I’ve never really spanked anyone here with a bad review — so I need someone to talk me off the ledge before I tell the world how I’m feeling at the moment. And just like that, all the guys are thinking — dude, do me a solid and give me a name.
I should have planned further in advance, I know, but when I hear, “yes, come on over,” I’m going to assume you have an hour free. That turned out not to be the case.
1) Arrived, phoned upstairs, and was told I’d be let in. Three or four minutes later a surly, non-communicative girl opened the front door — complaining she’d just been asleep and needed a nap — and began slow-walking/shuffling down the hall. It got so bad I actually stopped walking and said “I don’t have to be here, you know.” Thankfully, she wasn’t going to do my massage.
2) I was punctual — and freshly showered. I was shown into a room, coughed up the massage fee, and instructed to get comfortable and leave a tip on the credenza. I was generous — exceedingly so.
3) She arrived five minutes late — and ended ten minutes early. I KNOW you’ll think I’m exaggerating — but during the 45 minutes which remained, she was on her phone constantly, often giving a half-hearted, one-handed massage as she answered a text or read a message. She also answered four calls.
(I know, guys … I SHOULD review this train wreck of an appointment — but 90% of the time, her reviews are good — so I’m trying to figure out why this session sucked so hard … without any actual
sucking going on in the room.)
4) I have a minor injury and deep tissue massage can really, really be painful at the moment. I was *very* clear I just wanted light to medium touch — but I had to roll away and tell her to stop three different times. FFS — pay attention.
5) The HE made me want to cry. I knew more about what feels good south of the belt buckle when I was 12 and was still having wet dreams. I tried a bit of coaching — but her next appointment was already calling from downstairs — so she had to stop and go tell sleepy girl to let him in … only to have the phone ring AGAIN five minutes later, “nobody let me in.” How do I know what he said? The volume was that loud. Yeah — for all the calls. Sorry, guys.
Totally out of the moment now — as she’s once again peeking out the door, asking the somnambulist why her client was still waiting downstairs (“…but I did let a client in — it must be someone else”). She went for the pro’s go-to move — heavy pressure with the thumb on the underside of the head as she … well, it wasn’t really stroking, it was more like holding and shaking rapidly… to an aborted release that was completely unsatisfying.
Screw it —I just wrote it, she might as well own it. Unless one of you ladies can convince me that ‘everyone has an off day and since most of her reviews are positive, the chivalrous thing to do is give her a mulligan.’ Cleary — I’ll never be back.
Thoughts?