First off sorry for the alias - I need it to protect the innocent! I have a familar story - involved in a sexless marriage but I still love and care for my wife. On one hand sometimes the urges I feel are unbearable. On the other hand when I think about being with someone else I think the guilt would be unbearable. I know only I can figure this out and that there is not an easy answer. I just needed to vent! Thanks!

Pretty much sexless here also but mostly my fault. I just can't wait for the next opportunity to head to the cities for my next encounter. My work and marriage probably suffer because of it but I can't seem to break the habit.

If I ever got caught my life would be ruined. I've got it pretty good at home with a great wife. She is attractive, smart,funny and caring. What the fuck is wrong with me?

The sexless part of my marriage is not
my choice. I have tried all sorts of ways to rekindle the flame to no avail.

You will eventually get laid, it is biology. It's better to do it here than on the street, at work or with a friend.
Trust me, you have women friends not getting laid too and if you're a guy they like and know, you're fair game.

Do your homework, spend some $$ and after 3 or 5 sessions it's still not working, sex isn't your issue.

Personally, I was racked with guilt at first too. Then I had a great session with a girl who came repeatedly (She squirted so the proof was on the bed, running down my legs and my face) and I went home in a great mood. I took the wife out for dinner and drinks that night.

I like to hobby after work on Fridays as a reward for getting through the week. I like the sex and the variety. I found out too late that I never want to just have sex with one woman ever again in my life.

I too would lose a shit load if I got caught, but if that happens, I'll be forced to have the discussion I have put off for years. I try to hobby as safely as possible, read up and ask questions, see well reviewed girls, not unknowns from BP, plan to pay well to play and your odds of getting busted drop immensely.

Posted By: What_to_do

First off sorry for the alias - I need it to protect the innocent! I have a familar story - involved in a sexless marriage but I still love and care for my wife. On one hand sometimes the urges I feel are unbearable. On the other hand when I think about being with someone else I think the guilt would be unbearable. I know only I can figure this out and that there is not an easy answer. I just needed to vent! Thanks!

Very timely post. I've been mulling it over for a while now, and realize how wrong it is, for me personally.  I don't judge anyone else, but just for me, I'm hanging it up.  I have rationalized all my actions over the past 5 years, through the loss of my father, and many other reasons.

I look back at the money I would have if not for this hobby, that's a killer.

Posted By: What_to_do

First off sorry for the alias - I need it to protect the innocent! I have a familar story - involved in a sexless marriage but I still love and care for my wife. On one hand sometimes the urges I feel are unbearable. On the other hand when I think about being with someone else I think the guilt would be unbearable. I know only I can figure this out and that there is not an easy answer. I just needed to vent! Thanks!

A provider could answer your question??? Well I can certainly tell you my personal experiences.

From a female perspective....I am happy in my marriage.....and I have been married FOR YEARS...it has not always been like it is now...but for the most part my hubby and I are very happy. I think women involved in long term serious relationships FORGET that for the most part our SO's sexual desires do not change....their ability, endurance, and appetites may change...but a mans sexual desire does not change.


OTOH

For WOMEN things change drastically with the responsibilities of home, husband, house, children, and heaven help her if she works outside the house. It is called: SHE HAS TOO MUCH ON HER PLATE. If you don't believe me you are free to take a test run in her shoes for a week. We run out of steam by the time we hit the sack the only thing we want to do is sleep.

Sometimes just making a point to do housework once a week for her...will cause a total rekindle...(been there done that) My hubby did not announce anything he just got up from the table one day, went in the kitchen and cleaned it....he does this once a week, and every other week we have someone come in an clean the house. When the kids were smaller we had a constant baby sitter and actually took time to enjoy US. At first we were very akward with it....it seemed to me it was just a ploy for him to get me to fuck him....until I came to the realization that it may have been that...but I really wanted to rekindle US as well...and I totally enjoy being with him.

I can't really explain it...but his willingness to help me after I was done with kids, their homework, house work, my real job, my night job, my own family...instead of him coming home and catatonically watching the idiot box...(outside of my night job) him doing what I do for a week, really allowed him to be involved in what I have to do to keep our house running....he totally gets it now...women are amazingly BUSY AS HELL!!

I have a friend now in my hubby....and somehow during all this....I started really wrapping my brain around how much of a fun PERVERT this man is!!! The rest is "his"tory!

you will figure it out...that why this hobby is hear due to helping you solve your issue.

Posted By: What_to_do

First off sorry for the alias - I need it to protect the innocent! I have a familar story - involved in a sexless marriage but I still love and care for my wife. On one hand sometimes the urges I feel are unbearable. On the other hand when I think about being with someone else I think the guilt would be unbearable. I know only I can figure this out and that there is not an easy answer. I just needed to vent! Thanks!

