First time poster, wannabe hobbyist here.  I've been thinking about it for a long time and think I'm gonna take the plunge.  After all - what's the worst that could happen?

While it sounds flippant, that's really my question.  But the answer I'm looking for is not just based on imagination, but from actual experience.  I can imagine how being outed could mess up my life, cause a costly divorce, put me in legal trouble with my name spread through the media and have everyone I know gossipping about me.  

But, I don't want to know what might be, I'd like to hear what actual people have experienced.  So, to help me evaluate going forward into the hobby, please tell me your actual experience  - have you ever been arrested, ever had a close call, ever had a real life problem caused by a provider, etc? Or, didyou take sufficient precautions and lower the risk to a level where it's never been a problem for you?

Thanks - I'll hang up and listen.

Just some tips for newbies that I've picked up through experience and listening to other people:

So just some suggestions that might help learn the lay of the land:
1.  Check out the newbie board; lots of good info there
2.  Get the VIP membership so you can see the review details and have access to the PM system
3.  Spend some time learning how to use the search functions for both reviews and the discussion board so you can identify ladies you would be interested in seeing based on the criteria that matter most to you (ex: looks, menu, rates, etc.)
4.  Figure out what kind of verification the ladies you would like to see require and how you can meet those requirements.  Some ladies are very particular.  Others are more flexible.  It's OK to contact them about it if you are not sure; just remember to be discreet.  Any  explicit questions will likely get you disconnect or otherwise ignored.
5.  Some ladies advertise here or on other sites that they are newbie friendly; keep an eye out for that.
6.  Consider joining a site such as P411 that pre-screens potential clients.  Some escorts will accept membership in such sites as satisfactory verification.
7.  If you are still puzzled by something after having done research, please feel free to ask questions.  I think for the most part we are willing to help out so long as we think you are not just freeloading on what others have learned.
8.  Develop a bit of a thick skin; some people are going to be jerks regardless.
9.  If an ad or offer looks TGTBT, it's probably TGTBT.
10. If you find yourself in any situation that doesn't feel quite right, trust your instincts and walk away.
11. As a newcomer, stick with well-reviewed ladies.  It's harder when you are inexperienced to figure out who the legit providers are from the fakes and scammers when they don't have reviews.
12.  Google is very useful.  Searching on a phone number or other info from an ad in Google can sometimes save you a lot of grief.
13. To help uncover ads that are using someone else pics Google Image Search and Tineye are useful tools.  Much better to find out ahead of time that the girl you are thinking of calling is using the pics from some porn star or model or that the pics have been used in ads from one side of the country to the other.



-- Modified on 1/2/2013 9:57:50 AM

That is the nicest and most accurate help I have ever seen a newbie receive on any TER board.  You both are to be commended and what good start to the New Year!

I agree completely. Thanks to both!

The advice from Potia and Vorlon is very sound.
A play phone and email are imperative. However I would differ from Portia's advice on the google voice option, depending upon your situation. Personally I want nothing relating to my regular life intermixed with the play stuff. So I advise getting some form of trak phone and not tying your real name to it. Keep it turned off and locked up with a password. I would not want a google voice call coming into a phone that might be answered by someone other than me or to be recieving a call that might be one you do not want coming in present company.

Additional advice, esspecially if you are not with a very well reviewed and discrete provider, would revolve around discussions and behavior. Always know what the fee is before going in and then never discuss it further. Never get into a discussion about paying for any sexual acts. You are within your legal rights to pay for peoples time. I get questions from less expierianced ladies all the time "what would you like to do"... My ussual answer is "spend some nice time with you". Most of the time she will smile and come sit down on the bed or come over for a kiss, etc. Some want to use this as a ploy to upcharge and I just don't go along with it. I personally hate handing them the funds. I normally just lay it down in plain sight and try to never refer to it. A real quality lady might expect you to lay it down and excuse yourself to the bathroom to wash your hands. Some may never touch it until you leave or at least until the session is over. Many will pick it up right away and say "is this for me?" That just seems stupid to me and I might shrug a shoulder or something but don't want to say, esspecially if it is a first meeting. Many young ladies want you to touch them to prove your not a cop.... So if they are asking you to touch them, why not go for it?! They are consenting adults at that point. So I'll often just go as far as I can rather than limit it to a little feel.... Have fun!

