attempt to rob or harm them.

If the provider you are trying to see isn't a member of TER it won't be much use to her or you. Though once you see her you could write a review and she could join (she doesn't have to have a review in order to join) which would be advantageous to both of you.

I wrote a lot of extra trying to give you as much info as possible. If some of it was unnecessary my apologies.

One more thing read the Self-Help Center. Click on the link at the upper right of most discussion boards under the red and white life preserver. It's an excellent place to see how TER works. Also read on your regional discussion board.