I learn from my provider this week that she's had sex with a number of guys for free, some just casual acquitances. While I'm not judging her choices, I can't but feel a little cheated because I'm a decent looking guy and yet I have been paying her for something she willingly gives out for free to other people. Have any of you ever experience this, and how should I view this. My question DOESN'T stem from any personal attachment to her, but more that I have been paying good money, even to the extent of giving up other luxuries in life. I'm just frustrated that she is charging me and not others

There is a lot more to one's choices on who to have sex with than a "decent looking guy"- like chemistry!  What turns her on and causes her to give it away is strictly her business- her only mistake was telling you she has done that.

If I sold tires for a living and decided to give a set away for free for whatever reason- a hard luck case, a hot looking chick whose pants I hoped to get in to, whatever, would that mean I should also give a set to you?

Wow- get over it or move on to a different provider.

You thing that an escort doesn't have a guy or guys that she likes to have sex with?  Why not?  Everyone has a professional life and a private life.  Get over it dude.

Honestly, you can't be naive enough to think that every guy this lady sleeps with is a customer...can you?
You need to re-examine why you are hobbying and get a clue as to why some women provide and others don't.

You can tell now how much she truly values her "business" her "assetts".  She nonchallantly admitted to you, for whatever strange reason, that she just gave her pussy away many times. The only reason you're paying for it is because you have been willing to pay for it.
If I went to purchase a beautiful piece of jewelry, so unique that it took my breath away and I was willing to pay any price for it.  I would be mortified if the jeweler told me that he had so many of them that he actually gave three of them away just this week.
No way in hell would I pay a dime for that piece now.  The jeweler just admitted (and he's the expert) that they have no value.  What I thought was priceless turns out to be garbage.  Why would I even want it for free now?
Her telling you that she has lots of sex for free was not a personal jab at you or your looks, it was a confession on her part about how little she values her "wares."
She can sleep with whom ever she wishes, charge what ever she wants, & talk about it all she wants to.  But Now you have the choice.  
If I were you I would walk away.  Those guys that are getting the pussy for free.... are they really getting something of value?  Did they really win some prize?  
And are you really just paying for sex????  Like Boston said, re-think why you are hobbying and if I were you I would find a more discreet provider.

...( I believe it was florafaun but not sure) a quote "Men do not pay providers for sex, men pay providers for sex and then to go away."  My take on this is that the hobby is about playing without the commitment for either. I think it is a view to remember so as not to forget it is biz transaction,not a relationship for either party...just my 2cents

I have a long standing, close friendship with an extremely successful provider who has not had a "boyfriend" in fifteen years, has never been married(and cannot see any profit in it for either party), and feels any provider who gives it for free to anyone is a total IDIOT.

 Judging by the many providers I've met who commonly and unsuccessfully try to juggle a BF/SO along with their profession, then ultimately end up failing at both; I've come to respect the wisdom of my friend's mercenary mind set.

Letting this bother you may start to eat away at you.  This is not healthy on a hobbying level, nor on a personal level.  Some guys are always getting a better deal on a new car.  Accepting it and moving on is best.  

Just remember, there is no such thing as free sex.  You've been paying cash.  Those dating have been using a different currency.  Certainly there is other baggage that comes with having "free sex" with this provider.  If you have no personal attachment to her, you may not want that other baggage.  As mentioned, you are paying her to go away.  It may be a bargain  

If you think it might be easier (less costly??) to hang out in bars and pick up women, give it a shot for a while.  If all you are looking for is sex, I would predict you'll be back with providers soon enough.

Oh, and I have never experienced this, though I would believe that all providers I visit have outside partners.  The smart ones are unlikely to mix business and their personal life however.


-- Modified on 10/20/2007 7:09:56 AM

I think moorepassion's comment best echoes my sentiment. I'm frustrated that I have been paying good money for her, while other people get it for free. Like I said, she admitted giving away her pussy even to mere acquitances, which I don't see how there could be "chemistry" that goldenbear22 is saying. I've never placed a high value on "personal baggage" in my relationships, and have learn to let them slide off my back, so the argument for paying to have escorts leave doesn't make sense with me. My only justification for paying is to have sex. But now I learn, it could be had for free

Hi jt,
This is an interesting question you're posing, and I'm responding to it from the perspective of a new provider, still in the stage of learning the ropes and dealing with all these issues for myself. (I'd actually be curious to hear other providers' opinions as well.) I am having a hard time imagining why she would choose to share this information with you. It seems to blur the line between the personal and the professional, and once the info is out there I can see how you'd be left feeling a little cheated that you have to pay for something that it is possible to get for free.