The other thing is behavior on the phone and in person. We all have different days and moods, but in general try to be nice on the phone but not too long winded. Be as comfortable as possible, ladies pick up on that and may be deciding if they want to follow through with an appoinment or not. And when you get to a location, try to act like you belong there. If it is a Hotel, walk in like you should be there. It is allways helpful if the lady gives directions such as "walk past the desk and go left to the elevator". Less suspicious than walking back and forth trying to find it. I ussually repeat back the room number.... I've been given the wrong one a couple times and have lucked out so far that no one was home.... But it might be embarasing if a hot non-provider 25 year old opens the door and I walk in and giver her a big hug and lay down a few hundred! Some ladies are changing hotels every day and can make a simple mistake... by repeating it back she might catch it.

The Hushmail and Google Voice number are completely understandable....but the not giving your name is NOT COOL.

As a new hobbyist you do not have the hobby history ie solid reputable references or pre-screening sites to rely upon when wanting to see upscale providers. Also if a provider is not asking you lots of questions...she is not asking anyone lots of questions including John Law...do you REALLY want to get caught up in a sting?

Portia, honey you need to learn how to screen!! If you are not asking for a clients name, of something happens to you....what are you going to tell the police....Mr. Hobbyist1234 did this? Seriously.......why would you get on a public board and 1 tell the whole world you do not know or choose to not screen properly...2 why would you encourage a new hobbyist to not recognize proper screening? Great way to start him off in the hobby world. There's no way in hell you screened a new hobbyist properly without having his name and employment information. He has nothing else to rely on.


Sir....please consider one of the many pre-screening sites available to you at a very reasonable cost. (under $100.00 a year)

Vorlan,

Many thanks for the long, thoughtful reply.  I had done some of what you suggested and will incorporate the others into my approach to hobbying, and if I'm able to figure a way to make it happen safely I promise to provide quality reviews.

Thank you.

-- Modified on 1/2/2013 4:06:27 PM

Thank you, bluenorth.  Your advice on interaction makes a lot of sense.  I will try to behave in a similar manner. It seems less risky that way.  I also agree on the phone.  Bluetooth in the car is normally great, but it could be a big problem to get "that" call when you have a passenger with you.

Thanks again.  I really appreciate the advice.

You cannot do employment safety checks without a name....there's no way you can have employment information and not have the persons name....???? Even if they own their own business  you would still have their name. Or do you call their place of employment and say:

"This is provider so and so...is hobbyist so and so in the cubicle next to the window available....I need to screen him so we won't be arrested.....thanks I'll hold"

Girl bye!...stop that.....if you want to know how to screen please reach out for help and stop back peddling.

where I wrote about having his name.

In my advice letter I write  

"You very willingly gave "screening" info to me....which if you had not, I would have not seen you.   I was able to see you because of your full-disclosure with me.  "

go back and read that.  it's in there.  

so, I DID know his real name.   How else could I screen him at his place of employment.?   That would be ridiculous to not know his name.
And due to the very high level of security attached to his employment I knew without a shadow of a doubt who he was and where he worked.   If I had not, I would not have seen him.  

I apologize if I didn't make my intent clear in my OP.      The OP was concerned with how "not to be outted".   Not giving "personal info" is one way to do that.  And I had a personal situation in where I advised a client as to how to have "hobby" info to give to a provider.    Yes, a NEWBIE has to start somewhere...... once they've established themselves in the hobby, they will know their own comfort levels of what info they will and wont disclose.  It looks like he's doing things "right", by getting on a screening site, so he should have a happy hobby life ahead of him!!

