So I met a provider last year, and ended up talking a lot with her throughout the past year.  She lives across the country so only got to see her occasionally when I traveled that direction.  We got along well, talked a lot, so eventually know a lot about each other, families, etc.  

Anyway, things eventually got bad and now she is threatening to give info out to my soon-to-be-ex-wife.  I'm in the process of divorcing (wife is crazy, spoiled, never really got along after marriage, yada yada, yada) and hope to get as much custody of my kids and least alimony, etc.  So the provider wants me to pay her $1000 to not give my wife lots of details about things I have done.  I am pretty sure my wife knows I have seen providers, but not sure how much proof she has. Maybe some previous phone records before I wised up enough to get a hobby phone. So having this provider talk to her would give a lot more evidence than she already knows.

I'm pretty much opposed to paying her off because even if I pay her once then there is nothing to stop her from threatening me again a few days/weeks/months later.    

It would almost be worth it if I knew it would shut her up and keep her out for good, but there is no promise in that.

Would calling the police for blackmail be an option to prevent it? Or would that just open up more cans of worms?

If there is any light at the end of the tunnel I do look forward to the day when the divorce is finally behind me and am free to find a woman I get along with much better and after current bad marriage I know a lot more about what I should look for.  But until then will be a tough struggle.

Any advise appreciated.

How did she get mad?  Longer story..

As far as her being a 'pro', yes that is how we met, however was less of a steady pro at the time and more of just working time to time when needed.  I never talked with any other provider at all outside of strictly paid time, but this person and I happened to keep talking afterward.  I got along well with her and pretty much have talked every day since we met.  

Maybe two months after we met she found out she was pregnant from her previous boyfriend who she was currently broken up with.  She had very severe complications with a prior pregnancy which resulted in a late term stillbirth.  I guess the thought of her having to provide (when she really didn't like it) while going thru a rough pregnancy seemed harsh, so I helped her out with rent, bills, etc so she could go thru term without having to provide.  I didn't live in area, so I only saw her every 1 or 2 months but we talked everyday.  Went thru pregnancy but baby was born with severe issues and died about 1 month later. I mostly supported her thru this time.  A month ago I found out her old boyfriend and moved back in with her, so I stopped supporting her.  I didn't mind helping her when she was pregnant and alone, but I have absolute no desire to support her and crummy ex-boyfriend.  So when I stopped helping her out she started getting threatening and revealing info to my divorcing wife.  I had stopped seeing any other providers since I met this one, since it was actually more enjoyable talking and helping this lady, especially if it meant she didn't have to provide during a difficult time for her.    

Anyway, good deeds are seldom left unpunished, so I guess this is what I get for staying in touch with her and helping out.  But it still leaves me wondering if it is worth messing with paying her off.  I really need that cash for the lawyer instead of paying her, though the case would be a lot easier if she doesn't give any information.   But as mentioned, I don't know what would stop her  from continually keep threatening me month to month (when rents due) until she eventually gave out her information (which she may or may not really do anyway).

Teaches me to keep the provider transactions simple the way they are supposed to be!

Seems to be the season for blackmailing, blacklisting and blackballing. Oh well, I would rather talk about balling and the cute young gal who straddled me yesterday afternoon and relieved me of my ejaculate, but I suppose I should get down to brass tacks. Which make me think of her firm nipples, anyway.....

Yes it seems all these wives are spoiled, hard to get along with, even hard to get hard with, and every once in a while they have to be set on the shelf along with all the wives that proceeded them and will follow them. Yes, we should have had a legitimate prenuptial with full legal representation for the fiancé to be wife after signing. Too soon we learn and also too late.

So it is time to move on and some gal you were boinking on the installment plan wants to collect on the warranty. What to do? Let me advise for the future, never leave the bedroom with an angry lover left behind. How do you get in an argument with a pro? Oh well, it does happen, but after you have shed your cum and you serpent’s skin between her thighs, what is there to argue about? Suggestion, the best way to leave a lover happy, whether paid or gratis, is with a handful of hundred dollar bills. It buys them happiness and buys you security, that same breach of security that you are afraid is going to sink the Titanic or Tatiana or what ever you call your soon to be ex whiff.

Sure the FBI is just waiting around to fly into action on this one.... Listen, I agree with you that if you pay her off she will be back for more, but to get into a criminal action you need evidence. Do you have it? An oral threat is not as good as an oral sexual event; it has to be written down, provable as to where it came from and who has sent it. Believe me a thousand bucks is no big deal compared to the problems she can cause but can she really fuck up the after fuck?

If you are in a divorce action you might hurry it along. If you can’t, you might revisit Miss Tattle Tail and see what wild hair is causing her to complain. Maybe she is having a problem or maybe you owe her an explanation or a fee, I don’t know. But if I were you I would try to make peace, stuff another charge into the chamber and leave a hefty bounty to make all things turn out right. Or of course you can tell her your wife knows you fuck around and does not care and that you have prepared a police report explaining her threats and her occupation that you have had it dated and notarized and will be filing the police report the moment she enters into your private life.You might  even give her a copy of it to show her you are not fucking around. (just don’t incriminate yourself)

Your choice, but you might remember how the British conquered India, not with guns and soldiers but with gold to pay out to each local Rajah and before you know it the Indian continent was theirs and curry entered the British diet, not to mention a lot of Brit cocks went swimming in Indian maiden waters.....

