Ahhhhhhh the theme:  Carnal Knowledge, phucking, etc, etc. with one who is not your mate (married or significant other), and/or multiple different persons.  Please understand from the start, that Ive never taken this big of a bite in any of my threads before.  This one involves more soul-searching and goes a little further than natural instincts.  1terrapin1 may need further treatment after this one.  LMAO!

The purpose of this thread is to attempt to emit from the gang here your inner thoughts of why we engage in the behavior evident from being members of this site.  Im attempting to learn not just the obvious (e.g. I like to phuck), and to go further into the very nature of animals (human beings included).  We can leave Adam and Eve out of this sharing of motivations.  They had their own issues.  I will share some of my motivations as example of what Id like for us to share.  An ancillary or even a tertiary hope is to further understand a few things about our vocation that will preclude some of the rather lively posts from earlier that sometimes got a little testy.  The bottom-line is for all of us to learn and understand a little better.

Lets start when I first learned of my propensity to enjoy the physical nature of ME.  By way of background, I was raised in the bible belt of the Midwest and indoctrinated with the stereotypical morals and values when it came to sexuality.  The latter-mentioned included accepting the adage that men are studs if the engaged multiple partners and women were labeled whores or sluts.  I remember overhearing a conversation between boys while in high school.  One of them said:  If I was a girl, I would be a whore.  I think that you can understand what Im saying here.  The double-standard that existed, and still exists so many years later.  I even remember reading a post here on the boards many months ago written by a hobbyist who stated that he would never marry a provider, but he was here to phuck as many as he could.  WOWSER.  That statement also mirrors another adage that men want their wives to be whores in their bedroom, but ladies in public.

Let's get back to my evolution from the girl next door that youd want to marry to where I am today.  I remember from back in the day seeing a Playboy magazine cartoon that depicted two classically dressed street-walkers.  The caption read:  To think about all the years when I gave it away for free.  At that point, my training made me still think that I could never be one of those ladies.  Fast-forward some years, and after a bad marriage.  It took years for me to understand that there was nothing wrong with me in our bedroom.  On the contrary, my ex needed to satisfy himself with others much like many hobbyists are doing today.  There is more to that, but its not really relevant to this thread.  The most important thing that Im trying to convey here is that when a woman sheds those moral handcuffs and mental shackles, then a whole new world opens up.  There IS nothing wrong with feeling good in the physical sense or feeling it often.  Doing so is NOT an obligation, but a choice.  I feel good giving pleasure as well as receiving it.  There is nothing wrong or immoral about giving, and sometimes not receiving (physically).  Theres always the next time(s) for the latter.  Being physically involved with someone else is not taboo, and doesnt equate to having to be branded with the proverbial scarlet A.  I very much enjoy what I do, and derive the most pleasure when I give, and send someone away happier than when he entered my domain.  

Now lets move on to hobbyists.  One of the things that Id like to hear/read about is your motivations for engaging in the hobby.  It is not necessary for you to express the obvious.  Some examples of the obvious are:  I like to phuck.  I want a bj but my significant other doesnt want to...  Things have become so "boring" at home, and I thought to try someone(s) new.  These reasons are not restricted to any particular age-group either.  Id like to really know your mental state about hobbying, and what got you to this point.  Whats up in your noodle?  I know, I know.that requires you to think with the other head.  Letting us know may indeed lead to better service.

Providers:  Im sure that we are at this point for the same, or some or variation that got me here.  There may be others not mentioned.  Included in the mundane reasons are:  The money is better than putting up with the shyt from an over-zealous supervisor attempting the climb the corporate ladder.  I like being my own boss, and having a measure of control over what I do and dont do.  Like with hobbyists, if we express more than the obvious about our motivation(s), then doing so may help in their understanding that it is not a good idea to try to manipulate or take advantage of the times.  Of course some of it will never go away, but one provider stated very aptly the preparation that one must make for an encounter should not be something taken for granted.  Personally Ive spent days in screening and verification only for someone to haggle about my expectation.  To many of us, a substantial portion of our job is to provide the best service possible.  So perhaps this is an opportunity for us to convey how many of us are not only present in the physical sense, but our presence also carries many INTANGIBLE costs that are not readily obvious to hobbyists.