However, on a public board it reads like this:

"I am a reputable provider.  You need only see me once, then I will provide your reference and any provider who requires more information can go scratch."

Lurkers who would do us harm need not be told "get one good reference and then you don't have to provide any real information."  That is why providers are objecting to this post.

The one and only time I was ever robbed/assaulted in this business I had no recourse because I'd only accepted the reference information of a known provider.  

Her advice is not unlike advice that most of us have provided to excellent new clients, particularly those with high level security clearances, regional or national celebrity or other visible professions.

Good clients, clients who have earned their stripes, should be permitted to circulate with relative anonymity.  Reputable providers recognize this and many of us will instruct a client privately in how to see who they would like to see without compromising the quality of their life or privacy.  

However, on public boards the rats (bad clients) do not need to be taught how to evade the mousetrap.

You are right though, it would be interesting to see how she would instruct a new provider to be safe accepting the reference (aka stage name and individual opinion) only of a new client using a false name, a burner phone or how to hold him accountable in the event she is robbed or assaulted.

References are not a panacea.
Screening is a very delicate art that takes time to learn and mutual compromise between a provider and each individual client she attempts to see.

Her post may have been in good spirit, she was just replying to his concern about being outed.
But *publicly posting a personal email filled with instruction to an individual client suggesting he avoid any provider who is not willing to place her physical safety and legal freedom in the hands of the stage name "Portia" is unreasonable*.

Suggesting a Preferred411 account, a secondary email and a second phone would have sufficed.  

-- Modified on 1/2/2013 3:43:53 PM

Vorlan, you've proved once again that you're a tremendous resource to both this board and the hobbyist community.  Keep up the great work, we all appreciate it.

And Portia, you've proved once again that you're a total sweetheart!  Ignore all the negative responses you've gotten.  No good deed goes unpunished!

A`, when you and I met you did not have my civilian ID. If that had been a condition, we would not have met. Meaning no disrespect to YOU in any way, but Portia is entirely correct that there are ladies in the hobby world who cannot and should not be trusted with that sort of information, and you cannot always tell who they are from reading reviews and looking at web sites. I don't recall you asked me lots of questions, either. You did have my P411 ID and a bunch of Okays to look at, and very possibly you actually spoke to at least one of the women who okayed me. Good for you if you did. Maybe that's what you were meaning to say, it needs either a name or some valid references, but it came across as something else. If I had mugged you, all you could have said is a guy with P411 ID such-and-such did this. Seriously. And since P411 discards personal ID info very quickly, that wouldn't have done you much good.

Portia's OP was cribbed from an email aimed at telling a new hobbyist, one she had already met and apparently liked, how to keep himself safe. It was not aimed at telling a newbie provider how to keep herself safe. There is always some tension between those two, equally valuable, objectives. Yelling at Portia because she didn't cover ground that wouldn't help the guy makes no sense at all.

When I joined P411 I was already retired. That made it a challenge for them to verify me sufficiently when I had no current employment, but I gave them a pension check stub and was able to point them at some public information that confirmed my career had been something other than LE. And despite all the info I gave, I am told my Profile started out with a warning to the ladies who viewed it that told exactly what P411 had and had not verified. So then I had to find a P411 lady willing to see me in spite of it all. It wasn't too hard, really. Maybe she wasn't "upscale." Maybe she wasn't "elite." Someone will have to tell me some time what those terms really mean. But she was a sweet lady who taught me some things and when we were done she gave me a Provider Okay and the rest is history. But no provider has ever learned my real identity prior to the first time we met face to face.

I thought Portia's initial posting was great. I'd love to read the essay she would write to educate a new provider how to be safe.

And for the alias who, after unfairly excoriating Portia and putting words in her mouth she did not say, declared "There are only a relatively small percentage of ladies who will use a gents info to blackmail them.", my response is, "Sweetie, it only takes one."