In terms of a provider's life style now: Personally, to keep things simple, I am choosing not to date or be in a relationship at this time. So from your perspective I am not "giving it away for free." However, at some point in the future I may make a different choice. I would be discreet about it with my clients, but I would not look at it as "giving sex away for free" either. It would simply be having sex in a different context -- that of "dating," or "being in a relationship."

So here's where your post gave me pause. I am not surprised or upset that my clients may have romantic relationships with other women, while they are "just" seeing me to have sex. After all, that's what has them come to me, so they can feel free to enjoy themselves without worrying about any of that dating and mating stuff. It hadn't occurred to me that any of them would be surprised or upset that, in addition to seeing other clients, I may also be (gasp) having sex in my civilian life. In your view, by entering this profession, am I taking a "reverse vow of chastity?" "I will only have sex for money?"

Again, I can totally understand your reaction that what you are paying for now appears cheapened by the information that came to light. But would you honestly be willing to do whatever it took those guys to get her in the sack? Just some hypothetical scenarios: Listening to her talk about her sick dog? Graciously putting up with her moods when she's having a PMS'y day? Having her sleep over and cooking her breakfast the next morning?

A few other people in this thread mentioned that hobbyists are not paying providers for sex per se, but rather to leave afterwards. Yes, in one way, it's a joke. But consider that maybe *that's* what you're paying for that those other guys aren't getting for free...

Just this girl's 2 cents' worth. Hope this hasn't offended you in any way.

Hugs,
Amanda

-- Modified on 10/20/2007 10:32:51 AM

I would never be that naive to think that, but to know she gives it away regularly for free to people who she met at a bar the night before just frustrates me. I pay money for the goods, they didn't.

If I was 28, I might have a chance.  Doesn't bother me a bit.

Are you really claiming that just because someone gives something away for free that it is now, by definition, worthless? I've written a few books, and always give one to my parents...and guess what, I don't charge them any money for it. Are my books worthless because of that? Does that somehow ruin your experience in reading my book if you had paid for it? One provider I saw is married -- while she didn't tell me specifically, I would assume she does not charge her hubby for sex. What does that have to do with my session with her? Nothing. And if she weren't married, but only dating him...same thing. And is she were not dating him, but saw him for a one night stand....who cares? The value I place on a product or service is independent of the price anyone else would pay for it.

I'm not saying that the product goes down in value because you gave it away.  I'm saying that it goes down in value TO ME (!!!!) if you TELL ME (!!!!) that you gave it away to many people. Why would I pay you for it then?  If you want me to pay for your valuable item.. don't tell me that you've been giving it away to others for free.   Do you understand the difference?

At least he knows that she genuinely likes sex. which would you rather have? a woman who only has sex for money, who probably doesn't enjoy it, or a woman who enjoys sex so much that she acually has a "civvie" sex life?

Thank you Amanda for your prospective. Let me be very clear, I'm not frustrated she's having sex in her private life. In fact, she has a b/f. My frustration is she seems to be indescriminatingly giving away her goods to other guys for free. She has told me about her one night escapades, which really annoys me because I've been paying for it. I don't think these guys are having to put up with the things you mentioned (listening to her talk, putting up with her mood swings..etc). They are one-nighters.

In terms of why she confided in me with this information, I don't know the exact reason other than she is having trouble with the b/f and I was there to talk about it. Maybe I'm a safe bet this information will not travel back to him

I truly hope that you have not "just" found out that you can get pussy for free.

I know that saying that we pay providers to leave is a cute line,but it's only partially accurate though. We also pay for "on demand" sex, no romance, no foreplay neccesary. We get what we want on our own terms.