Hopefully some of the responses emissions from this thread will yield a better understanding for us all.  It is NOT the intention of the thread to start another controversial battle between combatants on both sides (hobbyist and provider).  For example:  If a provider lists and states her expectations for services provided and those expectations are what a hobbyists is prepared to depart with..why not just leave it alone and move on to someone who better fits his means.  On the other side of that coin is that up-selling is in my viewjust bad business!  So stay away from those individuals who do!  Ergo, no complaints are necessary.  Yes?  I think that we ALL understand that the country is still in recession.  Many providers have already cut their expectations, and offer specials.

We are all here for essentially the same reasons of physical and sometimes emotional gratification.  Much of the business world deals in goods and services.  Therefore, if you want a Mercedes Benz, then dont go to Kia looking for one.

Getting back to the fundamentals and to re-state the real purpose of this thread..Im hoping that if we all do a self-analysis and understand our motivation(s) for being here, then it may shed our being here in a different light.  Lets read what everyone has to say.  Aliases are acceptable to protect the (fill in your own blank).

Oh yes..please refrain from naming names (TER handles) so that this doesnt become personal.  The terp and I have a special understanding about this.  Thanks

I hate it when my punctuation marks don't copy over from my word processor into TER!  Still I think that you'll be understanding enough.

Great thread/topic.  I ask myself these things occasionally but my thinking usually devolves into complex theories that make the reconcilliation of quantum mechanics and general relativity seem simple.  Maybe there's a hobbyist "string theory" out there.

But seriously, my motivations may be different from day to day.  Some are probably deeply psychologically-rooted and others are entirely physiological. Sorry this isn't much of an answer but I'll be back with a better post when I'd have time to think about it and organize thoughts.

For m it goes back to high school and on when girls would call me a "nice guy" which ment "safe" when in my mind I wanted to get them naked with me more than ever but the morals of our society said to respect women and that good girls don't. One day I came to the realization that we all want that great intense feeling that comes with great sex! I had a woman that I knew who was engaged but the electricity between us was so intense and we talked about it but nothing happened. A few years later I ran into her and she wondered why I didn't persue the opportunity when it was there, from then on I decided to take the opportunity whenever I could (yes I had sex with her then!)
I will walk into a room and in my mind I will look around and in my mind, pick the woman I find the most desireable, which makes going to church rather interesting!
Now I hobby because I "know" we both are into it (at least in my mind) and the variety is amazing. I hope that is what you are looking for in an answer.

I married the first woman I ever slept with. We have a great marriage and are best of friends. Our sex life is decent. According to several other couples that we talk with, we are way above average with sex once, maybe twice, a week.

The sex is good, but she has to be in the right mood (or drunk) to really get into it. Which is maybe 25% of the time. The rest of the time, it's no foreplay missionary get-it-over-with sex.

There is nothing spontaneous, nothing adventurous, nothing too "naughty".

We've had several talks lately about sex and I have voiced my concerns and wishes.

I don't enjoy having to ask for it, only to be told we just did it three days ago, or I'm too tired.

For me, sex is a stress relief. For her, it seems it is sometimes another chore.

I need release often, and jacking it is getting old.

I'd love for her to be a bit more wild and fun. Pull me into the bathroom, lock the door and say "fuck me now". Wake me up in the middle of the night and sit on my face. Go down on me in the car in an empty parking lot.

This may sound odd, but I almost wish I could find an anti-viagra that would kill my drive. I'd probably be a more productive and wealthier person.

Marie Asks About Motivations...

I have been doing this for a year and a half, and while I do not plan to do this forever, I enjoy it for now. So why am I here?

Well, I would have to agree with several of the motivations you listed (e.g. money, not putting up with neurotic supervisors, being in charge of my own schedule, etc.). Besides having a masturbation habit since I was in kindergarten, the aforementioned pretty much answers your question as to why I am here. So lets talk about why do I stay?

