I've been involved in the hobby for about 15 years. I got married in 2007 and have always been careful. Covered my tracks, hid the evidence, have always been physically safe, and kept it a secret just like the rest of you guys on here. I've always enjoyed the hobby....it's fun, exhilarating, spontaneous, exciting....I never viewed it as "emotionally" cheating on my wife. To me it was mostly physical anyway.  

Well, this morning, the shit hit the fan. I let my wife use my computer for a few minutes to check an email and apparently I hadn't logged off of my last email session. So when she clicked on gmail, my account popped open and there was all the evidence right in front of her. She didn't really read them, but she saw enough to know what is going on.  

The last few hours have been hell full of crying, talking, and wondering what our future will hold and it hasn't been pretty. I urge all of you out there to be careful and really analyze the reasons of why you are in this hobby.

Hope it works out for botho f you in whichever way benefits you both most.

A good warning to everyone : never ever ever use yr regular browser to access sites like TER
Keep an unkown ENCYPTED browser like TOR in your computer to access these sites. Your family and friends will jump straight for IE, firefox or chrome and never catch on.

Good luck  
xo

not my intent to be disrespectful.  Hope somehow you come out ok on the "other end of this."  But the emphasis should be on, making sure we practice viable computer security...........maybe not so much........whether or not we should be engaging in our hobby.

Am human just like anyone.........could have happened to anyone.........but I ALWAYS log out completely and do not check the block that says "keep me logged in until I log out."  Even though I ALWAYS log out........anytime I close my browser, it will log me out anyway.

But..........again..........could have happened to anyone...........good luck, truly!

Use Firefox and browse "privately," plus a few other precautions as stated above.

Sorry to hear that. Talk to her, you might have to go to couple canceling.
But, belive me, everything will go back to normal in a few month.
Marriages rarely fall apart after this...Stay strong.
Most guys cheat no matter what, it is a nature, hobby is a lot less evil then having mistresses.
Monogamy is very rare, especially during middle age crisis.
Eventually you will go back to hobby, sooner or later, forbidden frut will be even sweeter and
even more exiting

Be strong, be there for your wife- It is hard for both of you I imagine.
  You can both survive this. Marriages are meant to survive- give it your all!

***Love is stronger than hate and anger***

blessings  

-- Modified on 6/23/2015 1:28:46 PM

I have been dealing with something of the same for the past two years now, lucky for me my wife forgave me ( i will never forgive myself) and chose to give me a second chance, and even though we only hobby together now, i know she will NEVER trust me again, and never look at me the same again, and THAT devastates me, we have been together for over 25 years so i had a lot to lose if she left me, i live every day now trying to make this up to her.........i hope for your sake your wife will forgive you and or give you another chance, but i would also think long and hard about what YOU want, your wife, or all of these other random women, my wife is and always has been my entire world, so she is what matters and no one else, breaking her was the worst mistake of my life , so chose wisely.  

Truly sorry to hear this.
Time does heal all wounds.
I hope you can salvage your relationship and move forward.

True, Real Love is an infinite source, and people will surprise you with their resilience during difficult times.
She may choose to forgive you.  Tho, please understand she will not forget.

She will most likely go thru the 5 stages of grief...be patient and kind during this difficult time.  Most women correlate sex with emotional involvement and find it hard to understand that this is not always the case.

Most women do not understand that there is a physical release... and, generally not an emotional one...Otherwise, I'm sure you would have had an affair with a girlfriend, and not a tryst with a provider.

I always tell my hobbyist friends:  Women go shopping and to the spa.  Men spend time and money with beautiful women.

Good, peaceful vibes sent your way, friend.

 
To others:  Stay vigilant. Stay smart.  Protect yourself, your privacy, your relationships and your SO's feelings by covering your tracks and erasing browser history...and always logging out.
xo
SS

I use a iPad but always log out and go to safari and delete my cookies and online history. I am pretty computer illiterate and really to not know any other way. I have never been questioned. Any suggestions for better insurance?

Exact same thing happened to me two years ago.  Which is why I have to post under an alias now.  But we survived and I still come to LV several times a year.  I no longer write reviews under my original handle for obvious reasons.  Hang in there friend you just may be able to work thru this.  Good luck!

I recommend everyone use a private browser, like icab or atomic browser.  These automatically log off and leave no trace when inactive for a set amount of time.  Saved my ass plenty while browsing late night and falling asleep.
Every time you close the browser it deletes everything.  Kind of a pain when logging in, but that's a lot safer than convenience.

-- Modified on 6/24/2015 9:50:26 AM

Pretty much the same thing happened to me way back in 2005. My dumb arse forgot to close out TER after doing some research and a few too many glasses (bottles) of wine.

Never the same after that and 3 years later we got divorced.  

Best wishes to you because it's never going to be the same with the trust level.

"I've always enjoyed the hobby....it's fun, exhilarating, spontaneous, exciting."

No doubt.  

Pressed "Enter" too soon!

Try as we all may, a slip up is inevitable to one of us in the hobby. Even on iPads if your SO grab it from you to see what you're so engrossed over that you didn't see her enter the room....    

Luckily or unluckily I'm still Single.    

Very preferably do not use a desktop / laptop / tablet computer to log on to here or any hobby email accounts.  

If you absolutely have to use a desktop / laptop, download and install the aforementioned programs, change the icon to something innocuous and hope your SO isn't computer savvy enough.  

There is no such thing as 100% certainty if you're in a relationship, except death and taxes

In Safari, click the button to open up all your browser tabs, then click "Private" at the bottom right. That'll save and close all your tabs, and start a private browsing session. When done, CLOSE ALL YOUR TABS (otherwise they're saved too) and unclick "Private".