I can only speak for myself, I love to hobby, but sometimes I too want more than just a roll in the sack. I kind of feel sorry for guys whose only sex comes from hobbying, sometimes it's nice to "connect" with another person. I hobby to augment my "normal" sex life, not to replace it.

I think I look at sex in different catagories..  I have sex with clients because the session that they are paying for leads to passion, heat, two bodies combusting into a neccessary release..  I get the payment, they get peace of mind knowing that I will not be sneaking around outside their homes crying about how I thought they loved me..  (exagerated premise, of course.. but you get the picture)  They also have the peace of mind knowing that I'm safe, that I'm not going to get pregnant, that I'm not going to pass along any disease.   They have a pretty good indication, if the read my reviews, of what the session is going to be like.  
I am guessing that I might have sex with a bf if I ever found a man I was compatable with but that would be because I cared for him and he cared for me, the sex would happen if we were progressing into a committed relationship of shared respect for eachother.  ( at which point I would have to stop providing .. for me personally it's a choice I would make if I wanted a real relationship)
Then there are other categories, other reasons that women have sex.  Having sex simply because they're horny.  As a provider I have learned that a little self discipline and a nice dildo go a long way to keep me satisfied and "saved" for my "business".  I think this way because I am proud of what I offer.  I value my business and I want to be fresh and energetic for my clients.  I value my clients.
Some women have sex because their self esteem is so low that it's the only way they can get attention or they have used it in the past to trap someone into at least having a quazy "relationship" with them.  
I went through that stage of promiscuity when I was in college and learned how dangerous it was for the health of my psyche and spirit.  For me personally, I value the energy that comes up in any sexual exchange and understand that this energy is very powerful.  I try to use it wisely and with positive intention.  I see how valuable my sessions are and how wonderful my clients feel when we part ways.  I also feel wonderful after these sessions.  My spirit feels alive and I know I have participated in an equal exchange.  I also know what to do with my emotions during and after these sessions.
All of this to say...  that you can tell when someone feels good about what they are doing, you can tell the "professionals" from the ...  not so professional...
And a professional will never tell a client that they give their pussy away for free to many passing acquaintances.  They might be having lot's of sex for free... but they won't tell their customers... if they value their customers.

in their personal life.  This doesn't surprise me one bit.  If it bothers you, then I think you need to look at yourself and evaluate if the hobby is right for you.

I also think it was not professional of her to tell you and also not a great business decision.  But, to each their own, she can market herself however she wants.  Most times I think it's best for the girls to share as little as possible.

I don't understand what that guy's problem is.

Aren't we entitled to have a sex life OUTSIDE of the business?

I don't consider having sex outside of the business "free."

I keep the personal aspect separate from the business aspect.

lol, one of my fav's posted on the board about being picked up at the beach!  Kind of a turn on for me.....she was picked up by another woman!  And she even shared the long version with me next visit!  ..Oh to be young again........

-- Modified on 10/20/2007 11:01:11 AM

You arranged to meet a specific lady at a specific time, no strings, no questions, no appearance or performance requirements.  That is what the hobby is all about!!!

OK, the lady was indiscreet in mentioning the details of her non-business sexuality.  But you were in no way cheated.  What, and who with, is your business only when you are paying for her time.

Of course you could have met the same lady for free, provided:

1) You happened to be at the same place she was.
2) The two of you were there on the same day, at the same time.
3) You met her standards of desirability.

The hobby is what it is, and life is what it is.

jazz32

Why should your value depend at all on what somebody else pays (or doesn't pay). Put it the other way...suppose you had a bad time, and decided the provider was not worth the regular fee so you won't see her again. You then learn that others have paid more for her services. Do you suddenly decide your time with her was better and her services more valuable to you then they were before?

Go to THAT bar, buy her drinks and fuck her silly if ...

She finds you attractive. If not meet up with your good friend Rosie Palm. She ALWAYS gives it away for free. LMAO (Don't forget the tissues and vaseline!) ROTFLMAO

OH Jeeeeeeeeez---- I have side stickers from laughing.

-- Modified on 10/20/2007 2:18:52 PM

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhsh . . . It was . . . . . .

