I saw a provider today and I realized that up until her, I never had a true girl friend experience with any other providers I've seen.  We did a lot of kissing and holding hands that it made it feel so intimate. It made me understand that it's not just sex I'm craving but intimacy.  

So I'm trying to wrap my head around this, because I feel like if I continue to see her things might get complicated.  I'm not afraid of developing feelings for her, but of not loving my wife as much.  

I love my wife,but we don't have a sexual relationship, and no intimacy.  So I don't know what to do.  After seeing this lady today, I know she will be the only I would go to in the future.  The only thing I can think to do is quit this hobby.  Anyone have another solution?

...the GFE you've been craving.  Now get the hell back out there and find others who will give you the same or better GFE.

You're going to quit the hobby because you think you've found a "once in a lifetime" provider?  Many others before you have found a "once in a lifetime" provider and then found others who were even better.  You just have to keep looking.

that she already has her exit strategy. If you become a bother, she will simply stop responding to you. So enjoy it while it lasts. Eventually another one will catch your eye and you will diversify.

Unless of course you're ready to kiss your marriage goodbye. I sense you don't want that.  

I have been in this situation. The way I dealt with it was to keep my relationship with my atf professional. That included seeing other providers... not because I didn't want more time with my atf, but to help avoid any "complications."  We also have a friendship outside the hobby. But that can be tough to manage if you're both unable to separate your professional relationship from your extra-hobby relationship.  

On the upside, the intimacy you get from this provider can actually improve your relationship with your wife... IF you don't make more of P4P than it is.

It sounds to me like you might develop feelings for her. Or, at the very least, you will make emotional demands of her that she might not be able or obligated to meet.

Loyalty is a great thing, and I'm definitely grateful for loyal clients. Some guys find a girl they're comfortable with, and continue to see her over and over again. That's cool. But, most clients who have made some show of ONLY wanting to see me, are telling me that because they are developing feelings for me. I'm not sure what they want to hear, because the statement 'I will ONLY see you, forever!! I would rather jump out my window than see anybody else!' is pretty darn unanswerable when you're a provider. Even a simple 'Thank you' would be far too encouraging for a statement that rings SO many warning bells.

In the situations in which guys have told me that, the 'relationship' fizzled out SUPER quickly. As soon as they realized we were not going to ride off into the sunset (I'm not sure what sunset we'd even ride into, and on what kind of horse), they disappeared. In one case, I told a guy he needed to take a break from seeing me until he figured things out. (When I said 'figure things out', I told him that he was responding to something missing in his own life - not to me, a girl half his age, who he'd known for a grand total of 8 hours spread out over 3 short dates). That was last summer, and I haven't heard from him since. Not one word. (Which to me, makes me feel a bit like his ploy was a bit - or a lot - manipulative. Lots of guys make love declarations try to guilt us into giving them more time, attention, or even freebies).  

Anyway, see other providers, and come back to this girl every once in a while. Keep it professional with her. Express your appreciation for her, but don't ever expect or push for her to be anything but a provider with whom you have a very friendly professional relationship.

Would she give you a second look without the envelope? You understand it is a transfer of cash for access to her body. It's like buying a ticket to a pro football game. You are entitled to the best performance the players can give, but when the game is over, it's over.

If you are afraid of loving your wife less you may consider giving this up. The hobby is a contact sport, people can get hurt playing contact sports.

When (or if) you step back and consider the reality of your experience, it is a business transaction. It's fun, exhilarating and sometimes spectacular but don't lose sight of your real life and people who matter to you.

I started this hobby last November and have a wife I love but with whom sex and intimacy is long gone since she went through menopause. I've been with more than a dozen outcalls and one incall and though a few were rather enjoyable experiences, most weren't worth the time and trouble - except one - a lovely Colombian woman who visited me in January. She was very loving and intimate and made me feel like her boyfriend. In other words, a true GFE on every respect.

I haven't stopped thinking of her since then but was unable to contact her for a couple of months since her agency went belly up. I've seen several providers since January but none ever came in close to "Mariana" aka "Kalina". As soon as I have the opportunity (perhaps this week), I'll see her again and if all goes as well as the first time, I won't call anyone else but will be one of her regulars.  

