I opened this post 10 minutes after finishing my breakfast. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

one more symptom of a society not eating enough leafy vegetables and good healthy foods.

Hope it isn't isn't HIM!

Sorry this had to (has to) happen. Those of us in the climbing world (rock and ice climbing, mountaineering, etc) call these objective hazards. Things like avalanches. You do your best to prepare to avoid them, but they're always a hazard, ready to get you when you put down your guard.

Let me ask this of you Skidmark...

I know I have been to an appointment where I have not, ahhh, felt my best and this could have happened in a moment of pure ecstasy. Should a guy cancel at the last minute because he was having intestinal issues, how much crap do you think he would get from most providers for a last minute cancellation (pun intended)? Not to mention how many providers would believe him (and not DNS him) if he gave the reason (you might be better off saying you had to wash your hair). I know some ladies would get pretty seriously upset.

Just askin'

Gross! Please lose the photo before someone loses their lunch!

I am a clean freak and when in any doubt I will SCRUB my clients clean myself. I cannot tell you how many times the warm soap hand towel has been completely brown when I am done washing a clients ass.....but never you fear I have learned to be an ass washing sexpert!!!!

I am not sure why it is so difficult for some people to get in a warm running shower, turn around, open their butt cheeks, let the warm water run between their ass cheeks, put A WHITE wash cloth under the running water, put the soap in the wet wash cloth, rub the soap in the cloth until suds are seen, flatted hand towel in their hand, turn away from the running water, put hand with warm soapy towel between their ass cheeks, scrub from the back of the ball sack to the top of the ass crack.....turn with their backs towards the running water, open up soapy ass cheeks and rinse soap off ass crack.......... CAREFULLY EXAMINE HAND TOWEL IF THERE IS ANY OTHER COLOR ON THE TOWEL EXCEPT WHITE YOU MUST REPEAT THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE UNTIL THE TOWEL COMES BACK TOTALLY CLEAN.

Now why have we failed as adults? BECAUSE THIS IS A CONVERSATION SOMEONE DIDN'T HAVE WITH THEIR PARENTS WHEN THEY WERE IN THEIR FORMATIVE YEARS........how do people get off the toilet after doing the number two and not wipe their ass crack until the toilet paper comes back white? I use baby wipes and/or take a shower and wash my ass.

Seriously guys I have had clients have SHIT BALLS IN THEIR ASS....not JUST DINGLE BERRIES.....flat out plain ole nasty ass full sized SHIT BALLS. How could this man walk around with a shit ball twixt his butt cheeks?.....then expect me to put my head anywhere near that?......ummmmmmmmmm???? Oh and here is the killer he refused to take a shower bc I had smell good soaps....he said his wife would notice the great smells.....I could not agree more, and he was kicked out of my hotel room. Dude seriously maybe if you would GET THE SHIT TURD BALLS OUT OF YOUR ASS YOUR WIFE MIGHT FUCK YOU HERSELF.

Yeah it is gross but welcome to our world!!!!

I had a college room-mate that must have had the maid following him around to wipe his ass for him.

He was kinda gross to begin with (not terrible) so I can't imagine why, but I think he didn't like to sit on the toilet. He'd squat above it (I think) and we'd always find "presents" on the toilet seat.

People in general are pretty clueless, but some folks take the cake.

Soap or shower gel so there are 'NO EXCUSES!!!!!'

Fucking nasty.

I got this whole routine........I always make sure I eat plenty of veggies. Keeps a colon clean.

I always make sure I go that morning, THEN shower.

The entire under-carriage and nether regions get the treatment. I shave the boys, powder up a bit and oil the junk with something all natural and slightly scented. Yes my nuts smell slightly like peppermint.

I even put a lick of deodorant behind the boys on the taint. Touch of cologne on the thicket.

Damned proud of it.

If I feel even the slightest chance exists for unwelcome odors.....I ALWAYS hit the shower.

Thanks!

My point there was that we have all had "something come up urgently", and I can imagine some guys would not want to interrupt the festivities. Not saying it's right. Just sayin'.

I have unscented, AXE, plain ole dial soap.......and yes some foo fo stuff....and I have had guys refuse to shower.....I am sorry but when they walk in the door and I smell them....it is either take a shower or GET OUT......