Tori of Atlanta but don't tell anyone. Let it be our little secret. lol

what she is really doing unless she has been more explicit with you than I would believe. Or maybe you have been spying/stalking her. (I hope not.)But is't beginning to sound like that. Have you thought about talking to someone about this? I mean a professional. Might do you good.

Look at the general tone and tenor of the responses to your main thread. Could everyone be wrong and only jt2010 is right? I hardly think so. jt, this is NOT meant to be mean but you really need to let it go. Get some help if you can.

Because she is a provider who has intimate exchanges for business, does not mean that she may not have other needs that are not met by the hobby.  It may be something as simple as having a date pick her up at her home, knowing her 'real' name, calling her non-business phone.  Something she is not likely to share with a client.  A desire for normal dating.

There are many providers who are married and/or have siginificant others.  Obviously they do not charge these individuals.

I'd leave it alone and just understand that its not anything "against you."  Perhaps had she met you in different circumstances, she would have chosen you as a intimate partner.  However, that is not the case and what is done, cannot be undone.

Just be happy that she is getting her other needs met.  Providers who do not have social lives outside the hobby generally are personally unfulfilled and may leave the hobby to pursue "real life."  Then she would not be available to you in any sense.

Just my .02 cents.

SINfully sinthia

But I still don't see the point of your argument. You booked an appointment with a provider. You are her customer. If you had met her in a bar and made an impression you might be getting laid for free but you didn't.  If you want free sex go out and look for it.

It's not a matter of you having to pay for what you could have gotten for free because you don;t know that you would have gotten it for free.

You happened not to have met her in a civvie setting, so you didn't get what those guys did.   Even if you had, how do you know she would have gone with you anyway?  She might have turned you down flat.  It's a gamble.

OTOH, in the hobby, you call, you meet the basic requirements, guaranteed encounter.

You can try bar-hopping and see how your luck goes.  You can put out a lot of effort and get lucky maybe once in a while, or you can make a phone call, or e-mail, and make it happen right away.

She should not have told you what she did.  It's unprofessional.  If I offer my professional skills for free to one of my clients, I don't tell other ones about it.  It can create an appearance of favoritism, even if it's justified.

A provider is a "person" just like everyone else is.  Just because she does this for a living does not mean she is a robot and cant have a normal "sex life" outside the hobby.

We all have wants, we all have needs.  

Amanda, You bring a very good perspective to this board.  You seem to be very mature re. the "business" and will go far.  If I were on the left coast, I would be giving your assistant a call.  Your pics are very good and your one review speaks well of your abilities (wink wink).  Good luck!

Thank you, kind sir! Make sure to let me know if you are ever in Southern Cal... Perhaps I should consider touring?

First- if you are: Of the impression you are compensating this woman for an unbelievably earth shaking sexual experience ...then, you are setting yourself and the provider up for disappointment.

Providers are compensated for the behaviors they provide in the time agreed upon by both her and her client and then to keep what happens behind the bedroom door protected.......have you ever paid a photographer to take a professional photo?

Let me share a story with you:
I have a photographer that is paid for the professional images that he either composes for his lens or for an image that he captures at a specific time to shed the best light on that specific subject. Can you imagine how upset I was when I learned he charges me to look through that lens and capture my image on a media to maintain it...-BUT-... he actually looks through that lens at "OTHER" people without charging them !!! I, like you, felt robbed and was frustrated that he didn't preserve the images of me for free! I mean, I have great boobs and a terrific smile..... where the hell does he get off charging me to have the privilege of preserving my image on his media? (*ok, hopefully you get the just of what is being implied here*)

Professionals aren't being compensated by you for the "exclusive" use of their behavior.

Professionals are just as much of a human being as everyone else in society. Did it occur to you that because her business is sex she might be good at it and she might actually enjoy it..... if her personal life involves having sex, I just think that should be expected and understood.

Everyone remembers their early years in school (*well, at least 60% of society can remember that far back *LOL*) ....anyway, remember the first time you saw your kindergarten teacher at the grocery store or at the shopping mall? You just couldn't believe she actually shopped for groceries and went to the mall just like everyone else. Of course after you matured and had a few more life experiences you understood that this kindergarten teacher was in fact just like everyone else... she shopped, she cooked meals and yes, she even had sex. While being new to the hobby might have afforded you the opportunity to experience the euphoric state of being caught up into the fantasy world that this provider (*no doubt*) has worked hard to create. You will eventually understand that she is actually a real person who has a real life. She eats, sleeps, shops and lives like every other person in society..... really it's true- She does more than perform sex!