While I'll get the intimacy and affection and sexual gratification I need, I don't expect it to make me want to upset the status quo with my wife. We've ben married almost 47 years and I don't see me living the rest of my life without her. I don't feel that having the occasional intimacy with someone would change my feelings toward my wife. I do believe that giving up the hobby and giving up Mariana would make me miserable so I intend to keep seeing her until she disappoints me.

I think you need to be realistic: you might think you're madly in love with your girl but the chances of her becoming exclusively yours are pretty slim, so enjoy her while you can and don't think of it as an either-or situation but instead as having your marriage last and having the intimacy you can't get at home

to what?  What you describe does not seem to be a problem, at least not to me.  However it could lead to one---but only if you allow it to.   Keep things in perspective and understand your relationship with this woman.   Then you can fully enjoy your time together and look forward to meetings with her.  

It's kind of like if you've ever gone on an exciting exotic vacation and you rented a fabulous house complete with everything you wish your house had.    You can enjoy the place, have an awesome time, and look forward to going back again and again without having to actually buy the house.  

You have found something special, fulfilling, and somewhat rare.  I would keep seeing her, give things a chance.  Feelings can often change over time anyway.   Look at your situation as not a problem, but as a solution to your lack of intimacy at home.    

Only you can decide if it will have an adverse affect on your relationship at home.   But the human heart has LOTS of room for love, compassion, and understanding.   Don't be at all surprised if, as a result, things get better for you and your wife.

I've had several newbie clients think there is more to it than there is.  They get a self-esteem boost because they feel sexy and desirable with the provider.  They start viewing their wives unfairly.  PLEASE don't compare your wife to a professional provider!  It's so unrealistic.  I'm not trying to be mean, I just would hate for you to make a big mistake as I'm sure many others have before you.  A lot of guys think they have a wife who's just not that sexual.  They start to think they've gotten some kind of a "dud".  The truth is, she's probably perfectly normal.  There are things you can both do to improve your sex life.  Maybe consider seeing a counselor for a few sessions if this is something you'd like to do.  

Or, how about buying a new sex toy and a one-size-fits all lingerie outfit every Saturday for a date with your wife?

I've also had newbies say, "I can tell you really enjoy being with me.  If I'm making you feel so good, why are you charging me"?  Oh yes.  More than once.  Or they ask for a discount.  Because they are confusing the fantasy with reality.

I remind them that they are paying me for this experience.  It's not reality, it's fantasy.  I wouldn't be a very good provider if I didn't make them feel really good

You are PAYING her. She did a great job...JOB.

You are PAYING her to perform an experience. That is what the term GFE stands for, particularly the  the last letter being "E" for EXPERIENCE

END OF MESSAGE

I myself wouldn't necessarily call it "loyalty".    Many of us guys simply get comfortable, accustomed, or a bit attached to certain things.  I know that I do.  It could be a car, a pair of tennis shoes, an old coat, a vacation spot, a sports team......... the list is endless.   When I buy a new car, I like to drive it until it finally just quits.  I've never been one to "trade in" every few years.   Hopefully, if you are married, your wife is also on that list.

So it just makes sense that we may have a favorite provider.  Realizing, of course, that she is simply a "favorite" and us not being obsessed or demanding of her.    

And I don't mean to compare material things to human beings, so forgive me if you get that idea.    It's only about being comfortable, accustomed, or somewhat attached to things.   Also, if we have a limited budget, why not spend it on what you like best

You need physical intimacy, you found a gal who can provide it for a fee, and you are free to continue to live with your wife whom you love.

What am I missing?

If you think the provider is going to ask you to divorce your wife and run off with you, I find that highly unlikely.

.....callers, and they for me, but we both know the limits of our relationship, and continue to thrive.

      Whether a gentleman is a newbie, or an oldie, but goodie, do not begrudge him for finding a terrific lady to share time with.  Not all gentlemen are hobbyists, and many prefer to settle in with one, or two ladies.  No harm; no foul.

Hugs and Kisses,
Kelly

"SOME guys find a girl they're comfortable with, and continue to see her over and over again. That's cool. But, MOST clients who have made some show of ONLY wanting to see me, are telling me that because they are developing feelings for me." Emphasis on SOME and MOST. Most, is what my experience has been.  

