I don't know who I am writing this to or who will read this whole thing as I'm sure it is going to be long.  Hell, what I'm going to write about didn't even happen in Minnesota, but since that is where I live, and this is the forum that lurk occasionally (and rarely post), I will write it here.

I'm casually in the 'hobby'.  I'd say about 4 times a year I indulge.  It is usually something along the lines of a rub 'n' tug but maybe with more extras.  I'm making more money now than I used to, but still don't really spend too much on it.  I think I love the anticipation of the hobby the most.

When I travel for work, I do look things up occasionally.  I'm in New York right now, one of the shadier burrows.  There were no providers that caught my eye at all in this area, but there are some AMPs, so I went there on my first day.  Actually had a damn good massage there.  The HJ was totally forgettable, but that's the risk you pay, and I thought the time and money was well spent for the surprisingly good massage.

Hell, I had even planned on getting a 2nd elsewhere later in the week, or even scouring BP for something (that was somewhat reviewed).

Now, on my first day, I was up bright an early for the continental breakfast at my hotel.  There was a somewhat attractive black woman there who seemed friendly and struck up a conversation.  I am white, approaching 40 though I look young, fairly but not overly attractive.  I do ok.  She was giving subtle signals (which to a dumb guy like me were probably overtly obvious, but I'm slow to pick up). She said she'd be there all week too.  I had actually planned on asking her out the following morning, but she wasn't there when I was there, at least not until I was just leaving, so I didn't.

Missed her totally yesterday, but today there she was.  She was more forward, and suggested we go hang out.  Yeah, you all know where this is going long before I did.

After I got back to the hotel from a long day of work, I called her since we had exchanged numbers.  She wanted to go into the city, but first asked what I wanted to do.  Never one to supplicate to get laid, I said that I didn't really want to go into the city, but would be happy to go to the pub across the street.

We had a good time.  She was clearly interested, said she was 30 (but honestly I thought she looked older...).  It was loud in the bar and my hearing isn't all that great (it's been slightly damaged) so I don't pick up every word, but I thought I heard hints that she charged.

The irony of this is, I _totally_ pay for it on occasion.  No, I don't always need to, but I'm sure many here will agree, that's not what is i about.  People don't pay because the have to.  I like the convenience.  I like how dirty it is.

But I still didn't pick up on it until she got back to my room.  I slightly expected it.  When I came onto her, she asked for money.

After I balked, she asked me if I was a cop.  The thing is, I was considering paying when suddenly I realized SHE could be a cop.  The thing is, normally I do my due diligence, not only for legal reasons, but also just to know what I'm getting.

But I guess the thing is, when I pay for it, I have a much higher standard.  When I pay for it, I have fantasies and expectations.  And not only did she surprise me on that, but her sales pitch was very very poor.  She was almost begging for it.  I told her I wasn't at all judging her, but then a tear shed from her eye and I was really moved.  I gave her a hug, which of course, made those tears flow more.  I am ironically willing to pay, but the thing is, she was no longer turning me on.  It would have been the pure definition of a pity fuck.

Still, after she made somewhat of an effort to prove she wasn't a cop, she asked me how much I would pay, another question I've never been posed.  As someone who suddenly felt bad for her, I don't want to be insulting, and I do know the going rates even though she doesn't know I know.  But I'm just not willing to pay the going rate for that.

I hint that I think I had $100-140 on me (still being non-committal).  After a while she said she wanted $300, but would take $200, and when I was still saying no (which I now was solidly), she was ok with the $140 even.  But I didn't want it.  I felt bad.  I still feel bad.  She was a nice person.  Attractive (though not hot).  It just didn't feel right to pity fuck her.  No, that's not it.  It wasn't a turn on, and it wasn't worth which is already on the low end.  Here I am essentially telling her she's not worth even the low end.  

Fuuuuck.  I'd think if anyone could really understand the conflict I am feeling, it is people on this board, which is why I write this here.

And maybe I'm the douche who thinks that someone who is sending him signs must be interested in him.  Well, I guess so.  I guess I have that high opinion of myself, and maybe that is naive or bloated.  I have to ask myself if thats what this confusion is all about.  I don't know.  I don't think so.  It's just that, I found her attractive, and her company enjoyable, but when it comes to paying for it, she just wasn't worth it to me.   Maybe she makes her living out of pity fucks, and if that's true, then I pity her even more.

