Minnesota
part 2 of the ad
QUESTION: “Are you a man?” (Actually, I’ve only been asked this question once but I’m just putting it out there for the next idiot) "ok so i am an idiot"
ANSWER: Really? I know that I am 6 feet tall and have very unique features but that is because I am half African American and half Black Foot Indian. My looks set me far apart from the others and I am very proud of this. I look identical to my grandmother (who is Black Foot) and she was a knockout! Jerk! Normally I don’t insult people, but then you aren’t normal people…you, sir, are a bonafide IDIOT! I am not now, nor have I ever been a man. Besides that, look at those breast! Do these pretty puppies look like they’ve had any silicone or surgery? Hell-to-the-no they don’t! And if you think they do then might I suggest that you stop jacking off to Playboy Magazine long enough to be able to identify the ‘real’ ones from the ‘fake’ ones! F.Y.I. I also gave live birth to children. I think it’s really sad when a man is so out of touch that he doesn’t know a rare exotic beauty when he sees one. Am I a man? Ha! I was just about to ask you the same question…I’m sure you’re use to it by now. " ok i am a bonafide IDIOT"
QUESTION: “Will you spank me?” or “Can I wear your panties and stockings?”
ANSWER: No, I do not give spankings! Read my ad guys…does it say anything about spankings, cross dressing, or any fetish or BDSM? No it does not and that’s because I don’t provide it. You are in the Body Rub section so guess what I do…BODY RUBS!
QUESTION: “Can you provide G.F.E. (Girlfriend Experience)?”
ANSWER: Can you say “YUCK”? That’s not only nasty but it’s also dangerous! Besides, I’m not here to be your girlfriend; I’m just here to give you a massage, dude. "G.F.E. = 
"
QUESTION: “How long is this for?”
ANSWER: Are you serious? Does my ad not read 70 and 100 minute sessions?
QUESTION: “Do you provide 30 minute sessions?”
ANSWER: Can you walk and chew gum at the same time? You can? Really? Then why is this so hard for you? No 30 minute session listed because there isn’t one.
QUESTION: “Can you put on some high heels, a garter belt, blah, blah, blah?”
ANSWER: Dude, I’m not your Thanksgivings Day turkey so no you cannot “dress” me any which way you want. I do wear very sexy lingerie but really what is the big deal when most of it is going to come off anyway and you’ll be face down for most of it? "did you call me a jive turkey...no i called you ac........"
QUESTION: “How much does this cost?”
ANSWER: Wow! So, what language are you reading my English in? It’s not in fine print fella’s! That answer is provided right next to the number you just dialed to ask me that very stupid question!
QUESTION: “How many women do you have working with you?”
ANSWER: How many women do you see in the pictures genius? Just one because there is only one true diva – ME! I gladly fly alone because there’s only enough room for one Diva on this plane and that seat is taken. However, you the client are permitted to fly along with me but only as a passenger…I’ll even give you a window seat. "i prefer aisle"
QUESTION: “What is Body-To-Body?”
ANSWER: Good question but one that I cannot and will not discuss here. As I look around I see a lot of people copying my terminology and I just sit back and laugh because they don’t know what the hell they are talking about! All that I will tell you about it right now is that I learned the technique from studying ancient methods of massage from a certain Asian group, and that it takes a lot of skills! It is one of my many “secret weapons” and an erotic, exotic treat! To learn more, we must meet (if you are so fortunate that is).
QUESTION: “Why aren’t you reviewed on TER?”
ANSWER: Good Question. I ask that my clients not put a review for me on TER because I am a very private person. What takes place between my clients and me I would prefer to keep just between us and not broadcast it on TER for all of cyberspace to see and read. Anyone can read or write those reviews so to me they don’t serve much purpose anyway (unless you’re really trying to help the cops build up a case against you…remember they can read too!). Should you ever see a review of me there, good or bad, trust that it wasn’t written by any of my clients. My clients always leave happy and satisfied and word of mouth from them keeps me plenty busy. If you desire to know more about this diva you will just have to do it the old fashioned way: by meeting me.
QUESTION: “Can I bring some toys?”
ANSWER: That’s completely up to you, but know that you will be the only one playing with them…I will be busy giving a massage! "dude bring hot wheels or legos probably much more fun"
QUESTION: “Do you do couples?”
ANSWER: Um, do I really need to answer this one? I only have one pair of hands so can you please tell me how massaging a couple is going to work? Go ahead…I’ll wait. Yah, that’s what I thought.
A massage by me is like winning the lottery! Why? Because I've been the #1 Diva in this game for a minute. "huh that long" Most of these other females can't even hold a candle to me, my style, or to how I put it down when I give an Erotic massage, baby, because I am the best!! Everything I do is original and unique and you have never had it this good. Come to my private Oasis of Mind, Meditation, and Massage; you are going to thank me later. "can i just thank you now" How do I know? Because everything that I do is mostly self taught and Erotic as a Body Rub can be. I was good at this long before I ever went to school for massage. I have my own style that comes from the heart of creativity and is like no other - guaranteed! So why are you wasting your time and money on these young girls who claim to give you a genuine 'massage' but are only there for a few minutes? They want your money, "everyone wants my money" as much as they can get, and then they are gone. They make bogus claims to unwind and relax you when the only thing they really care about unwinding and relaxing is your wallet. You shouldn’t have to pay $200-$250 for a quality massage! Seriously, what are you doing? "i'm having a good time" You work hard for every dollar you make and you should be appreciated for it, not taken advantage of. Save big $ and receive top quality pampering by a true Diva.