There are things that I truly enjoy about the hobby other than the money. The money actually causes me more stress than not, because I never know what to expect given I am not working for a static paycheck. Anyway, I have found that in addition to sex I really enjoy the companionship part of what I do. Now, let me preface this by saying I am NOT looking for a boyfriend in the hobby. Yet, I find the GFE/BFE experience fulfills a need for me as well. Some of my gentlemen friends call me "girly" in terms of being a cuddler. I'll admit that I enjoy it. I mean as a single person outside of hugging my mom, when else will I receive any contact (I guess I could get a cat. LOL)? Of course even though I enjoy this aspect of the hobby, if one of my friends does not like companionship, I would be glad to follow a scripted menu, as I like to please my friends in general.

While there are benefits to what I do, there are disadvantages. I face the chance at destroying my clean record or being murdered. I regularly receive harassing fat emails and calls. I have already been outted and isolated from friends as a result. The chance at ever meeting someone who will love me after finding out I was a whore who sold myself for money is slim. But I stay...at least for nowbecause there are things about the hobby that I truly enjoy. I walk away happy after leaving my friends with a smile on their faces. I love those random emails I get filled with compliments or just checking in on me. I actually enjoy the friendships I have made with my long-term clients. Also, I HAVE A THING FOR SEX! In addition, I have become spoiled by working for myself free from an authoritarian figure (pet peeve). And at least in the hobby I am accepted by others (providers and hobbyist) for being "different".

All I know is this is getting way too deep for my comfort. Now I must peruse pornhub.com or talk about f*ucking to get these serious thoughts out my head. Gawd Marie!

I LOVE SEX! I LOVE SEX! I LOVE SEX! (Ok, I feel better now.)

Hmm,

I guess I could be put into the category of "Bored" or fed-up with the "Midwestern" mindset about sex.  having grown up in that arena and seen the truth that "Nice Guys" get married and turn into "Family Men"  while "Bad Boys" and the like usually get the sex that I desire, get the attractive women I desire, and basically have the things that I would like to have along with the previous side i just mentioned.  

I've also been a sex addict to varying degrees most my adolescent and adult life so it is basically a no-brainer for me.  as for the "GFE / BFE experience"  sometimes I enjoy that, and feeling the sensuality of the provider, or just a woman in general for that matter, but there are times that my animalistic, carnal human need to breed surfaces, and I just want to grab a woman, and do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.  ya know? and in those moments it's as much about your own orgasm, and pleasure as much as it is a mental game to a degree on how much pleasure can you give before your own body takes over and you get your own?  

*steps off soapbox*

my 2 cents

"psychologically-rooted" and "physiological"???

Oh my....don't labor too long, but you're on the exact path of what would be lovely.

Gia,

You are as eloquent as ever in your writing.  One thing that you mentioned is among the intangibles that I mentioned.  Many (if not most) of our brethren must forsake a "normal" relationship in favor of the service that we provide.  Yet we love it.  The of course there is the possibility of being outted by someone with principles that we don't deserve to be subjected.

We haven't had the pleasure of meeting face-to-face, but I can see that we have much in common.  Thanks for lending your perspective.  Now I hope that you're off into your "distraction" from my thread.

We'll chat later as always when the time is appropriate.

I hope that I haven't caused too many too much mental exercise.  I've already been told that many come here (this site) to think with the little head.  Sometimes I'll watch a movie that requires no thinking....just enjoying.  If so.....then take a portion of what is written, and share.

Thank you.

Hell, I am here because on occasion i enjoy having hot, new crazy sex with an alluring woman.
So I only have one review, big deal. Sometimes it is fun to read some of the crazy stuff people post(I will NEVER get why it's bad to have so many vocal ladies on the board.), sometimes it's just nice to see what great pics the ladies will post.
Wow Gia, I can't imagine what man or woman wouldn't want you in their life because of things you have done. My wife cheated on me, AND still has a girlfriend outside of our marriage, and I would never think about letting her go.
Yes, perhaps her dalliances have encouraged me to wonder how many of you ladies taste(remy's cordial invite to eat her in a post comes to mind), but I am sure some guy out there will just take it as you know your way around the bed.
Marie's posts always make me think, and not just about that mouth of hers.
I even resisted Miss Laura for far too long before succumbing to her incredible charms.
You ladies are great. The old, cynical "this is a board to rate whores" posters don't deserve such a fantastic group of temptresses.
But again, only one review, so wtf do I know?

