I have been this business for a number of years now and have had many wonderful experiences and really learned a lot about myself and the women in this business.    One thing I notice a lot is the mention of "connection" both by men and women.  While I understand that it does make the experience more authentic feeling, does it also create complications for repeat or ongoing encounters?   My question for women is.... Do you value a true connection?   Or does this create an awkward dynamic over the longer term?
For men... Does it create an attachment.?  And if so does that create complications?
I have learned that the hormonal release during intimacy can have an emotional effect on both partners.... But how we handle it can vary.   Frequency of intimacy can impact our reaction, but the natural tendency still affect us

After being in the hobby for quite a few years now I believe if there was no "connection" i would not repeat. Not very complicated at all, if I am able to "connect" with a provider there is an attachment but no more than the same attachment I have to the other providers that I have "connected" with. If the provider is not into it, hard for me to be.

a really good provider can give a sense of connection while not establishing a true emotional connection.  Remember, the session is to make the guy feel good and return.  There are providers I feel a connection to and like to see, it does make the sessions better.  However, is it really a true "connection"?  Depends.  Guys think they know providers so well often when they really don't.  The personality you are seeing when having a session is often nothing like the lady's true personality.  

Some ladies do have good true personalities and others don't.  But if she is a good provider you will never know that unless you get to know her well enough to have a REAL connection.  Big difference.  Some providers actually feel quite a bit of contempt for clients.  I have had the chance to hear this first hand with a provider who I am good friends with.  She actually put another provider on speaker phone once.  That provider was going on and on about what a dumb fucking idiot this one client was that wanted to see her.  I could hear the contempt in her voice.  But I'm sure in the session he left feeling there was such a connection, LOL.  This was a top rated provider with high rates also.  (Don't bother PMing me to ask questions because I'm not saying any more that what's here.)

Same thing with age, ethnic background, education and everything else, it is not always true.  Sometimes when I have read reviews I'm just sitting there laughing in my head thinking, "oh if he only knew".  It's marketing, so what matters is how good she is at making you feel good.  So there is the casual connection "feeling" where you don't really know the true person.  There is also the real connection when you know the true lady, her "hot mess" look in the morning, experience her stinking up the bathroom, her PMSing rage mood, and you know all the Fed up drama in her life, see her when she had a bad day at her real job and wants to tear someone's head off, and despite all that you are still okay with spending time with her.

 

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Then I don't repeat. That's all part of the experience for me.

Yeah, I can't believe I found it again. I stumbled upon this link a long time ago and managed to find it again.  If you wonder what goes through SOME escorts mind sometimes.  Of course I'm not saying all.  I just wonder if the guys in these situations felt a connection?   LO

provider I've known for years and during the down time she was regaling me with tales of how she manipulates guys with the "connection" and even pointed to a few reviews to show how good she is at it.  Like one guy who wrote, "If you see her, don't expect the kind of connection I had with her, but even if you get half as much, you'll be glad you saw her."  She's showing me this and laughing her ass off at how dumb this guy is.  

You make a good point about reality.  I have dated several girls on the outside, and when you stay overnight at their residence, not their incall, and see the ugly slippers, no makeup, bed hair in the morning, etc., it saps some of the romance out of the "connection" and you see a completely different side from the illusion they create for customers.

... as there are clients who "feel" one.

i've gotten a ton of shit on the gd board by saying i have connections with several girls i see.  most of the dickwads on the gd board challenge me with "well ask them to f*k you for free and see what kind of connection you have!"

i'm not ever saying any of these girls fall in love with me.  far from it.  the reason i like this whole arrangement is that i can go months (or years) without seeing a girl, and then when i call her up and we make a date, it's just as if it's only been a couple weeks since we last met.

"connection" doesn't mean emotional attachment to me.  it means we both feel good about being in each other's company, and enjoy what we are doing.  i've been with enough ladies who obviously didn't feel so great about me but put on their game face...but dude, it's so easy to see through that, and know they are just doing a job.  but with other girls, i have a great time, and not just sexually.  we laugh, we talk, it's truly a gfe.

but, you say, they are just extra good providers!  making you feel like you are special.  well, they don't make me feel like they think i am special, they make me feel like they are having as good a time as i am when i am with them.

i have had several doctors in my lifetime.  some were great, some made me feel as if they truly cared about me and my health, and many enjoy my joking and personality.  some didn't.  some were cold as fish.

did i have a connection with the ones i felt good about? yes, i did.  (did i want to fuck them?  only two, both married, but one gave a great prostate exam if you know what i mean).  