I have three jobs, I do the laundry, I take care of the yard, I do the dishes and cooking 50% of the time. Now what?

Geezus man take a vacay!!...and keep in mind what works for me may not be your SO's problem.

There are some ladies who just don't want to fuck anymore.

You will never get any push back from me on the fucking part.....blue balls around these parts is a huge NO NO!!!

If you have not already indulged in hobbying. I suggest you start doing some serious homework, find exactly what you are looking for and help yourself. I don't know what to tell you about your feelings of guilt....after me and my ole man worked out our differences.....we morphed into full fledged hardcore swingers........I LOVEEEE GIRLS!!! He brings them home and I join in!!

If I were a man, moreover if I were a hobbyist I would see all sorts of different types of providers....not just limit myself to one body type, race, or brand of provider......if I were into everyting.....I'd find myself different:


cum sluts
anal queens
a bbw
a porn star
a massage lady with dynamic endings
a really tall girl
a lesbian couple who provided threesomes for guys
take a provider to a fuck club
a 20 something
a 50 something
an HDH
a very moderately priced lady
an agency girl
a touring only girl
I would honestly turn into Capt Kirk and not exclude a  race!

.....

If you're in a sexless marriage, shouldn't your wife feel guilty for that?  If you're like me, you had the expectation and were led to believe that sex is a normal part of marriage.  If my wife wanted to have sex, and I hobbied, well then yes I'd feel guilty.  But that is not the case in my situation.

And yes, I understand that women lose their sex drive, and they might be busy with kids, etc.  But not every household has 6 kids where mom also works full time.  Many of us guys work hard too.  As far as women losing their sex drive, well that's unfortunate, but that doesn't have to mean they can't still satisfy their husband sexually.  Let's be frank - would it be too much to ask for a 10 - 15 minute blowjob once a week or so?  Well apparently it is.  Do you know what kind of names I'd be called if I told my wife I didn't want to go to a certain movie or function because I just didn't have the "drive" or it wasn't important to me?  Marriage is supposed to be a give and take, and I was always taught that you need to place high priority on things that are important to your mate.

I have no doubt that had I found the hobby while I was still married, I would probably still be married today.   My needs get met, I feel less resentment, I make more effort....   Not Ozzie and Harriet but I really think it would have turned out different.

Really good talk.  Thanks so much everybody.  I am not alone.

Another sexless marriage case here.  There are some health issues involved (not mine) but that is not the entire back story.

Have some guilt for sure but not unbearable.  Maybe that makes me an asshole?

P.S.  Watching porn helps but not enough.  I'm pretty sure I would be divorced, fired and broke if this woman ..er .. student was a provider around here.
http://youporn.com/watch/553867/horny-students-have-threesome/?from=country_rating

Very true IMHO.  You only know what your situation is now and if it is getting worse or staying the same.  You don't know for sure what would happen if you see escorts.  Maybe you will be one of those guys that it helps them keep their marriage going by giving what your wife won't.  But there's no guarantee of that and of course there are the other well known risks of hobbying.  Good luck to you and whatever you do I hope things get better,

When I first started providing, near the top of my list of concerns was that I would ruin some marriages.  In other words......aid in destroying a marriage; home-wrecker of a loving marriage.  Something that I feared and dreaded in my former marriage.  In relatively short order, my view of that changed dramatically.  I've met many who have actually credited me for saving their marriage.  I have met many in virtually the same situation as you described.  There was no intention or desire on the part of the hobbiest to leave what was seemingly an otherwise good marriage.  Discretion and secrecy became paramount as it should be in any case.  No falling in love, no possessiveness, no unsolicited phone calls or text messages, no drama, none of that business.  Personally, such an arrangement is my favorite type client, for they are eager for a regular arrangement as am I; and I think many of my cohorts.

The concept of saving a marriage that is absent only what "providers" provide actually and ironically gave me a sense of worth for being in this "vocation".  Truth be told; being an outlet for someone(s) in this predicament gives me a "perk" to continue.

Hope this helps.

Ya know... even though it financially benefits the providers, if you were to jump on board, I am not the type of person who pressures guys to become clients.  Seeing providers is a controversial thing.  I am not saying it's right or wrong.  I actually think the ethical outcome, depends a lot on the emotions and social position of the two people involved.  However, it is always controversial.  It's up to you to do what feels good and/or right for you.  It sounds like your conscience is nagging you.  Maybe you should stick to masturbation.  

I never pressure guys to do this hobby.  

I just play with the guys who want to be here, and who would be here, anyway.