Keep in mind:
>>She is stopping her life to entertain you. (*this includes devoting time to all of the communication involved in arranging the encounter and all of the time invested in that*)

>>She is scheduling the events of her life around being conveniently available for you.

>>She has taken the time to seek out a location that is safe for you to meet her (*this includes such a long list of time involved behavior that many would bore if I even started listing it*)

>>She has furnished this location with all of the amenities needed to make your visit a memorable time (*this includes neighbors, furnishings, the physical structure, etc, etc, etc*)

If it is easier for you to logic her compensation just try to remember everything she has invested to give you the encounter you are enjoying. If you still can't justify it then, by all means..... go to a bar next Friday or Saturday night and pick up some woman and take her to have sex.

Of course...... you will need a place to take her to so please make sure you get reservations at a local hotel in advance so you are certain you will have a room to take her to. When making that reservation you might have the luck to find a safe, clean location at a discount using a website that caters to this... but, if you don't have the time to do that and the ability to search hotel rooms online then maybe that is out of the question for you- either way this will probably cost you about $100 or $150.

If you have elected not to take this strange woman (*that you know nothing about*) to a hotel but consider taking her to your home.... in the name of economics, you might want to "pilfer proof" your home before you head out to the bar. You know all of those little things laying around that might be valuable, gheez, if she takes just your "ratty" watch alone that would probably cost $100 or so to replace. Come to think of it... taking her to your house might not be that great of an idea anyway....just thinking of everything that could go wrong might inhibit your erection or at best curb your ability to throw all cautions to the wind.

......I'm sure I could go on but why should I? You probably get the picture now:

**Professionals in this business afford you the opportunity to enjoy yourself in an unattached encounter that you can have confidence in walking away from.

**With the professional taking all of the risk factors into consideration and protecting you I believe she has more than earned the donation that you leave her. If you don't feel this way then maybe you should consider what the possible ramifications to your lifestyle and your livelihood would be if someone had an encounter with you (*such as Miss Friday Night bar pickup*) and all of the nightmares that could be associated with just one mis-calculated incident.

Hopefully, even as a newbie.....some will take a minute or two just to consider everything they are gaining by the small donation they leave the provider they spend time with. Happy hobbying.....  kisses ~T

I knew Bill Clinton said it, but I kinda figured he wasn't the first.

Really this saying's been around (in some form or another) probably as long as the profession itself.  Attributing it to anyone is a joke.

Almost as funny as the joke that this thread's originator posted.  I mean, he was joking right?  I mean, he can't be serious can he?  What!!!???   A provider decided to have sex with someone of her choosing for FREE!!??!!  The nerve!!  Honestly, finding that out would endear me to her more than upset me.  It would reaffirm that she's a person and not a product.  Plus, the fact that she's opened up about her personal life in that way, might mean that she values you in a way that not every client is on par with you.

Do you have an incall location?  I know, I should have looked this up on your web site.

Who'd of thunk it?

Kudos to jt for bring it up and continuing to press on in the face of overwhelming oddities, but tryger said it best:

There is no free sex.

Whether paid for in cash, time, energy, emotions, blood, sweat or tears; the immutable laws of karmic retribution apply just as surely as they do to any other event of our lives.

Having paid for sex by a variety of ways, I can definately state with assurance that the hobby is the most economical.

A quote from Ambrose Bierce seems apt:

One of his definitions of a cynic is: "A person who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing."

A very interesting thread that we should all take pride in.

It's sure given me some things to ponder.

Tori has succinctly summed up your situation.  Get over it or start cruising bars looking for drunken freebies!  OR take a good long hard look in the mirror and see if you "measure up" and would qualify for a freebie.  It could be that she just likes to talk dirty and is making up the stories to keep you excited - if they are graphic enough.  In any case you need to deal with it or find a less loquacious provider!