ok i know that this is long but it is worth it.  this is my vote for the best ad.  feel free to add your comments to the ad. my comments are in quotes please add yours
A massage by me is like winning the lottery! Why? Because I've been the #1 Diva in this game for a minute.       "huh that long"      Most of these other females can't even hold a candle to me, my style, or to how I put it down when I give an Erotic massage, baby, because I  am the best!! Everything I do is original and unique and you have never had it this good. Come to my private Oasis of Mind, Meditation, and Massage; you are going to thank me later.      "can i just thank you now"      How do I know? Because everything that I do is mostly self taught and Erotic as a Body Rub can be. I was good at this long before I ever went to school for massage. I have my own style that comes from the heart of creativity and is like no other - guaranteed! So why are you wasting your time and money on these young girls who claim to give you a genuine 'massage' but are only there for a few minutes? They want your money,      "everyone wants my money"     as much as they can get, and then they are gone. They make bogus claims to unwind and relax you when the only thing they really care about unwinding and relaxing is your wallet. You shouldn’t have to pay $200-$250 for a quality massage! Seriously, what are you doing?      "i'm having a good time"     You work hard for every dollar you make and you should be appreciated for it, not taken advantage of. Save big $ and receive top quality pampering by a true Diva.
"so now the Hello"  Hello, my name is Deva Divine and I think that it’s truly time we meet. I stand a statuesque 6 feet tall with long silky smooth legs that go on forever! I have velvety smooth skin that compliments my Diva attitude. My measurements are 36DD-28-32 and I am a tantalizing treat. But enough about me…let’s talk about what I am going to do to you. Step into my private Oasis where the aroma therapy oils and Sade, Enigma, Enya, or Yanni await you.     " next sentence Sade, Enigma, Enya or Yanni = class, ok i am classless"    You will realize instantly that you are in a place of class and originality starting with the red tint of the room (anyone and everyone does candles – BORING!). Relax your mind and meditate as you lay face down on my Professional Massage Table and prepare for the Erotic Massage of a lifetime. First I will lightly oil you down and wrap parts of you in hot towels. There will be instant gratification in this as your every muscle begins to relax, and your body succumbs to my every touch. I am instinctive, distinctive, intuitive, and compassionate when it comes to giving Erotic Massages. You will find yourself filled with desire as I use my body on your body to give you what you need most. I will also use Light Touch, Teasing, Tantra, and Deep Tissue Therapy, along with the most exotic of oils and lotions, to take you to a private place of arousal and euphoria. I put my heart into my work and strive to reach my goal with each session – to make you damn "damn im happy"  happy that you found and chose me! I am a natural diva and I know how to use what I have to get what I want, and right now what I want is for you to surrender to me. Leave all of the stress and drama of the day outside these doors and place yourself in these capable and competent hands.
I want to rub, stroke, and caress every part of your body until you are like putty in my hands and asking “where have you been all my life?”       "this one was not me but her"        I promise you that this is like no other massage that you’ve ever experienced. I give a genuine deep tissue massage with my own unique touch of Erotic that will leave you begging for more: I pride myself on this! I appreciate you choosing me and in return you will feel that appreciation long before you leave. But before you go I need to turn you over for the grand finale! Let me rub those powerful thighs as I use the techniques of breath and touch to drive you absolutely wild with anticipation! You probably would like to know what’s going on and what happens next, huh? Well, I can show you better than I can tell you so stop with the deliberations already and just do it: pick up the phone and call me. I have very flexible hours and I am never in a rush (unless you are). I take my time doing what I do and I thoroughly enjoy doing it. This is one sexy and exotic diva that you don’t want to miss! *** And to all of you 'working girls' who are sending me threats because of the things I say in my ad... IT! Why don't you spend your time learning how to take care of, and giving a damn, about your clients instead of threatening me because I do? Don't hate on me for keeping it real; it's all I know how to do. NONE of you scare me, and you most definitely aren't hurting my business or self-esteem. In fact, I love all of you haters. Why? Because when I have haters it means I'm doing my job and that I'm doing it well...you wouldn't be threatening me if you didn't feel intimidated. I've been dealing with you pitiful haters all my life and it hasn't stopped me yet, nor will it stop me now. I'm not alone in this out here; I know there are a few more Diva's that are on my level and know what I'm talking about...but only a few. I'm not gonna stop doing what I'm doing or slow my roll so why don't stop taking time from your busy schedule (lol) just to tell me about myself? I mean really, this isn't high school or Craigslist and I know it's killing you that you can't get myself or any of the other high class Diva's out here anymore (with your lies, unfairly flagged postings, and your famous fake 'hobbyist' postings on CL), but deal with it! This is called good advertisement and I'm just another competitor so step up your game and stop crying about it (though technically I'm NOT your competition because my style of massage is NOTHING like ANY OF YOURS). If you don't like my ad THEN DON'T READ IT! "sorry i cant stop it is good shit"   IT WASN'T WRITTEN FOR YOU ANYWAY!! Besides that, haters only add fuel to my Diva fire!!! "diva fire diva fire diva fire"   That's why I'M THE #1 DIVA.
In call Only. Clean shower and linen always available.
Divine Massage.....(612) 501-3538
70 minutes - $125 ($100 Special)
100 minutes - $175 ($150 Special)
130 minutes - $225 ($200 Special)
DON’T ANNOY THE DIVA!
I have very little patience with people with annoying questions. Whoever said that there’s no such thing as a stupid question if full of bologna!      "oscar meyer"     I get hit with stupid questions all the time and find it to be quite cumbersome! I think that some of the questions are asked for the sake of conversation and will leave you talking to Mr. DT (dial tone)      "i prefer my dt to be something else"   real quick "and not real quick"  . I have no qualms with hanging up the phone on someone I think is playing games, or who is just being plain stupid. To avoid this happening to you be sure to think and read before asking for more information, and avoid the following questions…