Oh yes, if you have kids your wife is going to take you to the cleaners, sorry but that is true. If I were you, I would be as generous and cooperative, admit fault and blame yourself and try to show you are not the bastard she is going to believe you are. You might tell her you are no longer desirous of being a man and are contemplating sex change surgery; you can laugh but it worked for a buddy of mine. If that is not an option, try to make it as easy as possible and fella, listen, there are some good woman out there but most of them collect a fee every time you boink them, and unlike most wives who offer sex twice a year, their portal is open every time you get a hard on and a full wallet. So don’t be talking about picking out your next wife, you obviously are not good at marriage, and consider that maybe a legal contracted love affair ain’t all it is supposed to be. Best of luck in the meantime! Remember, Brazil is so nice this time of year and they don’t have extradition and if you never have had your cock deep in Brazil you don’t know what you are Miss-en!


-- Modified on 12/11/2011 7:45:20 AM

....especially if you live in rural Utah or some other jurisdiction filled with religious types.

Your attorney will be the best guide on this and what your judge will think of it. Paying black mail may actually make things worse, but seek sound legal advice.

Then....OUT the bitch so she can't do this to others. For all you know, she could be working several guys this way.

Go be nice to people. My friend, you have been used and abused and now they are contemplating shitting on you. Tell her you have no money, but if she leaves you alone you will try to help her out in the future. Then when you get past the current wife tell her to fuck herself, oops she has the boyfriend for that. As Mr. Cain says you were only help'en out a friend. Stick with that story if the shit hits the fan.  In the past I have suggested using an attorney to write or contact the blackmailers, this is preferred but costly. If you can do it on your own or make peace it will be cheaper. Lots of blackmailer are more bluff than bite when you stand up to them. If anything good comes out of this it is that it will help encourage your current Whiff to get rid of you as soon as possible cause you are a bundle of deceit, just like me and the rest of the gang are or have been at times, heck, we are all males. Wish you well, make sure you are wearing goggles to keep the shit our of your eyes and be sure to implicate her boyfriend as a pimp (if warranted) the day after the sisters get their gab fest going. And never use you real name again unless it is on a winning lottery ticket.



-- Modified on 12/12/2011 8:15:37 AM

Sorry, this is tough love.  
YOU can not be sending her money...  Especally now!  With impending Divorce...  All your checks & expenses are likely to be scrutinized.  You best tell your lawyer about this.  Your atty might engage a PI if need be to determine exactly who this blackmailer is & her pimp/bf.  Often a cease & desist letter from an attorney, showing their identities are known, will scare them off...  without going to court.  
Worst case, this goes public...  bad for your divorce...  worse for her.  Blackmail & conspiracy are felonies...  If the Police need to get involved, I suggest it be through your attorney who will control the interaction and guide you on what not to say.  
I really doubt that this girl will stop at one payment.  Every time she's short, she's going to squease you.  I would NOT give her another dime before talking to the attorney...  going to want to see all communications/threats.  
Many of us cross the line with Providers...  it's actually surprising more of us don't end up with these troubles.  
H

If she threatens to out you, then she will be admitting to prostitution. That will get her in trouble with LE of wherever it occurred. So, that would be two strikes against her (including blackmail) that LE could prosecute.

What evidence of blackmail do you have? I wonder if you can also sue for damages. Is she worth anything?

1.  Ignore her and hope she goes away.  I did this once and it worked, but that's not to say that it will work every time.  Many blackmailers are opportunists, and the have no intention of following though, but if they get some $ out of it that's the frosting on the cake, and it didn't cost them much to get it.

2.  Pay her and hope she goes away.  This usually doesn't work as people get greedy.

3.  Talk to your lawyer about going to LE and setting a trap to bust her ass.  (Like Bill Cosby did with his daughter.)  This is giving up on the "Hope the SO doesnn't find out." so it's the last resort in a way.  On the up side, you get the satisfaction of sending her off to the hoose-cow.  (In many areas, blackmail or extortion is a 10 year felony.)

If I had to choose, I'd go the number one route.

Best luck with this.  Let us now how it goes down.

(still not a lawyer)

Tell her  to go fuck herself! If your wife knows you are a hobbyist then she is going to use it in court...just one phone record is all her attorney really needs...if wifey doesn't know do you think the provider  is going to walk into a courtroom and testify what she does for a living? If she doesn't testify then its hearsay, not admissible! Good luck

I'm with MrFisher...  you lose nothing by trying this approach.  You can say you might be able to help her in the future but your accounts are being monitored right now.  I know mine were when I got Divorced.  Then ignore her.  Do not reply to emails or texts.  I wouldn't change phones, emails...  just stop using them & accumulate the threats & evidence.  Switch over to new phone & email for your active use.  Drop off the grid as much possible.  
With divorce pending, your atty will still need to know so he's not blindsided.  If they come back then get the cease & desist letter.  Hopefully by then there will be enough evidence to charge her with blackmail.

when it does it is sure to be unpleasant.  Please, do let us know what is done & how it works out.