You could always meet a lady for a body rub... maybe with a happy ending.  Does that count as cheating?

It sounds like you've really tried. I think that you might feel less anxiety/guilt should you decide to see a provider if you feel that you have made your best attempt to try to fill your physical needs at home first.

If you feel OK with mentioning what type of issue(s) might be preventing your wife from filling your needs, there are people on this site who may have experience and additional constructive advice, both on this board and on "The Erotic Highway" board.

Obviously you won't want to get too specific, but if you could give a general idea of what you feel the issues might be, and some additional general information, there may be some helpful replies with constructive suggestions.

Did she enjoy sex in the past?
Her approximate age?
Is she menopausal or post-menopausal?
Is there a known medical/physical problem that is the cause?
Is it "only" her lack of libido?
Anything thing else that you feel is relevant, without disclosing anything too specific?

to turn away from her SO's sexual advances.  For some women, sex is physically or psychologically painful.  Perhaps couples counseling or a visit to her physician is in order and would help?  Both of you would need to be willing participants and patient if this were the case.  There would be no easy overnight fix to a serious problem such as this.

Kim beat me to this suggestion too.
Many people do indeed feel that there are different "levels  of cheating".
Is masturbating cheating?
Is hiring a professional to do that for you cheating?
What if you had carpal tunnel syndrome?
There are sometimes lots of shades of gray when it comes to ethical issues.

IF you should decide to hire some professional assistance to ease your frustration, the massage venue can be an excellent choice.
There are multiple very good and excellent  independent discrete ladies who may be able to fill your needs. Even if you decide later to go on to a more "full service" menu, massage provides an excellent entry point to this hobby.

Here's some of the reasons this can be a good choice -

You are obviously torn about this, and because of that I expect that you will be rather nervous, especially the first time out. Massage gives you the opportunity to relax, feel the touch of a woman, and get comfortable. This "hobby" is supposed to be fun! You'll need to be relaxed in order to have fun.

Plausible deniability: if you choose a lady with discreet ads etc., and the "worse case scenario" of your spouse "finding out", if she discovers the phone number and searches it, it is just a discreet "body rub" ad. You just went to get a massage (true!). Massage can also legitimately be the reason you are absent those hours.

Price: Since your need is ongoing, if you choose carefully, a massage-only provider may be appreciably less cost than full service. This may allow you to afford to repeat more often.

Any massage that is sufficiently skilled FEELS like affection. In addition, there are ladies that are quite skilled at the finish.

Believe me, I know.

Sorry, please excuse my ignorance but I don't know what that one is. I did try a quick search, with no luck. Could you please spell this one out for me?

Thanks in advance!

Semi-hard,

I'm willing to help you.  I'll fuck your wife!

I'm always amused by providers who begin your time together by reciting a litany of things that you can't do because they don't like it.  Don't providers realize that we can generally get boundaries and limitations and complaining at home, for free?

We are looking for a stress free and enjoyable respite from daily life.  The providers that I see, again and again, understand that we are meeting, at my expense, to satisfy my need for pleasure and relief.  Generally, I also get pleasure from satisfying my partner, both sexually and financially, and we can both leave satisfied.

What a great opportunity to get the last word in (maybe) - dude, put the guilt aside, go out and find yourself a little variety, get your strut back, then go home and screw your spouse for the hour you have no trouble giving the providers you have seen.  Your skills will be honed, your confidence will be back, and you will figure it out in the process.  It's your damned journey asshole, not anybody else's, take it!!

I was torn for a long time. It drove me crazy. I love my wife. She's a great woman. But there are things that I want that I so far haven't gotten from her. If I did, there would be no reason for me to cheat.

If it is going to drive you crazy, you need to make a decision and stick with it. Don't look back. For me, it came down to a simple question: When I draw my last breath, do I really want to have this regret? I am very careful and try to choose providers carefully. It's true, you will be holding something back from the relationship - that's the trade off. Only you can decide what works for you.

FWIW, I went to a psychologist who also did sex therapy. She understood where I was coming from. I asked if it would be wise to ever share this with my wife. She said in her experience it was a pretty quick way to end up in divorce court.

As I said, only you can decide what works for you. Whatever you decide, don't look back. Talking to oneself and understanding what makes oneself "tick" is exceptionally hard work. I will leave you with the same words that therapist left me with:

Above all - know yourself.

Good luck in your journey.

"I'm always amused by providers who begin your time together by reciting a litany of things that you can't do because they don't like it.  Don't providers realize that we can generally get boundaries and limitations and complaining at home, for free?"

That should never happen if you do a little homework.

Your are correct.  It doesn't happen often or twice with the same woman.  I have a group of regulars that take up 90% of my hobbying time.