I have a friend who escorted before she married. stopped when she married. Now has a child and has left her husband, filing for divorce. she has started escorting again a little to support herself. I know-escorting a little is kind of like being a little bit pregnant-you either are or you aren't. Her husband has threatened her with taking her child away because she is an unfit mother due to her escorting. She is beside herself because her child is her life. Does she have any recourse? Is he just blowing smoke? what are her options? TIA

fast answer, I will come back with more details later in a seperate memo I am preparing. Note that it is difficult to declare a mother unfit and take away her child, however it would be best for her not to provide in the presence of the child at this point and follow marikiods advice

-- Modified on 5/16/2010 12:57:41 PM

I have more questions than answers...
How does ex-h know she's providing again?  

Lots of ladies get their reviews taken down temporarily for reasons of divorce & child custody.  TER allows this.  
Her profile must be discreet.  I hope she didn't just use her old site address which ex-h would likely know.  UTR...  "Under The Radar"...  refers to keeping low profile.

If they met through the business, he can not expose her without exposing himself.  

The child must be properly cared for while she is working, of course.  

Best Wishes,
skb

when a former friend of hers (who she trusted) told him she was providing again. She only works maybe a couple hours a week and does not use any of her old info or photos. child has great care when she is out.

I know legit work is a bitch and it doesn't pay as well and the hours suck.

But I have to say it. If you want to be clean, get a job.  I hate my job, but I do it.

Hundreds of parents have raised good kids on lousy jobs where they didn't see their kids as much as they wanted because they were working.  There are 100,000 moms waiting tables or answering phones.  Yeah, it's $20 per hour for 8 hours.


PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME. I have nothing against providing. Society does.  She has to conform to society at this time in her life if she wants to keep the kid.

Life sucks. If there were any justice, I would win the lottery and get a contract with MGM as their new leading man. Instead, I work.

engage in some kind of therapy to deal with her escorting propensity, and to obtain legitimate employment.

      While proof that the mother is escorting does not per se mean that the court will award custody to the father, for all practical purposes it does unless the father is a more unfit character. The court will consider a variety of factors to determine how to award custody but illegal conduct of this nature always stands out.

     And merely stopping escorting until the custody dispute is decided may be insufficient. The judge would be more impressed to see she is taking therapy to deal with her propensity to deal with this problem.

      Nor can she hide her escorting life. She will be deposed and have to ask questions under oath. If she takes the Fifth, bye bye to child custody. An aggressive divorce atty may even be able to force her to disclose client information.

      Time for her start a new life.

I appreciate everybody's responses. I believe she will do whatever it takes to not lose her child.

-- Modified on 5/15/2010 8:42:16 PM

Agree she needs to do what ever it takes to keep custody of her child.  Therapy is a good idea.  This info needs to be shared with her attorney who will need full disclosure and a Doctor who has confidentiality requirements.  She may find a referal to a pro bono attorney through a women's shelter.

Ditch the former friend & learn.  Although I tried to avoid this at my divorce, all friends ended up taking sides.  One of them clued me in to the dive my ex was using while I was working nights struggling to pay the bills.  "Irreconcilable Differences" Yup!  At one point I had to tell someone that I did not care to know my ex's business nor did I want her to know mine.  

A secret is only a secret when you're the only one who knows.  "I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you!"  This applies to providers as well as their clients.

I don't believe it is "safe" to share with other providers who would have as much to loose as yourself...  but might turn on a competitor if they thought they could get away with it.  (except perhaps on a anonymous message boards)

Even as she leaves the business, the knowledge that she was a provider can bite her in the ass.  She should not reveal this info to anyone who does not have a legal obligation to keep it confidential.  Even the reputation the she is promiscuous, could be damaging...  can color friendships & aquaintances who might be called to testify.  

My suggestion is to let this die down, try not to inflame an already impassioned situation...  hope he'll become less antagonistic.  
No one ever gets everything they think they deserve in a settlement.  The child custody is a bargaining chip in the settlement.  (How sickening but true.)  How fast they want to be settled, affects the pressure to agree.  In the end, it comes down to what each party is willing to settle for.  

I have personally witnessed cases where children became pawns in a hate filled divorce...  and the children were the biggest losers.  If we love our children, we must strive not to involve them in an adult problem.

OK, somebody pick the soapbox out from under me!
skb

The use of the word "escorting" will not be used. the term used will be "prostitution". A good divorce attorney will not flower anything up.  

If she is under his scope, she's best to move on and get a legit profession.




PS: This doesn't mean we are pals

especially if is being a prick & does indeed contest custody.  
skb

It is not worth the risk of losing her kids. work 3 jobs if she has too. Move in with mom and dad. anything but not escorting...

I have had two custody cases with my ex. Thank god I was not escorting at the time but.. The judges/attorney's and child advocates will all frown upon her "breaking the law"



-- Modified on 5/17/2010 7:38:22 AM

Sorry but this is not the case. I know someone who went through this same thing. Being an escort is NOT  illegal. He can say she is unfit but would have to prove that in someway. As long as she can provide some evidence that the child is well taken care of while she is working and not in the same room or meeting her clients then she is safe.

How will she be able to pay bills then?I hope she has some savings to support her for a  couple months.And most people these days can't even find 1 job let alone 3.And not everybody can go back to mommy and daddy.I don't think it's that simple.

The powers that be really dont care if you starve so long as you're "moral" in their eyes. If a single mom took 3 jobs to support her kids, they'd take them, claiming she's never home to supervise them. People that sit in seats of power rarely see REALITY. Youre damned if ya do, damned if ya dont.

Therapy?  Are you serious?  As if...