part 2 of the ad

QUESTION: “Are you a man?” (Actually, I’ve only been asked this question once but I’m just putting it out there for the next idiot)      "ok so i am an idiot"
ANSWER: Really? I know that I am 6 feet tall and have very unique features but that is because I am half African American and half Black Foot Indian. My looks set me far apart from the others and I am very proud of this. I look identical to my grandmother (who is Black Foot) and she was a knockout! Jerk! Normally I don’t insult people, but then you aren’t normal people…you, sir, are a bonafide IDIOT! I am not now, nor have I ever been a man. Besides that, look at those breast! Do these pretty puppies look like they’ve had any silicone or surgery? Hell-to-the-no they don’t! And if you think they do then might I suggest that you stop jacking off to Playboy Magazine long enough to be able to identify the ‘real’ ones from the ‘fake’ ones! F.Y.I. I also gave live birth to children. I think it’s really sad when a man is so out of touch that he doesn’t know a rare exotic beauty when he sees one. Am I a man? Ha! I was just about to ask you the same question…I’m sure you’re use to it by now.       " ok i am a bonafide IDIOT"
QUESTION: “Will you spank me?” or “Can I wear your panties and stockings?”
ANSWER: No, I do not give spankings! Read my ad guys…does it say anything about spankings, cross dressing, or any fetish or BDSM? No it does not and that’s because I don’t provide it. You are in the Body Rub section so guess what I do…BODY RUBS!
QUESTION: “Can you provide G.F.E. (Girlfriend Experience)?”
ANSWER: Can you say “YUCK”? That’s not only nasty but it’s also dangerous! Besides, I’m not here to be your girlfriend; I’m just here to give you a massage, dude.          "G.F.E. = "
QUESTION: “How long is this for?”
ANSWER: Are you serious? Does my ad not read 70 and 100 minute sessions?
QUESTION: “Do you provide 30 minute sessions?”
ANSWER: Can you walk and chew gum at the same time? You can? Really? Then why is this so hard for you? No 30 minute session listed because there isn’t one.
QUESTION: “Can you put on some high heels, a garter belt, blah, blah, blah?”
ANSWER: Dude, I’m not your Thanksgivings Day turkey so no you cannot “dress” me any which way you want. I do wear very sexy lingerie but really what is the big deal when most of it is going to come off anyway and you’ll be face down for most of it?              "did you call me a jive turkey...no i called you ac........"

