Perhaps this is obvious:

If I hire a divorce attorney, and he asks me straight up if i've committed adultery, should I let him know about my hobby habit?  What are the consequences of saying "yes"?  What are the potential consquences of saying "no"?

At this point, my wife has no idea about the hobby - our probable pending divorce is all about "compatability" issue (i.e. we hate each other's guts).  But if she or her lawyer looked very thoroughly through our accounts, she'll definitely see a fair number of perhaps excessive withdrawals, for instance (although generally in small increments).  As far as I know, there are no real smoking guns.

Thanks for any info.

It is almost axiomatic that you will end up having to share the information about hobbying if the amount of money adds up to anything significant.

Therefore, you had better let your lawyer know now.  He won't do anything foolish with the information but you don't want him to get blindsided and he'll be aware of it.  Her attorney will have a forensic accountant look over everything; you can be pretty sure of that.

Best of luck to you.

(still not a lawyer, but I am divorced.)

My divorce was long before my hobbying...  but you must tell your attorney enough that he'll know what to prepare for.  Yes, missing money may make HER attourney suspicious...  I gradually increased my cash spending money (inflation) and hobby from those funds.  

Have you been discrete?  
Is your computer clean?  Like free of adult sites?  Have you kept a private e-mail address for hobby needs?  Do not leave a hobby computer for her tech guy to forensically examine...  
Cell phone records?
Credit Card purchases where you were not supposed to be?  
EZ Pass records proving you were not where you were supposed to be.
Frankly if you left tracks, it maybe too late to clean them now.  
Your attourney needs to know what the other side may find.  That's why there is lawyer - client confidentially.
Good Luck,
skb

PS.  No one ever gets what they think they deserve in a settlement...  A "Settlement" is an agreement to disagree, but by defination, settles (ends) the negociation.  One can fight for what they think the deserve...  but it is contrary to their self interest to move on.  At some point, every one settles.

If you tell your attorney, then lie during court proceedings or in a deposition, your attorney, although he cannot reveal that you lied or tell what is the truth, will have to resign without giving a reason (ethics requirements or he/she could be disbarred), although an attorney resigning is a red flag that usually tells the other side that you are lying and likely will cause them to dig deep for evidence.  If you want to consult with an attorney, get the opinion of another attorney who will not represent you in court, discuss the implications, possible consequences of revealing the truth,- then if you decide that lying is best for you, at least your divorce attorney won't know (but may well suspect) your lying and won't be forced to resign. (and the sencond attorney remains bound by a duty of confidentiality and so can't tell).

Sex outside marriage is not likely to be an issue.

What money was spent on might be an issue if there are "tracing" questions regarding who owns what property, especially in a community property state.

It's best to learn about dissolution of marriage before you seek counsel.

Here's a link to get you started.

"Sex outside marriage is not likely to be an issue."

      In many states, adultery is grounds for divorce. Whether adultery has been committed is also a factor to be considered in alimony, child custody, property settlement, and other equitable distribution issues.

     And you can usually count on the atty asking the client that question if for no other reason than bc this will be one of the wife's interrogatories that the atty has to answer.

       And no point in lying to the atty about it. In a contested divorce, the client will be deposed and asked the question under oath. Always best to give the atty the true facts so he can provide the best advice.

...to have grounds for divorce.  So the fact you may have committed adultery doesn't matter.

Your hobbying is relevant if you live in a community property state though.  Your wife can contend you wasted the community assets and demand reimbursement.  Just say it was a cheaper hobby than golf and much less than she spent on clothing.

Would a forensic accountant be employed (or other detailed perusal of our financial records be done) if adultery, or other financial indiscretions, are not alleged?

My understanding is that, in my state, the issues of child support and division of assets is pretty straightforward.  That is, assets are divided equally and child support is according to relative salaries.  Again, I don't think that this would require a forensic accountant, or other detailed look at past expenditures.

I guess what I'm asking is:  WOuldn't it be possible to avoid mentioning this, unless it becomes evident that there is an allegation of adultery (which I don't expect)?

Or am I living in a dream world? Thanks for any comment.

"So the fact you may have committed adultery doesn't matter."

     In a pure no fault state it is certainly correct that adultery is not necessary to obtain a divorce. But even in many no fault states adultery is relevant to alimony, spousal support, and property division. Rhode Island would be an example where you can get a no fault divorce but fault remains relevant to some of these issues.

    Some states like New York have fault and no fault divorce provisions. In these states, there are advantages in proceeding under the fault ground if your spouse has committed adultery. And if the particular adultery happens to be illegal you can bet this will be raised by the wife if there is a child custody dispute.

"If you tell your attorney, then lie during court proceedings or in a deposition, your attorney, although he cannot reveal that you lied or tell what is the truth, will have to resign without giving a reason (ethics requirements or he/she could be disbarred)"

I find this hard to believe. Just because I tell my lawyer that I did something, he is under no obligation to follow up on that information. He has no way of knowing if I'm telling the truth or just blowing smoke. As long as he counsels me to not lie, he has met his obligation. He cannot tell me to lie under oath, but if I do, he is not obligated to suddenly quit!

However, I sympathize with the fact that you sort of got addicted to gambling and spent a lot of money doing that.....

ask your atty, "If I'd had relations outside of marriage would it matter?  How much detail do you need?"  
Small cash amounts may get attibuted to normal exspenes...  without your saying so.  Lying is generally not a good idea.  If asked where the money went, say "I spent it."
Forensic audits are likely if the other party thinks you are hiding assets.  That really POs the judge & you can be found guilty of purgury & in contempt of court.  They will get a court order to search for any & all accounts with your name on them.
skb

PS:
While I was getting divorced, I sold my gun collection (premaritial assets) & had my best friend put them in the bank.  His name was first on the account.  He was hospitalized...  they saved his life...  but he could not pay the hospital bill.  The account was seized & my cash gone.  
After I moved out, I stored stuff in my folks basement...  actually I ended up living in that concrete basement (rent free, LOL!)  A coffee can would have been smarter.  Any interest would have been unimportant...  preserving my principal was the objective.  
I was entitled to spend assets (had there been any) on normal living expenses & by crimping some, I was able to free some pocket cash...

money, I would say I gambled once in awhile.  Not that I'm advising you to lie..wink.  Remember, this is a divorce, not a criminal investigation...checking EZ Pass..etc..I think you're thinking too much outside of the box on this one.

This is a no fault state and does not recognize adultery.I know this first hand because my ex slept around with many.As for the excessive withdrawals.My ex cleaned out our savins and checking over the last 6 mos of our marriage.She did not have to repay a dime of it.The court is only interested in dividing what is left.Depending how much the lawyers and court can tap you for will come into play. So settle as quickly as possible.Good luck because it never favors the man.