Damn it; I just got out of the freaking tent, now it going to be back with the dogs into that tent! At least it is much warmer.

Yes I'm in the Hobby because I'm a horny bastard; is that what you want to hear...
Sexual repressed since the age of eleven shortly before my in country deployment?
That is, if any of this stuff is real?

I'm just a normal ordinary guy as my song states.

What is up in my noodle; sister they had a team of experts on the case and could not answer that one. If you only knew what was going on in that little turtle mind you would go screaming into the night?

Never use aliases after that last close call, I would suggest the same for all of you, especially Ed, Ted, Fred and Jed. Yes don't forget about "Jesus" too?

When I was younger I never had a problem getting a date.I out kicked my coverage more than Ray Guy in his prime and I always enjoyed the variety.Then in my mid thirties the Thunder Bolt struck.Thought I'd found the ONE.Dated exclusively (I thought) for several years until I found out she liked variety also!!

With the dagger still in my back I took a stab at the "Hobby" while still trying to climb back in the saddle of mainstream dating.I came to this,my own,conclusion.I found civie dating to be a bore at that age (and now beyond).I got tired of sitting accross the table from a bunch of women who were in the same boat as I,but couldn't seem to get over the past.In short, dating at least in many instances,had become an exercise in helping someone tote the baggage from past relationships.

The "Hobby" provided me with the physical aspect I needed but I found that at least in my case, I didn't require the emotional aspect of a traditional relationship.I'm lucky.I have a great many friends both male and female,and a wonderful family.My friends and family except that I am to be forever single.Some know of my
"hobby" life style,others probably suspect.I could care less.

In short the Hobby doesn't complicate my life.It provides stress relief,fun,excitement,a little nervous energy (ah those first time encounters!),and alot of great wild sex!

Is my view on life normal? Maybe not.But It works for me.Now in my fifties,the right woman would literally have to fall into my lap for me to change the way I live.I'm not sure I would even then.I'm content with my life and life style.To each their own.

By the way Marie,another great post!

Very well written Marie, and I think a lot of us, in one way , shape or form, ask ourselves these things. Perhaps for some of us it is as simple as I like to phucka lot, but I doubt for many of us it is.
For me, deciding to get into the hobby is a combination of many things. Growing up, I was always a very shy person that found it difficult to talk to girls/women, and still do to some extent. Its not that I was ugly, just afraid of coming off as a jerk or like the typical male my mom would always rant about. I was one of the nice guys that the girls always came to to talk about their boy problems, and wouldnt date me since it would ruin the friendship.
I started to write about all 5, count em, 5 of the women Ive dated, had a relationship with or married, but quickly realized that was gonna be a booooring read for many of you, so to make this part short:  3 relationships, 2 of them I married, dated one woman between the marriages, one after the last marriage. First girlfriend (met at work) left me for her ex (once released from prison). My first wife (met at work) screwed everything that wasnt nailed down while I was in the first gulf war. Came home and she had left with everything including all the money, but not the bills. A couple of years later (after the divorce) after I got out of the army, I dated a girl I met online, then found out she was married. Met my second wife (met at workhmm, seems to be a trend here. LOL) who left me 2 years after my son was born. She said because I was never home, which was due to me working two jobs 7 days a week. Last woman I met through a dating service. She left me because she couldnt deal with me having to have contact with 2 ex wives and my 3 children...and lack of time.
Whew! OK, the life story is over, but was needed to explain my circumstance. After all of that, I have gotten to the point that any thought of a relationship, or potential relationship is pretty frightening to me. I also work a lot: 12 hours a day, 5 days a week (why? Child support for 3 children). Finally, I see my children every other weekend. So even if I could get myself to not be afraid of another relationship, having one would be nothing short of difficult since I have about 4 days per month to offer.
Over the last 4 years I have not dated at all. Yes guys, not having sex for 4 years really can be doneit doesnt blow up or shrivel up and die after a year. During that time I've realized there are things that I do really miss a lot and, believe it or not, intercourse is not at the top of the list(but very near . I really miss kissing. I really miss those I dont ever want to let go hugs. I miss spooning. I miss the little, seemingly insignificant, gestures of love in a relationship. I miss giving a woman pleasure, and the sounds and expressions that go along with it. And yes, I miss the actual deed quite a bit too. There's more, but you get the idea.
Now I know Im not going to get all of those things in the hobby, but Im hoping to fill some of those gaps at least in part. At the very least, I'd love one of those knee wobbling, toe curling sensations of a really great O. But who knows, maybe, just maybe, theres a woman out there that can at least make me believe, even for a moment, that all of those things can be felt again.

