Thought I would ask this in the general board because there isn't a board for kicked in the nuts!  So I have a friend, for the sake of this post we will call this friend.....Me.  A couple of weeks ago I received a message via FB and it was a girl I once knew while in High School, lets just go ahead and put it out there, I banged her.  She sent me her phone number and asked me to call her, I call and she drops the mother load bomb on me and tells me that I have a 20 year old daughter and that she wants her daughter to know who her father is and the young lady looks just like me etc. I have my theories on why someone would do such a thing and fail to mention to someone that they may be someones father, but my question to any of you is.

Can someone be held accountable for backed child support on a child that is legally grown if the mother of  
the child never made an attempt to contact him? Understanding this may be a state by state thing, and the state I am inquiring about is Texas.

I think your first priority should be to contact a lawyer and insist on DNA proof before you ever come face to face with your "daughter"...

What a narcisstic sack of shit. I'm sorry but seriously this is douchebaggery at its finest.

If this thing happened to me.  

My suggestion, DNA test first.  If she is your daughter and you are the father, just be the father and do whatever a father supposed to do.   I wish this thing happened to me.

Ok, as I read this I am thinking how can the post I wrote be misinterpreted in a way that I could be called both narcissistic and a piece of shit.  ChaChingChump, you misspelled "narcissistic" idiot, but I digress.  First of all, in a haste I may have left out some pertinent information because I was more looking for advice than to be call something that I'm not.  

 1) I have been back home several times and seen this woman, and she has never said one word to me about this young lady that is supposedly mine, to include a mutual friend of ours funeral 4 years ago, and several times while home on leave from my military duties.  4 days after the night in which we had sex, I was 17 at the time, she came to me and said that she was prego.  Now I'm no doctor or Rhodes Scholar, but I do know that it takes roughly 2 weeks before one can tell that they are pregnant, at least back in 1995 that was the timeframe.  What they can do now with medical technology, idk.  

 2) The fact that I have several family members, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins, etc, that could contact me at any time had she wanted to make me aware of this issue after I left home at any time during the last oh idk 20 years, leads me to believe that she is full of shit.  

3) Without the whole "holier than thou spill", or "I am more responsible than that" that you may respond with, yeah backed child support is one of the key concerns that I am worried about.  Along with if someone knows that a person may be a child's father and makes no attempt to contact them until they may need money or to cause drama then I have a huge problem with that, not to mention my number has not changed over the last 10 years or so. -- Modified on 1/5/2016 3:14:43 PM

Like others have said first and foremost insist on a DNA test to make sure the kid is yours. Appearance and likeness count shit.

Not sure about Texas but generally you will need to be served with paper and hauled to court so a judge can decide EXACTLY what is the proper amount of child support you needed to contribute.

Like all debts in life you don't owe nobody nothing until a legal judgment is declared through a court of law.

If she hasn't done so after the kid was born it's possible the statute of limitation has passed and she is now SOL. Don't know if she can retroactively sue you for child support.

Depends on how serious she is or if she's just trying to shake you down, you may want to check with a legal resource

END OF MESSAGE

However the fuck you spell it, own it.  If you're that concerned hire an Attorney. You're not going to get much here outside a lot of bad free advice.  


-- Modified on 1/5/2016 11:32:21 PM

Maybe she was due the next day and it didn't come. Who knows. But your reaction to her having told you that might have told her all she needed to know. So, I guess you knew. And chances are that she won't ask you for child support retroactively if she hasn't pursued it by now. I do think a DNA test is important if you're in doubt.

Good luck.

Research your state laws! BTW the EPT home preggo tests came out in the mid/late 70's. And it sounds like you DON'T want a kick in the nuts by your responses.

Sigh...

Steph

-- Modified on 1/5/2016 6:03:47 PM

END OF MESSAGE

The daughter was about 7 when she asked her mom about her dad.  The couple had a brief fling, then she moved away.

long story short, the two had a very positive meeting, and the daughter is now a beloved member of the family.  I attended her wedding a few years ago, and she now has the most gorgeous daughter you ever laid eyes on.

There was no legal wrangling, and whatever financial assistance was extended, could not have been much as far as I know.

Don't assume the worst.

A daughter is one wonderful blessing to have

...goes to court to establish paternity.  Then she would have to sue for child support.  I don't know that's it's even possible since the girl has reached the age of majority (18 in TX).

Assuming that she somehow gets a judgment for 18 years worth of back child support, the mother would have to file a motion to render judgment for past-due child support no later than ten years after the date on which the child becomes an adult.

Cutting out the legal mumbo jumbo, if you want to be super duper safe, don't have any contact with the woman or her daughter until the daughter turns 28.

Of course, that's the legal thing to do, not the human one.

The mother could have gotten child support from you--if you were the father--up to the child's 18th birthday.  Since she never filed in  court there's no obligation to pay now or in the future.   Congrats if its yours.

go off to college or get married & wants to know where to send the bills.  

In all seriousness, I don't think pregnancy can be detected at 4 days.  As I read the linked article, a fertilized egg implants at 6-12 days, after which the HGC hormone increases which is what I tested for.  Note this does not mean she was or wasn't, only that it's unlikely if your memory of 20 years ago is correct.   From 7 days on, it might be possible to detect IF she tested right away.  

It really seems odd that you've met her several times in the years in between & never happened to mention it.        