Portia....I am a very very reputable provider. I actually TEACH ladies how to be escorts. I mentor. I host a globally attended conference for Adult Entertainers. I host a traveling educational conference based on the Adult Entertainment Industry. I also TEACH hobbyist how to not get themselves tangled up in DANGEROUS DRAMA.

So here is some free advice...... this is the very first thing I teach everyone: THERE IS NO GUARANTEE and no methodology on not being outted. As reputable as I am...I could fall and hit my head today and flip the hell out. The best any of us can do is to surround ourselves with people who are sane, secure, and have their shit together.

The other thing I stress to anyone is about posting on public boards. The hardest form of communication to to properly convey is WRITTEN communication. If you didn't mean to post that hobbyist should give fake names via their screening....THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER TYPED IT. We cannot read your body language, can't hear your vocal inflections, and have no clue what you really mean. You have to use great regard when posting anything that could put you in danger.

Now you can get mad and continue to pm me all you want to......I am telling you what I know and how your post appears.

With no name, how the hell does a lady go to LE.   Oh yes, I should call Portia who was his first and is the only one to know his real identity and have her call police for me.  

We all do things differently and if she would like men to lie to her that is her prerogative but to make a public posting encouraging such risky behavior here does a great disservice to providers and hobbyists alike.

As I said previously, EVERY arrest I have ever heard about has had one thing in common........lack of adequate screening.

You Minn4evr have earned your stripes and can get by with less questions.   A newbie, however, has to earn that privilege by posting reviews and engaging in the community.  

I am sorry if you disagree, but, this is not the same hobby environment as it was even 5 years ago.   You can not be safe if you do not ask questions.  

I am sorry that Portia is being attacked by so many.

That's  interesting, A, because I understood her post differently than you did. It was clear to me that the lettet was to her former client, and that what she was saying was that I should be careful and not too trusting.  The nom de plume piece was more for general communication, per my understanding.

I agree with you that written communication is a tough medium in which to comminicate. What I've learned to do is to make an attempt to clarify before I assume something, and to be willing to accept explanations others provide. Most people are sincere and goodhearted.  It's a good thing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Thx, breadmaker.  I will.

Thanks for the Link!

Thanks for the link!  That is awesome!  

Why would I "get mad" at you and" continue to pm" you.     What in your any of your posts on here could possibly cause ME to get mad at YOU?   I sent you a few pm's to clarify some things in my OP after you commented on my post and I really appreciated your responses to me.      I really did.  Me? get mad??   hardly worth the energy.  

Yes, you are correct, the written word can be hard to "read" at times.  And I do understand the dynamic behind the power of the written word on a public forum.  




-- Modified on 1/2/2013 2:37:50 PM

Portia, you DO know how to screen, I will attest to that. I understood your post perfectly.

So please have another cup of coffee. You know it's always on me!

hmmm. It sounds like you already know the worst that could happen. If it causes you so much concern that you are stuck being a "lurker" (your virgin post sounds like you've been reading) maybe it's not for you-if you can't relax at least a LITTLE and have fun after you've been verified safe than it's not going to be as enjoying as it obviously should be.
I'm not sure how many "bad" experiences you've heard about in inquiry to your question, but you sure did open up a can and there is now a very well-known and highly reputable provider getting reamed and she's not getting paid for it.

Clients and providers equally have things to "lose."

You are a well known hobbyist and I know EXACTLY who you are. I am not nor will I ever be aggressive with compiling enough information for me to feel safe with a gent, but you better know I screen my ass off THEN have you and anyone else I decide to see PROFESSIONALLY SCREENED.

Please keep in mind I had two professional screeners when we met. Both of whom could probably find the remains of Jimmy Hoffa. I am also a whiz when it comes to the internet and how to screen.

I think that once you're face to face with someone you should have the good sense of who you're dealing with.  If I am hurt physically someone will be held accountable.  That is the basis of screening.  I may not have the entire puzzle but regardless of whether or not the client knows it I will have at least one piece that can help construct a larger picture.  That's all that matters to me aside from staying out of legal trouble.

