Very new to this but found someone i've seen a few times and would like to continue seeing.  but, i'm having trouble now separating fantasy and reality.  do i say something to her?  stop going? what would you do?  i'm sure i'll get the rookie tag from all the guys, but any advice will help...

That is not just a rookie mistake.  Some of the ladies her are very, very good a GFE.  So good that the lines can easily be crossed.  I am struggled with this very thing, and so have many others on here.  You have to keep reminding your self that it really is a fantasy, not a reality.  For me, I look in the mirror and know just how impossible the fantasy would be in real life.

I would suggest that at the very least, you cute down on seeing her, and see some of the other ladies.

I know you were looking for advice from the ladies...but let me give you some as well...Since you are "paying for her time" it will be always a fantasy even though she may make it feel like reality.  The more reality she makes it the better she is at session.

Once the line is crossed from when you are no longer paying her for her time...the line has been crossed.....

Thanks for all the great advice...and not ripping into me for being a dumbass.  yes, she contacts me but there is still the $ issue.  she may call everyone...i dont know

Guys that have been at it for years still fall into it. It's because these ladies are that good. Personally, I get around it by falling in love with every single one of them...intentionally!!! You can make your fantasy world a wonderful place to visit, and you can visit as often as you like, but remember, it's still a fantasy world.

Are there going to be special ladies? Of course there are. Keeping them special is the trick, and crossing the boudaries is not the way to do it. I have my very special few, who I love just a little more than I love the rest.

It's confusing, but try to keep the two separate.

Yes, she is very highly reviewed but im sure you can understand why i can't give a name (thanx for the email though).

What I meant was, Does she call to spend time with you?
Her calling you to set up date$ is a whole different can of worms.

Hi~
Sorry you're struggling honey, it's not easy.

I think/hope my boyfriends understand that they are my lover/boyfriend when they are with me, and when they leave; it is as my friend, until we meet again.

We discuss it quite often, and I blog about it also.

Try to look at it from that aspect.  Good luck!

Hugs,
Delilah

The perspective you offer is wise and empathetic.

thank you - however that means my name is probably floating out there as someone who falls too hard.  so, if i take the advice to look around...i wont have any luck.  yet another thing i didnt know...

It would be a good idea I think to see some other ladies.  As to whether you should stop seeing her, that depends on your ability to keep your head about you.  So long as you are still paying, it is a fantasy and you need to always keep that in your head.

It is sometimes very hard to keep the fantasy part in your mind.  The better the lady the harder it can be.

...my favorite is a gal who've I only seen a few times but I keep thinking about her and our times together. Privately, when I need someone to fantasize about, it's her, and it works every time. When I can devour every inch of her body and she responds passionately, it's impossible not to be at least a little bit changed emotionally by being with her. However, I have no problem keeping separate the fact this is, in the end, a client/provider relationship.

99 percent or more of the time, with a good provider, it's natural to have good feelings; this is often mutual.  The trick is to remember that what makes this hobby work is the existence of very clear boundaries and expectations.  She knows what you're offering, you know what you're getting.  That's the advantage over civvie relationships, where everything is muddled and ambiguous (which is one of the reasons people make commitments).  

To keep things in perspective, please go visit a couple of other well-reviewed providers that you haven't seen before.  And read your ATF's reviews to remind yourself of what this is about.

In that less-than-one-percent of the time that you and a provider might "cross the line," be forewarned:  being a provider's lover is MUCH harder than a civvie relationship.  These boards -- particularly the Erotic Highway -- are filled with stories of hobbyists and providers who fell for each other and then had difficulties that arose from the nature of the relationship.  

Also glad to hear I'm not the only one with this issue.  I've quit seeing anyone else all together and the relationship has definitely gone beyond...??? anywhere I intended on it going.  But for now, I'm having fun and not trying to think about it too much.

As openly as you can using screen names and alias. lol

Most of the ladies don't want to touch this subject.  If we men, can't control our emotions for them, they know we will be forced to move on.  It is just not something any of use really want to think about, but it happens to most of us at some point.

You'll get a very quick tutorial on Fantasy vs. Reality.

away and I gave her money for shopping and I came home 4 times a month for great sex. now that is marriage that could work. Of course I would make an appointment first. lol

I'm not...at least not regularly.