I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. Maybe this will lead to further discussion, maybe not.

I probably shouldn't have used the word "whore" which carries such a negative connotation. I feel I am more than that, but to be honest, this hobby does carry a stigma that is hard to avoid. My concern is the typical man cannot look past the taboo nature of the hobby to be with provider. While I do agree I provide a wonderful (sometimes in a spiritual way) service, I cant imagine most (non-hobby) men would see it that way.

I love that some of the men here are so open-minded in terms of viewing providers for more than just being prostitutes, but I think that is rare. And as Marie said, there are some guys here who have said they would have sex with a provider, but they would never be with one.

I hope you understand where my concern stems from. Also, I hope I explained it in a way that shows I personally feel I am worth it, but I am not so sure the average man would feel that way about an escort. Am I wrong? Perhaps I shouldn't generalize.

(Thank you for the kind words.)

Marie, why do you keep coming up with these oh-so-interesting themes that make me have to think with my big head? Grrrrrrrr. I have to keep checking several different boards to find them, but I usually do!

OK. I entered this hobby about eight months ago. I was married once, then in an LTR for six years with a woman who showed up at a conference we were to attend together with...her husband whom she had just married. Yep. Married him and didn't tell me she was dating him. Didn't tell him we were dating, either. I knew the guy, nice guy, but to this day he doesn't know she was two-timing him. We lived on opposite coasts, so it was easy for her to keep both of us (him and I) on a leash when we only saw each other every couple weeks. I could make a movie out of this.

Then I had another eleven year LTR (notice the married thing isn't an option anymore after the first one) with a woman who contracted pancreatic cancer and died three weeks later, leaving three almost-grown kids and a very sad me. Kids are fine. And after three yeas, so am I.

Two years after she passed, several of my non-hobby friends were joking around one night and came up with the wild ass idea that I should find someone on the internet. I'm thinking e-harmony, they were thinking something else. I had not had any luck meeting anyone. I travel about 10 months every year, am self-employed, don't hang out at bars, don't have an office to go to, etc. etc. I travel because of my work, I love my job and I won't trade it for anything.

So, for several months I didn't do anything the internet idea, but I finally started checking out sites like TER. I haven't looked back.

I have come to the conclusion that for me, spending a couple hours with a great provider is a much simpler and more interesting approach. I like the sex but I also like the quiet times. There are some very intelligent providers who can carry on a great conversation, take care of me needs, cuddle, spoon, shower, even spend the night with. Then I can hit the road again.

As it turns out, I found an ATF I see as much as possible, and I see others when I am in some other city. TER has made this possible and easy for the screening process.

So, that is my story. I think I'll stick with it.

BTW, Gia, I now know several providers who are either married or in serious relationships with guys who knew they were in the hobby before they started dating or found out shortly thereafter. The guys help them out with screening, etc. If a guy can't deal with it, that is is problem. But these women found great relationships with guys who understood and are very supportive. I would think it would be fun to be in a relationship like that. Just think of all the great stories you could share after your provider SO spent a couple hours entertaining someone? Whew!

"maybe, just maybe, theres a woman out there that can at least make me believe, even for a moment, that all of those things can be felt again."