Your response sucks.

You could have explained it in two paragraphs but you had to go on with your self-agrandizing ways.
Your 'holier than thou' attitude has made this a terrible discussion board.

then have him send her a friendly reminder about the penalties she faces for blackmail from his professional (lawyer) email account. Let him reiterate that "his client" is quiet willing to go to LE and file a report if she doesn't cease and desist.

Whatever you do, DO NOT pay her. She will come back a week later and ask for 5k and you will have a real problem on your hands.

mr bean, what is your problem? I am sorry if you don't appreciate my answer, but there are other comments posted, just read them instead. Thanks for nominating me for being holy but I assure you I am right down there with you and everyone else, and as a result my experience might be helpful. But I don't mind your comment, sometimes humor does not arrive in the written word to every bean and I try to lighten things up in that way. Sorry you prefer shorter answers but you might consider just reading the subject line only in that case. I must disagree with your "terrible" comment, and most readers do not insult someone trying to help. Many of these discussions go on in confidence by email long after the original post is made and if my comments were misunderstood by others that would not be the case. In any event your comments are noted and I thank you for your contribution to the discussion.

-- Modified on 12/15/2011 5:43:18 AM

A letter from a lawyer reminding her that if she is outed as a provider she will lose her child (that you helped bring to term!) to protective services... that may have her re-thinking the plan.  It could be her boyfriend is the real mastermind here and you just need to give her a strong reason to stop the madness.  It might even put him off the plan.

Has she considered who is going to care for her child when she & bf are arrested for felony blackmail/extortion?  She really does not want CPS to get involved.

I recently was dating a man going through a divorce. Of course wifey found about me, and tried to bring it into court. I may have missed it, but I don't remember seeing what state you are from. Although I do believe NY was one of the last states to go no fault with divorce so most, if not all of them, are now no fault. Anyway, if you live in a no fault state, if u spill everything to your lawyer, there may be a chance that it is inadmissible anyway. If both of you are in a no fault state, and the circumstances of the divorce are simply irreconcilable differences, and you are both agreeing to the divorce, then the judge may not even allow one or both of you to sling "stuff" at each other or point the finger. It's simply a divorce and the reasoning behind it, the judge cares not to involve himself. He just has to figure out how things are to be divided. End of story. As was the case with the gentleman I was dating. The judge politely told her that he didn't really care. So before you start forking over money to the sleeze bag, go talk to your lawyer.

My 2nd reply noted that her baby died one month after birth. Really sad, baby was born with condition that caused his skin to not bond to the muscle tissue, so basically the skin was just falling off the body.

This probably contributed to the problem. Baby's death understandably brought on depression to her, and maybe she is hoping causing me problems to loose my kids will be good revenge.

Actually have not heard back from her past week, so not sure if she told the people involved or not...

My first ex...  was screwing around on me...  acting out...  had decided that (since my bank account had run out) that she didn't want to be married to me any longer.  I caught her in her lies.  
Just for the record, I never looked at another woman.  I never went outside until 20 years into marriage #2 when it became sexless.
Back to #1...  we cross filed on irreconcilable differences.  Yup, her screwing arround certainly qualied as I.D.  If she had wanted out, I would have felt much better if she had just said so instead of trying to see how badly she could behave to drive me away.   There was almost no property to divide & the ex was more concerned with liabilities...  like a note I'd signed for a Harley.

Hopefully the blackmailer will go away so you can deal with the wife.  What you tell your attorney is protected by attorney-client privledge with few exceptions.  Your attorney can not give you best representation if he does not know the facts.  
H

http://insiderescortsecrets.com/wordpress/news/boston-prostitute-blackmail-unnamed/

ps the cops will help you if you ask.

Don't pay her shit, even if you pay now it'll come back again later, if she tells your wife then make sure she knows you will have her ass in court as a material witness, you'll make sure all the boards and everyone knows she outed you and when and where to find her details. Give a warning on her. Don't ever succumb to these tacktics, they give the general impression that we will all flip one day or the other. This is dispicable, I wish I knew who she was, I'd out her myself. Fair exchange is no robbery, unless her family knows her activity as well, I say you let her know that she will be part of your divorce case explaining every little detail of her actions and performances and how much she was paid for such, then after her statements, have her arrested for solicitation, based on her own words. Tell her that story, see how she fares then.


Grrrrr sorry for the ramble this is sooo angering, I hate whores!

Tell your attorney.  Accumulate any evidence you have.  If you hear from her via telephone-record it.  If you receive an email-print it.  Also-if she is hitting you up fo rmoney-she is likely going to other Johns she has been with as well-please don't think or believe you were the "Only One"!  Follow your attorney's advice-if he isn't worth a crap-fire him and get one you feel more comfortable with.  You have to fill your attorney in on everything or as was said-he will get blind sided-then he will be pissed at you for not telling him.  Attorney-Client privilege-Use it.

I missed that response, really bad situation all around and very sad to boot.  Sorry to hear that.