I have known a certain provider that does not have reviews but she is still a good provider. She posts on  BP for the most part. She really does not want reviews posted. She was busted once, a couple of years ago and she is very cautious with new clients and she does screen. She's a low volume provider with a steady clientele and every so often gets a new regular to replace the one that does not come to see her.  To say the least, she is very pretty with a petite body the way I like them.

  Well, one of her customers is totally infatuated with her and started stalking her and calling more than normal, and now it is getting a little more “scary,” as she puts it.
   I recommended changing her phone number and the area where she normally does her services, but this guy finds her anyway. Luckily, as far as she can tell, he does not know where she lives.
  She is scared to go to the police because of the nature of her business, it is like robbing a robber.
How can she report the crime without admitting her own crime?
What options does she have other than the ones I recommended?

Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


-- Modified on 5/15/2010 2:17:40 PM

-- Modified on 5/15/2010 5:19:02 PM

This is a very common problem that just about every escort will have at least once, if she is lucky only once, in her career. Most of the time some guy's good intentions get a little too “scary” and since most providers are quite diplomatic they don’t know how to handle it to the satisfaction of those clients/friends who are concerned about their welfare.
  Most of these guys are not serious threats, curiosity can make a client come off in a bad light, non-the-less there are some strange cats out at night.

  Stalkers come in all sizes and shapes. They fit various psychological profiles. Wikipedia has a nice article you might read for background.

  The cases involving serious threats usually involve a bit more aggressive actions with physical threats, manhandling of the escort and making demands at the same time. Often these are cases where pimps are trying to shake the girl down so she will go to work under their protection or under the protection of another party for whom they are acting for secretly.
  In my experience some of these guys can be real scary and short of changing city, it is not easy to shake them. They come from a world that only understands brute force and talking to them is usually unproductive.

So what to do?

1.If a client is a nuisance, but not a real threat,it is best to just put them off.If they get through to you on the phone or in person tell them you are sick, have a serious disease, have married a policeman, don't work anymore--make up something. Don’t service them, invite them in or get in the car with them.
2.If you can get their name, address etc, car tag number, record it and leave it with a trusted third party so in the event of a problem (i.e. assault or disappearance) the police can be notified.

note--Bluedragon’s suggestion is good for starters, if the person is not a real threat, but most escorts value their phone numbers as the numbers are often the link to future business with occasional clients. If they change the number and then advertise the new one, little is accomplished. If they change the area or street they are working on it is not difficult for them to be found if they advertise but having a phone id on their business phone, as on most cell phones today will tell them if it is a call from the “scary” guy and then they can avoid it. Often when a client realizes he is being purposefully avoided he will be angered but later calm down and move on.

3.  Can she go to the police? Yes, in many towns and cities the police do not want to be involved in more serious crimes that may come down later, so a visit to the local police station might find a sympathetic listener who may come to her aid.

4.If this is not prudent in your area, a visit to the court, filling out the proper papers, asking for an immediate court date, having an attorney here will make it easier, and in this way you secure a TRO (a temporary restraining order).
The fact that she is an escort should not matter; the fact that she has had a previous sexual relationship that soured with pertinent information should make the case.

5. note--Naturally she is not going to say it was a pay for sex relationship, nor will the other party if they appear as doing such would be an actionable admission.

6. This TRO must be very well written legal document in order to pass muster.If you do not have a lawyer you will need good advice to do it your self.

7. Often there are anti-stalker laws that will apply in your jurisdiction. The other party will be notified and can appear to defend himself, but usually service on him will be enough to scare him away. Especially if he, like most clients, has a wife, a child and a baptism to attend on this coming Sunday. This TRO will work on most stalkers unless they are like the one that killed Rebecca Schaeffer; The real crazies are almost unstoppable. However, I don’t think your guy is that guy.

I hope some of the providers who have had this problem will offer some examples of how they dealt with it as well!

Please note--"Goodfellow" style suggestions about digging holes in the desert with the idea of filling them later should not be submitted to be posted....






-- Modified on 5/15/2010 3:14:25 PM

-- Modified on 5/15/2010 5:34:02 PM

If giving him the brush off hasn't worked...

I'm going to assume she has some screening in place.  She should block his e-mail, IP, phone & any others he uses.  Do not respond to any attempt at communication.  He does not want to hear it & may be in denial.