*******************
Sweet Man,
These things can be felt again, they can!!!
Warm hugs,
Belinda

me and my friend Elwood. I want many and varied experiences. I want another notch in my belt. I've been married and divorced a couple of times, have had some LTRs since but I think I prefer to be single. It's so much easier and it doesn't endanger my personal and financial well being. I don't want the thrill of the hunt or having to 'earn' sexual favors. When the question is, "Sex?" the only appropriate answer is an enthusiastic "YES!" or a simple nod of the head if unable to speak. I shouldn't have to jump thru hoops to deserve sex. However, unlike Billy Joel, I do want clever conversation.

DS


'Relax, it's just sex.'

When I was very young, my grandmother walked in on me while I was playing with my little girl parts.  She became enraged, slapped my hands, and told me in no uncertain terms that my hand would fall off if I continued to do such vile things.  She put me in a scalding hot bath and scrubbed me clean, paying extra-special attention to my hands and girl parts.  Of course, I learned that sex and being sexual was the devils workings and sinful in nature.
When I was 7, my grandmother passed.

I shall speed up the next few years as they get worse and are not pretty.   From 8-14, I was molested. I was a promiscuous teenager in high school but did not engage in sexual relations.   My parents were as promiscuous (with each other only) and played cards in the evenings for hickeys. I always knew who had lost at cards...all I had to do was peek at their necks in the morning.  My father used to parade around the house in his underwear.  And, whenever we went for a drive in the car, my fathers hand would be down my mothers blouse.  They had a very active sexlife...6 kids to prove it!  I was raped at age 28, only to be told by police that in my conservative town, it would be best not to pursue a case of date rape, especially since I had invited him into MY apartment.

Needless to say, between Grandmothers repressive sexual "teachings" and my parents sexual promiscuity and my own confusion from a history of sexual abuse, I was confused and afraid of my body and of my womanhood.  In fact, I did not engage in consensual adult sex until well into my 30's.   And, even then, I had hang ups.  I put on weight to keep men away (it never stopped them or me, of course).  I had affairs with married men and always was the one hurt.  

It was not until I met THE love of my life that I became truly comfortable with my body and with being female and with everything that being female entails.  The emotions...the curves...the tears for no reason...the need for hugs and kisses and cuddles...the heart that loves little furry squirrels and raindrops in a summer storm.   I was NEVER comfortable with that part of me until I met him.  

He showed me that just because bad things happened to me in the past, doesn't mean I am bad. Doesn't mean I deserved any of it. Doesn't mean I am undeserving.  

He taught me and showed me that it was okay to enjoy sex....all kinds of sex.  Gentle, loving, slow sex.  Make-up Sex.  Angry Sex.  Passionate, I-need-to-fuck-you-now Sex!   It's okay to enjoy it.  It's okay to share it.   And, it's okay to share it with more than one person.   I am a sexual being.  I enjoy that part of me.  I enjoy sharing that part of me.  And that is okay.

That is why I am still in this business.

I know this was deep (you wanted psychological motivations, Marie!) and may have made some uncomfortable. If so, I do apologize.  I thought about this long and hard ever since Marie made her original post.  I decided to post this...partly for the readers but, more importantly, for me. I feel free.  I am happy.  Truely.  I am in a good place.  

Big, Happy, Sexy Hugs and Kisses to All,
Belinda!

Divorced after a long marriage.  Relationships afterward didn't work out either so I was involuntarily celibate for some time.  Decided that sucked.  Started out hanging out in strip clubs and had some great times and occasionally hooked up with a dancer.  Found TER and escorting and decided that was a better way to handle my desire for sex and have been here ever since.

And then while enjoying myself with various ladies, something unexpected happened.  I found out that some of these ladies were as beautiful on the inside as on then outside.  That was not a surprise.  What was a surprise was that some of them were willing to share some of their intelligence, grace, and charm with me and that has been very rewarding for me.

Personally, I really admire providers that are willing to share themselves with us. I don't mean just physically either. I mean it kind of boggles my mind how some of the ladies I read about seem to be able to show passion and compassion to clients they see, then let them go their merry way. I would think that would be a tremendously difficult thing to do. I know not all providers can or are willing to, but from what I've read, the really good ones do share a little slice of their heart. The ones that get beaming reviews seem to have that "human touch" to them. That's amazing to me, and I'm grateful for that.

Giamarie, there are men who can see past all the stigma and stereotypes and only see the magic that is you. Who YOU are and not what some might brand you, or what society labels you.

