Ok,  I never thought I would do this after hobbying for over 18 years.  Well, I met a provider and the chemistry was amazing, the sex was amazing and I fell for her.   The sex was like true GFE in every sense of the word.  
I even did the most STUPID thing we can ever do,  she let me give it to her bareback and I came in her.  She said she used the sponge.  I nervous about that but there is much more.  She is one fucked up hot blonde; she has borderline personality disorder :,   she moves from place to place,  lost custody of her son for meth abuse, and doesn't know how to deal with things in her life.

 God help me, I've fallen for her.  I just rented a car for her for a week, so she can get basic things done.  The problem is, now I think about her constantly.  The last time we had sex; it felt as good and as passionate as any sex I've ever had with my closest girlfriends. I'm acting like a lost puppy dog and I'm 44 freaking years old.  I can only see things bad happening,  like me saying she can move in with me, while she still provides,  and me bankrupting myself trying to be her white knight.  But typical in this situation,  I feel powerless to stop all this.  
 I know this has been discussed ad nauseum,  but this is new and important to me, so some constructive help would be appreciated.

Meth use is probably even a greater factor in the oncoming train wreck.

But, given you've see her as borderline, and if she truly is, then I will tell you what you're addicted to.

"BPD splitting includes a switch between idealizing and demonizing others." Yep, the clue is right there! You're addicted to being idealized. You think it's about the sex, and indeed the idealization can be partially expressed through her sex with you. However, hang on to your ass with both hands, the demonetization of you, by her, is fast on the heels of her present idealization of you.

Solution! Get a nice little puppy who will look up to you and give you unconditional love. It might take the edge off from going cold turkey on your idealization addiction. Good luck!

go out and get tested

"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

Brother, you already know what the temperature is.  You should check your stopwatch.

You know what you are doing is going to lead you in the wrong direction.  My History professor always said "History ALWAYS repeats itself" and this chick will have issues until she seeks professional help.  YOU are NOT professional help...you are a bandaid to her.  You will NOT change her ways.  DO yourself a favor and back away from the situation.  I know it's easier said than done, however, YOu are going to be the one hurt at the end of all this.  You said it yourself.  If you read this post, posted by someone else what would you advise?  I bet you would say "RUN FOR THE HILLS"!  right?  be honest with yourself, use your MIND not your DICK when you make this decision.  My two cents.   Have a great weekend brother.  Take care of yourself.  You are ALWAYS FRIST

Things could be worse. I fell for a stripper about 14 years ago and bought her a new Mustang Convertible!
She wasn't into drugs and the sex was off the charts. Six months later, she wouldn't return my calls.

A fool and his money.......

So get that puppy, get tested and cut your losses. E harmony has some hot 40 year olds....

Good luck

Just my two cents worth, but I've been around the block myself a couple of times.  This has all the earmarks of a total disaster waiting to happen.  Unprotected sex with a meth head; "borderline" personality disorder; already lost a kid to drug abuse; now you're renting her a car...  Get out while the gettin' is good... get tested, get the car back, and cut off all ties.  IF you don't do it quickly, you will be the official poster boy for "enabler"... something neither you nor this lady needs... What if she turns up pregnant (or at least says she is and starts squeezing you for $$$)?  Meth makes people crazy... Run fast and don't look back!!

Magpie pretty much explained it correctly.  Don't even waste your time pathologizing with this chick and by all means not another red cent.  You need to get the f*ck outta Dodge and just cut your losses.  Do a Jason Bourne and get off the grid.  Disconnect the cell phone, change the locks on the house and just S.T.O.P.  Otherwise, it will get even worse for you and the trainwreck will cause even more damage!

First thing to do is to get the rental car back.  You can say that your lawyer has told you that loaning a car incurs liability, allows crooked people to attack both of you if there is an accident (which is true).  If you are a softie, you can always "lend" her money for another week of car rental in her own name.

No more bareback.  A maximum of one more time FS until you can get the car back to the car rental company.

You can excuse yourself after that citing that you are no longer hobbying.  Wish her luck.  Never be nasty to her or anyone.  Also get tested.  The reason you are running away is because she has a destructive personality.  Most women can keep their kids no matter how bad they are.

....I was thinking with my little head. I was 40 and she was 23.

It certainly would have been cheaper to rent one by the hour.

What can I say, she sure looked great.... Naked on my boat at Havasu!   No regrets......

Hey everyone, have a great weekend!

