Just blowing off a bit of steam here...

I'm a nice guy, a generous, super-clean and very respectful hobbyist. Nothing freaky. I've had good hott fun with some of the ladies here who I think the world of (shout out to Candiegurl!!) and any lady I'm with will tell you that I'm a class act.

So here's the story. I met a young part-timer, an NYU student. Incredible connection..the sex was awesome. We hooked up a few times, had fun in and out of bed. Nothing emotional, just a great arrangement. We really started to like each other..or so I thought.

Two weeks ago she called me and said she was in a bind. Could I advance her several hundred dollars because she had some rent problems. I knew her, she always seemed sincere, and if I like someone, I'd do anything to help. (You know where this is going, don't you..). So I gave her a check for $600, which she cashed the next day.

We made plans to hook up (after which I booked a really nice suite in a topclass midtown hotel--nonrefundable, of course) and of course...no show, no call no nothing. Now she doesn't answer calls to her cell phone. I've left many messages.

I have her drivers license number (from the check). I'm so angry and yes, even hurt, I feel like a jerk having been taken advantage of. I'm so pissed I would even have a P.I. get her home adress and show up demanding my money.

It's not the $600, it's feeling like I've been hustled.

I'm relatively certain other guys here might know her. Should I post her name and pic (I actually have one of her) here as a warning? What do you think I ought to do?

Thanks for listening.

Some one responded with a great answer either here or on National a while back...that when you help a provider out...be prepared not to get the money back,plain and simple(sure..there are exceptions)...cause where there is smoke...many times there is fire....rent problems and God knows what else???

In addition, with that in mind, never give anything more that your wallet/budget can afford.

Its easy to say DON'T ever do it...but one can never say never.
Only you and you alone can answer for the great sex and companionship you had with this provider. As for repurcussions, I would treat it like you just "lost" $$$$$$ in AC and move on.
Just be aware the next time that this shit happens and chalk this time up to experience.

Btw, this is the perfect thread for providers to add their thoughts.

Cheers!....BTW, Cheers to all the heroes who gave the ultimate sacrifice to our great country!



-- Modified on 5/31/2004 6:44:46 AM

consider yourself lucky that it wasn't a lot more, because it easily could have been.  Perhaps I should not be so blunt, but the best thing you can do at this point is to go about your business and FORGET her.  The money is gone, and believe it or not, she will likely get in touch with you at some future point when she needs MORE MONEY.  While your emotions are obviously involved and it may be difficult to do, tell her to FUCK OFF!  If you can't do that, then arrange to meet her somewhere and simply not show up.  If you re-establish contact with her, she'll do it again, and it will be more costly.  She views you as an ATM, and that will NEVER CHANGE.

IMO as a provider, we make pretty darn good money and I can't EVER imagine not having my rent or morgage money in the bank a month before its even due. If a girl that is swapping sex for $ doesn't have $ then something is wrong with her. Sure things happen, emergencies come up but hey just like you guys have to be prepared for emergencies that come up so do we. Just because we peddle our asses doesn't mean we have to be irresponsible! I've met some providers that have it more together that alot of "regular" people. Then again of course you have your low lifes who waste their $ on whims or addictions. Always have to have a back up plan and asking a client for money is definitely not it!
Just my take on it.
xoxo
Samantha

Whenever I loan money to a friend or family member, I never expect it back.  Don't loan it, if you can't afford to lose it, and if your friendship can't withstand the strain of it never being returned.  I know, she wasn't really a friend, but the same thing applies.  The money is lost.  Don't bother trying to get it back. It will only frustrate you more.

Next time someone asks for money, you can still consider lending it to them, but only if you'll be OK if you don't get it back.

Sunk cost. Consider yourself lucky that it wasn't much more considering your already emotional attachment to this girl. If she doesn't call you back consider the money as a cheap cost of limiting your possible future loses.

And I know the men's real names, work info, etc.  There is a listing of 'bad clients', which is where these men certainly belong.  Others have argued that they deserve much more than just being on this list.  That is one reason why transactions should always take place at the beginning of the session, assuming she is a well-reviewed provider.

There is a similar listing for such escorts one should avoid, and that is here on TER, of course!  It would be a big service if you provided all others with her name (not real name, of course) and a VERY thorough description of what she is like and maybe a photo with the face blurred.

Such disgraceful behavior is a tremendous disservice to our community.

ie setting up an appt and not showing.  Take the higher road.  And rather than telling her to 'f*** off', it might be more  civil to simply tell her how she disappointed you and that you're not interested in maintaining ties with her at this point.

Also, agree with the other poster, that whenever one lends money, one should never expect to get it back.  Do so if you still would like to and can afford to do so, but then forget about if/ when you'll get it back.

is I offer an exchange...something like " why don't we meet at such and such hotel...we can have a little fun for a short while, and you can get your wallet filled, and go take care of the problem you have?".

Now, you sometimes get a "yes"..but sometimes you hear some of the following:

1) It's not a good time of the month for me;
2) My Male cousin from Toledo is in town;
3) I have to leave for ________ (insert anywhere);
4) My dog is in the hospital, recovering from the doggie shingles, I would like to be by his side;

Etc, and so on.

Any of the above is my 'hustle' signal, and then I would just back off until the two of you can have a straight-up meet and exchange.

If there is agreement to meet without the above excuses, I am still on guard for a bad appointment or an excuse to happen upon arrival.

Sometimes this works out, but my experience is someone should never ask for something that they can earn much more easily than you or I could.

