Just wanted to get people's input about trying to live a normal life without escorts. I saw my first provider around 5 years ago. The experience was amazing, and I was excited to meet other providers by utilizing TER and other websites.  

Problem was that I didn't care to date anyone anymore. It was too easy to book an amazing experience with different women once verified.  

I started to see my friends get married, buy a house, and start a family. I definitely experienced FOMO during those moments. I thought seeing providers was just going to be a short chapter in my life,  but here I am 5 years later posting on the Minnesota Board.  

To the more experienced people out there, is it possible to leave the hobby scene and settle down? I've read posts from people who are no longer active, but still post in the TER boards for fun.  

Is it possible to date other women after being with so many providers? I don't know how I can keep my past hidden without it eating away at me.  

Thanks for reading my long post.

I know former hobbyists who have lives without P4P.  They stopped seeing escorts for various reasons but have made the transition.  I don't know how well all their romantic relationships have gone or if they ever told their SOs about their past as hobbyists but the transition can be done.

Now, all these guys were like me in being at least middle-aged when they stopped being hobbyists.  Reading between the lines, you sound like a fairly young guy.  I don't know what kind of difference that might make.  Of course everybody is different and what would work best for you is up to you to figure out.  However, if you don't date any women, the odds of meeting someone you want to be with are very small.  Romantic relationships with providers are very seldom successful.

Why would a thing like sex eat away at you?  Sex is a natural drive.  Rules around it are placed by society.   But the rules aren't natural.  They possibly benefit a society, but often at the expense of the individual.
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If you do decide to settle down, there is no reason on this green earth to burden your lover with tales of your debauchery. Be very vague about numbers if you must mention them at all.  I never understood the point of telling someone something that would upset them over which they had no power to change.  It's just cruel.

but it hasn't stopped me from having "normal" relationships, for that matter I have an actual girl friend right now who is NOT a sex worker.  

 
Of course my gf is forty years younger than me, and has never asked me to stop seeing hookers. As a matter of fact she gets off on it and wants me to tell her all about the hookers I see while we are having sex. Call me lucky I guess. lol

 
Now I have taken years at a time away from seeing hookers whenever I find myself in a committed relationship, If I can do it, so can you. I don't normally mention my whore mongering when dating a non sex worker, but if asked I don't like to lie. That doesn't mean I go around trying to intentionally sabotage my civvy relationships by volunteering things I was never asked about. lol

You are a god GA Gambler.  I was wondering if you could posthumously  bronze your penis and have it mounted on Mount Rushmore between Washington and Trump so an entire nation could gaze upon it in wonder.

Even if you're dating civvies, you're still going to be spending money on them. And if you get married, and then wind up divorced, it can cost you a HELL of a lot more money. With escorts, you at least know exactly how much each woman is going to cost you, and you can budget accordingly.

Some comedian said instead of marriage, find someone you hate and buy them a house.

If being a parent is attractive to you, I would try hard to find a nice woman to raise a family with.  Being a great Dad has been the most rewarding experience in my life.  Go into this knowing that it is rare to find a special woman who can keep romantic flame going (most of my many married friend all complain about their lack of sex life).  If being a Dad is not your thing, then I wouldn't worry about the FOMO.   There are risks involved with marriage and kids.  We have a severely disabled child who has made our lives/marriage very challenging and has cause my wife to become a very bitter and depressed woman.   I would love to get a divorce but financially and emotional toll to our children is way too costly.   Thus,  why I hobby.   OTOH, I have another wonderful child who has a great marriage and soon to be a Father.  Life is uncertain, choose wisely.
Nevertheless, I wouldn't tell your new wife about your hobbying past.  Trust me, she will not be impressed and will think much less of you.

...in your system if afraid.  I believe it's the desire of most men to have sex as much as possible and with whomever triggers our fancy.  This is our natural behavior to want to do so.  Lust isn't a vice, its a natural draw to do what we were put on this earth to do.  It all started when that apple was bitten.

I can't say this is true of your wife, but some people will be miserable regardless of the luck of the draw.  And some will shine through even the worst difficulties.  I don't normally complain about my wife because no one wants to hear it, but in this case she has an easily life stay at home life and yet complains about everything.  The point is that some people are just wired to bitch about this or that.

I believe you absolutely can have a "normal" life without escorts. You just have to determine if you *really* want that.  

