A question to the many ladies who insist on cbj and allow full on daty. Presumably, cbj is preferred for it's "safety" aspects. Seems to me this reasoning suggests that ladies believe they won't contract anything via cbj and that there's no likelihood that they will via daty. Am I missing something here?

Than she is likely to from your saliva.

Of course, if you have cuts in your mouth, bleeding gums, etc., that's a different story.

Transmission is relatively unlikely since the site of infection is the cervix, a part of the female anatomy not reached during DATY. Herpes and syphilis are possibilities, but in general the risk is so low that most people don't bother.

On the other hand, BBBJ would expose both partners to a few incurable diseases, such as: HPV which may cause warts and cancer, herpes type 1 and 2 and hepatitis, and possibly some bacterial diseases, such as: gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis.

Remember, most people have no symptoms. I strongly recommend tSTD, which stands for 'tested'!

Be safe,

Anais

Tell that to my buddy's daughter who at 16yo just contracted herpes from a classmate going down on her

But that's what I understand.

I am far from the authority (or any authority) on this.  I'm just venturing a guess here.  Didn't mean to speak for everyone...and pretty sure I didn't.

Sorry about your friend's daughter.

I guess they feel they are lowering the chances a little more. I feel anyone man or woman should choose what is best for themselves and what makes the most sense to them.

Great post Anais.

Your point was roughly that, if a woman insists on CBJ, it would be consistent to imagine that she would want everything covered, and so would insist also on using a dental dam for DATY, or foregoing DATY altogether. I agree with you that this would show consistent concern about contracting disease, and I would also actively encourage these particular safety measures.

However, people are rarely consistent. People generally align themselves to normalized standards, and reserve anything beyond for things they feel particularly strongly about. CBJ is pretty common; at the very least, it's not outlandish. The use of dental dams, however, is practically unheard of, both in the hobby and outside of it. But this is simply the fashion, meaning that it can change over time. Condoms were not always the standard for sex, but they are now the mainstream. As public awareness of HIV and STDs grew, condom-sex grew more popular, and it's here to stay. Someone else who posted in this thread mentioned their friend's daughter who allegedly caught herpes from DATY; if stories such as this start inundating the mainstream, then dental dam usage will definitely grow to match that. Public opinion, the wily mysterious thing that it is, influences sexual fashions. Another example is the current effort to educate the 65+ demographic who are finding themselves sexually active with multiple partners later in life but missed the condom hype and STD education that they younger set had. That age group has skyrocketing STD rates because condoms were not seen as necessary by them. As their awareness grows, that will shift.

I'd love it if playing totally safe were a completely standard in all forms of sex, whether in or out of the hobby. But as with any fashion, we largely accept the status quo rather than insist that the world bend to our personal preference, often to our peril, or at least discomfort. Ask any man why he still wears a full business suit on a hot day in NY, and you'll find the same answer as to why a woman might insist on CBJ but never introduce equally safe measures for DATY. One of these decisions is more potentially life-threatening than the other, but both sets of decisions are mission-critical and the same thought process goes into both.

the thoughtful replies. Particularly yours Anka.

Oh, the ways of the wicked...

Thanks for the link!  Very important people get tested routinely if you are an avid and responsible hobbiest.