QUESTION: “How much does this cost?”
ANSWER: Wow! So, what language are you reading my English in? It’s not in fine print fella’s! That answer is provided right next to the number you just dialed to ask me that very stupid question!
QUESTION: “How many women do you have working with you?”
ANSWER: How many women do you see in the pictures genius? Just one because there is only one true diva – ME! I gladly fly alone because there’s only enough room for one Diva on this plane and that seat is taken. However, you the client are permitted to fly along with me but only as a passenger…I’ll even give you a window seat.        "i prefer aisle"

QUESTION: “What is Body-To-Body?”
ANSWER: Good question but one that I cannot and will not discuss here. As I look around I see a lot of people copying my terminology and I just sit back and laugh because they don’t know what the hell they are talking about! All that I will tell you about it right now is that I learned the technique from studying ancient methods of massage from a certain Asian group, and that it takes a lot of skills! It is one of my many “secret weapons” and an erotic, exotic treat! To learn more, we must meet (if you are so fortunate that is).
QUESTION: “Why aren’t you reviewed on TER?”
ANSWER: Good Question. I ask that my clients not put a review for me on TER because I am a very private person. What takes place between my clients and me I would prefer to keep just between us and not broadcast it on TER for all of cyberspace to see and read. Anyone can read or write those reviews so to me they don’t serve much purpose anyway (unless you’re really trying to help the cops build up a case against you…remember they can read too!). Should you ever see a review of me there, good or bad, trust that it wasn’t written by any of my clients. My clients always leave happy and satisfied and word of mouth from them keeps me plenty busy. If you desire to know more about this diva you will just have to do it the old fashioned way: by meeting me.
QUESTION: “Can I bring some toys?”
ANSWER: That’s completely up to you, but know that you will be the only one playing with them…I will be busy giving a massage!        "dude bring hot wheels or legos probably much more fun"
QUESTION: “Do you do couples?”
ANSWER: Um, do I really need to answer this one? I only have one pair of hands so can you please tell me how massaging a couple is going to work? Go ahead…I’ll wait. Yah, that’s what I thought.

QUESTION: “What exactly is this?”
ANSWER: Oh come on! Now you’re playing with my emotions people! This stupid question trumps all of the others by far and is utterly so asinine that I just refuse to dignify it with an answer. What I will say is that if you are so “duh” that you need everything spelled out for you then you are not the kind of man that I am interested in having as a client. All money is not good money so you can just keep yours. I know what you can do, why don’t you donate it to the non-profit organization dedicated to finding a cure for Stupid People Disease…they obviously still desperately need it.
QUESTION: “Is there any tipping required?”
ANSWER: What do you think? You’re not going to McDonald’s; you’re coming to Red Lobster!  "dl said it best bring on the all you can eat shrimp"   I am usually given tips but this is in no way an up sell. The amount of tip is up to the client’s discretion and is only given AFTER the massage is completed. The amount is never discussed or negotiated. Think about it, do you tip the waitress before you finish dinner? Of course not. You wait until after the meal and then tip her according to the quality of service provided. Everyone has a different budget and tips vary. It is important that you know that no matter how much the tip may or may not be, you will always receive my 100% massage. I DO NOT UPSELL! You will always know where you stand with me and I won’t get you all worked up just to hustle you. If you have it, you have it but if you don’t, that’s okay too. My first and main priority is taking care of, and pampering you. No matter what, you will always leave a happy man.
QUESTION: “Do you provide ?”
ANSWER: Do you honestly expect me to answer that question in a text or over the phone? If you do then you’re a real ‘special’ type of stupid. I’ve been in this business a long time and I’ve learned that everyone has their own definition of what ‘’ is and I don’t care to get into that over the phone or in a text. If you were smart and professional, you wouldn’t either!
Alright, so there you have it; I’ve covered just about every stupid question for you (but give it time…someone will come up with a new one). I am not mean (I’ve been told by those on my good side that I am quite pleasant and fun to be around), I’m just very direct and I don’t appreciate people playing games with my very valuable time. Please feel free to ask me just about anything. I too am an inquisitive person so I encourage you to ask about whatever you need to know in order to make what you call an informed decision. But remember, I am a professional, college educated, unique, and classy Diva so keep this in mind when you speak to me. I immensely enjoy meeting new people and I can keep up an intelligent and informed conversation with just about anyone so be as respectful to me as I am to you. Trust that you don’t wanna start something that I have to finish, so don’t come around here playing games! Keep in mind that I also know Udo (you-doe).
Question: “What’s Udo (pronounced you-doe)?”      " ok  this is my favorite Udo know what i am talking about"  
Answer: ‘Udo’ know what I have in my pockets, ‘Udo’ know what I keep around my studio, ‘Udo’ know nothing about me man so when you come here be respectful and on your best behavior (this is of course directed to the punks that like to go around robbing us honest and hard working women).
Don’t try to talk to me, or treat me, like some cheap escort bimbo and I won’t talk to you, or treat you, like a John. If you come here as anything less than a gentleman, ‘Udo’ know how this is gonna end but I’m positive that it won’t be pretty!
After reading this, if you are offended, intimidated, or "turned off" in any way (oh, you poor baby) then chances are you are one of the 'special people' I just spoke of. If you think this is bad then you definitely can’t the rest (of me) so it’s best that you not call and waste my time; this is only a small dose of my personality! However, if you are kicked back and laughing probably reading this several times because you are intelligent and understand where I am coming from, then YOU really need to call me because YOU are my guy. I can be a barrel of laughs at most times and I know that we would have a lot of fun. Come on and treat yourself to the very best…you so deserve it!