But I wish her well.  I will be thinking about her

I totally get where you're coming from. There were risks in this situation. You thought you were having a vanilla date due to a combination of miscommunication and mixed signals. Her response was anything but professional and sexy. Part of the allure is being ...well...alluring. She missed the mark on many levels.

You have a right to be picky with where you spend your money. It's YOUR money. She had a choice to be dignified and go away or go off the clock. She chose option C which was cry and beg for it, further putting you in a bad place.

You did nothing wrong. I guess if there is anything you could have done differently is merely tell her your hearing is bad and you didn't catch what she was saying. Also, when things got awkward asking her politely to leave, although that one would probably have made you feel even guiltier.

Maybe in the future tell the girl you have trouble hearing in loud places when you have trouble hearing instead of after the fact, and feign disgust/surprise if money is discussed. Don't discuss what you have on hand, don't say "well I can't afford you" -- just act like that's something you'd NEVER do in your lifetime.  

Oh, and you're a good writer. I like your soft heart and smart brain.  

(I'm a total sapiophile. If you know what that means, you may be my type!!)

Hugs to you! You didn't do anything wrong.

-- Modified on 12/5/2014 6:37:31 AM

Maybe she makes her living out of pity fucks, and if that's true, then I pity her even more.  

 

 

 
Too funny! This lady may have been a pro (offering 300) but I agree that some element of suspense or deviance is lost in the conversation leading up to the fuck. *Turned you off* as you said. The surprise of opening the door and having a passionate fuck is not the same as going to dinner then being told it was all because she wanted a paycheck at the end. It's almost the form of bait and switch... baiting with a normal date / one night stand and switching to pro-status. Definitely an experience to remember. Don't feel conflicted, just smile and enjoy the memory. Send positive thoughts and vibes to her, and maybe one day she won't need to look for pity fucks  

 
I have been told to try this before... picking someone up at the bar and telling them "whats up"... but it has never ended successfully for me. I don't like to haggle, let alone talk about a rate in public! It makes me rather uncomfortable and one of us ends up leaving before he really catches on. Smh.... I'll stick to the computer :

Given the amount of time she spent with you at the Pub, it would have been clear to me that she was not LE.  No sting operation is going to waste that much time on one bust.

It does not sound like she was a con artist.  Again, taking too much time relative to the payoff of the con.

You exchanged numbers, but I was curious if she was a guest at the hotel or just trolling the breakfast offerings.

Based upon her behavior, it sounds like she is in a fairly desperate situation.  My speculation would be that her approach to you is probably one of her first forays into the hobby.   It would be interesting to know the circumstances causing her desperation.

I think you made a smart decision, I would have probably given her a couple bucks (cab fare) if I enjoyed her company and sent her on her way.

You flatter me!  You probably shouldn't say I could be your type because apparently I tend to misinterpret signals from ladies of the night!

Fortunately for me, I had to look sapiophile up.  So I think it is safe to say our roles are safely decided, even if you are probably my type too (since TIL I'm a sapiophile)

Yeah, I can't really see how it would work, unless it was with a guy who was both very lonely and also inexperienced to the hobby.  It puts the guy in the position to rate to a woman's face what her value is.  One one hand, you really don't want to be insulting, but on the other hand, you aren't paying a woman just so you don't have to insult her.

Unless it is obvious to the man from the start that you are looking for a client, I just don't see how it ends well very often.

Lots of working girls in hotel & casino bars.  Ever been to Vegas?   So easy to spot there

No, you are certainly correct that she wasn't LE.  But in that split second I just had realized that I needed to give it consideration because I was surprised and hadn't yet had time to consider everything.

I'm not sure if she was a guest solely to pick up clients, or was there for work and does this on the side.  Afterwards, I had assumed the former, but it isn't the cheapest hotel to be staying in for a woman of her...caliber to be doing cold calls.

I also agree with you that she is probably fairly new to the hobby.  At the risk of flattering myself further in a situation where I already showed myself to be pretty clueless, I think she's selectively looking for clients.

Thanks for your input