"so now the Hello" Hello, my name is Deva Divine and I think that it’s truly time we meet. I stand a statuesque 6 feet tall with long silky smooth legs that go on forever! I have velvety smooth skin that compliments my Diva attitude. My measurements are 36DD-28-32 and I am a tantalizing treat. But enough about me…let’s talk about what I am going to do to you. Step into my private Oasis where the aroma therapy oils and Sade, Enigma, Enya, or Yanni await you. " next sentence Sade, Enigma, Enya or Yanni = class, ok i am classless" You will realize instantly that you are in a place of class and originality starting with the red tint of the room (anyone and everyone does candles – BORING!). Relax your mind and meditate as you lay face down on my Professional Massage Table and prepare for the Erotic Massage of a lifetime. First I will lightly oil you down and wrap parts of you in hot towels. There will be instant gratification in this as your every muscle begins to relax, and your body succumbs to my every touch. I am instinctive, distinctive, intuitive, and compassionate when it comes to giving Erotic Massages. You will find yourself filled with desire as I use my body on your body to give you what you need most. I will also use Light Touch, Teasing, Tantra, and Deep Tissue Therapy, along with the most exotic of oils and lotions, to take you to a private place of arousal and euphoria. I put my heart into my work and strive to reach my goal with each session – to make you damn "damn im happy" happy that you found and chose me! I am a natural diva and I know how to use what I have to get what I want, and right now what I want is for you to surrender to me. Leave all of the stress and drama of the day outside these doors and place yourself in these capable and competent hands.
I want to rub, stroke, and caress every part of your body until you are like putty in my hands and asking “where have you been all my life?” "this one was not me but her" I promise you that this is like no other massage that you’ve ever experienced. I give a genuine deep tissue massage with my own unique touch of Erotic that will leave you begging for more: I pride myself on this! I appreciate you choosing me and in return you will feel that appreciation long before you leave. But before you go I need to turn you over for the grand finale! Let me rub those powerful thighs as I use the techniques of breath and touch to drive you absolutely wild with anticipation! You probably would like to know what’s going on and what happens next, huh? Well, I can show you better than I can tell you so stop with the deliberations already and just do it: pick up the phone and call me. I have very flexible hours and I am never in a rush (unless you are). I take my time doing what I do and I thoroughly enjoy doing it. This is one sexy and exotic diva that you don’t want to miss! *** And to all of you 'working girls' who are sending me threats because of the things I say in my ad... IT! Why don't you spend your time learning how to take care of, and giving a damn, about your clients instead of threatening me because I do? Don't hate on me for keeping it real; it's all I know how to do. NONE of you scare me, and you most definitely aren't hurting my business or self-esteem. In fact, I love all of you haters. Why? Because when I have haters it means I'm doing my job and that I'm doing it well...you wouldn't be threatening me if you didn't feel intimidated. I've been dealing with you pitiful haters all my life and it hasn't stopped me yet, nor will it stop me now. I'm not alone in this out here; I know there are a few more Diva's that are on my level and know what I'm talking about...but only a few. I'm not gonna stop doing what I'm doing or slow my roll so why don't stop taking time from your busy schedule (lol) just to tell me about myself? I mean really, this isn't high school or Craigslist and I know it's killing you that you can't get myself or any of the other high class Diva's out here anymore (with your lies, unfairly flagged postings, and your famous fake 'hobbyist' postings on CL), but deal with it! This is called good advertisement and I'm just another competitor so step up your game and stop crying about it (though technically I'm NOT your competition because my style of massage is NOTHING like ANY OF YOURS). If you don't like my ad THEN DON'T READ IT! "sorry i cant stop it is good shit" IT WASN'T WRITTEN FOR YOU ANYWAY!! Besides that, haters only add fuel to my Diva fire!!! "diva fire diva fire diva fire" That's why I'M THE #1 DIVA.
In call Only. Clean shower and linen always available.
Divine Massage.....(612) 501-3538
70 minutes - $125 ($100 Special)
100 minutes - $175 ($150 Special)
130 minutes - $225 ($200 Special)
DON’T ANNOY THE DIVA!
I have very little patience with people with annoying questions. Whoever said that there’s no such thing as a stupid question if full of bologna! "oscar meyer" I get hit with stupid questions all the time and find it to be quite cumbersome! I think that some of the questions are asked for the sake of conversation and will leave you talking to Mr. DT (dial tone) "i prefer my dt to be something else" real quick "and not real quick" . I have no qualms with hanging up the phone on someone I think is playing games, or who is just being plain stupid. To avoid this happening to you be sure to think and read before asking for more information, and avoid the following questions…