Divine Massage. 612 501-3538
Location: South Minneapolis, 10 minutes from Downtown, 15-20 minutes from Airport.

Uh... Just out of curiosity, why in the world would you go see her?

Her ad makes it pretty clear that she is a self centered, condescending b&@#h. (Just what she seems to be trying to communicate in her ad, not a slam against her person. Truth in advertising being what it is.)The only possible reason I would want to see someone like this is if I was masochistic or wanted to live the fantasy of being a pussy whipped husband.

I hobby because of people like this, so that I do not have to endure them. There are too many fine providers in the cities for me to encourage someone like this by paying for their time.

I saw that ad also and thought it was arrogant and condesending. I would never go see her.

That pretty much says it all right there about her attitude.

I saw her.  Rushed and answered her phone continually throughout the session.  I will not repeat.

I think she used to post all over Craigslist a couple years ago with a Domination service. Her ads were the same back then (Long & Arrogant)then her ads stopped suddenly,-I heard she was behind bars. She must of gotten out.

It's Friday Night - and

I'm Going Out in Style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa - you GO girl.  That's What I'm Talking About!!!


And for all you fake ladies and men out here in boring-ass Minnesota playing your xxxxxx games, of course you won't go and see The Diva   - because she's real - and you definetly aren't!  

She's got it going on; just like me....



ladedada....Power To The Real Ladies!!!



See YA!!!

             Another Diva - Miss Cassandracougar

kisses

are one crazy ass bitch. And I only mean that in the nicest way.

having a few John Barleycorns are we???

What a fucking riot.

i once had thoughts of seeing her but the big head won.  my favorite part is the q & a, the one with red lobster.  now that's a FANCY place!!!   thanks for the update

I think she went by Kamara?

I am Way too Hott for you boys here in Minnesota to handle.



Alright!

Break me down
You got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud
Getting fucking laid
You want me to stay
But I got to make my way

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Take it all the paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one paid in full
You're so fine
It won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks
Just to get you face to face

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Get the video fuck you so good
Get the video fuck you so good

Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy...bitch

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back
Come on!

Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star you'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night long
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

You keep me right on
You're crazy buck I like the way you fuck me!



I'm not a Wild Cat for nothin'!

THAT is what I'm talking about.
Go you crazy bitch, fuck the shit out of me

her ad makes me want to see someone else

way too cool i post about one psycho and look what happened.....go figure

Come on, boys!  Really?  Name calling?  "Crazy Bitch."  "Psycho."  Exactly where are the real men in this state, anyway?  

Maybe I'll see you at Biketoberfest at Daytona riding my Harley in my fishnet stockings, black suede fringe boots, little schoolgirl skirt, gorgeous face, ass and tits.  Uh huh.   I might even have to buy a little pair of undies at Bike Week that say 'Crazy Bitch.'  


That's right - crazy bitch....


 ......but you like the way you fuck me!

I had a massage from her about 2 months ago and it was great.  Great massage with all the extras and a nice hot shower to clean-up after.  Actually she is a pretty funny lady.

You are very funny and I just love the way you chopped up my old ad with your comments. Funny shit!