YAY!!!! Momma PrimusSucks did a great job....or common sense prevails with this man.....can you TEACH A CLASS ON MAN ASS WASHING???

That's not washing you ass properly, that's not washing your ass at all......I mean completely forgetting you have an ass and it must be cleaned.

Now....

Italians talk about some funny shit when they get loaded around the dinner table......

I remember one night the topic got to ass wiping.......when asked about how much should you wipe my 90 year old grandma said, "until it bleeds...."

Crazy assed clean freaks! I remeber touching a wall in Grandma's house....she'd come out with a washcloth and wipe where you had your hand.

Bidets rock. I have no idea why they haven't taken off in the USA. Tis' thee civilized way to washeth thine arse.

A furry butt sometimes gives false readings when wiping. The toilet paper is white, but you still have dingleberries hanging just outside of your wipe zone. Since the toilet paper is white, you assume that you're all clear.

Every 2 months or so I run my epilator back there. Surprisingly, it's the least painful place to use it.

wow i wouldnt know what to say like id be shock if one of my clients left skid marks behind thats just gross and totally wrong! bleeeeechhhhh! l

several years ago, when i was new to this, i did this. to the lady's credit, she just suggested i "enema" prior to seeing a special girl. so i do and life is grand. however last month i had this happen with a provider, so i know how disgusting this is.

Dude, your complaining that you saw this 10 minutes AFTER eating your breakfast?

Well I am IN THE MIDDLE of eating my breakfast

that is so fucking disgusting.  not only should that client be blacklisted but he should be arrested, put in a rocket and launched into space as he is not fit to live on this planet.

It was you!!!!!!! Hahahaha!

..the naked....(dare I say it)....shitty, and these sheets tell just a few of them.

Several rules come to mind:

1) Don't eat Indian food the day prior an appointment.
2) In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, IT happens. Immodium helps. (Why hasn't a Pharma company invented a Viagra/Immodium combo pill? Seems like a few dollars to be had.
3) Five days prior and five days after gastro procedures are a good time to ab-stain from the hobby.
4) Providers should include in their screening questions "probability of snail trails? Y/N"
5) The white sheet reports should tab the offending party with an appropriate nickname, like, say, calling the client a "Roker" after Al Lapband Roker.
6) The BART diet is a cure for Montezumas, (BART = Bananas, Apples, Rice, and Toast). These four will bind you. Try them the next time the trot train is an express.
7) Dude, see a dietician.
8) I read that contestants on the show Survivor experience 'colon shot down' when food runs short. This may be a good program for this offender.
9) This guy would probably be better off at a Korean spa with a table shower. Fire hose and Haz Mat suit optional for the masseuse.
10) Maybe this person took the line 'dude, eat a salad' too much to heart.

It is truly disgusting that any person would be less than spotless when meeting for an intimate encounter.  My hats off to providers who aren't fazed by these unclean animals and then take the matter to a hand towel to allow their client to have a good time. UGH!

please cancel and reschedule for another day. Gees!!

As the famous Gunny Hartman in Full Metal Jacket said so eloquently "It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress."

Those of us who have had prostrate proceedures that they are call non-evasive (my f--king a--) because entry is made not by cutting the skin, but by using the available body openings.

When these openings are streatched, it can become extremely difficult to complete close the openings.  Women have a similar problem after natural childbirth, when they are stretched far enough for a child's head to pass out of them.  For some, the "weeps and seeps" (the docs go in through BOTH enterances) last only a few days.  For others, it can last what seems a lifetime.

I have told every provider that I have been with that I have had the proceedures and leave it at that, hoping they have been educated.  Unfortunately, one long time provide did not know exactly what I was talking about, and didn't ask any questions.  I could feel it happening and could not react quite quick enough and left exit stripes.

She chose to out me (on another board that I did not belong to) by name, physical description, occupation, all that "confidential" data that is provided for screening.  I found out about it about 2 weeks later.

In this case, IMHO you got stuck with a a--hole or he had the proceedures an hour before he saw you.

'rock'

Maybe it's just me, but I like to get my money's worth.

As soon as the provider isn't looking, I spread my cheeks and scoot around on the sheets like a dog with worms.