Two weeks after bypass surgery, a patient says to his doctor, "Can I start having sex?"  

you know my wife's favorite sexual position? Facing Bloomingdales

You know what sign my wife was born under? The sale sign.

you know how I know when my wife has an orgasm? She drops her nail file!

my wife and I have Jewish doggie style....she rolls over and plays dead and I sit up and beg!

do you know why Jewish husbands die before their wives?....they want to!

when I got married, I married Miss Right....I just didn't know that her first name was Always!

Loving the Henny Youngman thread going on here!!!
Take my wife please!!'
How long have you been married --- my whole life(

no but I love the one line style....and all of them are true! which makes them that much funnier!

I didn't know what happiness was till I got married....then it was too late!

a man who is unmarried is incomplete...then when he gets married he's finished!

My wife is an earth sign and I'm a water sign together we make mud!,
We always hold hand. If I let go she shops
Anyone have Don Rickles jokes or Andrew Dice Clay

Yes laugh a little Greeneyedude -- google Mr.Youngman and laugh a bit
And btw ipdailey and my Gf is Anita Handjob  
Now let's see if anyone gets where these names come from????

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck-and-a-quarter,

Jill came down with two-fifty.

A man, Swartz, dies and the undertaker is preparing him and notices he has the largest penis he's ever seen. Though unprofessional and knowing the guy no longer needs it he amputates it and put's it in his briefcase. When he get's home he tells his wife "honey, I have something to show you" with that he takes the penis out of the briefcase. His wife exclaims "Oh my God, Swartz is dead?!"

Never heard that about Henny.  Milton Berle on the other hand was known as being huge.

was the other one with a reportedly huge member, but who knows, perhaps it was urban legend. Kinda doesnt matter now that all those guys are dead

My wife is so ugly I put a bag over my head just in case hers falls off.

My wife and I hardly have sex any more.....she cut me down to once a week. Still I'm lucky..two other guys, she cut them out all together.