Frankly, I had to chuckle a bit when I read this post because I was having a similar conversation with a friend of mine. She asked me if escorting had changed my perspective on dating and I had to admit, it did a bit. Although I was surrounded by couples with strong marriages growing up, they all kept saying that they wished they had pursued more of their interests, dreams, etc before getting married and having children. And I've always believed it is difficult for one person to be "all the things" for their partner.  

 
That said, I'm honest enough to admit I'm still too "selfish" of my time, money, resources, independence, etc., to pursue  "real life" dating with the end goal of marriage and kids.  In addition, I had my eggs frozen last year "just in case". All of this combined with the low priority I put on dating, this world meets the needs I have now. For a brief moment, I have a partner who is on their best behavior and generous. And when our time is over, we go our separate ways with no strings and we either see one another again or we don't. It's perfect for me.  

 
You have the luxury that you will, given nothing paramount happens, always be able to father children. In addition, studies show that in general, people are waiting long to get married, have children, etc. Fun fact: more people are also getting divorced later in life once their children are grown. Finally, you have no obligation to tell a future partner of your past participation in this realm; however, should you continue to engage once finding a partner, that is something you have to wrestle with. None of us can tell you how to feel about it.  

 
Good luck, darlin'.

This is an important topic. A few thoughts (apologies for how long this got)…

Yes, it’s definitely possible to stop seeing prostitutes and settle down. Or to settle down and then see prostitutes. I know numerous people who’ve done both. Marriage and prostitutes are not mutually exclusive.

There is a lot more to a relationship than sex. Sex is actually one of the less important elements. Unfortunately modern christianity, which is the foundation for the sexual culture we live in today, has elevated sex to be the key element and this has caused a number of problems.

Sex is certainly important in marriage - it’s quite enjoyable (and for many it’s more so with someone we love and are devoting our lives to) and it also very significantly strengthens the marriage (compliments of how she responds to oxytocin pair bonds created by sexual activity). But there’s much more to a good marriage than sex and this is something that’s gotten lost because of so much emphasis and expectation being put on “sex being only within a monogamous marriage” - which is not in The Bible.  

Lifelong companionship (in a monogamous or polygynous marriage) is perhaps #1. Someone we can care for and who cares for us. Someone we can always talk to and who’s always there when we need them. Someone to share happiness and sorrow with. Someone who knows us intimately and still loves us despite our many faults. Someone to share hardships with be they our physical or psychological selves, financial or a very long list of other things.

Expecting this one person to also meet all of your sexual needs? I think that works well in some cases, not so much in others. It’s like saying that every spouse/partner also has to be a great massage therapist, great nurse/caregiver, great cook, great fix-it person, and on and on. It’s not realistic.

What if for some reason his wife can no longer have sex? Is he expected to live a life of celibacy? Divorce her so that he can marry someone else who can have sex?  

As well, men are not necessarily designed to be monogamous. While many are quite happy with monogamy, others are not and for some I think a monogamous sex life is very nearly impossible. Expecting some to live a perfectly monogamous life may be putting them in an impossible no-win position.  

If you read The Bible, that modern christianity and so our sex culture is somewhat based on, you’ll find that throughout the old testament men routinely had multiple sex partners - multiple wives, multiple concubines (mistresses) and likely multiple prostitutes. There was no expectation nor mandate for male monogamy - in or out of marriage.

And God never changed his mind - there is nothing in the new testament mandating male monogamy or prohibiting multiple sex partners either.  

Our sex culture today appears to be based on later church teachings (likely from around 1100ce though there was some writing of monogamy appearing around 450ce), not the Biblical teachings that we believe it’s based on.  

More than a few historians believe these non-biblical teachings, which besides mandating male monogamy prohibited numerous other partnerships such as marriage to cousins out as far as 6th cousins, were mostly about… money. If you gave enough money or land to the church then you could be allowed to marry your 3rd cousin or… divorce your wife so that you could marry another... Or...

It’s also important to note that common prostitutes (as opposed to temple prostitutes) were treated quite well throughout the Bible.  They are given much more recognition and status in the Bible than in today’s culture and that’s unfortunate. We seem to have regressed more than progressed.

Even such vaunted theologians as Aquinas and Augustine were pro-prostitution as both believed it necessary lest men’s sexual appetites cause them to rape young virgins.

So, yeah, not only possible but…