If you're one of the clients who can see only one girl and still maintain perspective, then that's great. Some can, and when that happens, it's a wonderful thing.  

I didn't cut off the guy in my example solely because he said he'd see only me, forever. That's just ONE of the things he said, and did. He was actually pretty nice, and was one of the few clients who lived close to me, so I didn't really want to cut him off. He left me no choice. But it all started with the declaration of 'No other provider for me!' and that's also the point at which it really went downhill. I can think of a few other examples, a bit less drastic.

There's also a difference between a guy telling a girl this: 'Hey, I'm glad I found you. I feel comfortable with you, and I feel no need to see anybody else'. As opposed to this: 'Ever since we met, I can't stop thinking about you. I can't imagine ever being with someone else.' OR, 'I'm looking for one girl I can see. I want to be your favorite client, and I want us to have a really special thing. Maybe if I keep bringing up that I'm your regular, you'll be grateful enough to give me discounts and lots of OTC' (I'm offering my interpretation on that, a bit, but that's definitely happened quite a bit).

It's not so much the what as the why

when she either retires, moves away, or dumps you because you have become too clingy.

You always need a plan B. It might be simply that your ATF is going away for a week or more and you need to have some fun.

Keep looking until you find ATF #2.

I'm not a fool to believe that she would develop feelings towards me and want a relationship.  I'm a fool for believing that seeing her on a regular basis is going to make me happy.  I've seen her once, and even though I had an incredible time, it just reminded me that I no longer have any intimacy with my wife and once the session is over and the high wore off I'm left feeling more lonely than before.  To me it feels like a drug.  Once you come down and start feeling bad you want it again.  But once every so often is not enough.  

Like I said, I love my wife very much.  She doesn't know what I do, but I know that even if she did, she would forgive me. I've been thinking a lot about this, and I guess what I'm trying to sort out is whether or not I'm still in love with my wife.  I will always love her no matter what but it's not the same without intimacy.  Even though leaving her is perhaps what others would tell me to do if I'm not happy in our relationship, but to me it's not an option.

Have I told you for the 200th time I love your posts? lol.

Mr Fisher has been through all sorts of things but yet keeps trucking and enjoying what P4P is. Take his advice. Search his posts and go from there.

Just go with the flow.

You may be well correct that your desire for this provider will dissipate over time -  oh horror of horrors - and then what will you do?

Answer:  Find a new gal!

That's really what this game is about, and the gals know it.

I can't blame you for being upset that the relationship you had with your wife is no longer the way it was, but guess what?  All things evolve over time and marriage is no exception.

So, look at the hobby as a way of avoiding the resentment that grows when a wife is no longer offering sex, and enjoy her for the things she is able to offer such as companionship, advice, and the running of the home in whatever way she contributes.

If you are still deeply troubled about this, then I would suggest speaking to a professional therapist with experience in counseling men with your problems.  A call to the local psychotherapist licensing organization in your state should bring some leads.

Or, see your local bar tender, both work  8o)

In any case, I do sincerely hope that you find comfort one way or the other.

If so, then she wants you to be happy. You said that if you told her about seeing providers, she would forgive you. If you're certain of that... tell her!  Explain that you love her and want to be married to her, but lack of intimacy is making you miserable, and that's likely reflected in your relationship with your wife. Ask her if she would be ok with your seeing escorts for the intimacy she won't or can't give you. Promise to be discreet and safe, and set ground rules if she wants to do that.  

It's possible that when she finds out how you feel, she'll open up more on the intimacy front--although I don't know because I don't know why she's not intimate with you. It could also be an opening to getting counseling together, if you haven't tried that yet.

END OF MESSAGE

She could just as well hire a lawyer and sue the poor guy's pants off.

I think it is better to just fix the problem quietly and be safe and discreet.

Otherwise, very very dicey.  

In my case, I'm nearly certain on the opposite reaction. Thus discretion and privacy are the course I must take.

like Mr.Fisher on TER that's for sure.

If she is all you say, she will not want you to become too clingy either.  Have her suggest a friend who she knows well, have her give you a reference with her, and have fun.