I'm not sure how 'at risk' you might be, but in some states at least, if the mother was on welfare & father couldn't be found...  the state could still go after you to repay what was paid out.  Now if she never named you as the father in any documents, then the state would not know.  

My take is that the daughter asked who her father is, now that she's an adult & the mother is possibly going to give your name.  
First off, I would sure do the math.  You might be able to narrow down the birthdate from available info...   I'd want to do DNA knowing full well if it is confirmed you'll have no choice but to aknowledge it.  
It must be a shock.  It will be life changing for everyone involved.    

-- Modified on 1/7/2016 9:49:03 PM

Why the hell would you want to nail your own ass? Let's do a little discovery first on the mother's entire sexual history in order to see how reasonable it is for anyone to order you to be tested. Hopefully you are far, far away from Texas and maybe it would be hard for her to sue anyway. But even if you are right around the corner, don't make things easy. Assuming you want to meet the young lady, don't talk paternity or support. See what they want first.  

If the mom does sue for child support, ask your lawyer if you can counter-sue for having been deprived of your alleged child's love and affection for the first twenty years of her life

Some states like California are terrible for this, but Texas ... It's doubtful, but I'd see a family law attorney just to CYA. I'm assuming you are going to request a DNA test to make certain. I'm NOT A LAWYER but I have some experience with this. First the SOL is probably way past over. Second.  Paternity has never been established. Third. No child support order was ever in place. Check on this as it's important  

But there are still things like health care insurance that you need to keep on you children until they are 26. So DON't think there can be no harm.

-- Modified on 1/14/2016 8:05:12 PM

a lawyer who practices in Texas. I don't rely on one web article, but she lays out the Texas family law, which is a good start.

a parent accountable for retroactive child support on a child legally grown, even if the mother never made an attempt to contract the father. The 4 year SOL runs from the child’s 18th birthday, so you are potentially on the hook for another two years.

     Retroactive child support, however, is not mandatory and whether the mother attempted to notify you of paternity, and whether you had knowledge of probable paternity are two factors the Family Court considers.

       There is a separate SOL for paternity actions running from the birth, however, so if you dispute paternity I don’t see how the mother could establish you are the parent, unless you waive SOL by not showing up if she files suit. Nonetheless the statute does say “Notwithstanding any other provision of this subtitle, the court retains jurisdiction to render an order for retroactive child support in a suit if a petition requesting retroactive child support is filed not later than the fourth anniversary of the date of the child's 18th birthday,” so I’m not sure how this works with the paternity SOL.

  Good luck

fudging on the dates but taking your word for it, here is what I would do.

1. There is such a thing as public record otherwise we wouldn't know the Honorable President Obama was born in Hawaii. You know her name, you know your name, at least I hope and a time frame. Do a little research and see if a birth can be traced to the mother approx. nine months after you had sex with her. You might even be able to find a newspaper record that lists you as the daddy or your "daughter's" name.

2. Do more research and you might be able to find out if the "mother" of your daughter has requested public assistance at any time. My concern would be the agency attempting to recover aid given to the mother and child. This is unlikely as the mother appears to have had enough information as to your whereabouts and contact information to furnish to the agency.

If you discover your "daughter's" name via a newspaper record or similar public record, do more research on your "daughter's" name and see if she has had any legal issues such as incarceration etc. Any legal issues after she turned 18 would be a public record.

Do more research on yourself and see if you have any judgments for support against you granted "In Absentia." When it comes to government, weird stuff happens.

The more information you know the better idea you will have of which path this is going down.

If you want to know your "daughter," establish paternity first thorough a DNA test otherwise do nothing but be warned and have a game plan ready. If not her mother, then your biological daughter might come looking for you a few years from now.

Ultimately it would be beneficial for your daughter to know her dad. Ten or twenty years from now when your daughter is in a doctor's office filling medical paperwork and dealing with all sorts of screenings, it would be helpful for your daughter and medical staff to know about any hereditary issues on her dad's side of the family.

Now, I don't know what I would have done if I was 17 and a girl told me she was prego with my baby other than shit my pants really good but given the news today I would be ecstatic. I would be honest, upfront and do everything I could to make my daughter feel like my daughter and my daughter to feel like she has a dad. There will be limitations, challenges and awkward moments.

At the same time I would express disappointment to the mother that I wasn't informed sooner given the numerous opportunities she had and how the most important twenty years of my daughter's life has been taken away from me. Now I would also express my appreciation to the mother for raising my daughter for twenty years without you. This woman is fifty percent your DNA after all and nobody is ever taking that away from you.

The more you educate yourself with research, the better idea you will have of where this is going and will answer your questions about what this is about? money, building relationships, regret or all three.

Now if you are married or have children, this situation could complicate things but you also have maybe one and only one chance to determine what kind of man you want to be. It is something you want to think about and get right, thirty years from now you don't want to be looking back with "what if"?

The legal bills will be outrageous! If you get into a legal battle. Start buying lottery tickets...

Texas has no SOL for an action to establish paternity.   As previously mentioned the latest an action to recover retroactive child support is 4 years after the child's 18th birthday.

Child support obligations generally end at 18 however so you at unlikely to be required to pay any prospective child support (e.g. For college).  

Also in TX in cases like this there is a presumption (Tex Fam Code 154.131(d) that retroactive child support  for the prior 4 years is reasonable (so you likely won't be stuck with a bill for 18 years worth of support)