cheated on his wife?

No. Cheating on your spouse is when you commit to an emotional sexual involvement with another. Paying for an hour of sex is a commercial transaction for sexual therapy. The Europeans and the Japanese, amlng others, understand this. Americans seldom grow up.

Thanks SteveO, you managed to ruin my fantasy of being seduced into adultery with a scandalous woman who is not my wife under penalty of eternal damnation in hell.

Now all I have left is the one where the gal dresses like the postman while I am clad in a nurses uniform.

Killjoy.

Do we really need to revisit Bill Clinton's, "It depends on what the meaning of the words 'is' is." Does anybody really think the semantics of the word “fidelity” comes into play?

A quick scan of traditional and non-traditional vows reveals that fidelity is almost always part of the deal in our culture. Sure, many other cultures see things differently, but for the most part, they aren’t particularly female friendly; it’s typically a one way “deal.”  And, yes, there are evolutionary aspects, blah, blah, blah. Open marriages?  Yes, they happen and are sometimes legitimate, but more often it’s just an accommodation by the wife, not a preference.

And the obvious question is, "How would you feel if the roles were reversed?" Would you consider your wife to have cheated? Protected sex or "Massage?" Still cheating. If you don’t want her to know, it’s cheating. Are you spending money that takes away opportunities for your wife and kids? Um, it’s cheating. This question is akin to asking if going 65 mph in a 50 zone is speeding!

So, with rare exceptions, of course it’s cheating, duh!  One female blogger wrote, “I would strangle my husband if he told me paid someone to have sex with him.”

On the other hand, it’s none of my business and not the provider’s business either.

Somehow I doubt it.  They may be willing to tolerate it more than Americans do but that's not the same as being OK with it.

While I also agree with the concept of "2 wrongs don't make a right" I also think a wife withholding sex is a form of "cheating" as well.  You will often hear that a wife is no longer interested or "physically unable" (and this is another one that I think would be extremely rare in real life - physically unable to do any sort of sexual act that is) and this in my opinion is cheating the husband out of what should be part of a normal healthy marriage.

I was watching a show on Discovery ( I think) about Japanese culture where they stated that after having children, many Japanese husbands stop having sex with their wives. I don't remember what the reasoning was. But it said that in that case it is acceptable for the husband to pay for sex. And as long as there was no emotional attachment.  And that, more often than not, the "provider" they were seeing was someone else's wife who was not getting any from her husband. With that system things balance out.

How would you feel about your SO seeing a provider?

My exwife seemed to think so.

They tend for the most part to accept it as a fact of life. Actually I believe that many recognize it as having a positive effect on their own sexual experience in their marriages

If I were dating a man and he saw an escort, it would TURN ME ON! But if he were having an affair, Id be pissed! Big difference!!
Seeing an escort and having an affair are 2 totally different things.....
And Tiger Woods (WTF?) has nothing to do with it!

How can you say Tiger Woods has nothing to do with it!? If I'm married and I fuck Tiger, it is SO cheating :P

There's only one person's opinion that matters and that's the SO's.  

That said, I'm curious about 1.) how many hobbyists have SO's, 2.) how many have to hide the hobby from their SO's, and 3.) do providers think less of hobbyists who have to sneak around?  (yeah, I have a fetish about "being judged")

I have been with the same person for 25 years now.  I was completely monogamous for 23 of those years.  I consider my participation in the hobbyto be cheating.  Surely not my first or last sin, I guess...  If either my spouse or myself would feel that it is cheating, then it is.  I know for a fact that she would view me as cheating and I actually share that sentiment.  At the same time, people's views evolve over time.  Her views would be more conservative while my views would be extremely liberal in terms of what is right or supposedly wrong on this issue.  At any rate, if my participation in the hobby is wrong then I don't want to be right.

Hey Adsumsparkle,  How about a nice dinner followed by an evening at the theatre?  During intermission I'll tell you about a time ...  lol

Well said, and I pretty much agree with that. I know if my wife found out there would be hell to pay, possibly divorce. Yet I countinue, even though I have a very horny wife and we have a pretty rocking sex life.
Honestly, I feel "addicted". i know i should be happy with what I have at home, and it's crazy to spend the money, and take the risks to be in this hobby. Yet...I continue.  Hell, I judge myself, and not favorably.

Only a provider would view a married man paying for sex as not cheating.

Try explaining that to his wife's divorce attorney or a judge in family court.

In the eyes of the law a married man paying for sex is cheating when you go to divorce court. In fact, it is seen as an even bigger crime than having an affair particularly if children are involved.

...so really, when one goes to divorce court the fact that one party cheated on the other or paid for sex doesn't mean shit. If you reread this thread you will note that people other than providers felt that paying for sex is not cheating in certain circumstances.

One of them relates to "waste of material assets." It's easy to imagine a scenario where some guy with an addiction wasted enough money to have affected family's wealth. A court could order an unequal distribution - not for the cheating, but for the money spent.

IF I were cheated on, I would rather it be with a provider with no emotional commitment than with the secretary, the neighbors wife, or my best friend.

In a traditional marriage, yes it is cheating. In a non-traditional marriage, it would depend upon the terms of the marriage.

I agree with Hilary that it is not an affair, but a professional relationship. This does not mean the relationship cannot be friendly.

In the context in which the wife is depriving the husband of necessary sex, it is still cheating, but it is also provoked and understandable cheating. You reap what you sow.

But there's no guarantee the judge will completely abide by that.  And I could easily see a situation where it could be used against a fellow in the matter of child custody.

-- Modified on 2/20/2012 1:19:29 AM

I've been all over the planet and this is the one universal formula. Not just cheating in the American sense regarding a secondary love affair, but cheating in regards to money, time, health issues, trust, etc.

Geronimo nailed it.  You can't argue with that response....