Not regularly?  How does that work?

You my friend have never taken a lady shopping have you?  lol

Now gentleman this is going to sound bizarre so just bear with me....

My friend, having a profession in which I deal with people's feelings, what your telling us is exactly as the wise ones on this board have said; it happens. Keep in perspective that this is a supply and demand relationship and that although there are some incredible providers out there (I have yet to meet one that blows my mind) it simply means that they are good at what they do as is any other expert professional.

However, part of the illusion is that during the time that you are with them, they make you feel as though you are the most virile and amazing lover on the face of the earth. That is the fantasy.

May I offer some very, hopefully unobtrusive, advice which would be to ask you to examine your personal life and maybe even some of your, as one of the veteran board members so aptly put it, civvie relationships. There most likely is some strong emotional need that you are not getting met. Now, I know, I know, many  of us, including me, on this board, seek out providers because we are missing something. What I’m talking about is that it might be a misplaced emotionally absent dynamic, in your life, that needs to be met strongly due to disharmony within your “normal life”.

This is often why people “fall” into these types of predicaments. Once you have examined your life, maybe even taking some time off from the hobby, you might not “fall” for a very good provider, but yet still enjoy the fantasy type relationships without the long term emotional discord that you are currently experiencing. I’m off my proverbial couch and I truly hope that you find balance in the sea of disharmony.

The first time she no shows and says " I forgot... I double booked "

Enjoy the time you spend together...but remember it is a fantasy YOU are paying for.  She probably
enjoys you too but the money is the main focus for her...it's her job after all.

Don't forget the honey, I promise to make it up to you!!

At least you got a little advice from some ladies

As for myself, I have standing marriage proposals out to a number of favorites, including Wendy and Hilary from the TC.  Not sure how wifey would handle it if one of them goes insane and accepts one day, but I do think a double-wide in the Utah desert would be wonderful with company like that

Sometimes a dose of full blown reality is in order, just ask her out on a real date (no money exchanged) her answer will likely cure your problem of separating the fantasy and reality issue.

Thanks for all of the great advice - after only one night thinking i know exactly what to do.  i guess i'm out for now.  meeting girls out at the w, lounge, spin i know exactly what to say/do despite the ambiguity; but where there are clear expectations i guess i'm clueless - weird, right?  In any case thanks again.   i'll continue to follow and may be back soon...

Personally, I love every minute of what I do and I'm super flattered when someone would like to take me out for dinner or some other kind of "date".  Even with that said though, I know some providers, myself included, have sort of a "Don't stick your pen in the company ink" motto when it comes to our boyfriends/clients/friends.  

I've had major crushes on some of my boyfriends/clients/friends but even though I have these feelings, I won't allow myself to take it any further.  Why fix what's not broken and throwing emotions onto something so wonderful just seems wrong to me...

After all, most of us are in this thing together because of the no-strings fun of it, are we not?

I think it's only natural to have strong feelings for your providers and your boyfriends/clients/ friends or we wouldn't work so well with one another.  With that said, I'm with some of the people who stated "try not paying her, then you'll get your dose of reality".

I hope I don't get crucified for this.  I know most providers didn't want to touch this, me included, but I just figured I'd give this guy a little bit of female/provider prospective.  I know I don't speak for everyone but there have my $0.02.

just another reply here to say I too have fallen for a provider and lost sooo much over it......you are not alone....it truly is a fantasy world -sadly always connected to money

Re: At least you got a little advice from some ladies

Remember Wendy doesn't cook! Hell, who cares. lol

Sounds like you are too close...take a step back and realize she is doing her job....she probably does feel something special for you but due to circumstances, a relationship like this can't go any further.

I don't see why you would get crucified for this.  You spoke your mind clearly and in no way were rude or obnoxious.  I find your comments valuable.

Yes, it can go further.  Unfortunately, the baggage can be overwhelming.  I've got a continually evolving story that could fill volumes.  For the purposes of this thread, I will just give one piece of solid advice that you will be well served to take.  That is, look for a girlfriend elsewhere!  Again, advice from someone who's been there is the most valuable there is.  Heed this, my friend.