A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants... bartender "You have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants!"..pirate.."AAAARG, it's driving me nuts!"

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.  The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."  The husband, rejected turns over and tries to sleep.  A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.  This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Good shit lol