I am like you.  It may not seem like I'm screening because in some instances I don't have to make a production out of it.  But I am very adept at finding out the information I need to know to feel physically and legally secure.
No screening process is impenetrable, but there are certainly ways to minimize risk and keep yourself out of trouble while keeping your client feeling as though he is in the hands of a capable professional who doesn't need his first born's social security number as apart of her screening script to feel safe.

Its all about common sense, taking your time and getting a good sense of who you are to be spending time with by you know, actually communicating prior to an appointment.

That's one of the biggest issues in the "hobby" in my opinion.  Everyone wants to make the appointment and get it off fast or make the money fast.

Slow down, take your time and treat it like it should be treated.  
If you're going to sleep with someone make at least a preliminary effort to communicate and make sure that you're on the same page in terms of security, gauge compatability etc.  A lot of drama, outing, backbiting, bitching etc. could be avoided if everyone weren't in such a rush to just get it in as quickly as possible.

None of this should be a hard process but we could all minimize the dangers of it all by just taking time to evaluate who and what we're working with.

-- Modified on 1/2/2013 4:09:28 PM

I thought the inquirery was a good one. I lurked on here for years before becoming a member. Some of this advise would have helped me out so I hope it helps this guy as well as any lurkers.

Portia was honest and up front about her advise and I'm sure she meant no harm to anyone. I'm equally sure she will be fine and probably has earned more respect than she lost, and esspecially from her current and future clients.

Portia, you rock!

.  . . (and who the hell am I to be giving advice?) is if at any point from initial contact until you're walking up to her door you feel spooked, heed that feeling.  So what if you were wrong?  Better that than to be right and ignore your instincts.

How can you lump all providers in same pile. IMO

I agree with you Thumper. I will be happy to exchange references with Portia. I have been absolutely flabbergasted at the cat attacks here today. Then it wasn't enough but someone had to call in the troops from all over the frigging nation to rip away at a lady who has done nothing but try to get along with folks & be helpful in any way she can. I shake my head in disappointment & send super big hugs to Portia.

Ladies bitch & whine all the time here that guys are insensitive & mean to providers on these boards & look at what has happened here today?!! For shame! Those that had a problem with anything Portia had to say (IMHO) should have contacted her privately rather than setting up a public firing squad. THAT ladies is what defines "sisterhood" as so many emphasize should be our #1 priority.

The "feel good" start of the New Year sure when down hill quick!

I've never had a provider ask for my real name and I never intend to provide it. I've seen many very reputable ladies via references from other providers. I've also used P411 which gets access to ladies when I travel to new areas or simply relieves the reference round robin. My advice - if a provider asks for your real name, move on. I fully understand why ladies will ask for it if you're new and don't have references, and ladies such as Portia (who I met via P411) are trustworthy. In my mind the risk is still that something can go wrong on their end despite their best intentions. In short, they can't slip up or get caught with info they never had. They may plan to destroy it as soon as they verify, but there's still the window of opportunity.

If you've got the NSA preparing profiles on every one of your clients, that's a little bit creepy but okay.

Note to Self: Learn to avoid omniscient voice.

For every time I declared "She didn't know" substitute "I didn't tell her." I think my points remain unaffected.

Admit it, though. You thought I was a TSA agent come to check your luggage.

I for one don't much care at all for the tone of your posts on here to Portia or your "ATTITUDE"(condescending & cocky at best). For that reason I personally would never want to spend time with you even if I had an exorbiant number of references and a bunch of money that I did not know what to do with(which I have). You are obviously the B word personafied and overly impressed with your self. Portia has stayed very cool through all of your haughtiness and I plan to see her soon as a result. Obviously two very different personalities involved here and one and only one is definitely a true professional, GFE and more. My upcoming trip to Vegas most certainly wil not include any communication in your direction,,,,,

Heartsonfire1. Well said right attitude and I could not agree more.

Very well said!! And totally spot on.

