It just seems so hush-hush for providers to talk about things like this but I feel like every gent out there could get even a little something out of this, so I am going out on a limb and putting a totally comedic vibe to a serious topic. Read it as if you were watching an SNL skit and keep the tone light, its meant to be funny!
Call it: "Visiting with a Provider 101"
Today's Topic: "Washing Your Junk"
Every single time I meet someone, I can guarantee you that about 40 minutes before he got to the door, I was taking a bath or a shower. I make sure I'm smooth, soft, and clean, and there is no deviating from that, ever. I might have already bathed earlier that day but it doesn't matter because meeting with a client demands that I be fresh AND clean or freshly cleaned, what have you.
When a gent comes over I offer him the option to use my shower, which I make sure is always super clean, well-stocked with the nicest products and fresh, clean luxurious towels and washcloths. I make my bathroom inviting, and this is my way of encouraging my clients to get cleaned up before we relax together.
The offer to use my facilities is turned down about 50% of the time. I immediately, optimistically imagine that it is because he just came from somewhere where he just stepped out of a nice hot shower...the kind where the bathroom was so steamy it would make my mascara run down my face and my hair frizz.
Sadly, that assumption is not always right and I'll leave you to figure out how I come to that little realization.
Guys, here is the thing: Unless you took a shower, got in the car for under an hour and came right over, you pretty much should shower before any sort of playtime. Frankly, you sweat down there, even when seated and not doing anything other than driving on the 405 or the 101 with the traffic moving well (when does that really ever happen?), it still will get smelly pretty fast. To add to that, we are in the LA summertime now, so its more important now to make sure you wash up because you get hot easily and thus, smellier faster....and if you don't shave that area, its even faster.
We as providers want to offer you the best experience possible, and it would be much easier to do that when we know we are working with cleanliness and didn't really have to hold our noses, because that's just not hot for us to do. When its clean down "there," we can give you more and we know you like that.
Have you ever been with a woman and wondered why she might not be that into your BJ when you know its something she enjoys doing? Ask yourself this first, were you freshly washed? Come on, were you? Hmm, admit it, I might have a point here.
So this week, we have for you a handy checklist to review before arriving at the door of your next provider visit...
Questions to check if you need a wash:
1) Was my shower over an hour ago?
2) Was I just sitting in traffic?
3) Is it hot outside?
4) Are my boxers/briefs a little wet?
5) Am I sweating?
6) Have I been at work until now?
7) Am I coming from my Mixed Martial Arts lesson with George St.Pierre?
If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then you need a wash!
I can understand if you guys don't want to get into a full shower, but you should still at least adjourn to the restroom to "Sinkwash your junk" as Francine from American Dad puts it. While you're there, make sure your underarms and breath don't smell either.
And a BIG one to remember...wash your hands! If you were just touching your car or picking your nose in the car on the way over (its okay, we know a lot of you guys do that when you drive) and then you want to touch us with those same fingers, wash them first!
Load up with soap, wash the heck out of your parts from front to back, dry up, and go have some fun!
...Thank you for reading. This has been "Visiting with a Provider 101." Visit with us next week where the topic of discussion will be: High thread count sheets...are you just getting screwed over sheets and in the not in the way you were hoping?