I want to look away, but I can't. Inoticed you used the past tense...as in "screwed up." Truth is, you are still screwing up.

You have a lot of good advice that has been posted on this thread. Read all the posts again and then follow the directions that others have provided.

"Meth abuse"? The "chemistry was amazing"? Cute and clever.

Question: What do you get when you put 15 meth-heads all together in one room?

Ans: A full set of teeth.

Sorry. Sadly, neither one of you seems to be playing with a full deck. You need to get your finances put under some sort of short term custodial trust, perhaps for a year. The custodian will pay all your bills, collect a fee and give you an allowance. The rest will get banked/invested for you when you snap out of this delusion you are under.

Anytime you start out by saying "I screwed up" you should listen to yourself -- You screwed up, so unscrew.

Well so far as the borderline thing goes; she told me so herself.   I appreciate all your comments.  I really do.  The reality of the situation is going to get worse; I made the mistake of telling her what I do for a living.  This places me at risk,  for for lack of a better word,  blackmail.  
 I tried calling her today to check on the rental but it said her mailbox is full.  Good Lord,  my life is already fucked up,  I don't need anymore of this.  

I was once hopelessly addicted to a lady (not a provider) who just played along with me, using me for all kinds of stuff. I finally found a book that liberated me. See this listing on Amazon.

I won't beat you up anymore than you've already been beaten by the others.  But they've also given you some very sound advice.

I was in a similar situation so I know how it can develop.  She was a smoking hot 10 and I was like client number 2 or 3, so she still fucked like a GF because that's all she knew.  She lived a mile from me so we became friends off the clock in no time.  It was then that I started to realize the chaos of her life and how anybody that got pulled into her orbit would soon get used and abused.  She hid it from me for a while, but she couldn't forever.

She also had either bipolar disorder, or that combined with something else.  Nobody was really sure, even after she'd been examined a couple times.  She didn't do drugs, but she did lose custody of her child, crashed her car without explanation, got thrown out of her nice apartment, was behind on all her bills and the list goes on and on.  She always had real vague stories about what happened when you'd try to get the facts.

At first, she used me as the rock in her life that stabilized the chaos.  But it wasn't long before it turned into a case of the drowning man taking down the rescuer.  It's easy to get off on being the "white knight" with a woman that's Playboy hot, but I finally had to extract myself from the chaos that was now following me home.

The bottom line is everything I did to help her had no long term effect, so don't feel guilty about sending her on her way.  She's going to find someone else to glom onto as soon as you're gone- trust me on this.  In my case, I'd pay her bills and she'd be behind the next month.  I fixed her car and she crashed it again.  I bought her a new computer and her landlord took it in lieu of rent.  You get the idea.  But as soon as I told her I didn't want to see or hear from her again, she moved in with a former roommate and started sucking the life out of him, all without missing a beat.  I never looked back.

The ONLY question you have to ask yourself is how long are you to be involved with the train wreck that WILL head your way?  Now that you've come to your senses, begin immediately cleaning up anything that can come back to haunt you.  Others have given you some suggestions, but I can assure you, there will be incoming rounds that you won't anticipate.  And the reason is simple- a rational person can't possibly imagine all the ways a person whose life is out of control can fuck up. I could give you some mind-boogling stories, but I don't want to say anything that could identify her.

You need to extract yourself while you're still on speaking terms, because as Mattradd (I think) said, when she flips the switch, you will go from white knight to the asshole that's the source of all her problems in about two seconds. And you haven't seen crazy until that happens.  You want to be totally protected when that time comes.

It's easier than most people think to get drawn into these situations, especially when they're hot or the sex is incredible (manic sex can be pretty wild, I found out).  But now that you've seen where this is headed, you're doing the right thing to take corrective action and protect yourself.  Good luck, you'll need it.

In my earlier post, I suggested that neither you or your friend were playing with a full deck.

Now...you have presented new information. 1) You told her where you work and 2) you have no idea where this rental car is. Wow! You could be facing a huge liability charge for the rental car, particularly since you probably did not have her co-sign as an authorized driver. Whatever you do, don't file a stolen vehicle report...that will only compound your problems. Since you certainly don't seem to be thinking clearly, let me spell it out for you F-E-L-O-N-Y. Yes, faceless, insurance fraud is a felony.

I would suggest you have a friend drive you to her place this evening so you can take back the rental car. Oh, wait...you probably don't even know where she lives. At least, that seems to be the pattern of thinking/behavior you have established with this woman. I hope you rented the cheapest car on the lot.