"connection" is about people enjoying each other.  it's not necessarily about love, or a deep sexual attraction.  i have connections with my friends. i have slighter connections with several acquaintances i know in my industry.  there are many people i would much rather spend time with than others.  do i want to fuck them all?  no.  hardly any.  (well, a few).

and lest you all say, boy, big peter is really deluding himself into thinking these whores like him, i will have to repeat this story:  after my lung surgery earlier this year, 2 different providers stopped by my house, both bringing groceries, to visit me and cheer me up.  and one lady i hadn't seen professionally for years!

hell, providers are people.  people have different levels of connections with each other.  a great provider will make her client feel great no matter how she feels.  but i personally haven't met a lady that dislikes being with me but is able to mask that truth so well that i will repeat.

she likes me, or she doesn't.  if she doesn't, no big whoop, i won't repeat (tho often i feel like i wasted my money, when i know several wonderful women that could have used that envelope and would have given me a great time).

Feels like you are using the hobby for an emotional connection you aren't getting in the real world. Probably something you should work on in your life with your wife or search for a real SO. Escorts are about a good time sexually and satisfying sexual desires. There are some escorts I have spoken to and met with that capitalize on your loneliness for day-week long trips. Guess it is more profitable to be a fantasy than do the deed..

I was referred to an UTR lady by another provider.  Met her almost two years ago in a city I travel to frequently.  Really enjoyed the session.  So much that I broke my rule of hardly ever repeating.  Then I started noticing seemingly obscure little things happening.  Things like her remembering discussion points from prior meetings where she was trying to help me out with advice.  She would follow-up.  I thought this was interesting and began to feel like this was her taking an interest in me as a person.  I started seeing her on every trip.

During these visits, she often talked about things going on IRL.  More and more I came to respect her character and personality via these glimpses.  Sometimes stuff would come up in our meetings that were hilarious.  Being with her just felt different then the dozens of others ladies I have seen.  We started to communicate a little more over text between meetings.  I was taken aback (pleasantly) when she would reach out during special occasions.  Nice touch I thought.  

All the while the sessions continued to be a lot of fun.  Then I had something to celebrate during one of my visits.  I reached out and asked her what the costs would be to meet for celebratory drinks and dinner.  In under five minutes, she told me she wanted nothing additional beyond her normal two hour rate, because we have a lot of fun together.  That meeting was amazing.  Since that time she has started to suggest things we should do outside of our BCD time.  Which we have done several times.  We communicate a little more between sessions now, but I am careful not to put too much pressure on her by bothering her too much between meetings.

I am under no illusion that this will ever go past client-provider status.  All of these extras would end if I stopped paying her.  I don't have a cynical point-of-view on that fact that many other hobbiests seem to have.  But I am now convinced that there can be a connection in rare cases, that piggyback onto that status.  I continue to see other providers, but even when I see ones that many would consider more beautiful, or might even be nymphos in bed, I find my thoughts and excitement about meeting, always returning to this one person.  She has become someone I care about in my life.  Some of the stuff she says and does has me thinking it is kind of the same for her.  

So far none of this has created complications or other issues.  Just the opposite.  I am writing this from my hotel room, where I will see her in a few hours.  Then we are heading out for an activity she wanted to try.  Can't wait.  I know I am not alone.  I think connections and friendships happen in the context of this hobby.

This is a great question, one I constantly revisit.

Naturally, as a sexual being, I immediately want to make a connection. A physical feeling of pleasure, preferably mutual. But I've learned over the years of sexual encounters (as a Civvie and Provider) connection is based on the context of my encounters.

So the question really is what is your definition of 'true' when you say 'true connection'.  

Making a true connection as a provider does get tricky. I find this has a lot to do with boundaries related to attachment as you mentioned in the OP. I've met quite a few clients and heard stories about providers who automatically link encounters with emotions. There's not a thing wrong with this mixing, but it does req a higher level of maturity and higher level thinking to avoid a funky dynamic down the line.

On the other hand, dabbling in the sex scene, I've learned the true connection I appreciate has nothing to do with knowing my partners. The most memorable connections were made with others who were sexually experienced, comfortable. We both (or all lol) knew how to read those intimate reactions and give more pleasure accordingly

Love this! Such a great point.

A connection can exist separate from emotions and have no affect on the session. A good provider does her thing while the client relaxes into pure bliss, none the wiser.

Dear Alias, I'm not sure where you get that from my attempt to differentiate interpretations of the term "connection", but whatever.  Also, if an escort would like to take a trip with me just for my covering travel cost, that is more what most guys would consider a good deal and really fun trip.

