So, I received a call today from  a "tantric provider" looking for a reference on someone I've never heard of.
Isn't letting someone know that you've given their name & number to ANYONE else the courteous thing to do??  Also, should I be concerned that I've never heard of the person she was calling about??

Yes it is common courtesy to let someone know if you are using them as a reference, but obviously not everyone does. I always ask a lady if I can use her for a reference ahead of time, then I usually let her know that I did use her, and to whom, so she should be expecting a contact from a specific person. With P411 and such lately, references have hardly been necessary for me.

I wouldn't be surprised if the person using your name, never saw you and jsut pulled some names out figuring the new lady wasn't going to check. On the other hand if it was someone who legitimately saw you, he should have contacted you to let you know he was using you, and at least jogged your memory to see if you even remembered him.

-- Modified on 12/13/2012 11:34:02 AM

Update:   She was able to offer additional info which clarified that I did indeed know the gentlemen (whew!) Interesting point about some guys using random providers as references assuming things will never be checked out...I wondered if anyone would be ballsy enough to do such a thing!

Thanks for the info & my apologies for not placing this on the appropriate "newbie" board however, I feel it is suited well on either board.

Yes there are guys "ballsy" enough to give phony references, but there are also providers who say they have "great reviews" who either have poor reviews or none at all. The assumption is the other person won't check.

This is why it is so important for you to actually check references, or if you are the one giving the reference to be honest, if you haven't seen him or don't remember. Stay safe!

In this case it worked out but it would have been easier had he just let you know ahead of time he was using you, right? But as you now know, obviously it isn't always the case.

As for what board to post on, obviously admin agreed with beenstrokin, since they moved the post. And this is a good newbie topic, but IMO it would have probably been ok on the general board also, as it is a general topic. Not sure if that's where you originally posted it, or if it was on some other board.

I always give my references a heads up so they know to expect a call/text/email.

Sometimes clients use fake references of providers they have never seen, and that can be dangerous.

let me run this by you...

Is it safe to  assume a provider, who you used to see but does not want to see you anymore, does  NOT want to give a reference?

want to get out of hand.  Ask her.

Some providers just aren't reference friendly.

The provider who does not want to see you anymore will most likely not want to give you a reference.

Providers generally ask questions such as "is he safe" "will you see him again" "when was the last time you saw him?"
The provider who does not want to see you again will answer "no" for that question and it may ruin your chance with the new provider.

Just general questions for safety. A good deference will never disclose personal details about you.

Too bad everyone can't just be straight with other  and better yet, use caution by actually checking references.

The ad was moved from GD to Newbie. Thanks for all the input...much appreciated

Giving a heads up is how it should be and it's great that you take the time to do it.  

I've been given names as references but when I call them, they never answer, and I cannot leave a message due to full mailbox...such a huge time waster because you have to try a few times but usually in the end, the guy loses out.

even though in this situation there was no major incident  to cause a problem, I can see how the "will you see him again" question could make her feel uneasy.

I would not want to put her in that position so I will  delete her from the record and just move on.

Thanks

Are you saying you don't know who the guy is or the girl? If you've never heard of the guy, he may be lying about seeing you. Tell her, "Look, I may have seen this person but without more information, I cannot provide a ref for him." Make sure SHE has a review history or something that proves she is even an escort, because it could also be a wife fishing for info. I have dealt with this a lot!

A review doesn't guarantee that. I've been trying to get reference info on guys, and ladies DO NOT return emails.
If a lack of reviews is the cause of that....that's not cool.

Same as you would using a reference on a job application.

Which is kinda what you are doing when trying to procure an appointment with a provider.

escort by some means...i.e. website, ads, email and phone number that traces back to your persona, no woman is obligated to tell you a thing about her clients. This is how so many guys get busted because wives and GFs pose as escorts to get information on them.