What next? Please don't tell us you gave her your ATM/Debit card and PIN?

I was thinking of going to see Hangover II this weekend, but anything they put on-screen would pale in comparison to your antics. Seriously, you should get some counseling (you could have physical or perhaps mental problems...a slight arterial rupture, perhaps, somewhere in the frontal cortex ...your brain is not firing on all cylinders.)

All I can say is "Good Luck to you." I am afraid you are going to need all the luck there is.

I did the same thing at 30 but no bareback, paid rent for a year , so guessing $15K to $20K plus a deposit on a another place.  What did I get, nothing but a saving acct $30K less.  I learned, started saving again and she is hiding from me.  She actually has a license to practice in Calif. and has a website (legit stuff).  Not worth the stress and headaches.  Count your blessing, and move on Bro.

... of their decisions, while they focus on short-term effects.

One of the best lines I've ever read in a book a while ago.

You "know" of the long term harms that your decisions will be causing you, but you have elected to go for the immediate gratification. We have all invariably been guilty of such actions, even though not necessarily something exactly like this.

Good luck to you in finding some levity, perspective and self-awareness.

Don't want to pour salt in the wound brother, but seems like guys with extra $$$ are the ones who get caught up in this shit.  I'm an average working guy with an average salary plus living in high-cost SoCal means I have to be choosy with my scant disposable income, which is why the hobby is not a usual diversion for me.  Even if I wanted to, there would be no way in hell I could help out a provider financially, so no chance for me to be entangled in the first place...one of the few times when being Joe Working Stiff is a distinct advantage.

I did a similar thing about 5 years ago. Fell for a provider, thought she fell for me also. We planned to move into together...long story short, she took me for about 20k. She was on oxi. Learned my lesson, learn yours..move on quickly. Get the car back ASAP!!!!!!

I was 50 when this happened to me- definitely old enough to know better.  But I guess what they say is true- there's no fool like an old fool.  And nobody can make a fool out of you faster than a young hottie.

There are some things you need to accept as fact so you can put this behind you.  First, any sort of happiness or healthy relationship with this girl is absolutely impossible.  So put all those thoughts about moving in together, or how good the sex was out of your head. She is dysfunctional in the extreme and will bring that dysfunction to everything she does and to all those around her.

Second, women with this type of personality disorder are like con artists.  They know how to work people- that's how they survive.  It's normal  to want to help someone in distress, but see #1 above.

Three, there are are undoubtedly serious things in her past of which you are unaware.  Probably arrests, skipped out on creditors, bankruptcy, and sometimes, nasty people that are looking for her.  The woman I was with had all of the above, and I found out about each thing in the worst possible way, usually at the worst possible time.  And oh, the stories she'd tell to make it all seem like it was never her fault.

You'll never get a straight answer and you'll never get the truth.  So be happy you had some great sex and now do the smart thing and run like hell.

It took me longer to reach this point than it took you, that's why I'm so strong in my conviction that this can only end badly, and the quicker you separate yourself from this situation the better off you'll be.  LIke I said, I was old enough to know better and still got suckered in by a beautiful face and a hot body, so it can happen to anyone.

We're either very caring, or very nosy. Next time I know how to get the ladies' attention.

It's probably because we've all been there before. I have a girl right now -- 20 yr old college cutie -- who I feel the same way about. But thanks to the advice we've all read over the years in this forum, we avoid doing something stupid, because we know it will turn out badly in the end.

I want to thank everybody for their help.  I am still keeping in contact with her till I get the car back and end this as as diplomatically as possible, because as you guys said,  I don't want her flipping the switch, and showing up at my work or accusing me of impregnating her.

in case she reads the boards pm me.

Good luck brother, let us know how it turns out.

omg--- run away as fast as possible

i saw this provider 2 times a week for a year-- then she stopped seeing me-- i felt so abd--

but shes back --wanna why--  shes needs money---

well yea ill fuck her-- i have the money

thank you so much guys for the encouragement, I know what to do but as the old adage goes: the mind is willing but the body is weak.  The more times I hear your encouragement the better. Thank you so much

This reads like my life 11 years ago; after a few months of me being the knight in shining armor, she flipped, she started calling my family trying to drag them into her drama. After a year, she had destroyed me mentally and financially.  Run, don't walk to the nearest exit and get tested.

I landed back on my feet after a couple of years.  But I will never do that again.

Run, don't walk to the nearest exit and get tested.