Maybe my story is a little simple in comparison but I had what I imagine to be a totally average midwest upbringing with liberal but not hedonistic parents who did not really talk about sex to me at all. I figured out what I needed to know, became active at 14 and have enjoyed an active if somewhat vanilla sex life ever since. Many girlfriends, most of them hot in my eyes and all sexually healthy from my point of view.

Now, I am married and have realized that sex is often simply more rewarding when it is separate from the challenges of a long term relationship.

Not having the LTR connection with a partner does not by any means prevent intimacy, tenderness, passion of carnal freakiness but does allow me to avoid some of the challenges of of traditional "relationships" while I explore new aspects of my sexuality is a supportive and comfortable setting.

For example, if I act out a fantasy with my SO does it then become part of the mainstream of my sex life? Thereby losing some of the inherent appeal of a fantasy?

I'm the first one to admit that I want providers to do things that my wife does not seem to enjoy. I approach the encounter trusting that the provider does enjoy the things she is says she is willing to do and although I find that this does not always seem to be the case since I don't derive pleasure from something that is not pleasurable to my partner I just do not return. My only hesitation in the hobby is based on these experiences. Self awareness is obviously very important in this game.

The fact that I have met a number of women through the hobby who enjoy giving certain types of pleasure as much as I do and more than I imagined any women did has opened my eyes and made me much more comfortable with the nature of my own desires.

Based on my experiences I am very grateful to all providers for doing what they do and wish them all safe, pleasurable and rewarding careers.

And to answer your question Gia I think that prior to joining in the hobby I would have been inclined to avoid a LTR with a provider if I am being honest about who I was but I now feel like I am much more enlightened in that regard and as such would be much more open to the idea if the connection were there. Assuming of course that any sort of LTR is what I am inclined to have, which seems increasingly doubtful.

So the final bit of self discovery via the hobby for me has been that that marriage and LTR's are a social construct well suited to the lives of some but by no means all and I'm starting to realize, albeit a bit late in life, that I'm just not that well suited to them...

I now find myself in my late 30's and having been engaged twice without marrying.  In both cases, the marriage was broken off.  Once by me after I caught her cheating and the other time by her because she thought I was "not the right one".  I grew up in the "Western Suburbs" in a typical family where marriage is certainly expected by my age.   I know I am viewed as an outcast in my family because of this.  I just ignore it.  Before marriage, I want to try a committed live-in relationship.  I truly believe I will find someone special soon as I have alot to give and do consider myself a good catch.  Sometimes in dating  I think I am too particular in my tastes (my fault).

Nobody close to me knows about my hobbying and it is my little secret.  So then why do I do it? Well, I am not willing to commit to a long term relationship with someone right now (at least I am honest).  We all know most women hate one night stands and I am not going to lie just to sleep with a woman for a one night stand if she wants a commitment.  Being in your late 30's is alot different than the good old college days.  Also, I love the variety of different types of women I have been with in the hobby.  Not only in looks but also background, experience, and personality.  I have met some truly wonderful and exciting  ladies lately and I hope to meet alot more in the near future.  I always take away something positive from every lady I have ever hobbied with.

The thing I miss most about a true girlfriend relationship is the kissing, cuddling, holding, and wanting to take care of the other person.  This may sound odd, but I try to avoid any kissing and cuddling with providers to keep us from being too emotionally attached to each other.  It is not that I don't care about them but I just don't want anyone to get hurt.  Personally, I would not rule out dating a provider.

Just last week a provider I see often said "XXXXX, you were here 60 minutes and we fucked 58 of those".  We both laughed because she knows I am crazy about the physical act.

I enjoy the hobby as much as the next guy but I really hope it is only temporary for me.

Here I shall be 100% honest.  Honesty point #1:  I tend to get pretty wordy

I have in common other points made by some of the other men here.  Id get specific, but this line is a last-minute edit and Is tired.  