And why should we believe you?  The track record for your alias is 2 posts in this thread, neither of which is anymore than a blunt assertion of something without any reason to back it up.

Took me some time to decide if this place was legit and get some idea of how it worked.

So allow me to comment on yours because this is how what you have written comes across to me.  I don't doubt your good intentions but you come across as completely convinced that your way of screening is the only right way and that anyone not doing it that way is incompetent.  Maybe that is what you believe, maybe not but that is what it sounds like to me.  You are of course entitled to run your business as you see fit and perhaps it does provide a greater measure of security for the escort than other methods.

However, I disagree that other methods are not valuable and useful.  While it doesn't qualify as a rigorous, double-blind study, from my own personal experiences and those of most of the people, both escorts and hobbyists, with whom I have talked about such matters, most of us have managed to get together with one another without going through such rigorous methods and without anything terrible happening to us. Was it riskier?  That may well depend on which person you ask.  As you pointed out yourself, you can never eliminate risk entirely.  We all calculate the risks we are willing to take daily in many things we do in life and to what extent we are willing to take certain precautions to reduce that risk.  But at a certain point, it becomes counter-productive and that point is not the same for everyone.

-- Modified on 1/3/2013 12:57:42 AM

Good advice.  

Always good to be ultra cautious.  

Keep the senses on high alert with new providers to you, back away if there' something that doesn't feel right.  I have found that TER is not foolproof, having watched them refuse to print a scary rip off AND very positive reviews.

I have understood that once you develop a bit of history the disclosure of real personal info is less of a need with some VERY good providers.  You can cycle between some fantastic gals that way, with references.    I think that might have been part of Portia's original point, not sure.  I really appreciate her willingness to step in and help.  Gotta say the abuse she took for that doesn't seem to help make the point of the some of those that disagreed with her!  

and I totally complied with your wishes.....lol!

I challenge you to name one reputable provider who would agree with that.  PM me if you need to.  Most that I know hold her in as high a regard as do her many clients.  If fact, I can't think of a single negative thing ever said publicly or privately.

In addition to all the great advice posted by Vorlon, add this to your list:

USE A PREPAID CELL PHONE!  USE AN ANONYMOUS HOBBY EMAIL, Preferably something like Hushmail.  Never communicate using any of your regular devices and email addresses.  Treat your hobby life as though it were a separate identity and build a firewall between it and everything else.  Leave no breadcrumbs.  

And contrary to all the advice from providers here, DO NOT EVER give a provider, or her agency, your personal identity or work information.   Do not park your care where she can identify match you to it and its tags.  Its the oldest profession and not till recent times did the time-tested principle of discretion and privacy become challenged.  If they won't see you without any of this, just politely decline and move on.  There are ways to be screened without doing any of this.  Its far less risk to provider this to a screening service such as P411 (highly recommended) than to the providers.  

I am talking from personal experience, not out of my ass.  I have never provided my personal identity or work info to a provider, EVER!  However, despite that, a couple did manage to locate me and even attempted to out me to my spouse. One tried to blackmail me.  I can only conclude that they got my identity and address by using my car tags - something I had not been as careful about back then.  

I have come face to face with LE once.  That had nothing to do with screening or not.  It had to do with choosing a known and well reviewed provider who was seeing clients out of her residence and nosy neighbors caused trouble.  When asked by the cops what name she gave me, I said nothing.  When she was asked if she knew my name, her answer was "I don't give a shit about his name - just that he is a good fuck.  I'm a nymphomaniac and unless there is a new law against have anonymous sex, get the fuck outa here and come back in an hour if you wanta fuck me!"  

Anyway, I am not judging any provider's screening methods nor their motivation.   But like someone said, it only takes one bitch to fuck up your life forever.  And there are plenty of safeguards that providers can use to protect themselves from violence and LE without getting into your personal shit.  And some of those that claim its for their safety, trust me in that its also going to be used to keep you from writing a review they don't like.

Wow - thanks, oleoneeye.  

Message received.

d. a. coe covered it . . .