There are so many good and bad things happening in the world today and we are pretty much well aware of them. I want to mention one of the good things in this world that happened to me today and it was a K-girl. Not feeling all that great about things I made an appointment and the minute I opened the door the entire day changed and it was the great attidute and love I got from her that made the difference. It was a great and uplifting experience and I think this is one of the great things that the hobby provides. I know a lot of guys that participate in the hobby are married and they probably care (love their SO) but have other needs, whether physical or emotional and the reason they turn to the hobby. Just trying to pass on my great appreciation to the providers out there and the service you provide, without you it might be hell.

i don't get men who cheat on their SO's.  if you love and care about them so much shouldn't you divorce or break up with them before hobbying?  why do you betray them and hurt them?  i hate men or women who do that to someone they supposedly love.  and this excuse about its just sex and physical.  what crock of shit.  if you like women then just stay single and see as many as you want.  don't be some asshole who consistently betrays their SO's.  

I agree.   A lot of rationalization going on constantly on the boards.... and sometimes it's twisted around as if it's helping "save" marriages or hat's just life...or some excuse about the spouse not fulfilling their needs.  If someone's going to do it fine...but don't try to twist it around and make it sound like a good thing.

Can't wait for TER to remove aliases!

Guys,
I won't get judgmental, but here's my life experience on this.  I am a widower.  This month will mark the 4 year anniversary of my wonderful wife's passing.  She battled cancer for some time before that.  As her cancer got worse our sex life ended (of course, with the chemotherapy, radiation, meds).  But our love for each other never faded.  I remained true to our vows.  Just recently (Oct 2011) I discovered TER & hobbying and have been having a GREAT time.  That being said, I would trade all the fantastic sexual experiences I've had in these past months in a heartbeat to spend just 1 more day with my wife.  

I'm not saying we had the perfect relationship.  We had our rough patches, even when for couples counseling, but we worked out the problems & came out with a stronger relationship.

Like Joanie Mitchell (for those of you old enough to remember), "Don't it always seem to go, & you don't know what you've got it it's gone." (Big Yellow Taxi)

Just something to think about with your "big" head, cuz you know what our "small" heads want.

Heaven with the provider and hell without?  Did she give you love, or did you buy some?  Or maybe it really wasn't love.  She may have helped give you the illusion, but it's probably as much or more of you giving it to yourself.

Ill take the OP over the responses on this thread, though I appreciate what oldbob had to say.  Judge not, ye shall not be judged, walk a mile in another mans shoes.  Etc

Mr. Kimchee,  almost nothing in this world is so black and white.  Your answer makes perfect sense but in reality it does not work.  OP makes more sense than you based on my experience.

I agree. Your opinion is worthless if you hide behind an alias. Step forward,............babies.

What are your lame excuses??

Oh my wife is sick so i need to satisfy my needs to take care of her.

Or i have kids and even though i hate my wife but because we want to give our children parental care i need to have sex with other women to maintain our marriage.

Are these your justification for cheating?

"nothing is black or white"? Yeah certain situations that can be true.  But You actually believe that applies to cheating is ridiculous.  Cheaters always coming up these lame excuses to justify their behavior.

So this topic is back again.

I’m not sure why we have become such a black and white world.  Perhaps it’s the political climate we live in today where either “you’re with us, or you’re with the them being tossed around.
It really not as easy as black or white.
What if one's wife was handicapped? One should leave her, in her time of need? Or stay with her, yet be denied your needs?
What if one's wife suffered from depression, and sex wasn't on her Radar? Leave her? At a time when family support is the only thing holding her together. Or stay, and again, be denied your basic needs.

I’m all for shades of grey. All things in moderation.
I’m curious about what drives a person (or a culture) to want to see things so black and white. Because it’s easier and doesn’t require a whole lot of critical thinking or creativity?


I discussed before my reasons for 'hobbying', on this board before and don't need to rehash them again. Nonetheless, there are circumstances in peoples lives, and situations that, for persons outside of their circle, couldn't possibly understand.

I assume IamKimchee,  you had gotten burned by a cheating ex in the past, but get off the hate train, and stop being so judgmental. Become conscious that, unless you were to be in one's shoes, you don't know what their motivation is.
Strive to be the best person you can be, and live the life you want to live, within your own rules, and stop judging.

but I digress....................

Are you crossdressers?

Ok so what if i use my real TER handle? That makes my post more legit because you can then pm me?

You alias skirt chasers are so weird..

.......who is lacking tolerance or flexibility or breadth of view.
Why are you on this board?
This board is for clients and providers, to share their experiences, to share ideas, and to exchange information so we can all be safe.
We don't come here to be judged.
Do you not think those gentlemen who are married, and for what ever reason, which are reasons of their own, perhaps feel bad about seeking sex outside of their homes?

Get off the Hate Train IamKimchee............
Maybe some Gestalt Therapy is in order for you, so you can channel your anger for your cheating ex onto a chair and smash it to a million pieces.....
However you wanna do it, just don't take it out on us.

but I digress.......