Besides, the second part of my post on real (or romantic) connection doesn't apply to just escorts.  If you are defining "connection" as a more real true romantic connection, then it needs to be with the real person, with their good and bad qualities.    

While this is definitely one where YMMV, here are some thoughts based on our experiences and conversations with other providers and hobbiests (because it is something we enjoy exploring as well):

1. Not everyone is looking for a connection, some just want the physical encounter, but our experience is that is the minority.
2. Believe it or not, men are probably more likely to want that connection (especially as they get older) because it heightens the physical experience when you feel something looking into the eyes during intimacy.
3. It is not as hard as you would expect to have a connection with a provider and not get awkward when thinking about what they do for a living...as long as you have other people in your life who you are connected to. In other words, after you have been with someone on several occasions there becomes a sort of rhythm to the experience that feeds into the connection. You can't help but gain that with time and experience with the same person.
4. In addition, with a connection to the relationship, the emotional/hormonal reactions you mention do increase and positively impact the experience which feeds back into the connection.
5. Over time, these relationships, like any other, either grow closer or apart. If you continue to see someone it either gets easier or more awkward. When the latter happens, it kind of takes care of itself because you eventually stop seeing that person. When it is the former, the relationship continues.

Bottom line for us: we love to get together with people on a regular basis because those get togethers improve and become more intimate (physically and emotionally), which makes it more fun for everyone!!

so many troglodyte mongers think the word 'connection' means 'love.'

i can be waited on by a waitress (or even waiter) that does nothing more than competently take and bring me my order.

or i can have a waitperson that chats me up briefly, smiles at my stupid jokes, offers suggestions for my meal or even flirt with me a little (either sex; i'm that attractive).

by technical definition, both instances are human 'connections.

but the second instance is what i would call a real 'connection.'

is the waitperson in love with me?  no.  but we established more than just a perfunctory business interaction.  you can bet i will tip the second person more.

oinge, you get it.  the alias is the kind of 50's sensibility monger that likes to think his mistreatment of women is the only proper usage of ho's, and anybody else putting or getting anything more of the interaction are manginas and white knights, too stupid to know how to really use our dicks.

There was an amazing Malaysian provider who worked out of her wonderful place in Beverlywood neighborhood.  She was young, hot, tight, slender and toned.  She had a tight pussy and loved to fuck.  We saw each other once a month or so for over a year and a half.  She was multiorgasmic and I dug her a lot physically, and she was fun to hang with before during and after sex.  We NEVER went out for meals or anything, but we had fun with each other in her place....

After a year or so, when she and I were fucking, she is nearing orgasm and screams out, I LOVE YOU!  I almost lost my hard on (but she was so tight that was almost an impossibility).  But I was taken aback.  After the sex, I asked her about it.  She said she meant she loved me as a person and enjoyed the sex, not that she was in love with me or wanted a relationship.  WHEW!

But the moment was etched in my mind, and the connection she and I achieved was not false or to be dismissed merely because it arose out of the provider/hobbyist relationship.  There was a real connection on multiple levels, and that is why I returned so frequently.  I rarely see any provider now more than once, because the connection is just usually not there.  

CR

I think this problem comes up because you are using the more ambiguous term "connection".  Maybe you should start using the term "friend" instead.  There is a small number of providers I consider friends because they do like spending time with me.  In those cases, not only am I not rushed, but sometimes even told I can stay longer off the clock.  

I had a similar experience where a provider took me in and out for a minor medical procedure plus stayed with me for a while after until I was sure I had no issues form it.  But I use the term friend, not connection.  Otherwise, your point is good, the hand up is perhaps in the terms used.  I have had a small number business relationships over the years where the person was also more or less a friend.  We like hanging out and talking, but I don't use the term connection.  

Even on those rare occasions where I have gotten to know a provider well enough to see all her good and bad qualities, it can be enough for me to realize there is no way I could be around the person full time.  Yet seeing her occasionally as close friends is still very doable.

hahah. I just love what providers say behind their backs.

But maybe the experience is better when one (naively) believes the connection is true rather than going in knowing it's all an act.

 

Some great discussion and points of view....  Any more thoughts from our experience ladies of SoCal?

If your "friend" you've known for years is laughing her ass off at how dumb her clients are, she's laughing her ass off at you as well with her other "friends". I won't repeat with a provider who talks shit about her other clients since she'll be doing the same to me to someone else.

-- Modified on 8/10/2016 9:49:55 AM