Hello all you fine gentlemen. Hope all is well for you. I have a bit of a dilemma I am hoping you can shed some light on. I have a lot of mixed opinions from a variety of ladies on the subject & thought it's time to get it from the horse's mouth.

As a provider, I am cautious to the extreme about discretion. My theory is, my primary responsibility as a provider is to insure your secret remains a secret at all costs. Therefor, I do not initiate contact (unless given permission) Neither by phone, email, or text messaging. My thought is if you want to see me, you will contact me. Even in my travels, I won't contact a hobbyist to let them know I will be in the area. (again unless I am given the okay to do so) I advertise on several boards, BP ect. well in advance assuming eventually my regular friends will see the ads & make contact in the event they are available & interested.

I have been criticized over this & told I am cutting myself short. I find that advice bothersome. My thought is filling my pocketbook should never come before your privacy & security. Please share your thoughts.

Thanks!
Leann

You have the perfect outlook, don't change a thing!

There are so many variables in the equation I could literally write an essay on this. But to be as brief as possible, it will always depend upon the individual which you must decide whether it is appropriate. Discretion + with the married man, - with the single guy who you know does not care if you text, e-mail, or call. To expand some I would take it as more than appropriate and appreciative if I lived in say Duluth or St. Cloud and got an e-mail or text letting me know you would be in the neighborhood. I for one would not take that at all as someone just wanting to fill their pocketbook, but as a professional who knows how to maintain a good business relationship.

Beyond that I really can not answer much more as I am still so much a noob and still learning the dynamics. I am sure the issue of lines being crossed emotionally have been discussed here before, and certainly someone who has expressed interest emotionally is not someone you should maybe be e-mailing or calling just to chat it up

The major issue I have with those who might disagree with you is that any other policy implies that you would be keeping records of your client(s) contact info.  Some providers keep that in some sort of coded form for discretion purposes and other keep nothing except something like the last 4 numbers of the guy's phone number and his first name so that if he calls there is a way to know you have seen him before.

Despite having a means to keep the contact info discreet, there is the matter of a possible unwanted contact that might create an embarrassment.  Even text messages, with the type of alerts now possible can display info on a guys screen that is indiscreet.  On the other hand, there are a number of providers that I have told its ok to text or email me with advance info when they are planning to be in my area because I use a hobby phone.  

I think it would be best to ask each new client on his preference and keep a separate list for those who are ok with unsolicited contact

I think you have answered your own question with your own integrity.  This is not a telemarketing profession selling widgets.  You provide a service which most people on both ends want to keep discreet.  If you have developed a relationship with a client that you both agree that contact is ok, then go ahead and contact that person.  I understand my end to ensure my communications are secure, but I don't really want to get a bunch of texts every day about specials and availability unless we both have agreed that it is ok.  I also understand the argument that once I have used the service that marketing to me should be considered wide open.  But it doesn't mean I have to like it and I would be more apt to not use the service again and find a way to block the number.  This is a very unique business for professionals and clientele, the more common courtesy we extend to each other, the better off we all will be.

Is inapropriate. However, if a Provider contacts me through TER, I think that is just fine. I have met some great Providers that way.

I have never minded a PM telling me a lady is in town or having a special. If I'm signing on to TER, I'm probably safe.

I use a secure email that is only for the hobby. It's not on my phone and again I only check it when no one is around from my personal laptop, never from home or work computers. So emails to my hobby email address don't bug me either. This is why I often don't get back to people right away, especially over weekends.

Texting is only for setting up a meeting. I know my number is stuck on your phone, please delete it ASAP. Never text unless you know the guy is expecting it.

Calling back is tough, but if you do get a message to call back try to be quick and don't be surprised if the guys hangs up pretty quickly. I know Leann disagrees with me, but this is why I prefer email and PM over using the phone. I have lots of secure time when I'm online, but not so much when I'm on the phone. I know other guys that work in cubes have the same issue.

allowing the gents to sign up for an email list on your website?  That way, if they want to hear about specials or travel plans, they will have signed up for such emails.  Its great and takes the responsibility off of your shoulders.
Just a thought!
Belinda

Absolutely not. I am even more cautious about the phone. Lol! If I have a missed call less than 5 minutes old, I won't call the number back. If a VM doesn't indicate a time to call, I don't call. & I certainly don't keep numbers & call at random. NEVER, EVER, EVER! Oops. My bad. Never unless told it is ok to do so. Even then it is rare.

I will certainly give that idea some thought BB. Thanks.

If the party you are contacting has a dedicated hobby phone, I have no issue with the provider initiating contact via a discrete text message.  e.g. how bout those vikings, lunch today

A text message does not require an immediate response and is not as intrusive as a phone call.  A provider who I meet with regularly ocassionally texts me, but I only get them via a hobby phone.  Which means I receive them only when that phone is on...

My belief is that it is wise to let the client initiate contact unless he has told you it is OK for you to contact him under certain circumstances (ex: visiting his town, offering a special, only by email, etc.).  PMs through a site such as TER are clearly safer as the client will only see them when logged into the site but still some guys always want to be the one to initiate contact.  I also think it is OK to ask someone who is a regular or might become one if they would ever want unsolicited contact or if they always want to be the one who initiates it.

I think your doing the right thing

It's a great policy. Oh that all providers would be so discreet!  

But, as some have said, a dedicated e-mail list would make it easy for trusted clients to know about your travels, specials, etc.  They'd have to sign up in order to get them.  I use a hobby e-mail, so I'd be fine with getting e-mails.  I'd even welcome it, actually.

My two cents!

og

Perhaps I'm naive to think that a client may be valued by a provider for more than monetary compensation for time and I would be kinda flattered to get a TER PM from someone I had seen, and enjoyed, suggesting we get together again; being older, fluffy, and somewhat out of practice it would speak directly to that adolescent part of me that experiences the nervousness, butterflies, and blushing insecurity of appreciating someone and hoping I was appreciated in return.

Though single, I would be irritated to get that same unexpected message communicated via phone call or text as it would, as others pointed out, indicate my contact information was being maintained.

That being said, I felt so unnerved when a therapist I had been visiting regularly guessed my TER moniker that I never did go back despite some great conversaations and massages. Should I have felt unsettled by that or do providers pretty much know hobbyists TER names?

... on the person.  I'm not a VIP, so pm's won't work for me.  But I do have a hobby email, and wouldn't mind at all an occasional contact.  Why not ask after the session, and then just the person to whichever contact method works for them?

Good luck!