So personally, I am here because:

~ High school was a veritable cornucopia of living hell, rejection after rejection and unmitigated loneliness.  In high school I did not exist unless I was at a dance or in one of the plays.  Hobbying is by no means my cure for loneliness, but its a damn good band-aid.  I have now many of the friends I did in high school, and theyre fucking wonderful.  I love them to death.  But I cant get EVERYTHING from them now, can I?

~ Jealousy.  I deal with the public nearly every day of the month.  I stand behind a counter and serve food, print and tear tickets  Every so often a young couple will come in.  And I can tell theyre happy and proud to be out and about with the other.  Something I dont have.  But counteracting the jealousy (I think), Id love to be able to give them a Cute Couple discount.

~ Selfishness.  See Jealousy.  Also, see standard definition of 25-year-old male bordering on being a 15-16-year-old male.

~ To give what I have.  Ill admit, Im not very good at intercourse.  So what more do I have to offer a girl if its not skills in the bedroom?  Just what I happen to think every attractive girl deserves:  Attention.  I love admiring with my eyes, my mind and my heart as well as my hands.  I appreciate females*.  Im a hopeless romantic and I have to express myself.  I may do this with music.  Or artwork.  Or other gifts.  I wont really be happy unless I know for sure the girl Im with feels special, appreciated and damn good about herself.  I love to love as much as I love being loved, and I give it slightly higher priority.  Rates be damned, Im buyin you those flowers and that candy; Im going to do an art project or make you a CDcause thats me.

*About my appreciation.  All I can say is its a combination of a lot of things.  Its physical and spiritual, and for me involves emotions.  Something GL brought up in one of her posts, I face the chance at destroying my clean record or being murdered.  The courage you women have astounds me.  I truly admire it.  For me theres more to it than handing someone money and then sleeping with that person.  Half the time, I just want to admire andwell...appreciate!  Lol.  Another thing GL said, I have found that in addition to sex I really enjoy the companionship  I cant speak for other hobbyists here, but my sex drive is not what needs to be calmed and lulled.  Its my incredibly restless heart.  The companionship helps that issue as much as sex helps the other issue.

~ Acceptance.  Ive always been a nice guy.  I have to be me.  Its not that I dont want to be nice.  I like being nice to people (so long as theyre nice to me) a lot.  Being nice, sweet and thoughtful doesnt cut it when it comes toI hesitate to say real life?  It seems I cant be accepted in real life for who and what I am because I dont have a car or a place of my own or the best job**.  I try not to judge others, as I have been harshly judged a lot based on my appearance, views or lack thereof, etc..  Whatever a providers background, current situation(s) and reason(s) for BEING a provider, I will respect her for those reasons/situations.  It kinda goes back to part of what I said about appreciation.    Self-acceptance fits in here too.

It kind of fell apart there in places I guess.  I hope you all didnt go Huh?  WTF is it with this guy?  But I understood it!  Lol And thats good enough for me.

Something more on another level, to all on the board.  I may not be too active or vocal on here or the most articulate.  But in observing you all, I see that there are many, many unique individuals here, all with something different to offer.  I assume there are friendships here in many forms.  After all this is a community, right?

Ill be a friend to anyone who welcomes me.  I care about the people here, provider and hobbyist alike.  Were all in this together, no?

Can anyone recommend a good sex therapist (I'm only half kidding)

their money and their dicks. joking.

well, for real i dont drive and i already have a gardner which makes lawn care and vehicle maintenance unnecessary so unless i'm missing something that just leaves money and dick ? still joking.

i told my mama that i liked doing this because i get the best part of the relationship... the beginning, when it's new and exiting and you don't know what to expect and the guy is still on his very best behavior.

i dont want to "get to know" anyone too well. people are weird and scary and even when they aren't, once you "know" them, it gets boring.  

plus i love to blank but even when it's enjoyable,  i still feel like a blank when a guy uses me or lies to me to get it so charging them actually makes me feel better about it, like at least the guy appreciates me and isn't just trying to take advantage of me.


i know i'm supposed to feel like a blank for charging guys but i guess i'm weird because i actually feel like one when i dont and getting paid actually makes me feel pretty damn good about myself.

maybe i'm crazy but i'm happy and that's waaaay better than being sane and unhappy, IMHO.

(it's the nutty that makes me delicious)