Oh I'm pretty sure you'd be a lot less ballsee if you couldn't hide behind your alias - cuz then the ladies could associate your attitude with your handle. Might cost you some lovin lol.

Not a crossdresser............yet if I was, would you find hateful judgement in that?

The whole point in hiding behind multiple aliases, is your hiding your so called opinions from your Main TER persona/ and or your professional identity
No, I don't think our wish is to PM you, as I am fine in expressing my opinions in regard to this topic out in the open.
If you are indeed a provider, then close your client base to married men. Make that a personal imperative on your part, and leave it at that.
Again, I don't have any interest in PM you, as I am already grown bored of topic at hand, but I for one would be interested in know which certain provider has such a hatred for attached clients, because as a married man, I wouldn't wish to see you as a client/provider.

but I digress......

Some people should really hear themselves... I guess if you rationalize it long enough, it starts sounding true to you.  

What if my wife is sick?  What if sex is lacking in the relationship?

Well, how about some self-restraint?  Or doing something for your wife so as not to hurt her instead of your own selfish desires?   So going around and sneaking behind your wife's back and sleeping with random escorts is somehow doing her a favor?   Most things aren't that black and white?  Well, they aren't all that gray either....  Let's call it what it is....it's sneaking around on your wife.   It's so one can keep up appearances as the nice guy even though he's secretly just fulfilling his own desires.  You can't have it both ways.   Love and commitment is the direct opposite of this behavior---otherwise, there wouldn't be any sneaking around.   When you do that you not only betray her love and commitment, but also rob her of choice.   She deserves the choice to be with a guy that wants to be with her and will honor and commit to their relationship.... if not, then it should have been out in the open.  And, in most of these cases, the situation isn't as dire as the extreme examples of a wife with a serious affliction....it's just a guy wanted something on the side.

The hobbiest or provider that judges a married man for his actions ought to remember that the hobby itself is illegal no matter what your marital status. And that is because religious institutions have deemed prostitution immoral. In fact, society punishes prostitution more severely than infidelity. Ergo ... married, single, escort or client... Don't judge or insult another.
Peace.

....and yet another person who feels so strongly in regards to his point of view, he hides behind an alias. Why don't you step forward there holy than thou..............

"But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

While your at High Roller, can you show us that walk on water trick again.............

When you get a chance I mean, when your not busy helping old ladies cross the street, feeding the poor, tending to the wounded, and using your vast intelligence to solving the world's problems.


but I digress

Where did the OP even say he was married?

He mentioned how other people might be and why those people might see providers; and he expressed his appreciation for how it makes him feel to have a brief but awesome encounter.

Why presume to know anything at all about what this man is feeling; or who he is; or why he is here? He explained only his appreciation to a provider for making his life nicer in that moment. And you laid into him for it?

I am not in favor of "cheating"; but I also don't judge people i do not know who are in situations i know nothing about. And I am aware that there are many, many reasons why someone who has a SO might see a provider...and not be some horrid person because of it. Life is complicated and confusing and people can have legitimate reasons for things they do that others cannot comprehend.

And I assume Jocolat is your real name.  Jocolat is an alias too...so you're just talking semantics here.  It's fine if you want to cheat on your wife, but don't make rationalizations and expect everyone to buy it....just be glad you've gotten away with sneaking around on your wife so far.

remarks that I am sure reflect the feeling of many hobbyists. How refreshing for some to share his feelings and expose his vulnerability on a public forum . Good luck, and stay safe OP9.

Nice comment on a great post.

You can tell a lot about people by their comments in a public space in response to people they do not know.

Kindness and thoughtfulness are not hard to see when they are right in front of you if you bother to open your eyes.

i guess its ok for you and the other cheaters to lie and break your oath and vows. i guess thats  moral for you.  good for you. glad to hear you were raised properly.

me. i don't break my oath or vow and betray someone.  i figure thats bad on my part.   so when you lie to someone your care about next time say to yourself that they are being delusional and you are doing it for them and have the their best interest at heart.

I had not noticed Kimchee before this thread so maybe there is something i am missing.
Why is everyone in this thread assuming this person is a man, let alone a hobbyist?

My impression is that this person is someone's bitter ex-wife.

Of course, I don't know this person any better than Kimchee knows anyone else here, so anything i assume about him or her could be totally wrong. I do know that sometimes Kimchee tastes great, and other times it really tastes like total crap; and people have their own tastes about Kimchee in all its various forms.

(I haven't bothered to read the majority of the replies, but...) It's nice to hear how we make you feel! As a provider, my clients have the same effect on me. If I'm having a stressful week, I always feel back to normal after seeing one of my clients. It's the couple of hours in "fantasy land" that puts a huge smile on my face and makes me feel refreshed.

-- Modified on 2/6/2012 7:59:11 PM