Sometimes the best answer is to start with a lawyer or a PI (sometimes the lawyer needs to hire a PI to ID the guy).  If she has his legal name in her screening, it may not be necessary.  In either case the effort is to ID the stalker & turn the tables on him...  I've heard a legal cease & desist demand to his real name can sometimes be enough to make him want to hobby elsewhere.  (By passes the Police & Courts initially while they remain an option if necessary.)

This is how I would start.
skb

Stalking is a major problem and I feel sorry for anyone on the receiving end.

I know a couple of pornstars who were being stalked recently and it got quite ugly as I understand it.  The guy had gotten their real names, and real phone numbers and real addresses... and I understand started calling the families to tell them about the "whore" in their lives...  Some guys are just sick...

STALKING SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.  Anyone know the name Rebecca Schaeffer?  She was a young actress, most well known for being in "My Sister Sam".  She was shot to death in 1989 by a stalker when she rebuffed him.  There have been plenty of actresses who have been stalked - most come to no harm but you never know.  It's happened to guys too: David Letterman came home to to find a woman in his bed claiming she was his wife.  She returned several times, stole his car, and told everyone they were married.  

I strongly recommend that anyone who is being stalked go IMMEDIATELY to the police and then to an attorney.  Hire a bodyguard if you have to to protect yourself if you think you're in danger, especially if the stalker has your address.  When you talk to the police, you don't have to say you're an escort - you can just say that you know the guy, that you met him from the Internet, or had a short relationship with him, or whatever and they will do what they do.  I recommend being open and honest with the attorney so he can protect you and field further questions from the police and you'll need the attorney's help to get a Restraining Order.  

Quite frankly, I wouldn't rely on the Restraining Order.  I'd hire a bodyguard.  The RO is just a piece of paper and doesn't stop the guy (or girl) from doing anything.  Letterman had a RO against his stalker, if I remember correctly, and she still showed up at his house claiming to be his wife.  Pieces of paper never stopped anyone.  A big dude with a gun is MUCH more effective.

sure, some tuff guys don't care, but if they violate the TRO they can be arrested by the police, it is effective when not dealing with crazies (who are a very small percent of the stalkers, most are as married guys making an ass out of themselves.) Believe me, if you have a TRO and have to use violence or have a third party such as a body guard or friend intercede, his actions will be immediately understood by police or the court as self defense as long as they are with the norms. That same action without a TRO can easily be seen as assault and battery. Why take a chance? It puts the whole problem on record and turns it into old business should the fan hit the ....

The point I was trying to make is that a RO is a piece of paper and isn't going to protect you.  Sure, later on, it can help, it ties things up into a neat little legal bow, and the police will certainly arrest someone who is violating a RO.  But, if you've been raped or killed before the police get there what good is the piece of paper?

People put far too much value into pieces of paper... a big dude or two with a gun is MUCH more effective in terms of protection.  And, believe it or not, but RO or not, claims of self-defense or defense of others often work in those kinds of situations, especially if there's a police report on file that the guy's been stalking the person.

If my first steps, particularly a legal notice, as I noted above, do not work...  by all means she should get a TRO, follow through with Police, perhaps stay elsewhere temporarily or move.  
Things getting physical is very undesireable...  out of control actions of this nature or even hinting of it should be taken seriously.  A stalker who trespasses or shows up at her personal address has crossed the line.  I am concerned that a couple of big guys (presumeable decent men) should know as much as possible about the legalities of self defense.  
You (or your big friend) have every right to repell an attack...  as long as he remains a threat.   If the assailant runs out, he is no longer a threat & you lose the right to self defense if you follow him.  (If he flees, best to secure the area, give first aid to any injured, call 911.)  
Locally, an ex-cop who followed his assailant into the street is doing time for his murder.  In my opinion, this played heavily in his conviction.  
skb

heres what ya do:

1. call them constantly and ask them to run errands for you, pick up your kids, lend you money, re-tile your roof, do your laundry.. be obnoxious and whiny as possible. .. call at least 5 times a day...  you gotta outstalk your stalker.

2. frequently talk about all the dudes you are having great sex with.  then ask him to take you to a gyno cuz you're a lil itchy.

3.  don't wear makeup for him.. be as gross as possible at all times around him. spit and belch.

if all else fails, declare yourself madly in love with him and tell him that you want to get married to him and have him raise your unborn as his own since you'll never be able to figure out who the father is anyway.

then ask if he minds if your mother and your crazy aunt can live with you.