Sorry for the cold facts.

P

-- Modified on 5/31/2004 12:22:06 PM

I probably wasn't clear..it's totally NOT the $600. I knew I could lose it, I just hated feeling "hustled" especially by someone who seemed sincere.

The real question is should I post her name, photo and private info? You know, I'm so pissed off I fantasized about printing some flyers and spreading around her neighborhood. (Just anger fantasy, no worries).

Don't post private details (phone, address, etc). A picture (face blurred), partial phone number, body description and locale would be of some use to the community.

Please remember that this vocation of ours is not unique. There are all kinds of people in all walks of life and jobs. Some are great, some are not. It's up to us to find out before it's too late (hopefully). If it does bite you in the a.., then deal with it as best you can and move on. - you never know how the pendulum swings.
IMHO

So any information you could provide would be helpful.

What do you expect would happen if you do that? I know you must be feeling very betrayed right now (more than the money factor) but you will not accomplish anything by posting the name or related info. In fact, it could come back and bite you in the a**.
So cut your loses and move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

If you believe that maybe you will want to buy a bridge.  That said, mark this one up as a life experience and learn from it.  Life goes on.  Think of our great guys out there defending our country.  Their problems should be so trivial.

Budd

-- Modified on 5/31/2004 7:20:37 PM

Free Speech,

You did the right thing by lending her the money. If you were in the same situation you would want someone to help you out. Many times these girls have no one else to turn but us. I do not know what the timeframe was since you gave her the money. She still may call you to give you back the money. You never do know.

I had a similar situation about a year ago with a stripper. We had a great arrangement as far as the sex went. One day she calls me and tells me that she needs $2,000 for her rent and her bills. She gave me some story about her boyfriend being a drug addict and that he stole all her money. She was in a bind, so I gave her the money. I called her the following week to make sure that we were still going to meet that night. I left a message and did not recieve a call back. I called a few more times and it was the same thing. I went back to the strip club that she worked at and to my suprise she was gone. I figured I was just going to be out the money. About a month later I get a voicemail message from her. she moved to manhatten with her boyfriend. She explained it to me as too much shit was going on for her to call me. She started working at a strip club in manhatten and I agreed to come down there to see her. She paid me $1,000 the first night and then I arranged to meet her again at the club and she gave me the other $1,000. I do not travel out much to Manhatten for my hobbying needs, so I do not see her that much. But I still do stay in touch with her. This is why I say you do not know what is going on in this provider's life at this time and she still may call you to give you back your money. Don't count on it, but it may happen.

I agree with Samantha in the fact that a girl in this type of situation SHOULD be able to make her payments and with Panther196 in the fact that if she does happen to need the extra $$$ that she should be willing to "work" instead of ask favors. I would go to a family member... NEVER would I go to a client.
However......we ARE regular people and we can either give 100% or we don't. There is nothing EASY about giving 100%. There is more to this business than the obvious. That is the fun part. There is more to it. So when you (Panther196) say that $$$ can be earned by providers more easily than you or someone else can earn $$$, I really don't understand that one. I think that would depend on the provider. Don't you? and "you can get your wallet filled" wow....thats harsh.  
There are people without standards and morals in every "profession"....not just this one. I am really sorry this happened to you FREESPEECH. I hope this experience only makes you wise....not "battle hardened".

-- Modified on 6/1/2004 1:43:44 PM

That is why ladies like Taylor James are so amazing and make this hobby so much fun. Well put well said.  See you soon!!

there are times when it may not be called for.  In your response, Provider1, you said to "simply tell her how she disappointed you and that you're not interested in maintaining ties with her."  After stealing $600, do you think she cares?  While not eliminating the hurt, perhaps there is some psychological gain by being less than civil in this case.  Furthermore, this woman may take politeness and civility as a  sign of emotional weakness, and could try to weasel even more money from this fellow with some cock and bull story.  We may disagree about how to respond to this, but I would urge burning all bridges, consider the $600 a sunk cost, and eliminate any further possibility of more manipulation.

in the end it's always bussiness and you're still a client.

I agree with what you've pointed out, and never intend to seem harsh about this biz, and the wonderful people in it ( of which I count you as an amazing one). This is not my style.

It's just I have seen so many guysd played as the mark with situations similar to the post here, and was trying to give the gent some insight. Every person is different, and every situation is different. However, this one sounded awkwardly familiar to some that I have heard, so I guess I came across too strong. Mea culpa, Taylor. Sorry, no offense intended. Everyone deserves to be heard, and I can't assume all situations to be alike.

XO Panther

Thanks Panther. None taken.

FreeSpeech,

I rarely post, I'm more of a lurker, but I just had to throw my 2 pennies in the ring. I used to go to strip clubs all the time, and have since "moved up" if you get the point. But when I was at the clubs, I met a dancer and had a "great" relationship with her. At one point, she asked for money (this is after countless times in the club, giving her money for dances or drinks AND hefty tips). I told her it was a bad time of the month (financially) for me, just to see her reaction. It was the last time I heard from her. Call it a hunch or call it dumb luck, but the point is there are moments in ANY relationship  that define them. I think that for you, FREESPEECH, this moment defined the relationship. And, you said it, it's the relationship disolving is what matters. So, in my humble opinion, if it's NOT about the $600, then there's no reason to post her picture. If every guy or girl posted a picture and description about someone who broke  their heart, there'd be a lot of flyers up around NYC.
Good luck, FREESPEECH, and, sorry!