So for the guys or gals.  What's the craziest, most screwed up encounter you've had.  Here's mine.

This is about eight years ago.  I had been seeing providers out of the metropolitan forum for about six months and figured I had it all worked out.  I now knew the test and no longer had uncomfortable LE impressions.  I call a number advertising a blonde for $.  I give a call and get directions to a house near the Payne and Arcade area.  Just behind University.  I drive over there and ring the bell.  Sure the hood is dangerous but I figure I did ok in North Mpls so I go upstairs.  This old lady tells me that the girl isn't there but if i'd like a beer I could sit in the kitchen with them.  So i'm sitting there with three grandma's and some grandpa guy.  The girl finally shows up and we go to a room.  We get naked and suddenly this huge black guy starts pounding on the door.  It's her boyfriend and he wanted to make sure she was ok.  She assures me and him that we're ok and he goes downstairs to "Watch my car".  I'm nervous now but figure I might as well try to have fun.  I'm doing some DATY when I hear lots of commotion.  The guy and some kids have started a fist fight right outside the house and someone is screaming "I'm calling the cops."  I decide to bail and the guy is trying to tell me how next time he'll be sure no one disturbs us and will watch my car.  From now on only hotels or better neighborhoods.  Seems harsher in my brain but still probably worth a read.   Later

You have my sympathy dear friend.  Been there, done that! What's even worse the so-called big black boyfriend, tried to tell me that the girl was in the bathroom getting ready, when in fact, there was no girl at all.  It was a scam.  I felt uncomfortable and tried to leave, but the black boyfriend pulled out a knife, and said,"You need to compensate the lady!"(meaning he wanted me to pay them for just showing up, no services rendered. And then he said he and his boys would put a wreakage on my car!
I like the idea about hotels and decent neighborhoods! That's where you'll find me if I can help it.  I find those are providers with class!

Years ago, I went to Relax-a-Lounge,during the times when the Minneapolis police were raiding the place about once a week.  I had never been there before, and was greeted somewhat coldly.  They had a menu board at the top of the stairs, listing their prices, with a few cleverly phrased "menu items".  I  chose something like the "taste me---taste you", and was led to a private room.  I disrobed, and waited...and waited...and waited....and waited....and waited.  After about 20 minutes, I opened the door...and rather shyly said "hello.....Hello........Hello................hello".  With my flimsey towel around my waist, I walked out to the front desk...only to find no one there.  Again, I started the "hello....hello...is any body there."  Nothing...Nada....zilch.  I was alone...and all the girls were gone.   Not knowing what else to do, I got dressed went down to my car.  As I started to leave, I saw all the girls standing out behind the building....just standing there.  At first I thought I must have missed a fire drill or something.  I rolled down my window and asked what was going on.  All the girls turned away from me, and started to walk away...except one...who very bravely said...."Aren't you cops sick of harrassing us???"   They thought I was LE. And, rather than get busted, they just left the building and left me inside...NAKED!!!!!is worth, I was about 30 years old, slightly paunchy, with short hair and a mustache.  I guess I did look like a Minneapolis cop at that.

And then, of course, there is the massage parlor where the girls said..."we don't sell sex...we sell soup!!!"  But I will leave that story for another day.

I fold! You win!

I can't figure out whether is should be a Cohen Brothers or Taratino movie!  eehe

The story about the hood and the parlor brought back memories.  As a teenager, I lived on te north side and it was just as dysfunctional as frog town.  All kinds of strange and sad stuff I can picture gramps and granma chain smoking in the dingy kitchen!

I rememeber once some a few friends and I went downtown in the 80s when there were lots of parlors (even bath houses).  We were naive teenagers and MTC was cheap.  We ended up walking up to a massage parlor lamely disguised as an "excercise studio"... we were convince it must be a brothel.  It had a bell and we rang that thing for like 10 minutes.  

Right when we were about to leave this overly made up asian woman in here 40s or 50s comes to the door in robe.  We were stunned. But kind of thrilled.  We are thinking "what do we do next", and she opens it with an angry face and say in an accent "WHAT YOU WANT.... WHAT YOU WANT..." and my buddy yelled something obscene and we ran out.  We had not yet been corrupted. heheh.

Unfortunately we couldn't get enough... so we tracked down another shady spot... a long dark hall lit with red lights.  We walked down this hall, ascended some stairs and the smell of chlorine filled the air.  There were 2 doors and a guy selling access... We had a bad feeling.... One guy had just went into the left door and beyond we saw guys in towels..... no ladies!  Uh OH!

We high tailed it out of there and the only luck we had the rest of the night were 2 old guys coming up the stairs one of whom who said in a feminine voice "Leaving so soon boys, why don't you come back in..."  

Whatever happened to that grungy old Cohen-brothers Minneapolis...

That is funny as hell.  Probably wasn't for you at the time.  Thanks.

Many years ago, a high school buddy of mine and I (we were naive as hell) decided we wanted to try a steam bath.  We went downtown Mpls. (I think it was the basement of the Lumber Exchange Building) where there was a sign advertising steam baths.  We went down, paid the fee and was given a key to a compartment similar to a toilet stall.  We undressed and went into the steam bath room.  Sat for a while and moved to another room full of benches where we laid down and relaxed.  All of a sudden my buddy said "lets get the hell out of here".  We were surrounded by a bunch of gay men that wanted to get their hands on us.  Scared has hell we managed to get back to the stall where our cloths were.  You know how hard it is to pull your cloths on when you are all wet.  They were writing notes to us and dropping them over the stall partition.  We finally got up enough nerve to open the door and head for the entrance.  They never laid a hand on us thank goodness.  When we got up onto the sidewalk on Hennepin Ave. there was a policeman standing there.  We went to him and reported what was going on down there.  He just said "why don't you boys go home".

When I was in college me and some other guys went to Juarez.  We all got loaded, hit the brothels, drank some more, watched the donkey show [ew] and then all but me and Mike went back to the motel.  We picked up these two girls and went to their place for $20 for all night.  It looked pretty bad, a row of doorways with curtains rather than doors.  I went in one and Mike right next door.  Small rooms maybe 8 by 8 with a single bed.  We did our stuff and passed out.  In the morning I woke up to a bright light.  There was no ceiling!  These were like stalls or something - 3 walls and a curtain for the 4th.  I grabbed Mike and we beat it - laughing our asses off!  This was in the days before AIDs - thank god!

-- Modified on 10/3/2005 11:05:12 PM